'Terrible' Sleepers (long)

[Seraphim]

I just wanted to share how H's sleep has improved without using any kind of separation / refusal technique.

I know it's a big question for many of us, whether it's 'time to do something' about LO and their sleep. I appreciate many of us are pushed by circumstances of subsequent pregnancies, going to work, and simple fears that we're 'making a rod for our own backs' - so I'm by no means making a judgement of right or wrong, only sharing support and encouragement for anybody like me who choses to wait it out.

H is 18.5 months, she had a great deal of problems with colic and silent reflux, she's breastfed and went into her own room at about 8.5 months. She didn't really grow out of her wind problems until some time after 9 months.

Much of the above caused H to be very reliant on me for going to sleep and resettling in the night.

From 10 months the time it took to go to sleep and resettling all started to improve, and I would say the stress has been out of it since her birthday, with a small blip for naps when we needed to cut down to one nap after her birthday.

The last month H has started to play 'nun-nights'. I have also made a cup of milk available for most of the day. She will sit with a cup of milk after her bath / before bed sometimes not drink much at all but sometimes drink the lot. I also give her one in the car after swimming, or if we go out for a long day, when I know she'll fall asleep in the car for her nap.

She's been putting her toys 'to bed' and pretending to sleep herself. It seems that once she mastered THE WORDS 'Nun-Night' and 'Bed' everything really started to change. She's been able to ask to go to bed when she's tired and I think this has made the biggest difference.

I'm speculating, but we all know toddlers are a stubborn bunch... and I think being a little more in control of 'bed' has helped her switch off and put herself to sleep. Now she can take her nap anywhere from 10am to 1pm (although I usually try to keep it between 12-1pm) but there's no 'will she won't she' about taking a nap if it's the 'wrong time'. For sure, she will go to sleep whenever.

I might be lost with my head in my heart, but something feels very right about her mastering the words and now she's doing it for herself.

It's very hard when you're the only one who can give your LO milk and sleep, and so many times I've felt completely frazzled. So when last night she went to sleep in less than 10 mins and without a BF, and just asked to go to bed for her nap and was gone in 5 mins... it really feels like a wonderful light at the end of the tunnel

I wanted to share for anyone who's in the same boat as I've been - they can get the hang of it on their own

 

[Poppy7]

It's so lovely of you to make the time to write this thread as it will definitely be invaluable to other Mums out there who are still going through settling issues and sleepless nights

I completely agree that as our toddlers start to be able to communicate more some things become "easier". Elliott has also started saying "bed" and "night night" and was asking/saying this when we got home from swimming today. Needless to say he was asleep within 5 minutes of going for a nap. It's such a refreshing change as he's never given away many sleepy cues (or maybe I missed them ). We have a good routine now and it does make a huge difference to his mood/patience. He doesn't always ask for bed but we have it so sussed now that we have no fuss with nap time or bedtime.

Like you I had sleepless nights for 17 months. It was exhausting. When Els would wake in the night only I could resettle him. It wasn't until Dada and a cup of milk become a good substitute (and this took perserverence) that he started sleeping through. He has now been STTN for nearly 2 months and it's great for everyone. Especially Els who wakes refreshed and happy. I wouldn't say Els self weaned from the breast, I did need to assist him but the time was right and we had no tears or frustration from him. In fact, I was more upset than him! I feel pleased that we shared our milky time for 16.5 months and really hope to do the same with baby number two. I did help that when "we" weaned from the breast he could ask for milk verbally and would happily take it from a sippy cup.

So, sorry for rambling but as Seraphim said, there is light at the end of the tunnel so don't feel alone.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Ruby staying asleep has never been an issue but getting her to sleep in the first place was an issue since birth - around the 18 month mark she stopped needing us in the room while she went off and we never ever did any 'technique' or refuse what she wanted, in fact we did nothing but go with what she needed.

Unfortunately, Ruby learning the word bed did not make her more willing to go to it! I think the first times she used the words were say 'no bed!' She never fusses now though.

 

[Seraphim]

Your avatar pic is gorgeous Claire

 

[Lena]

Nathan doesnt know any words but does know in his own subtle way how to tell me when he's ready for a nap. When I stopped obsessing over naptimes, it all improved. He sleeps when he's tired. I don't try and put him down for naps because its the right time. I can usually get him to nap within 5-10 mins now.

