The 'chit chat' thread

[dancareoi]

It was just mother nature, she was fine, no abnormalities, my placenta was fine...... So no reason xx

that is good news. Obviously not good news that it happened, but good that there is no reason for it apart from Mother Nature doing her job.

For some reason olivia was not meant for this world and although it is heartbreaking, there is the chance that as the pregnancy progressed something may not have been right and you may have had to make a heartbreaking decision - in a strange way mother nature has been cruel to be kind.

This is how I tried to look at it when I lost my first and i suppose i should try to think of it this time as well. What we have been through was the most heartbreaking thing anyone should have to go through, however a decision was made for us, imagine how much worse to have to make that decision yourself.

At least now you know there is no reason why you can`t try again.

We had a beautiful poem read at our LO`s service, you may have seen it on here before, but i will write it below because although it makes me cry every time i read it, I also get comfort from it as well.

1. An Angel Never Dies
Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I’ve loved you from the start.

Although my body you can’t hold
It doesn’t mean I’m gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face
You have my word, I’ll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.

You’ll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.

I’m watching over all you do,
Another child you’ll bear
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you’ll understand.

Although I’ve never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes
That doesn’t mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.

 

[Serenyx]

We had a beautiful poem read at our LO`s service, you may have seen it on here before, but i will write it below because although it makes me cry every time i read it, I also get comfort from it as well.

An Angel Never Dies ...

We are having the same poem read at our LO's funeral, it is a beautiful poem x

 

[yellowyamyam]

Tayla, like others said, good and bad, I feel. It is brilliant news that there wasn't any thing but mother nature and like Lisa said, you can ttc again! With that said, if it's me, I wouldn't know what to think of it because there were no reasons!

Maybe it's me being me, I feel really angry yet glad.

A friend's colleague lost her baby at 39 1/2 weeks! She just didn't feel baby kicking one day and was told the heart had stopped. Can you imagine? And she did all the tests and came back negative. Nothing was wrong.

I feel so angry that mother nature can be so cruel.

 

[dancareoi]

We had a beautiful poem read at our LO`s service, you may have seen it on here before, but i will write it below because although it makes me cry every time i read it, I also get comfort from it as well.

An Angel Never Dies ...

We are having the same poem read at our LO's funeral, it is a beautiful poem x

i am so sorry for you loss.

this is a beautiful poem and i felt the words were so true to how we were feeling and it seemed so appropriate to be read at the service.

Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes.

 

[dancareoi]

Tayla, like others said, good and bad, I feel. It is brilliant news that there wasn't any thing but mother nature and like Lisa said, you can ttc again! With that said, if it's me, I wouldn't know what to think of it because there were no reasons!

Maybe it's me being me, I feel really angry yet glad.

A friend's colleague lost her baby at 39 1/2 weeks! She just didn't feel baby kicking one day and was told the heart had stopped. Can you imagine? And she did all the tests and came back negative. Nothing was wrong.

I feel so angry that mother nature can be so cruel.

I can`t even begin to imagine how it would feel to lose a baby that late on - it was bad enough what we all went through, but to get that far you would assume all would be ok - absolutley terrible.

Zoe how are you feeling at the moment?

 

[yellowyamyam]

Lisa, I'm just hanging in there. At least the nightmares have slowed down since my last scan. I went for drinks (me - hot choco, others - sangria) a few nights ago and talked to a friend's friend who is a psychiatrist. She heard of what I went through so asked how am I doing. Told her about this new pregnancy and the nightmares. She said I have slight PTSD and I shouldn't brush off my nightmares. I am at the point where I am used to having nightmares that I will lose this child. She said I can't do that. It isn't healthy. Duh, I know that but what else can I do, right? Anyway she suggested that I should look into hypno therapy. She sounded quite serious because I am now pregnant and hormones are all over as well. I don't know... I am quite ok with the nightmares now; they used to come every night but now maybe just during my afternoon naps or every other night.

Her concern is the fact that I can accept the nightmares and be ok with it. To her that isn't healthy and might jeopardise the way I take this current pregnancy in the later stage.

Other than that, I can't wait to get back to London in a week's time.

Lisa, it's your appointment next, right?

