Surnames

[kate.m.]

A friend of mine has 2 children, and a 3rd on the way, each with a different Daddy, and all her children have (will have) a different surname. I know that married people (generally) tend to take the man's surname, and therefore children born to a married couple usually have the Dad's surname. And it seems that this happens even when the parents dont have the same surname- i was wondering why that is? Is it just assumed that children have their fathers surname? Even tho some of these fathers might hardly see their children? My sis-in-law also has 2 children, and they have the same name as their dad, yet they live with their mum.

What you would do if you were in that situation? For those of you that actually have been in that situation, what did you choose to do? I think if i was in that situation, i'd want the child to have my surname- and if i did eventually marry the father, we could both change names at the same time? But then what if i didnt marry the father, and married another guy? hmmm... it all gets a bit complicated!!

( Im not questioning having children before marriage- thats a whole different debate, which we've already seen threads on, and i think the general opinion is that it doesnt matter! )

 

[jen1604]

Umm its a tricky one...
Ophelia has her daddys surname.Because we're (obviously) in a stable relationship and if we ever got married I'd like us all to have the same name.Also I think its something OH is really proud of,that his little girl has his surname.I'm not sure what I would do though if I had more than one child by different dads.If they saw their dad I guess I would want them to have their dads surname but if they didnt really see their dad I think I would want them to have my surname.I'm not sure--its a hard one to decide without being in that position!!
I think its mostly tradition hon,I guess because most women change their surname when they get married it comes from that too and the fact that in the 'olden days' most people would be married when they had a baby so theyd have their husbands name already?
xxxxx

 

[calm]

My hubby said he wouldn't mind either way, if our child had my surnames first or the other way round. In Spain we both have our own surnames, 2 in total. I think I will do the traditional thing though and it will be "baby" + "husband surname" "mummy surname". The only sad thing, is that because my English surname is second, my child will have 2 Spanish surnames and miss out on the English bit.

When Spanish people see that my mother lost her own surname as she got married to my father in England, they are appalled as its like you lose your identity to the man. I suppose we just see it as tradition and as something romantic.

 

[Louise N]

If the child is unlikely to have much to do with their father I think they should have their mums surname.

When I get married at the weekend I'm adding my OH's surname on to mine, they double barrel quite well. The reason is that I don't want to loose my surname but when we have children I want us to share the same name. OH will just use the name he already has, he's not adding mine - he's a bit traditional like that. I think our children will just have his surname.

 

[carla15x]

I literally was just going to post a thread like this!!

I want my children to have MY surname. If I carry and birth them I think I have the right (I also really like my last name = ])

I have thought about double barrel names although I haven't mentioned this yet. . .

I will also keep my own name if I get married, wether or not my oh takes on mine or keeps his own is up to him although he will prob just keep his own

 

[Webbykinskt]

I think i'd just give them OH's surname. Our surnames wouldn't be very good if we double-barreled. I want to marry him so we may be married before we have children anyway.

 

[morri]

Over here it is , unlike you state differently that you have your mothers name , if she isnt married(you have to announce the name especially if it is to be the OH's surname.) But maybe that woman had taken all her husbands name and thats why all her kids have a different name?

 

[lozzy21]

My mam had 5 children to 3 partners(over 20 years) I have my dads surname, my 2 oldest brothers and my sis have their dads name and my youngest brother had my mam's maiden name as his dad hates his surname.

Even if we are not married my kids will have OH's name.

 

[Vesta]

If it was likely that I was going to marry the father, I'd have probaby given the baby it's father's surname. Just to save the child the trouble of changing it later on. If marriage wasn't on the cards I'd want the baby to have my surname.

 

[Sparky0207]

Well, if I was in a stable relationship and could see a future where I would be intending to marry the guy (I know it doesnt always go to plan though) I would give the child his surname. If we split during the pregnancy or I had any doubts whatsoever, I would give them my surname.

Lucy has her dads surname (but we are getting married 2011) but he knows if we were to split id want her surname changed to mine

 

[Cinnamon]

As Calm says, here in Spain we have both parents first surname, first the father and then the mother but here we come to another problem. Letting aside the fact that some surnames are hilarious and embarrasing (such as "X Pretty Pussy", or "X Pars-ley" - translated from Spanish), ours luckily aren't ugly but don't combine too well together... Translated ours kids surnames would be: "X of the Cross Cross"!!! We could chose to have mine in first position remaining "X Cross of the Cross", but although it sounds a teeny bit better, our kids would probably have trouble with their papers because that order of surnames isn't usual... Also my Grandma and Grandad had the exact same surname and they double-barreled in Portugal and so my mums surname is a repetition!!! Also this surname will get lost unless I decide to take that one instead of my Dads, but as his is so similar to DH's surname, it would sound almost like mine!!! ( If I took my second surname (mum's one) I am "X Cross N" and my kids would be "X Of the Cross N" or "X N of the Cross" which sounds the best but is the worst mess on papers of history!!! Probably end up with the worst combination out of comfort... Sorry about the babbling girls but it defo annoys me!!! Great thread by the way. xxxx

 

[Panda_Ally]

My daughter has OH surnames cos after countless arguements i decided it must mean more to him - we would double barrel but then a 21 letter surname is a bit long.

