Support-Failed IVF can't do another??

[Titi]

Hello everyone,

Anyone already attempted IVF and have it fail and aren't able to do another one any time remotely soon??

I am onto year 4 ttc #1, at 36 years old, and have really exhausted the threads to find support for girls in my situation.

We are self pay for fertility treatments and already been through IUI and IVF. Not only are we unexplained-but everything is great on both ends. Even our IVF prognosis was good-all eggs fertilized on their own and everything. But our cycle failed, and we simply cannot afford another one in 2012-and even if it becomes financially feasible in 2013 both dh and I are really upset that we spent so much this year on the IUIS/IVFS for nothing-thinking of what we could have done with the money makes it hard to want to try again with the risk of it not working again!

Plus we are also starting to wonder if we are just testing fate-maybe we aren't meant to have a baby!!!

Anyways, It's hard for me sometimes even in the failed IVF threads b/c everyone is gearing up to do another and all hopeful. In the regular LTTTC threads I've been around a lot longer than most the people there and they also are gearing up for treatments. I just popped in to some over 35 threads but most of them are newbies altogether to ttc so in the stages of being super excited on cycle 1 or 2. I love these ladies, but I also am going crazy not having many women to chat with that are feel like they have no hope for a baby again this year or possibly ever. Hoping we could support each other through this and stay positive and find focus on other things??

 

[_Nell]

Hi Titi, I'm really sorry for your failed cycle

I'm not best placed to reply really as we're gearing up for FET's (well in my uterus would comply which it's not ) but I hate that no one has replied.

You might want to join us on this thread...
https://www.babyandbump.com/assiste...er-failed-assisted-conceptions-2011-a-86.html
Not everyone on the thread is gearing up to cycle again, some are at the end of the road and moving to adoption and some are just continuing with LTTC naturally

 

[Titi]

AW Nell that is sweet of you to stop by and post for me!! Thank you. I am sorry about your bfns too.........it's awful unfair, huh?

I will have to check out that thread in better detail. I had briefly looked into it before and after just a little reason thought everyone was able or planning to go again!

I hope they get everything sorted out for you so that you can do your FET and get a sticky :Hugs:

 

[_Nell]

The thread sort of goes in waves almost it seems to me, sometimes people seem to be gearing up to re-cycle and it's upbeat, sometimes there's a spate of 'what next' and sadness or the focus is on more tests or whatever....I guess when someone posts on it, it often brings others out from lurking in a similar situation.

 

[Jazavac]

Titi, we've not even done a single treatment, yet I feel like we're already dropping out.

We've only been trying for seven months, naturally, but our prognosis is not too good. We're dealing with low ovarian reserve, which means I might not react to any stimulation at all, while on the other end we also only have 12 million sperm, which trumps our natural chances, too.

The RE we've been with gave us six months of homework, and we're past that stage now. Our next appointment is at the beginning of February and we'll see what the clinic has to offer. We'll be paying for anything IVF-related out of pocket and we don't even know yet we want to spend all the money on, well, quite possibly nothing.

If everything fails here, though, if we can figure out vacation days and the like, we can always travel back to my home country and run a few cycles for free, too. But that's not really feasible either, as it's really hard to get anything off work where I'm at.

 

[Titi]

Titi, we've not even done a single treatment, yet I feel like we're already dropping out.

We've only been trying for seven months, naturally, but our prognosis is not too good. We're dealing with low ovarian reserve, which means I might not react to any stimulation at all, while on the other end we also only have 12 million sperm, which trumps our natural chances, too.

The RE we've been with gave us six months of homework, and we're past that stage now. Our next appointment is at the beginning of February and we'll see what the clinic has to offer. We'll be paying for anything IVF-related out of pocket and we don't even know yet we want to spend all the money on, well, quite possibly nothing.

If everything fails here, though, if we can figure out vacation days and the like, we can always travel back to my home country and run a few cycles for free, too. But that's not really feasible either, as it's really hard to get anything off work where I'm at.

Thank you for sharing.....I'm sorry to hear about your dilema. It has got to be hard starting off with despair. Although I have to admit at least you know up front and can be as aggressive as possible. We wasted so much time just thinking/hoping we would be normal.....

I think IVF could still be a very promising bet-there is a LOT that can be done with 12 million sperm and some eggs when they get involved!!

Where is your home country?

