Still looking for our May Flowers...

[Wantaminime]

I hope nobody was offended by my (maybe)shocking response.

Lol, sorry wantaminime! I was a little surprised, lol. I guess my only question would be, why don't you feel you can tell him? I know you don't want him to know the stress of it all, but in general, why don't you want him to know that you're trying to have his baby? Has he indicated that he doesn't want kids or just isn't ready? Or do you think he's fine having one, but you just don't want him knowing about any fertility issues? I would highly recommend you talk to him about it....not necessarily the fertility issues if you don't want to stress him out... But trying to have a baby in general seems like something you should share w/ him. But, that said, it is SO NOT my business! Do you think he'd reject the idea altogether?

I know he doesn't think he's ready for it. He waits so long to pull the trigger on buying a pair of shoes that the next season has come in and I'm calling all over the country to track down the old style. My fear is that if I tell him that from what my dr said that it's a rush then I'll be in a real bind. I'll either have wait for him to be ready, and we are very much in love and want to spend our lives together or make an ultimatum and leave the man I want to be with to rush to find someone else just so I can have a baby before my clock runs out. It's really, really scary. I don't want to leave him and if I did, how long does it take to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, especially while in love with another man. I'm 35, not 30 or 25 and I have dr's telling me to get started now. I know for me getting pregnant isn't going to happen overnight so I'm trying to get a head start and in a few months I'll tell him that having children won't be easy for
I know it's unconventional, but I hope you can see where I am and how scary it is to not be yet married and have the clock tick so loudly.

 

[Wantaminime]

I hope nobody was offended by my (maybe)shocking response.

I am not offended...just confused. Me & my husband tried for 4 years with no help. Then we stopped trying & just decided our life was fine without kids & we lived 6 years happy & childless. I never took birth control this whole time. Then I decided I wanted kids...I wanted adoption or to get fertility help. I brought it up to him & he was not thrilled. He was happy with our life. So every few months I brought it up...I didn't push it, just said I really wanted it. I knew I was changing the rules we agreed on. Then one day after about 18 months I brought up again while at lunch. I had looked in more to adoption. And he said (surprising to me) let's do it. I was hesitant. I did not want to get in to this with him only saying yes to make me happy. I would rather have no children than raise children with a resentful man. I think he was hesitant, too. But as we moved forward...baby steps...he got excited. And now after about 8 months of going this route, he is more excited than I am most days.

I guess I just think he has a right to know. And it isn't fair if you have never talked about it. And it is also not good for you or your body to try to go through all this alone. You have just started...I don't think you realize how stressful & emotional this is going to be. You are really going to need someone to support you through this. I know you have your mom. But as the years go by with my husband, I realize my mom is wonderful & I need her...but I really need him. He is always here...he is in the bed with me while I sleep...he is my rock.

I really hope you will consider talking to him.

I think you're right but I'm not quite ready to discuss it yet,.I don't know what I'm waiting for, maybe something in me to feel like I'm strong enough to handle not being able to have children, wether it's because he's not ready for another few years or I won't be able to conceive.

Besides, a lot of women have babies without their partners knowing they tried, just think it's chance
He knows I'm off bc and refuses to use any other type of protection or (tmi) pull out. I don't think he'd be surprised if I got pregnant.

 

[beaglemom]

Well if he is aware of no bc, then at least he shouldn't be shocked. Like I said before, I do not know your relationship...nor do I try to compare it to mine. Everyone is different. I just know that I would have been in pieces if I was doing it in secret. But that's why I wanted to share my story. I truly truly do understand your fear. I had to face that question myself. There was a chance I would have had to live my life without children in order to stay with my husband. It is a decision no one can help you with. I just decided he was more important & we had gone so long without anyways. I think what ended up happening was we both understood the other...I was willing to not have kids & he decided he was willing to have kids. So now we are where we are.

You may want to just let him know about your talk with your dr & your window being small to conceive. Then you ease him in to the whole fertility specialist world. If he is chosing to use the pull out method, your chances are pretty slim to begin with. I really hope you can talk to him. I just think you would be better off not living this secret. TTC truly does take a toll on you...& your chances of conceiving may be even smaller if you are filling your body with unnecessary stress. Not many people know about me TTC & it is hard to keep it from them, but I do it to protect my own emotional state. So really just my 2 bosses know, a good friend who went through infertility, & my husband. My bosses wouldn't know if I didn't think I needed to tell them so they would understand my absences. I didn't have to tell them.

