October2013
Mommy to a baby girl
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- Feb 2, 2013
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I'm in such a grouchy, feeling sorry for myself kind of mood tonight. 
Even if no one reads this, I just need to vent, because I literally have no one else to talk to at this moment.
Ok, beginning with....
Our dryer blew a fuse tonight while I was trying to finish the last of my baby's laundry. Well, I'm hoping it's just a fuse and not a bigger, more expensive problem. If it is just a fuse, then it's really not a huge deal, it's actually a less than $20 fix, but it's still frustrating because this is the second time it's happened in the past couple months. And now I've got to hang up all her clothes which is going to make them dry stiff and stinky.
I'm incredibly stressed about our car situation. My OH's car is apparently suddenly unsafe for him to drive because he needs to replace his brakes, so he's been taking my car to work this past week. Again, not a big deal, but I wasn't even aware that his car was unsafe, or that he had been using mine until I went to take the dogs out and saw my car mysteriously missing. Currently we are beyond broke so he doesn't have the money to have his brakes fixed, and even IF he did, the person he goes to to have any mechanical work done is a major flake and is hard to get a hold of, so it's looking like we will be sharing a car until further notice. Which IS kind of a big deal because my mom just bought my car for me so I wouldn't have to be stuck at the house without a car while I'm pregnant/ have a baby.... and now I am stuck. I do have the option of driving him to/ picking him up from work, but I'm not entirely comfortable with that because it's about a 40 minute drive one way, and the road to get to his work is a very curvy, empty, bad part of town, dangerous mountain road, with no cell phone service. So yeah, not really wanting to make that drive while heavily pregnant (or ever).
And then there's my car. It's safe to drive, but currently it's not street legal. The state in which I live requires all vehicles to pass a safety inspection before you can get a license plate. Well, mine just failed the inspection because the two front tires are a little too worn. And of course, we don't have the money to replace them. So, we've been driving my car without a license plate, which is not legal and I'm afraid it's going to be impounded if I'm caught (again). I've actually been pulled over twice already but miraculously I've avoid getting a ticket because the cop felt sorry for me being 9 months pregnant and upset.
PLUS since my OH has been using my car, I haven't been able to take it to the fire department to have this car seat properly installed, which is stressing me out because obviously I need that done before this baby arrives.
What else..... The fridge is leaking, has been for a while actually, and now I think the dishwasher is leaking, too. These should be easy fixes, because we rent so they're actually the landlord's problem, however I am afraid to call her about it because we're late on rent (for like the 5th month in a row) and the last time we had an issue with the dishwasher she blamed us and said next time she'd charge US to fix it, even though that thing is crappy and older than dirt. So far now I'm just dealing with cleaning up massive puddles of water everyday.
I am getting so fed up with having to depend on my OH to handle everything around here. Since he's the only person I know in this crappy town and there are little resources to help the town's residents, I have to rely on him to take care of certain things I can't do on my own. Example: This broken down truck that's been sitting in our driveway for almost a year. My OH's friend (the same friend he'll be using to have his brakes replaced) decided to buy this broken down truck from us and was supposed to pick it up months ago, but hasn't yet because he's a lazy ass. The owners of the home we're renting are possibly coming by sometime next week to see the house and if this broken down truck is STILL rotting in the driveway, after our landlord already told us to have it moved earlier, we'll be in trouble. So I've been bugging my OH about having his friend come get it ASAP or else I'll have it towed, but the damn thing is still sitting there. So, I've had enough. I am going to try to have it towed out this Monday, even though it's really not something I want or should have to deal with! I'm afraid by having this truck towed, since now it technically doesn't belong to us and belongs to my OH's friend, it will cause issues between my OH and his friend, and then he won't be able to have his brakes replaced!