 

[Titi]

The thread sort of goes in waves almost it seems to me, sometimes people seem to be gearing up to re-cycle and it's upbeat, sometimes there's a spate of 'what next' and sadness or the focus is on more tests or whatever....I guess when someone posts on it, it often brings others out from lurking in a similar situation.

aw thanks-I think that is a thing-I hate to be depressing when others are hopeful. One of my best BNBs got pg with twins from her ivf #1 and found out just days before I got my bfn. We all have similar bnb friends and I felt awful her and others having to feel bad for me during a time of such happy excitement!!

I could probably stalk some journals in there though-good idea! : )

 

[Wallie]

I was going to suggest the same thread as Nell there, so well done. Check it out and post whatever you want as it has it's ups and downs.

I'm thinking that you said you are unexplained? How about looking at Zita West's website and look into it. Now she does take on couples who are looking at doing IVF but what she looks at is everything possible before going down the IVF route. Seemingly it's alot cheaper than IVF. That's something I would look at further if I was unexplained by the NHS. Find out if there are other ways in which you can improve your fertility without taking drugs. Anyway, just a thought from me.

 

[Wallie]

Sorry, just read you were from Florida, doh! Although I love Florida!!!

 

[Titi]

Sorry, just read you were from Florida, doh! Although I love Florida!!!

no no-it's okay-I have heard a lot about her and maybe I can at least google info!! : )

Thanks for stopping in and the suggestions-I really really do appreciate them!!

 

[Jazavac]

Titi, we've not even done a single treatment, yet I feel like we're already dropping out.

We've only been trying for seven months, naturally, but our prognosis is not too good. We're dealing with low ovarian reserve, which means I might not react to any stimulation at all, while on the other end we also only have 12 million sperm, which trumps our natural chances, too.

The RE we've been with gave us six months of homework, and we're past that stage now. Our next appointment is at the beginning of February and we'll see what the clinic has to offer. We'll be paying for anything IVF-related out of pocket and we don't even know yet we want to spend all the money on, well, quite possibly nothing.

If everything fails here, though, if we can figure out vacation days and the like, we can always travel back to my home country and run a few cycles for free, too. But that's not really feasible either, as it's really hard to get anything off work where I'm at.

Thank you for sharing.....I'm sorry to hear about your dilema. It has got to be hard starting off with despair. Although I have to admit at least you know up front and can be as aggressive as possible. We wasted so much time just thinking/hoping we would be normal.....

I think IVF could still be a very promising bet-there is a LOT that can be done with 12 million sperm and some eggs when they get involved!!

Where is your home country?

I'm from Croatia originally, but I've been living in the US for about two and a half years.

As far as IVF goes, I seriously have no idea if it's worth it. The prices are outrageous and our chances are kind of slim.

 

[Nayla82]

Hi titi,

I didn't want to read and not leave a MSG as I am not here as often as I use to be....

I feel your pain dear, been around 3 weeks since our 3rd failed ivf, things have not been been easy with my husband and he said NO more cycles for a very long time... 2012 and 2013 is a no go... I told him we need to try other things.. And he's in denial saying we try like the rest of the world naturally if it will happen it will.... He said that I am walking zombie and 3 full ivfs within one yr has destroyed me physically And mentally... I said to him we have to keep going......

Our home is not a happy one it scares me to death having no plans...

I honestly feel at a standstill in life... He keeps saying ivf has eaten him to the bone, he said all our savings have gone,, he has always wanted to give me a nice 30th gift ( few months) he said to me he has nothing... I told him not to worry we just have to keep going....

Also i have spent the past week in and out of the cardio clinic, my last EC they said my heart was irregular.. The doctor did a ECG and said that I have an etopic heartbeat, they beat way too fast together and nit giving the heart a chance to pump fully,,,, anyway a long story short I have had a holter monitor connected to me for24 hrs the doctor would like to see how frequent the etopic beats are... He said high chance from sever anxiety

Ivf has opened a huge bag of problems... Instead of enjoying early days of pregnancy I am having all wires connected to me... When will this pain ever end

If you want to pm me for a chat thats fine, don't think your alone theres so many friends I have made in here that have got pregnant and moved on.. And I'm still waiting and waiting fir my blessed bfp

Stay positive as best as u can xx

 

[Titi]

Hi titi,

I didn't want to read and not leave a MSG as I am not here as often as I use to be....

I feel your pain dear, been around 3 weeks since our 3rd failed ivf, things have not been been easy with my husband and he said NO more cycles for a very long time... 2012 and 2013 is a no go... I told him we need to try other things.. And he's in denial saying we try like the rest of the world naturally if it will happen it will.... He said that I am walking zombie and 3 full ivfs within one yr has destroyed me physically And mentally... I said to him we have to keep going......

Our home is not a happy one it scares me to death having no plans...