Or maybe you could just start casually mentioning you have been thinking about kids & when you two should start trying. That puts no pressure & at least you can get a better reading on how he feels.

Having said all that...& I really hope I am not sounding judgemental...we are all here for you on this journey to help with any questions you run in to or any emotional breakdowns you need to vent about. For me, these meds really do a number on me emotionally.

 

[allisonmh]

Wantaminime, I get where you're coming from. My husband is one of those people who just thought it was going to happen on it's own and that we had all the time in the world. It was never that he didn't want kids, he was just in no hurry. For almost a year, I was taking ovulation tests without him knowing. It obviously didn't happen then, so I eventually had to tell him that I thought something was wrong and that I needed to see a dr. It took months for him to truly understand how I felt and how important it was to me. If you're ok doing it all without his knowledge, I'd go for it. As long as you're not doing it against his wishes. It'd be a different situation if he clearly told you he didn't want children and you were doing it anyways, but from what you've said, I think he's just not in any hurry. Just don't let yourself get too stressed, it is a very emotional thing. I'd just start dropping hints here and there to maybe slowly ease him into it all. That way you're not adding stress to the situation for him, but preparing him somewhat. Good luck! : )

 

[savvysaver]

Savvy, I'm feeling fine. Some days I feel pretty gross, but overall ok. And yes, I've had 3 ultrasounds so far, the last being on Monday and the little bean was actually measuring 5 days ahead. It's crazy that it actually looks like a little person now. I'll post a pic if y'all want to see!

Allison, I am sorry to respond so late. I have been trying to catch up here since the last week has been emotionally exhausting. Glad you are feeling good and the little bean is strong and healthy! I would love to see a pic if you get a chance to post!

 

[savvysaver]

Hi everyone, thanks for any thoughts, prayers, well wishes, etc. My family and I appreciate it during this difficult time. Yesterday was extremely emotional but we did pull it together as a family. The entire family complimented all the work my mom and I put into the photos and slideshows.

I have been trying to keep up and I hope everyone is doing well. I can't wait for the girls to test that are in the tww!

My update: RE appointment is now scheduled for June 4th, a bit disappointed but the girl told me to call back first thing in the morning or at the end of the day to check for cancellations. Unfortunately they do not have a wait list (which I find odd).
Going to the lake house with my parents this weekend, it is beautiful here and I think we all need to get away. Trying to decide if I want to start opks, today is CD11 and we will be home on CD14...we definitely will not BD over the weekend so I think it might just be best to not know we missed it until after the fact, plus I haven't O'd before CD17/20 the last 4 months, so I will take my chances and hope for the best. I will try to temp. I will catch up more over the weekend and early next week, I really need to get back in my routine.

 

[beaglemom]

Hi everyone, thanks for any thoughts, prayers, well wishes, etc. My family and I appreciate it during this difficult time. Yesterday was extremely emotional but we did pull it together as a family. The entire family complimented all the work my mom and I put into the photos and slideshows.

I have been trying to keep up and I hope everyone is doing well. I can't wait for the girls to test that are in the tww!

My update: RE appointment is now scheduled for June 4th, a bit disappointed but the girl told me to call back first thing in the morning or at the end of the day to check for cancellations. Unfortunately they do not have a wait list (which I find odd).
Going to the lake house with my parents this weekend, it is beautiful here and I think we all need to get away. Trying to decide if I want to start opks, today is CD11 and we will be home on CD14...we definitely will not BD over the weekend so I think it might just be best to not know we missed it until after the fact, plus I haven't O'd before CD17/20 the last 4 months, so I will take my chances and hope for the best. I will try to temp. I will catch up more over the weekend and early next week, I really need to get back in my routine.

Savvy so gald everything went well & you are able to get away this weekend. It is HOT here & I am ready to start swimming in my pool! June 4th isn't too far away...I know you are anxious. And you could very well catch a cancellation. I am sure the reason for no wait list is because they probably have a ton of patients & it would be time consuming to do that...call everyone on the wait list...& probably have most of them not take the new appt anyways.