I have never wanted to go down the CC/CIO route. I understand so many mummies do out of desperation, and maybe their case is worse than mine so i dont judge but to be honest, I would rather be waking in the night to resettle him til he's 10, then let him just cry himself to sleep. He's slept through the past 3 nights, which is a breakthrough for us because he was waking anywhere from 1-5 times a night. I just try and tell mummies of babies who dont sleep well, it WILL happen. Eventually they all sleep through, some just take longer to do it than others and don't rush it.

 

[hannahR]

Lovely thread! xx

 

[colsy]

Seraphim - out of interest, how did you previously get her to nap? Was she like my M, who will absolutely NOT nap in his cot but will happily nap in car/pram and will (most of the time these days) go to bed at night no problem? Just wondering whether your post suggests we may well one day reach a point where M can nap in his cot again. Not that I really need him to very often, because we just make sure we're in the pram or car at nap time. But it would be handy if he could also do cot sometimes. Ta xx

 

[Lena]

Colsy-How is she when you move her and she's asleep? Nathan used to only fall asleep in his pram or the car, then one day he fell asleep in his carseat and i had limited time and some shopping to do, so I just thought 'sod it, im putting him in his pram and doing the shopping, if he wakes, he wakes'. He didnt wake at all, did his entire nap whilst i did the shopping. Now, he doesn't fall asleep in his cot but for his morning nap he falls asleep in our bed with me next to him and then i move him into his cot when he's asleep and he sleeps for 1.5 hours. Then for his afternoon nap, i run my errands moving him from his carseat to pram or if he falls asleep in his carseat near home then i move him from his carseat into his cot and he doesn't wake. He stirs a tiny bit but i place his blankie in his hand and he stays asleep. You may be surprised just how soundly she sleeps if you try and move her. Makes my life sooooooo much easier not waiting in the car 45 mins whilst he naps and then going in the shop when he wakes.

Wanted to add, I know my LO is a lot younger than yours, but my neighbour has a 2 year old and does pretty much the same thing. Carries him up to his cot if he falls asleep in the car or puts him in his pushchair if he falls asleep in the car on the way to the shop.

 

[Seraphim]

Hey colsy

H has always had milk then gone into her cot/bed. For quite a while now she's normally been awake(ish) when I put her in her bed, and I just rub/pat her back.

I've never had much success with moving her whilst she's asleep, she always seems to wake up. Having said that - she's really quite sensitive to noises etc. I think their understanding of what's going on helps them tune out the rest of the world though.

 

[colsy]

Hey colsy


I've never had much success with moving her whilst she's asleep, she always seems to wake up. Having said that - she's really quite sensitive to noises etc. I think their understanding of what's going on helps them tune out the rest of the world though.

Same here. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've successfully moved from carseat to pram without waking. As for carseat or pram to cot ... you gotta be joking If he wakes in the night and cries, the only way he'll go back to sleep is if I or OH lies on the floor in his room. He can then fall soundly asleep, snoring away. Then the MINUTE you try to get up and leave the room, oh no - he's up and awake and yelling.

Oh well. I have so got used to it now that I've almost forgotten that some babies actually "sleep like a baby". What concerns me is that we are kind of NTNP and I just don't know how he'll sleep at night with a teeny baby crying in the room opposite. Ah, another bridge to cross one day, eh

 

[Lena]

Sorry, just a suggestion . All babies are different. Nate wakes to noises VERY easily in the night, but for some reason I can move him where ever during the day during his nap and he doesn't wake, guess im just lucky. I see my neighbour carrying her sleeping 2 year old from the car nearly everyday as well.

 

[Seraphim]

H has about 3 jackdaw nests in her roof And although they do properly wake her in the early morning, she's able to ignore them the rest of the time. You might find LO can tune out a new baby the same way - plus 9 months is a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally long time for him to adjust some.

In other news, my first attempt at 'night weaning' from BFing last night was surprisingly easy. She grumbled for a couple of minutes on 2 wake ups, but didn't say/sign for milk AT ALL She did ask and sign for food at 5am, so I asked her if she wanted some milk and she said 'Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaay'

Bad news is she woke up every hour from 11.30-2.30 and then again just before 5, but she did sleep an hour longer than she has been recently. yay for 7am ;D