Plus, there is a huge, heavy truck topper that's rotting in our backyard that needs to go, too and I have no idea how the hell I'm going to go about getting rid of that. I want to push my OH to help out with this situation more, but he works 13 hour shifts, leaving early in the morning and coming home after midnight, so he really doesn't have the time. Not to mention he doesn't want to be bombarded with all these issues the moment he gets home from working a long shift.
Lastly, I am beyond stressed about finances. My OH is the most irresponsible driver on the planet, and received a ticket back in May for not wearing a seatbelt. Since he didn't pay it, his license was suspended and the ticket went from being $161 to $361, plus $110 to get his license reinstated. So now after paying those fees so he could legally drive without going to jail, we are beyond broke and I have no idea how we're going to pay this month's bills. We are going to be 18 days late on rent, we have to get my car legal to drive and his safe to drive, plus our groceries, gas, phone, cable, electric, car insurance, and water bills paid. NOT TO MENTION we need to save money for moving into a new place at the end of November, but at this point I'm trying to not even think about that... My mom has offered to lend us money but I can't bring myself to accept her offer, especially after she JUST lent us money to get me a car (a car that my OH is now driving...). And I know for FUTURE purposes we can cut out the phone and cable bills, but for now those bills are still here and still due this month.
And to top everything off, today is officially my due date, but seeing as how I've not been having any real contractions, a bloody show, and barely losing a mucous plug, I highly doubt I'll be having her today. Which means I'll go overdue and possibly have to face induction, which I really don't want.
One more thing.. It's currently 12:30am and I haven't heard from my OH all day. I know he's working and he's busy, but how hard is it to check in with your 9 month pregnant girlfriend at nearly 1:00 in the morning, when she's home alone without a vehicle? I just don't get it....
I just feel like when it rains, it freaking pours. Nothing ever seems to go smoothly for us. Something is always breaking down, we're always struggling financially, there's always a 'To Do' list full of things to do, and there's always something stressing me out. Is it ever going to get easier? I've tried to just calm down and be thankful for the little (and big) things, but I just feel so overwhelmed that I'm at the point where I don't care and I just can't bring myself to be happy about anything with all this crap going on.
Even if no one reads this, I just need to vent, because I literally have no one else to talk to at this moment.Ok, beginning with....
Our dryer blew a fuse tonight while I was trying to finish the last of my baby's laundry. Well, I'm hoping it's just a fuse and not a bigger, more expensive problem. If it is just a fuse, then it's really not a huge deal, it's actually a less than $20 fix, but it's still frustrating because this is the second time it's happened in the past couple months. And now I've got to hang up all her clothes which is going to make them dry stiff and stinky.
I'm incredibly stressed about our car situation. My OH's car is apparently suddenly unsafe for him to drive because he needs to replace his brakes, so he's been taking my car to work this past week. Again, not a big deal, but I wasn't even aware that his car was unsafe, or that he had been using mine until I went to take the dogs out and saw my car mysteriously missing. Currently we are beyond broke so he doesn't have the money to have his brakes fixed, and even IF he did, the person he goes to to have any mechanical work done is a major flake and is hard to get a hold of, so it's looking like we will be sharing a car until further notice. Which IS kind of a big deal because my mom just bought my car for me so I wouldn't have to be stuck at the house without a car while I'm pregnant/ have a baby.... and now I am stuck. I do have the option of driving him to/ picking him up from work, but I'm not entirely comfortable with that because it's about a 40 minute drive one way, and the road to get to his work is a very curvy, empty, bad part of town, dangerous mountain road, with no cell phone service. So yeah, not really wanting to make that drive while heavily pregnant (or ever).
And then there's my car. It's safe to drive, but currently it's not street legal. The state in which I live requires all vehicles to pass a safety inspection before you can get a license plate. Well, mine just failed the inspection because the two front tires are a little too worn. And of course, we don't have the money to replace them. So, we've been driving my car without a license plate, which is not legal and I'm afraid it's going to be impounded if I'm caught (again). I've actually been pulled over twice already but miraculously I've avoid getting a ticket because the cop felt sorry for me being 9 months pregnant and upset.