Maybe with your timing you will be able to get an HSG or the SA...and maybe some progesterone. You will also be able to do some of the later cycle bloodwork. All is not lost

 

[allisonmh]

Savvy, I can't for the life of me remember how to attach a picture. Maybe someone can remind me? Lol

 

[floridasian]

Hi Savvy,

I'm glad everything went well with the service. Sounds like you guys did a great job remembering and honoring your grandpa!

If you are not BD'ing this weekend I would probably not stress over using OPK's - just enjoy the lake with your parents and relax! You've had a few hectic weeks. I would just take it easy and see what happens! Hopefully you'll be able to get in before June!

I think I O'ed on CD14. I am to start using the progesterone suppositories tomorrow. They need to be refrigerated and we are going out of town this weekend (taking my parents to DC and meet up with my in-laws for an early mother's day celebration on Saturday) and our hotel room does not have a refrigerator so I'm not really sure what to do just yet. Ice packs will only keep it cool for half a day at most.

 

[ERosePW]

Wantaminime, so from your comment that he knows you're off bc and still refuses to use any other type of protection or even pull out, then he must not be completely against having a baby, lol. Because it could certainly happen that way! If he were insisting on using other protection every time you BD, then that would be a different story. But in your case, like you said, he certainly can't be TOO shocked if you come up prego since you guys are taking zero precautions. Honestly, don't worry about judgement here. I'm 37 yrs old, and my clock is certainly ticking, and if my DH wasn't ready (he's 4 years younger than me), I'm honestly not sure what I'd do. I KNOW I want to be a mother, and it has to happen soon, and I'm very, very independent and would not like it if I felt like he were taking that away from me. Although my personality is such that I'd be telling him outright, sorry honey, it's happenin'! LOL I am fortunate that he's on the same page as me though, and if he wasn't on the same page as me, I'm also fortunate enough that he would take my desires into consideration and get himself on the same page as me. But you are in a tough situation if you don't think your DH is ready, so it isn't really for us to pass judgement. I agree with the others though that it would be great if you could even just start casually mentioning it here and there, and casually mention what the Dr said, and just do things like that some, and you might end up being totally and pleasantly surprised by his reaction.

 

[ERosePW]

savvy, I'm so happy your family showed that they loved what you guys did for your grandfather and thought everything was so nice. I'm sure you felt very, very proud for that. I'm sure the slideshow was really lovely and really emotional at the same time. I'm sorry you couldn't get your appt moved up, and I agree its weird they dont have a waiting list (you'd think they'd want to fill those cancellations so they don't lose the money!). But if I were you, I would just keep calling every few days. If they have them as often as they say, I bet you can grab one. Either way, like beaglemom said, they'll be able to get you started on the other testing they'll want anyway... the HSG, the SA, probably even other blood work that can be done at any point in your cycle... like your AMH (they can test that any time), and the genetic testing if your RE does that. Onwards and upwards, dear!

floridasian, that's a tricky spot you're in trying to figure out how those P supps can be refrigerated while you're out of town. Do they HAVE to STAY refrigerated, or would they be okay if they weren't cold for a day or so? You know you could always just take a small cooler and use the ice from the ice machine at the hotel and refresh the ice every morning and every evening and make sure the pills are surrounded by the ice really, really well....maybe?

allison... remind me... you ended up getting prego on a natural cycle, didnt you? so after a year of using OPKs and then after a few rounds of meds/shots, you didnt get a BFP, and then BAM you got a BFP on a natural cycle, right? Or am I just confused? That really is a cool story, if that's the case.

beaglemom, I guess you and I both in the TWW now, just sitting here twiddling our thumbs and wishing it was time to test, lol.

Hi to Suzy and Misaacs and anyone else I may have missed!

AFM, just curious with other Femara users (or anyone who's had this experience)... did you have a lot of super creamy white (creamy lotion texture) CM in the TWW? Ever since I had the EWCM on the day of the IUI, after that I've had a ton of the creamy CM every single day. It doesn't come out on my panties that much, its mostly when I wipe, but it's quite a lot. More than I've EVER had, so I guess it's just weird for me to see it, because it's one of those things that's a totally obvious change from all my other cycles.

 

[beaglemom]

Erin, I have had cm...not sure if I would call it creamy. Seems more slippery & clear...but it is on toilet paper...seems more than usual.

