Suicide - Bravery or Cowardly?

[NuKe]

I don't really know, but I find it so hard to imagine being in a situation where I felt I would have NO OTHER way out other than to kill myself!

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I don't really know, but I find it so hard to imagine being in a situation where I felt I would have NO OTHER way out other than to kill myself!

And I hope you never find yourself in that situation, ever.

 

[annawrigley]

I really dont think it is anybodys place to say it is selfish unless they have been there. And i think its quite ignorant to assume that loved ones dont cross their minds. Nothing else to say on this really, this thread could get too heavy too quick for me

 

[PeanutBean]

I don't think it's either. Just desperation and a lack of support/acknowledgement/awareness of a problem. I think it's very very sad and my heart goes out to people contemplating it and people left behind.

 

[rubixcyoob.]

I'm offering a slightly different perspective. Btw, this is really hard to type

My godmother's daughter, only 19, killed herself by hanging in February this year. She had a biological depression, meaning that no amount of medication or therapy could rid her of the thoughts she was having. She had attempted to kill herself twice before this final one. My godmother and her husband saw every specialist on the west coast to try and help her. Her depression was programmed into her brain at birth, so to speak. She led a wonderful life and her parents are some of the most wonderful people I know.

I wouldn't look at suicide as brave or cowardly. Some people just aren't equiped to manage life as it comes. I miss her every day and knowing that my godmother lost her only child kills me inside. To say it is selfish that she killed herself when she had no control over her impulses SICKENS me.

I really dont think it is anybodys place to say it is selfish unless they have been there. And i think its quite ignorant to assume that loved ones dont cross their minds. Nothing else to say on this really, this thread could get too heavy too quick for me

Firstly, Ozzieshunni I am so so sorry for your loss

I have been there, sort of. I had the pills and I took them. Turns out they were around 5 years old and completely inneffective. Looking back now I'd class myself as selfish because of the destruction I would have left behind. I do full understand and I am aware that people with severe depression, major depressive disorder, bipolar and as ozzieshunni said biological depression are not in our state of mind. I do not believe they are selfish people and I know they didn't take their lives thinking "oh this will hurt so and so" but more of a "this is my way out" type scenario. They aren't selfish simply because they aren't wanting to hurt anyone, just escape and it is their only way. They are in a sad, lonely, vulnerable place when they committ such acts and it's upsetting we cannot do anything more for them

What I meant was, I think, from a person left behinds view it can be seen as selfish because what we have to look back on. We know they aren't selfish people and we know they didn't intend to hurt us, they were in an entirely different mind set all together, but in its basic emotions it is easy to blame them for hurting us due to anger and grief, which saying they are selfish does. I also mean from me, thinking about what would have happened had I managed that day, I see myself as selfish.

 

[BlackBerry25]

I agree with whoever said sheer desperation.

They aren't running away from anything. I think some people just feel horrible pain, that unless you have been there...you can't even comprehend it.

 

[cherryglitter]

I agree, unless you've been there you don't really know.
It must be awful to think the only way to escape your pain is to end your life.
It breaks my heart to think about it.

 

[gemabee]

before i had finn i suffered severe depression nd i attempted suicide twice. i wasn't selfish or a coward... i was majorly f*cked up. my head was screwed on backwards... i had numerous nervous breakdowns nd couldn't cope anymore. i became depressed after years of lookin after my family when my mum became seriously ill - so i'm not remotely selfish.
until u've been that low urself i don't think anyone has a right to have a negative opinion on it.
since i've had finn i've not suffered depression at all... the only thought that scares me is the thought of ever bein seperated from him... so suicidal thoughts are way off the agenda.
for this reason i could never understand how a parent could commit suicide... nd i suppose in a way it is selfish to commit suicide as a parent as u should always put ur children first - but u'd have to be SERIOUSLY messed up to do so nd still deserve some dignity - not labelled a coward.

 

[jenny_wren]

i've tried and failed many a time

when you're that low, you don't tend to think of
anything else, all that crosses your mind is making
the pain and hurt go away, i was alot younger then
and it really was my only way out, every time i woke
up in the hospital i hated myself even more because i
couldn't even get dying right, it was another thing i
failed at.

now i have emily, i wouldn't even try because it really
would be unfair to her, she's my little reason for living
the thoughts don't go away and i'll be taking medication
for the rest of my life, but if i can control my disorder
and bring my child up, it'll be worth it.

some people won't be able to see through the pain
and see who or what they'll be leaving behind, all they
see is a way out and they take it.

i don't think it's selfish or brave to be honest.
but i can see why those left behind would say it's selfish
especially if they have young children

xxx​

 

[gemabee]

every time i woke
up in the hospital i hated myself even more because i
couldn't even get dying right, it was another thing i
failed at.​

i remember that feeling all too well

 

[midori1999]

I don't think it's either. Just desperation and a lack of support/acknowledgement/awareness of a problem. I think it's very very sad and my heart goes out to people contemplating it and people left behind.

I agree with this. Anyone who thinks it is brave or cowardly, or even selfish doesn't understand depression very well.

If someone has cancer, no-one thinks they can just pull themselves together, they realise they need medicsal treatment to get better and that that doesn't always work. Yet, if people have clinical depression, even though that also has a physical cause, needs medical help to get better and that doesn't always work, for some reason people always think those suffering from depression can help themselves in some way.