PLUS since my OH has been using my car, I haven't been able to take it to the fire department to have this car seat properly installed, which is stressing me out because obviously I need that done before this baby arrives. What else..... The fridge is leaking, has been for a while actually, and now I think the dishwasher is leaking, too. These should be easy fixes, because we rent so they're actually the landlord's problem, however I am afraid to call her about it because we're late on rent (for like the 5th month in a row) and the last time we had an issue with the dishwasher she blamed us and said next time she'd charge US to fix it, even though that thing is crappy and older than dirt. So far now I'm just dealing with cleaning up massive puddles of water everyday.
I am getting so fed up with having to depend on my OH to handle everything around here. Since he's the only person I know in this crappy town and there are little resources to help the town's residents, I have to rely on him to take care of certain things I can't do on my own. Example: This broken down truck that's been sitting in our driveway for almost a year. My OH's friend (the same friend he'll be using to have his brakes replaced) decided to buy this broken down truck from us and was supposed to pick it up months ago, but hasn't yet because he's a lazy ass. The owners of the home we're renting are possibly coming by sometime next week to see the house and if this broken down truck is STILL rotting in the driveway, after our landlord already told us to have it moved earlier, we'll be in trouble. So I've been bugging my OH about having his friend come get it ASAP or else I'll have it towed, but the damn thing is still sitting there. So, I've had enough. I am going to try to have it towed out this Monday, even though it's really not something I want or should have to deal with! I'm afraid by having this truck towed, since now it technically doesn't belong to us and belongs to my OH's friend, it will cause issues between my OH and his friend, and then he won't be able to have his brakes replaced!
Plus, there is a huge, heavy truck topper that's rotting in our backyard that needs to go, too and I have no idea how the hell I'm going to go about getting rid of that. I want to push my OH to help out with this situation more, but he works 13 hour shifts, leaving early in the morning and coming home after midnight, so he really doesn't have the time. Not to mention he doesn't want to be bombarded with all these issues the moment he gets home from working a long shift.
Lastly, I am beyond stressed about finances. My OH is the most irresponsible driver on the planet, and received a ticket back in May for not wearing a seatbelt. Since he didn't pay it, his license was suspended and the ticket went from being $161 to $361, plus $110 to get his license reinstated. So now after paying those fees so he could legally drive without going to jail, we are beyond broke and I have no idea how we're going to pay this month's bills. We are going to be 18 days late on rent, we have to get my car legal to drive and his safe to drive, plus our groceries, gas, phone, cable, electric, car insurance, and water bills paid. NOT TO MENTION we need to save money for moving into a new place at the end of November, but at this point I'm trying to not even think about that... My mom has offered to lend us money but I can't bring myself to accept her offer, especially after she JUST lent us money to get me a car (a car that my OH is now driving...). And I know for FUTURE purposes we can cut out the phone and cable bills, but for now those bills are still here and still due this month.
And to top everything off, today is officially my due date, but seeing as how I've not been having any real contractions, a bloody show, and barely losing a mucous plug, I highly doubt I'll be having her today. Which means I'll go overdue and possibly have to face induction, which I really don't want.
One more thing.. It's currently 12:30am and I haven't heard from my OH all day. I know he's working and he's busy, but how hard is it to check in with your 9 month pregnant girlfriend at nearly 1:00 in the morning, when she's home alone without a vehicle? I just don't get it....
I just feel like when it rains, it freaking pours. Nothing ever seems to go smoothly for us. Something is always breaking down, we're always struggling financially, there's always a 'To Do' list full of things to do, and there's always something stressing me out. Is it ever going to get easier? I've tried to just calm down and be thankful for the little (and big) things, but I just feel so overwhelmed that I'm at the point where I don't care and I just can't bring myself to be happy about anything with all this crap going on.
