Spring rainbows 2016 - Come keep me company!

[Amygdala]

Pink, don't be so hard on yourself! I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. It's not like you're upset about her pregnancy, you're upset because it reminds you, that you should be pregnant as well. I have moments like that. My (pregnant) friend's sister is pregnant, about as far along as I should be. I don't even see her, ever, but it still hurts when I think about it. And I am very happy for her as well, just upset at how unfair it is that I have to wait.

Here, it looks like tests are finally reliably negative. Haven't looked at this morning's test again but after 3 minutes it was still white as snow. So far, my cycles have always come back very quickly after my first mc and after both babies (6 weeks postpartum each despite full time breastfeeding!). So I'm hoping that negative tests now will mean ovulation in about 2 weeks time. At the moment, opks are very light but I think I'll just get doing them for the rest of this cycle. If it works out that way, it would give us an early November due date. If it doesn't, we'll wait two months and aim for a due date early next year.

Pink, crossing everything for your bfp this month. I've never had one before 12dpo so I think nothing's decided yet. I hear you though, the tww sucks!

 

[mitchnorm]

I agree pink....please don't beat yourself up about it. It's perfectly natural to be upset. No pregnancy announcements around me since my 2 losses last year but I'm dreading it. My first due date is fast approaching in 2 weeks and a lot of tears will be shedoing. Better to let it all out x x x x good luck with testing. .everything crossed for you x x x

Amygdala yay for the negative tests....weird to celebrate negatives but in this occasion it's moving forward towards ttc again

I am struggling at the moment. ...and finding it hard to talk to hubby about it....feel teary all the time and regretting not taking more.time off work after last d&c. I ploughed straight back into work pretty much...my coping mechanism. ..now feeling under pressure and stressed. Think I may feel better after AF finally hits...come one already!!!!!

 

[Amygdala]

Mitchnorm, I hear you. I'm on a very tight deadline for work. When I had the d&c, I got a 5 week extension but secretly planned to only take 2 ½ (1 week I'd had "off" between finding out and d&c and then I planned to take 10 days after). Well, it's now 2 ½ weeks after d&c, 3 ½ since I did any work. I'm planning to go back to it today. I did beat myself up about doing nothing this last week but I just wasn't ok yet. I had terrible nightmares and headaches for three nights (thankfully last night was better) and was feeling shattered and extremely hormonal during the day with lots of random crying that wasn't actually connected to being upset. I guess what I'm saying is it just takes times, whether we like it or not.
How far along from your d&c are you? And can you take some time off now at all? Even if it has to be holidays?
Why do you think you're struggling to talk to DH? I was for a few days but for hormonal reasons as well. I just felt annoyed at everything and wanted to be left in peace but at the same time for him to read my thoughts. Can you make some time just the two of you maybe? We've had a few nights where we've just gone to bed early recently and it's been great to just cuddle and talk. It's so difficult to carve out couple time with kids around. But maybe a couple of hours without any distractions, when LO is in bed and your phones and the to is off, would help you reconnect. Or maybe take a bath together?

 

[mitchnorm]

I don't know I'm just bottling it up with everyone...even him. I'm fairly strong and in control most the time and don't want to give in to this. Stupid I know....also no one knows about this really at work or most of my friends ....on the other hand I also want to shout about it from the rooftops but the more time that passes the more I feel people will think I am just attention seeking. Also it's not just my "secret" to tell...hubby may n to what to announce this stuff. I am torn

It's 4.5 weeks since d&c.

Regards hubby....I don't know...I suppose I don't him to think it's hit me this hard as he may not what to ttc again.....he won't want to see me in pain again.

It's a horrible time and I need to run away at the moment

 

[Amygdala]

I think you need to talk to him. The pain will be more more bearable if you can talk it through with someone. Do you know how he feels? Maybe he'd benefit from talking about it, too.

 

[Amygdala]

Or, if you really don't want to talk to him, vent to us here? Everyone here is in the same boat, more or less, and I'm sure will understand how tough it is. Allowing pain doesn't make you weak. And being upset now doesn't mean you're not coping. You're allowed to have the odd breakdown after this, especially with hormones added in. Just because you're a mess one day doesn't mean you'll be a mess the next.

My experience has been this: I'm fine, mixed with periods of being really not fine. I cried at the scan and that evening, then really only occasionally since. I didn't cry before or after my d&c and felt I'd done my grieving by then. But then I had a few days this past week where I just couldn't think of anything but my mc and then all days where I felt OK but cried about random stuff anyway. It takes time. I feel like I'm coping but that doesn't mean I'm unaffected all the time.
If you can, run a nice bubble bath or go for a walk outside. It'll be ok.

 

[Michellebelle]

I am finally feeling okay after almost two weeks of feeling incredibly emotional and down. Also finally only some light spotting yesterday and today, so hoping my body is almost done with this and getting back to normal. We also heard that the testing on the tissue came back and it was normal. While a little disappointing because we want answers, it was a nice sense of closure.

I get my hcg tested on Friday to see if the levels have decreased properly, then hopefully back to ttc in a month or so.

 

[Amygdala]

Sounds like you're on the right track Michelle. Hope things continue to go smoothly!

 

[mitchnorm]

It's so flipping hard..I cried my heart of at the scan both times. ....second time was more painful. Then just numbness. Cried when I got the normal result from molar check this time round....apart from that..not many tears but lots of sadness.

Hubby out tonight with our friends. ..I'm looking after our LO. Never wanted to go out but this morning I changed my mind. ...no sitter means that can't happen. I need the distraction.