I honestly feel at a standstill in life... He keeps saying ivf has eaten him to the bone, he said all our savings have gone,, he has always wanted to give me a nice 30th gift ( few months) he said to me he has nothing... I told him not to worry we just have to keep going....

Also i have spent the past week in and out of the cardio clinic, my last EC they said my heart was irregular.. The doctor did a ECG and said that I have an etopic heartbeat, they beat way too fast together and nit giving the heart a chance to pump fully,,,, anyway a long story short I have had a holter monitor connected to me for24 hrs the doctor would like to see how frequent the etopic beats are... He said high chance from sever anxiety

Ivf has opened a huge bag of problems... Instead of enjoying early days of pregnancy I am having all wires connected to me... When will this pain ever end

If you want to pm me for a chat thats fine, don't think your alone theres so many friends I have made in here that have got pregnant and moved on.. And I'm still waiting and waiting fir my blessed bfp

Stay positive as best as u can xx

awwwwww hun I am sooooo sorry you are going through a rough time right now. It must be very worrying and stressful to have this issue coming up now. I am sincerely hoping for good news for you!!!
It's the exact amount of time for us since our failure and although I didn't have anything as scary as what you are going through also have had harder times with the death of dh's grandmother in another state and then serious issues with my little brother who is an addict. sigh. The worst thing is that dh and I agreed this would be a FUN year-lots of travel or dates and just having refreshing fun enjoying each other without the stress of treatment-but this month has been brutal with bills since we overextended ourselves on the ivf, there isn't ANY money for anything extra-let alone a vacation!!

I can only imagine how broken you must be after 3 failed cycles. Did you not have any embies left either on the last one?

I know the feeling of doing nothing ("giving up") is unfamiliar now at this point and super hard. IT's because LTTTC has been the only thing that has defined ourselves so long. But there are so many other things we are-besides infertile. I think NTNP breaks are really healthy in this process it just takes a lot of support and emotional strength to get there. But it helps put the marriage back in a happy place and save you some mental anguish, as well as giving our bodies a chance to recover from all those drugs.

And you know what? To help ease the fear of "doing nothing" I always tell myself that I have been "doing something" for three years straight with no results. That maybe "doing nothing" actually is doing something-it's just doing something different and maybe the lack of stress will help. I know it's unlikely that we'll ever see a natural bfp but I can't help but try.

And if we can go again even if it's not til 2014 then we might as well enjoy this time on earth in the moment instead of focusing on the misery of not having the one thing we want more than the world. I know it's tough-that's why I wanted to start a thread to really help each other out.

What kinds of things did you really enjoy in life before this nightmare?

 

[Titi]

Where is your home country?

I'm from Croatia originally, but I've been living in the US for about two and a half years.

As far as IVF goes, I seriously have no idea if it's worth it. The prices are outrageous and our chances are kind of slim.[/QUOTE]

the prices are crazy. It seemed like it at first-everyone else I knew doing it was getting a bfp. But once I spent the money-and got bfn and now have nothing to show for that kind of expense it's very depressing.

On another note I see your FP ticker. Maybe we can focus on getting healthy together as one of our distractions. I put on 30 pounds through treatments since my wedding and stopped working out a lot b/c I never wanted to mess anything up in the 2ww, felt crappy during af week, and then always said "why bother" in the rest of my follicular phase. I've been trying really hard to at least watch what I eat and get back to exercising but although I've lost a few pounds haven't been able to get myself back to the gym yet-mostly b/c all my workout clothes don't fit!

 

[Nayla82]

God bless you Hun xx i honestly feel that not doing anything my self and my husband are giving up not talking about babies we have given up... Not going for tests we have given up

I just feel if a day passes without talking about having a baby I have been defeated I have told my husband that I think about it every day and even if I do not mention it as frequent as I did, i want motherhood more than anything in this world....

He's lost almost 30 kg since the start of the year and his count is still very low, it haunts me how on earth can it happen naturally when he doesn't have much sperms we have to live on hope we have to.

This year he did say holidays.. Dinners out... Enjoying life.. But I just feel life is passing us by, and with what money? Even when i go for a spa treatment I'm sat there with tears streaming down my face, I just can't seem to shake this off

We don't have frosties our clinic never believed in freezing

My husband has always wanted to turn the 3rd bedroom in our home as a office and i have always dreamt of it being a nursery but I have finally
agreed after all these years that he can put his shelf and desk in there... I
don't see a baby in there any time soon I'm slowly trying to let go of my obsessiveness, as you mentioned maybe we will be one of those lucky women who stop trying TOO HARD and it happens I'm living for a
miracle now.
Before all this mess I loved going out to see friends going to the gym travelling,life was so stress free back than... Now I just want to go work eat than sleep I just don't have the zest I use to have i hate socialising as everyone has a child just me and I feel like a freak better for me staying in thats how I deal with tough times....