 

[rubixcyoob.]

I hope no one knows I was having a go at people who had committed suicide, or have tried! It's just I've seen some pretty different views on it in the past and I am interested to see more

 

[Dopeyjopey]

As a manic depressive I have such mixed feelings about this.

It definitely isn't selfish. As someone else said it is sheer desperation.

Until you have horrible thoughts going round and round your head, keeping you awake and consuming you from the inside you can't possibly understand the need to escape. And then the voice in the back of your head saying you're a coward for not doing something to make it stop. In that sense, to me, it's brave.

However... in most cases, with help, you can overcome those feelings and face them head on. That's brave too.

There is nothing cowardly about mental illness, you have to be so strong to get through some days!

Even those people who attempt it for attention, sometimes they think it is the only way to make people listen.

 

[kiwimama]

It's not brave or cowardly and it's insensitive of people to say that people who have committed suicide are cowards or selfish. Maybe it's because they have no understanding of exactly how severe depression can be. Suicide is a result of a person being so severely depressed that they resort to the only solution they can see, often because they don't know the support there is out there to help them.
My friend certainly was no coward and she was in no way selfish, infact quite the opposite, always there for everyone else.

 

[amygwen]

I think it's very selfish.

My mom was an alcoholic when I grew up and when I was 13 years old, I came home to find she had drank an entire bottle of wine and taken an entire bottle of her anti-depressants. She tried to commit suicide. Seeing her go through everything she went through, was absolutely disgusting in my opinion. NO child should ever have to see their parents passed out the way I saw my mom, I thought and still think to this day she was EXTREMELY selfish. Yes, she has depression, BUT she wasn't doing everything she should've been doing to better her life. I can't imagine what kind of person I would be today if she had died. But she is an adult and I was a child, I should not have had to deal with her being an alcoholic and attempting suicide, no one should have to see that. So, for that I think it's very selfish and very cowardly.

 

[Sarahkka]

I also don't think it's either.
The debate question is too sweeping.
Suicide isn't a generic situation. For example, how can you compare someone who is terminally ill and decides to control their own death to someone who is mentally ill and has no way to cope with their illness? They are two completely different scenarios and I don't feel comfortable judging either one with words like "brave" or "selfish".
Mostly, I feel it's just a very painful topic that needs a lot more understanding and information than it gets.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I think it's very selfish.

My mom was an alcoholic when I grew up and when I was 13 years old, I came home to find she had drank an entire bottle of wine and taken an entire bottle of her anti-depressants. She tried to commit suicide. Seeing her go through everything she went through, was absolutely disgusting in my opinion. NO child should ever have to see their parents passed out the way I saw my mom, I thought and still think to this day she was EXTREMELY selfish. Yes, she has depression, BUT she wasn't doing everything she should've been doing to better her life. I can't imagine what kind of person I would be today if she had died. But she is an adult and I was a child, I should not have had to deal with her being an alcoholic and attempting suicide, no one should have to see that. So, for that I think it's very selfish and very cowardly.

Perhaps in your circumstance, you feel it was selfish and cowardly, but don't make generalizations. Every situation is different.

 

[amygwen]

I think it's very selfish.

My mom was an alcoholic when I grew up and when I was 13 years old, I came home to find she had drank an entire bottle of wine and taken an entire bottle of her anti-depressants. She tried to commit suicide. Seeing her go through everything she went through, was absolutely disgusting in my opinion. NO child should ever have to see their parents passed out the way I saw my mom, I thought and still think to this day she was EXTREMELY selfish. Yes, she has depression, BUT she wasn't doing everything she should've been doing to better her life. I can't imagine what kind of person I would be today if she had died. But she is an adult and I was a child, I should not have had to deal with her being an alcoholic and attempting suicide, no one should have to see that. So, for that I think it's very selfish and very cowardly.

Perhaps in your circumstance, you feel it was selfish and cowardly, but don't make generalizations. Every situation is different.

That is true. I know a lot of people commit suicide because of depression, but in my situation I still hold a lot of resentment towards my mom for the way she used to be, so maybe that's the way I feel the way I do.

 

[PeanutBean]

Without wishing to get personal or in any conflict I think if you are child when you are exposed to suicide (successful or otherwise), especially if it's a parent, I think it natural to feel like it was selfish and have similar sorts of feelings. I don't think that changes the reality for why the person attempted suicide, I still think that comes down to desperation as I said before, but the perception of the child who sees it, lives through it and suffers from it will be totally different. As a young person it can be difficult, impossible even, to relate to the emotional feelings of a parent, I think I was in my 20s before I really began to appreciate my parents an people, iyswim. I think that those emotions and opinions formed as a young person are carried with you throughout adulthood and it is not easy to challenge them. Not sure if this is making any sense. Perhaps just trying to make sense in my own mind of the different perceptions people hold.

 

[SKATERBUN]

^ I agree its different for a child to see a parent go through this.

Looking at it in another way, what about children/teens who commit suicide when they have been bullied at school. They feel there is no way out of the situation, must be a terrible situation to be in, feeling so helpless that they cannot confide in an adult, so how can that be selfish? And I'm sure they do not feel brave either, they just want to escape the situation