 

[dancareoi]

Lisa, I'm just hanging in there. At least the nightmares have slowed down since my last scan. I went for drinks (me - hot choco, others - sangria) a few nights ago and talked to a friend's friend who is a psychiatrist. She heard of what I went through so asked how am I doing. Told her about this new pregnancy and the nightmares. She said I have slight PTSD and I shouldn't brush off my nightmares. I am at the point where I am used to having nightmares that I will lose this child. She said I can't do that. It isn't healthy. Duh, I know that but what else can I do, right? Anyway she suggested that I should look into hypno therapy. She sounded quite serious because I am now pregnant and hormones are all over as well. I don't know... I am quite ok with the nightmares now; they used to come every night but now maybe just during my afternoon naps or every other night.

Her concern is the fact that I can accept the nightmares and be ok with it. To her that isn't healthy and might jeopardise the way I take this current pregnancy in the later stage.



Lisa, it's your appointment next, right?

Other than that, I can't wait to get back to London in a week's time.

Hi Zoe, I`m assuming from your post and the time it was written that you are still in Malaysia.

the nightmares must be terrible, but after what you have been through, it is understandable.

I know it is so much easier said than done, but you need to try and focus on the positive, that will be so much better for you in this PG.

Yes, my appointment is next Friday. I really hope i hear what i want to hear and that hubby then gives the nod to try again, because i so need to do that.

look after yourself and your rainbow - how far are you now?

 

[Miss Mitch]

Yeah, I do 'prefer' it to be 'mother nature' though otherwise I would never relax again if I (hopefully) get pregnant xx

 

[dancareoi]

i don`t know why, but i am having a down day today. i have been doing ok lately, lots more good days than bad days, but today i feel down.

My AF started today, and although we are not trying yet, there is always that hope that there may have been an accident! So obviously my hormones are all over the place.
also i would have been 33 weeks this week, only 7 weeks left, but as with my others, baby would have been early, so 5 weeks.

The week after next will be 17 weeks that i lost my LO, that`s how many weeks PG I thought i was, so soon the weeks since we lost it will be more than how far i actually was.

I am also starting to worry about my appoinment next week, in case I`m told something i don`t want to hear and that will be the end of my dreams because any slight problem that is brought to light, will ensure my DH says no to TTC.

Sorry to go on, but i just needed to talk to someone to talk to, i just feel so sad again today.

 

[Miss Mitch]

Oh Lisa, that's how I felt before Olivia's and my results, the what if's and maybe's drive you mad! Fingers crossed for you that you get the answer you want and need. Remember, one day at a time x

 

[dancareoi]

Oh Lisa, that's how I felt before Olivia's and my results, the what if's and maybe's drive you mad! Fingers crossed for you that you get the answer you want and need. Remember, one day at a time x

Thank Tayla, I know, one day at a time.

 

[yellowyamyam]

I'm back in London now. I really don't know why I bothered flying back here. Yeah DH said he missed me really a lot and glad that I am back but I honestly think he is glad because he doesn't need to worry about food, cats & laundry anymore!!!

I am so damn pissed!!! I suggested to go out to the mall today for a short while but he said no because it's pouring miserably outside. I agreed so we stayed in. Instead of snuggling up in front of the tv, he spent almost 8 hours in front of his stupid PC playing his stupid game!!!

I am supposed to take things easy and he already said he would "serve" me like I'm his queen.

This was the reason why I wanted to stay in Malaysia throughout this pregnancy, especially after my cervical cerclage in a few weeks' time! I would need to be in bedrest as much as possible. I already warned him about this and told him it's best I stay put in Malaysia with parents taking care of me. He has to work and I wouldn't be able to make nice dinner for him and taking care of the housework as much as I usually do. He said he would do everything; he just wants me back. He PROMISED. I knew deep down he wouldn't understand the true scenario. I knew it!!!

I arrived yesterday morning and by mid morning, I started spotting. With jetlag and spotting, I stayed in bed whole afternoon but I told myself that I needed to make him 1 nice dinner after so long. By dinner time, spotting had stopped so I thought "great! just in time for cooking dinner!". After dinner, spotting came back. I think it was because I was standing for an hour or so and recovering from 13 hours flight?

I am so disappointed. I am so scared of what is coming in the next few weeks. DH is the type of person who takes things as it comes. He doesn't see the point of worrying about anything. He said he promised he would do everything when I am bed bound and we would manage. I highly doubt that. He knows about the spotting yesterday. He knows of my plan to rest as much as possible. Now it is 7.10pm and he is still playing his stupid game. That means if I don't get up to prepare dinner, he would continue playing until he realizes the bloody time!!!

I AM SO ANGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

P/s: I am not supposed to be angry or stressed due to high blood pressure!!! At this rate, I would have pre-eclampsia in a few weeks!