Anyway I have a good book to finish...bottle of sauvignon blanc and will run a hot bath after LO in bed. I think hubby and I need the talk tomorrow evening x x


Thank.you x x

 

[bcos21]

one of the things i found the hardest was sitting in the exam room waiting for the dr, and hearing the dr go into the rooms on either side of mine, and hearing the other women's baby's heartbeat. that killed me, and my husband.

we have talked about how next month we would see the gender scan and everything, it is hard but talking about it together has really helped. my husband talks a lot about wanting our "rainbow baby." he ordered some ovulation strips off of amazon too. he is serious lol

just take everything one day at a time and let yourself feel all the feelings

 

[MrsRose168]

Hi ladies, I'd like to join if you don't mind. I'll be 34 in March and DH is 34, and we're TTC #1. This will be our 4th cycle trying. Unfortunately I've had 2 CPs--one in December and the other in January. I have since found out that I have low progesterone so I'm hoping and praying that's what caused the CPs since it can be easily treated. DH had a SA 14 months ago and everything was really low so we've been surprised that I got pregnant twice so quickly. He's been supplementing with maca and a very potent multivitamin. He has low testosterone, and apparently if you don't supplement with HCG, it will have negative impacts on sperm. So, he's been on the HCG for quite awhile now...I think that may have improved his sperm quality but I don't know for sure since he's only had the one SA. I'm on CD14 and think I'll O within the next week if my cycle is anything like last month.

bcos, that is super cute that your hubby bought OPKs!

Wishing baby dust for us all!!

 

[Pink Petals]

Thank you for the support everyone. Amy, you worded it perfectly when you said I am upset for what I am missing and not for what she has. It is helpful to think about it that way.

This morning I tested with an Internet Cheapie (11 dpo). I think there may have been a very, very, very faint line. But to be honest, it was so faint, that I can't be sure if there was something or if it is was just wishful thinking. I am going to interpret it as BFN at this point. I think I will try a FRER tomorrow or Monday.

I hear you ladies about the crying. After MC, I was weepy on and off over everything. It didn't start to get better until I got AF. It seems like that's when the hormones really start to settle.

Mrs Rose, I am so glad to hear you are getting some answers! Hopefully it won't be long now before you get a BFP that sticks!

 

[Amygdala]

Bcos, that's awful! You'd think they could have put you somewhere more secluded. Saying that, here they've got a special room they put you in, complete with a poster for a miscarriage support charity (saying "one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage") and a picture of what is clearly a memorial garden. NOT a good place to come to terms with the news either.

 

[TTC74]

Well, about 6 weeks from the MMC for me and still no AF. I'm so ready.

 

[JemmaLouise]

Hello Ladies, had a few days off and now back

mrsrose; so glad to hear that you've got some answers so hopefully you'll be looking at that sticky BFP soon

pink Petals; I have everything crossed for you and wishing you a full BFP on the frer

ttc and amy: took 2 weeks from my negative test for AF to show so I'm totally positive yours will arrive very soon so you at least know where you stand with your bodies

 

[Pink Petals]

Ok. I clearly have zero willpower, because I took a FRER this afternoon and I swear it is positive (although very, very faint).

My blood HCG was negative over 3 weeks ago, but I still fear that it could be leftover HCG. Unlikely though, right?

Not celebrating until we get a darker line.

But can anyone else see it? It is hard to get a picture. My husband sees it in person and he never sees lines. But he doesn't want to get too excited yet, because it is so faint.

I'm so not getting excited.

 

[JemmaLouise]

I do see a line albeit faint oh fx'ed it gets darker hun

 

[TTC74]

The line is there. Hope it gets darker for you!

 

[bcos21]

Bcos, that's awful! You'd think they could have put you somewhere more secluded. Saying that, here they've got a special room they put you in, complete with a poster for a miscarriage support charity (saying "one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage") and a picture of what is clearly a memorial garden. NOT a good place to come to terms with the news either.

honestly, i was going to cry no matter what so I suppose it doesnt matter lol but i will be forever grateful for the amount of time my dr spent with us. she made conversation while we were coming to terms with the d and c.

i am much more understanding of when my drs are running late for appointments now. i know that they spend time with the people who need it.

 

[Amygdala]

Pink, I see it, too! I'm really excited for you, crossing everything. If blood hcg was negative three weeks ago, I'm thinking this must be a new pregnancy. But I understand you're wanting to be cautious at this point. So lots of sticky baby dust to you!

MrsRose, welcome! Sorry, I think we posted at the same time, only noticed your post now. Sounds like you're on the right track with investigations. Is your DH getting another SA at some point or do you just have to trust that the supplements are working?

TTC, I'm joining you on the endless hcg train. Had a clear negative on a cheapie yesterday, but positive on a FRER this morning. *sigh* I'm out of cheapies so will leave it a week, then test with another FRER I think. Or through some more cheapies at it if they arrive before then, I think I get 10 with the opks I ordered.

Had a talk with my BFF (yes, really!) yesterday, who thinks we should wait until May anyway, so I've got my "head free" for work. I don't think she realises that my head won't be free until I get another real bfp. Or a good 12 weeks scan. Or possibly until baby turns 1. Anyway, I mentioned the conversation to DH and he very quickly said he didn't see it that way. He's normally very concerned about making things as easy as possible for me and trying to see what I'd want before even expressing his opinion (sweet but annoying at times ). So I really think he wants a new pregnancy as much as me. It's nice to have a reminder of that because he's very cautious with all things ttc normally, fearing the change of lifestyle it brings I think.