I need the lord the bless me and give me a chance to be the best mum I can be... I hate this life at the moment... So frustrating... I pray we get there Hun we just have to keep going... Never in a zillion years did I think I will be in this mess .... I'm still in shock that its been this hard

Great to have support in here..

 

[Wallie]

I think you both really need a good big This is so awful and so upsetting...

 

[KittyCat82]

Just wanted to offer some hugs too-we to are unexplained and had a failed IVF last year-really quite heartbraking-we are looking to do another round in next few months and I am hoping it goes better this time. Where they able to hint at any other reason for your 'unexplained' diagnoses or why it didnt work? sometimes I think it really is a luck/numbers game x

 

[Titi]

Just wanted to offer some hugs too-we to are unexplained and had a failed IVF last year-really quite heartbraking-we are looking to do another round in next few months and I am hoping it goes better this time. Where they able to hint at any other reason for your 'unexplained' diagnoses or why it didnt work? sometimes I think it really is a luck/numbers game x

Thanks Kittycat! That is sweet-and I will be hoping your next round is a success!!!

Before IVF the dr. said the only possible issues could be a fertilization or implanting problem-or bad quality of eggs-but they wouldn't know until we did IVF-another good reason to go ahead with it. Well, my lining was always perfect, my eggs looked good under microscope and all the eggs we mixed with sperm fertilized on their own. So no idea what's wrong. It gives dh a lot of hope but also sometimes it's worse-b/c at least if something was wrong could try and fix it!

 

[Titi]

God bless you Hun xx i honestly feel that not doing anything my self and my husband are giving up not talking about babies we have given up... Not going for tests we have given up

I just feel if a day passes without talking about having a baby I have been defeated I have told my husband that I think about it every day and even if I do not mention it as frequent as I did, i want motherhood more than anything in this world....

He's lost almost 30 kg since the start of the year and his count is still very low, it haunts me how on earth can it happen naturally when he doesn't have much sperms we have to live on hope we have to.

This year he did say holidays.. Dinners out... Enjoying life.. But I just feel life is passing us by, and with what money? Even when i go for a spa treatment I'm sat there with tears streaming down my face, I just can't seem to shake this off

We don't have frosties our clinic never believed in freezing

My husband has always wanted to turn the 3rd bedroom in our home as a office and i have always dreamt of it being a nursery but I have finally
agreed after all these years that he can put his shelf and desk in there... I
don't see a baby in there any time soon I'm slowly trying to let go of my obsessiveness, as you mentioned maybe we will be one of those lucky women who stop trying TOO HARD and it happens I'm living for a
miracle now.
Before all this mess I loved going out to see friends going to the gym travelling,life was so stress free back than... Now I just want to go work eat than sleep I just don't have the zest I use to have i hate socialising as everyone has a child just me and I feel like a freak better for me staying in thats how I deal with tough times....

I need the lord the bless me and give me a chance to be the best mum I can be... I hate this life at the moment... So frustrating... I pray we get there Hun we just have to keep going... Never in a zillion years did I think I will be in this mess .... I'm still in shock that its been this hard

Great to have support in here..

Oh Nayla! you do need some big hugs for sure. I am so so sorry you are going through this. I DO know what those feelings like, have suffered every single one of them at some point. I am in a better place at this moment in time (we all know that can easily change though!) so hope I can be here for you to lean on. We'll get through this!!!!

I will post more later but have to get to work now. It's 8:30 am here.

 

[KittyCat82]

Sounds very much like us hun. Although I didnt respond too well and they could only access one ovary on egg collection day (a loop of bowel got in the way!!) so I ended up with only 3 eggs but all fertilised well and 2 good quality embies put back on day 2 and with a 'gorgeous' lining and-BFN.

At this stage we have been told to assume it is just bad luck-some work and some fail. Our next round is at a different clinic and they think my AMH is a little low and so will increase the stimms meds from the start and try and get them to blastocyst this time to see if they can identify any other probs.

I know quite a few of 'unexplained' that have gone on to sucessful pregnancys after failed IVF-some even natural (remember with unexplained, you still have a reasonable chance of spontanious pregnancy depending on how long you have been ttc).

To be honest I find it easier to be positive now, but I really was crushed after the failed IVF-it really has taken me quite a while and some life style changes, to get back on course x