 

[WILSMUM]

Yr DH sounds just like mine, he'll spend hours playing some stupid game on fb and the number of rows its caused is unbelievable! And hes not a worrier either - but then I guess I worry enough for the both of us!

You really do need to rest up hun, if it was me I'd be banging on the floor or phoning his mobile or something to get his attention to ask him to make me something to eat!

Take care of yrself and i really hope the spotting goes away (hugs)

 

[dancareoi]

Hi, glad you are back Zoe.

My DH is the total opposite to yours, he would be up making me dinner and worrying that I was ok.

To be honest you do need to put yourself first. If it were me, I would make myself a snack for my tea and then would retire to my bed and watch TV!

Your DH will get hungry at sometime and then he might realise that you are not going to waiting on him and might get the message.

You must take care of yourself and be as selfish as possible in ensuring that you follow that through.

You are and your baby now are the most important things so you must rest as much as possible.

I am sure once DH realises this he will start to look after you!

 

[yellowyamyam]

It might be nothing or it might meant that little 10 week old fetus is gone. I was resting in bed in the afternoon and just when I shifted myself slightly, I felt a lot of discharge down there like when you have your period. I knew straight away that I was bleeding. I got out of bed and blood was dripping off me and had already stained my sheet. Passed some 50p sized clots and there was a lot of fresh blood.

Called a taxi and went straight to A&E. Waited for about an hour but was told the EPAU wouldn't scan me tonight. Because I already had a scan last week in Malaysia and was confirmed it wasn't Ectopic, the EPAU said I can have a Wednesday scan appointment. I just shook my head.

I told them that I have a consultant's appoint tomorrow at 3pm. Straight away, they bumped me up to 12 noon just because I was in the consultant's list. I am thankful but that is still tomorrow.

I am appalled at how Early Pre-natal Assessment Unit arrange their scans. No pregnant woman should wait for 2 days to know if her fetus is alright. She deserves to know it right away!!! I just can't accept the way they handle this - 1st trimester, miscarriages are common, nothing can be done, etc. I am considered lucky because I am in the consultant's list but not everyone is in it! I can't imagine sitting around at home for days wondering if your fetus is alright or not. OMG!!!

 

[yellowyamyam]

Forgot to add - the A&E GP told me that he had tried referring a few pregnant ladies to EPAU today and all couldn't get immediate scans; all had to wait until Wednesday the earliest. He said EPAU's only concern is when you are extremely early and show signs of Ectopic. Yes, I can understand that but they shouldn't shun away other ladies just because their pregnancy isn't ectopic.

My OBGYN in Malaysia said though miscarriages are common in 1st trimester, she had always given either Progesterone or Aspirin to ladies who show signs of threaten miscarriages i.e. bleeding. Those two may work wonders and they do give extra oomph to secure the pregnancy. It is just bullshit that NHS doctors keep saying nothing they can do for you in your 1st trimester.

I feel the pain for all mothers out there be it if they had lost their child/ren in 1st/2nd/3rd trimester. Once there is a heartbeat, its alive.

 

[Miss Mitch]

Hi Ladies, sorry I haven't been around, was in hospital again from Wednesday to Friday, they now think I have Crohn's disease after bloods, xrays and ultrasound. Anyhoo, happy days. Zoe, what time are you going today? 12? Please let us know as soon as you can what is happening.

Did I tell you all I have a new job? Things are looking up (fingers crossed)

And I went to see a medium yesterday, not sure if I believe yet though xx

P.S today is Jamie and I's 8 year anniversary

 

[WILSMUM]

So sorry Zoe - I keep my fingers crossed that you see a healthy heartbeat there today - keep in touch xXx

Tayla sorry u've been in hospital but it must be nice to have a diagnosis now and so glad to hear about the new job! Excellent news! What is it you do?
What did the medium say? if you don;t mind telling us!
And happy anniversary - congratulations to you both - 8 years is fantastic xXx

 

[Miss Mitch]

Oh the hilarity of it all. Just had a phone call from the new job. They can't take me on anymore. I really don't know how much more I can handle being thrown at me.

 

[dancareoi]

Zoe, I really hope all is ok. When i was expecting my 3rd i had very bad bleeding - just like someone had turned a tap on! Anyway i had a blood clot in my womb and it was this coming away. Baby was fine and was born May 2010.
i really hope it is something like this.
please let us know how you get on.

Tayla - just when you think things are looking good, something happens to bring you down again.
i have heard of Chrons disease but can`t remember what it is exactly - will it hurt your chances of having a rainbow?

only 3 days now until my appoinment.