Well, here I am - AGAIN -
just like last month sitting in front of my computer flying through pages and pages of results on google trying to make myself feel better (or give myself false hope) which is basically the same thing. Yep, see that's my awful disposition poking out at the moment. I just really want this to be our month, you know?
I just REALLY want to poas and have that amazing shock of two lines or a smiley face or whatever the heck would mean I am expecting. I did this 22 years ago....surely my body hasn't forgotten how to conceive, right? Lord, I am losing my mind. I just keep sitting here with all of the doubts and sadness running rampant.
My cycles are very regular. I have a 28 day with O on CD18 99% of the time. When I went to my gyn in April he told me I should be on bc if I didn't want to have more kids because he felt that I am still quite fertile. I didn't go into all the details with him - but my dh and I had stopped having sex for about 8 months before we were to be married so there had been no opportunity to even see if we could. But we got married on June 14th this year and knew we would ttc right away. And here we are. TTC....it's officially cycle 2 for us and I know some of you have been through so much more than me and I pray you all get your BFP's soon. But even though this is so new - I have angst and anxiety and fear that is unexplainable. And I am having a hard time letting go & letting God.
AF is due in just 3 days. I have a 10 day luteal phase and I'm at 8dpo today. So here come the tears. Last month I cried and googled most of the 10 days of my LP. LOL!
Sorry to vent....I just feel so alone. I don't want to dump my feelings on my husband and I am really trying to look like I'm taking it cool and easy. So I guess that's what brings me here - to share my psychosis! LOL!
Thanks for letting me be crazy - and for sharing your stories which help immensely. I pray for all the best for all of you.