Team Rainbow Mummies - Gay Surrogates, Lesbian, Transgender and BiSexual TTC Group

[LunaBean]

(not that it looks like I'll be having a baby anytime soon as I can't seem to keep hold of one longer than a few weeks..) we've been talking about this quite alot, and my OH is in her last year of teacher training, so will be finished and hopefully working by the time I have the baby, so I'll be doing the whole 'mummy' thing, breastfeeding etc, and she'll be goin out to work, but we've decided that she can take over at the weekends, I'll express at weekends so she can feed the baby,(I'm gona combination feed anyway, I think babies get fuller and sleep longer if they are fed formula at night), and take it out for the day or whatever, and she'll be 'in charge' as such. Whether it goes to plan or not is another matter lol. I'll be returning to childminding a few weeks after I have the baby, so will have a few other kids too, so don't think OH will feel like I'm at home with the baby 24/7 and she's missing out.

She doesn't want to give birth to her own kids until shes at least 30, she's 22 now, and even thinks that she doesn't want the baby calling her mummy because she'll feel really old lol.

I'm having a break from TTC at the minute, can't face another MC..going for a few tests to see what's goin on in there and being referred to a specialist for pregnancy counselling because my epilepsy medication can cause abnormalities in babies

Also, as much as we've planned this for years and are both really excited, when I got pregnant for the second time last week, my OH totaly freaked out for a day, but then she was fine the next day. It's natural! I suggest getting some books, someone suggested 'The other mother' written by non-bio mums, I got it for OH and it really helped!!! Amozon has it for about £7 including P&P

 

[day_dreamer]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear your news Lizzie
Puts everything into perspective -- here I am fretting about the details of some distant time in the future *tuts*

xxx

 

[LunaBean]

Don't be silly! It's not minor details at all, you need to think about all these things!

 

[sam#3]

So sorry to hear that lizzie xxx

 

[Baby Love]

Big hugs to you Lizzie, Here's hoping for a third time lucky when you start TTC again

 

[Jetters]

So sorry, Lizzie- best of luck in finding out if there's any problems.

I didn't really enjoy The Other Mother book to be honest... it was nice reading lots of perspectives from women in my position but loads of them were SO negative!!

 

[LunaBean]

I didnt think they were negative! Some were really good! I've loads of books lol

 

[day_dreamer]

I ordered The Other Mummy yesterday so am hoping it's not negative -- my OH has plenty of that already thankyouverymuch lol

Can anyone recommend any other good books for a non-bio mum? I'm trying to get my OH a bit interested (I've given up on excitement for the time being lol) and am struggling...

 

[LunaBean]

Hmm, I can't think of any right now, there's one called Lesbians raising families, I think, if you google it alot should come up! Mostly american tho, I hada order them online and wait aaaaages! I also ordered one that's a photo book of lesbian families and their kids, still not here yet tho!!

 

[day_dreamer]

I'm waiting for my Mum to bring me an Amazon package (because I forgot to change my delivery address lol) which should be The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth -- there are quite a few on Amazon but they all seem to be much the same. We'll see how this one goes...I'm so excited for it to be here!! It's like Christmas all over again !! Haha !!

 

[day_dreamer]

Happy Friday everybody

My book arrived, and to be honest it's a bit too American and rambley for my liking, but my OH is flicking through it so hopefully there'll be something of interest in there for her. There was a nice bit (that I liked anyway) that said how they recommended the mother and baby don't really get out of bed for at least the first week, so allow better bonding and for the mother to become more intune with her baby's needs (especially if breastfeeding) -- I love that idea. I'm hoping my OH will go along with that when our time comes. I have a friend who employed a private midwife and they did exactly the same thing, and her LO seems so much more chilled and relaxed than others I know born around the same time.

Confessions of the Other Mother also came today. I bought that in secret as a surprise for my OH, but having just glanced through it I'm in two minds whether or not to give it her. I think she'd really benefit from reading about other people's experiences, especially as we know nobody in the same boat, but I don't want it to compound her fears of being left out and jealousy...ho hum...what to do, what to dooo.

x

 

[LunaBean]

Id just give it to her, you need to hear both sides, jealousy included! lol. Yeah I think it's a great idea to stay in bed for the first week, I may stay there for the first year lmao. Hope she enjoys the books! I found that other one very ramblig too, I flicked through it abit then chucked it aside lol. The one I did like was 'The ultimate guide to pregnancy for lesbians' by Rachel Pepper, and I also got 'Considering parenthood' by Cheri Pies, but it seemed very negative to me! It has exercises to do after every chapter, and really makes you think whether you're ready or not, but it wasn't my cup of tea! My OH read the first chapter and said 'Do u really think we can afford a baby?' so I took it off her and won't give it back lol.

I've been looking for some UK books, but havn't found any yet, cus I know American experiences will be different, maybe I'll write one!!!

 

[day_dreamer]

OK, will give it to her when she gets back (in about 20 mins! when I've picked her up lol)

Think I'll steer clear of the other one -- don't need any more ideas being put into her head about whether we can afford it or not -- she's already pulling faces and doubting that we can. I know we'll manage whatever, but she's one of those ever so careful types that has to *know* rather than just find out as we go. I suppose you'd call that responsible, rather than my somewhat reckless idea of "what the heck, lets just do it and deal with the problems if/when they arise"

Ooo writing a book is a good idea -- go for it

 

[day_dreamer]

What do your little ones call you??

I want to be Mummy, and OH wants to be Mommy (she's from the Black Country and all her family say Mommy/Mom) but we're not too sure if they're too similar to end up confusing everyone !!

 

[RainbowMum]

I'm German so hoping one day I'll answer to 'Mama'

 

[Jetters]

Babies choose their own names in the end!!

My ex is Mummy and i'm Mama and Rory definitely knows the difference, although he does switch them sometimes if he's wheedling! Haha!

Our friends are Mum and Meema, which I like

 

[LunaBean]

My OH doesnt want to be mummy/mommy/mum/mama or anything lolol. I think they'll just pick their own names! My friends son calls her mummy and his other mummy 'daddy' lmao. Think he's abit confused!

 

[day_dreamer]

My friends son calls her mummy and his other mummy 'daddy' lmao. Think he's abit confused!

That made me giggle

 

[sam#3]

with harry my youngest he calls me mummy and calls vikki 'ne-ne' (knee) which works for us =]
i like the american way of 'mama s' and 'mama v' too

 

[Tegans Mama]

We are Mum and Mama, but she prefers to call us both Mama so we will probably bring the initials into it soon