Floridasian...I am all messed up now...I have the P suppositories as well & I was not refrigerating them. I may need to call the pharmacy. When I first got everything they told me I only had to refrgerate my shots for a certain amount of time...but even that wasn't necessary.

Wantaminime...I am sorry...I misread your post about protection. So you guys use nothing & he doesn't try to prevent at all? So then yes no big surprise if you get pregnant. While we were on the 6 year break, we knew if we became pregnant it would be fine, we just weren't doing anything to help us out...no timing, no testing. Def start dropping the baby hints & I wish you the best!

 

[allisonmh]

Erin, it was kind of a natural cycle. The year I was using OPKs I was Oing around CD21ish which was too late. I did the 3 rounds of clomid, 2 with ovidrel. Then I took the fertilaid for 2 cycles which got me the positive OPK on cd14 and that's when it happened. So I guess it was really all about the late Oing that never got me my BFP.

 

[Wantaminime]

Phew! Thanks for the support girls, it's helpful and I appreciate your advice and understanding. I don't have time to write much, having friends over for the basketball finals, go Heat!

 

[floridasian]

My first prescription of progesterone suppositories was not refrigerated and I had no idea it needed to be refrigerated (there was nothing on the packaging indicating that it had to be refrigerated) until I got my refill and the pharmacy said they had to go retrieve it from the refrigerator. The refill had a "refrigerated" sticker on the box so I asked my RE if it needed to be refrigerated and he said yes, it could lose potency if it was not. So my first two weeks on it was probably totally wasted? I had no idea.

Thanks Erin for bringing up the ice machine. I had totally forgotten that there might be an ice machine at the hotel. Since I usually take it first thing in the morning and just before bed it should be easy to do it with the ice machine either in a bucket or in a small cooler in the hotel room.

 

[floridasian]

Wantaminime - I'm not the judging type so no judgment here. At our age (I'm 35 too) I guess we need to starting really think for ourselves and decide what's best for us. But I like Beaglemom's ideas of dropping hints here and there, slowly of course so it wouldn't be such a shocker when it happens.

 

[FutureBabyG]

FBG, sorry for all the craziness life is throwing at you! And I hope your grandmother is alright.

I have had cycles where the monitor did not peak. But I don't temp. I would trust the temps more.

Thank you. I got to go back to see my grandmother. Seeing her and visiting makes me feel more at ease in some ways. She was in a great mood and personality. The only thing that scares me is she was grimacing in pain and finally said it was hurting. I have never heard my grandmother admit to pain or show it. she even has had a knee replacement, so that is concerning that the pain is bad enough for her to show signs. Shes been having gi bleeding and if the pain gets worse they will have to do a scope and possible exploratory surgery because her bowels could be necrotic or dead.

thanks for letting me know about the cbfm not giving you a peak.

 

[ERosePW]

FBG, I'm so sorry Hun. It's sooo hard watching our grandparents suffer, I know. It's been a lot of years for me, as mine all passed years ago, but I remember how heartbreaking it was for me whenever one would get hurt or be ill. It's great that she was in good spirits though!! I'll say a little prayer that she'll be feeling better very soon!!

I was thinking this morning about the m/c your friend's dog had, and I realized wow, I never thought about the fact that happens to animals too! But of course it does. I wonder if a dog can feel the loss of her unborn pups the way we do. I'm an animal lover, so I just got to thinking about that just now.

 

[beaglemom]

FBG, I'm so sorry Hun. It's sooo hard watching our grandparents suffer, I know. It's been a lot of years for me, as mine all passed years ago, but I remember how heartbreaking it was for me whenever one would get hurt or be ill. It's great that she was in good spirits though!! I'll say a little prayer that she'll be feeling better very soon!!

I was thinking this morning about the m/c your friend's dog had, and I realized wow, I never thought about the fact that happens to animals too! But of course it does. I wonder if a dog can feel the loss of her unborn pups the way we do. I'm an animal lover, so I just got to thinking about that just now.

I think they do...especially dogs. When we were little our dog had puppies. She picked one up & accidentially killed it. After that, she never picked up another pup...she would nudge it with her nose.


So I tested again this morning with smu...the trigger is definitely out of my system. Apparently it took less than a week. I just want to get through the weekend & I will finally be at the halfway point.

Erin, your wait is almost over!!!

 

[floridasian]

Erin, when are you going to test? Your chart looks amazing!