As a comprimise i got to choose her middle names so i chose to use my surname as a middle name so its still on the birth certificate!

 

[Blah11]

Amelie has her daddys surname. I plan on being with him 'forever' and for all my children to be by him. If it doesn't go to plan then I'm still happy for her to have her dads surname as he'll always be her dad and love her, even if we;re not together.

 

[calm]

As Calm says, here in Spain we have both parents first surname, first the father and then the mother but here we come to another problem. Letting aside the fact that some surnames are hilarious and embarrasing (such as "X Pretty Pussy", or "X Pars-ley" - translated from Spanish), ours luckily aren't ugly but don't combine too well together... Translated ours kids surnames would be: "X of the Cross Cross"!!! We could chose to have mine in first position remaining "X Cross of the Cross", but although it sounds a teeny bit better, our kids would probably have trouble with their papers because that order of surnames isn't usual... Also my Grandma and Grandad had the exact same surname and they double-barreled in Portugal and so my mums surname is a repetition!!! Also this surname will get lost unless I decide to take that one instead of my Dads, but as his is so similar to DH's surname, it would sound almost like mine!!! ( If I took my second surname (mum's one) I am "X Cross N" and my kids would be "X Of the Cross N" or "X N of the Cross" which sounds the best but is the worst mess on papers of history!!! Probably end up with the worst combination out of comfort... Sorry about the babbling girls but it defo annoys me!!! Great thread by the way. xxxx

Oh my god, I got dizzy reading that one LOL

 

[Lullahbelle12]

As Calm says, here in Spain we have both parents first surname, first the father and then the mother but here we come to another problem. Letting aside the fact that some surnames are hilarious and embarrasing (such as "X Pretty Pussy", or "X Pars-ley" - translated from Spanish), ours luckily aren't ugly but don't combine too well together... Translated ours kids surnames would be: "X of the Cross Cross"!!! We could chose to have mine in first position remaining "X Cross of the Cross", but although it sounds a teeny bit better, our kids would probably have trouble with their papers because that order of surnames isn't usual... Also my Grandma and Grandad had the exact same surname and they double-barreled in Portugal and so my mums surname is a repetition!!! Also this surname will get lost unless I decide to take that one instead of my Dads, but as his is so similar to DH's surname, it would sound almost like mine!!! ( If I took my second surname (mum's one) I am "X Cross N" and my kids would be "X Of the Cross N" or "X N of the Cross" which sounds the best but is the worst mess on papers of history!!! Probably end up with the worst combination out of comfort... Sorry about the babbling girls but it defo annoys me!!! Great thread by the way. xxxx

Oh my god, I got dizzy reading that one LOL

Me too - ha ha!!!

xx

 

[morri]

me too, that is really confusing xD

In germany on the other hand youre not allowed to give a child a double barelled name anymore(since 86 about) unless the mum's maiden name is double barrelled already.

 

[Cinnamon]

Emmmm, rereading that I got confuzzed too!!!

 

[Sarahkka]

I am married to my husband, but I did not take his name. Our children will have his name because it is a beautiful French-Canadian name and mine is, well, Smith. My name is part of my identity and it felt really weird when I thought about changing it. If it ever gets to the point that I feel left out because I'm the only Smith in the house, then I'll add his last name to mine.
For our son, we chose a middle name from my family tree, the last name from my husband, and his first name is all his own. We plan to do the same if we have a daughter. Or another boy.

 

[Gwizz]

Benjamin has his daddies surname as it is talked that we will eventually get married and its less hassle changing it later ....

what i was told at registering him was that when we do get married we have to let the registry know else his entitlement too inhertance will change if me or his father die. A child born in wedlock has more rights than one born out of apparantly in the UK so u have to let then know when u marry - saying that it wont have any correlation on the actual surname name used.

I say use whichever I think a deed poll is about £40 in the UK

XXX

 

[needausername]

I think I would go with my OH's name for the children because I hate my surname.