The 'chit chat' thread

[xMissxZoiex]

I have an incompetent cervix, lost my first son before I knew I had it so I'm having a Transabdominal Cerclage (TAC) because I've had 2 failed Transvaginal Cerclages. First cerclage got me to 31 weeks before it failed and my second cerclage failed at 18 weeks when we lost our twin boys. I've got so much damage on my cervix now abdominal is the best way to go.

I'm so nervous about it all

 

[Myshelsong]

Ready, of course it scares you. It is terrifying really, I am trying not to freak out.
I don't know how I would handle another loss if it happened. It would just break me.

Miss, when are you having the surgery?
That sounds intense.

 

[ReadynWaiting]

Misszoie-any surgery seems scary and it's all so unfair that you have to go through it. I guess if it allows you to carry to term it's a small sacrifice to make (says me who doesn't have to go through it lol). Hopefully it all goes smoothly so you are one step closer to your rainbow.
My-the getting pg is the easy part for me it's the rest that it is just so elusive. I've done a lot of work the past 3 months to try to heal and get through the pain. I'm not sure I'll ever be the same and that's what I'm trying to accept these days.
Next week is ovulation time so the closer we get I feel excited but then dread the point we get pregnant because I know I'll be a mess. I'm sure it's what you are going through right now.
Are you testing out the trigger or are you controlled and don't test until the dr says?
I'm a neurotic tester and can't seem to help myself. I've been debating ordering ics but I think if I have them it will make me nuts.

 

[Myshelsong]

Ready, I know you probably have tried, but have you talked to your doctor about an aspirin and progesterone regimen when pregnancy is confirmed? I wish you all the luck Hun.

Thankfully with FET there is no trigger, so if I do test it is a true positive.

My beta scheduled for May First. Not sure if I am going to test before, right now I am kind of being zen ... hahaha yeah right. I am just refusing to go buy a test. I am all out.

 

[xMissxZoiex]

My - I'm waiting for a call back from my doctors PA with a date but hopefully it'll be June as they're normally quick about it once the decision to go ahead has been made.

Ready - It's all so scary, I think the scariest part is wondering if it'll work. This surgery has a 98% success rate at getting to 37 weeks and beyond, and the other 2% will deliver before that but the figures didn't say if it was pre viability. But I know I've got to try, If this works I could go on to have 3 more babies without needing another surgery (apart from the C-sections) but if it fails ... well it isn't worth thinking about right now. Just got to keep my fingers and toes crossed!. x

 

[ReadynWaiting]

My-I have no dr that I'm working with, it was suggested by some ladies here when I got pg with my son in September that I take aspirin as my losses seemed similar to theirs. It was the 1st pregnancy that was healthy and viable. He died by getting wrapped in the cord. If I get pregnant again I'll take aspirin.
You have amazing strength not to test. I wish I could just go with the flow. And yay for no shots. I don't know how you IVF ladies do it. Total respect!
Miss-it def sounds like the success rates are good. And if you can go on to have uncomplicated pregnancies that's amazing.

 

[Myshelsong]

e erything about infertility sucks and everything about second term losses is even worse. I thought I knew pain, but I had no idea
I am trying to be hopeful but it is scary.

How is everyone doing? Any plans this weekend?
We are having out inlaws over for dinner. They don't know we are doing another ivf, so have to act normal even though I want to go nuts.

 

[ReadynWaiting]

Hope is the only thing that guides me but it wavers constantly. I think my family thinks we are done ttc. My sister the other day asked why I would still be taking prenatals. Just the way she said it made me feel like she thinks we should be done. No one asks me or talks about it. Dh and I both would like another and it's our choice. I don't want to hear anyone's opinions. I've lost a piece of my heart but if I want to put myself through the pain it's up to me.
I have a friend who had a successful pg with ivf after 10 yrs of ttc and the 1st transfer being a loss. She's now just about to have her 1st FET and people are judging her. I'm not sure why people think they have a say. I know my family just doesn't want me to experience any more pain and I appreciate that but I don't want to hear why I shouldn't try again.
Afm we have our nieces bday party but that's about it. Will you tell the inlaws you have had another FET or wait until you have a confirmed pg? Or do you want to wait until later on?

 

[cupcake.]

Hello Ladies, i really hope you won't mind me popping in.

First of all, i am extremely sorry for all of your losses. I can't imagine what you all have been going through and how strong you seem to be!

Why I am here, as I have not had to endure a 2nd tri loss: A coworker who i had become very close to just lost her twin girls at 21 weeks. I am heartbroken at this news and I want to let her know and that i'd be there for her if she needed anything at all. Though I don't suspect she will take me up on any offer, i'm sure she'll have her sisters and parents and in laws (large family) and friends she's closer with and also i'm a new mom so i don't think she'll want to be around anything remotely baby related. Which i totally understand with no hard feelings at all, even if she were to bluntly tell me to back off and she can't handle being friends right now.
That's all hypothetical because I have not messaged her yet and I'm not sure how to go about it, which is what takes me here.
I have a feeling there probably isn't a right thing to say but millions of wrong things and I don't want to pile on her heartache.
I am thinking of emailing her in a couple of days, so she can choose when/if to read and when/how/if to reply. I want her to know I'd be there if she needed anything, that i can't imagine what she and her husband must be going through and i'm so sorry for their loss. I would like to tell her that her beautiful baby girls will not be forgotten and that they will forever be their parents.

Do you think that is an ok thing to write to her? I probably can't make them feel any better but i would hate to make them feel worse and add to their pain by being insensitive. I'm just so sad for her and want to tell her how sorry I am for her loss - or is that selfish of me, as in I might want to tell her but maybe it's best to not say anything at all?

I hope all of that made sense and i hope you don't mind me asking for advice on this here.. I realls just don't want to add to anyone's pain..

 

[Myshelsong]

That is completely heartbreaking, how awful for her.
There is nothing you can say that can make this any better, truly. But if you feel you want to do something you can send a card or flowers or a gift card for a meal so they don't have to cook that says something like so sorry for your loss and we are here for you if you need anything. I thought it was nice when we got those in the mail.

Don't mention god has a plan, or maybe next time, or something else like that because it isn't ok. Just say very sorry, we are thinking of you ... something along those lines.

 

[ReadynWaiting]

I'm so sorry for their loss. It just breaks my heart that so many people have to go through this.
I agree with MY that trying to say something 'helpful' is not what they want to hear because all they want is to have their babies with them as they should be. I think a card with a gift card is a great idea. A pan of lasagna or baked goods is good too. I ate my way through the pain for the first 2 weeks.

 

[cupcake.]

Thanks for the advice!
I definitely would never say something along the lines of a deeper meaning in what happened or "gods plan" and especially nothing like "maybe next time" - it honestly breaks my heart and makes me mad that grieving parents actually get comments like that!

I will send her a card along with a gift card and will just write that I am extremely sorry for their loss. Thanks again for the advice ❤️

 

[ReadynWaiting]

You're a good friend!

 

[Sasha92]

In so gladthis thread is here.. I think I've needed somewhere to out all my thoughts and feelings down.

I lost my baby at 13 weeks... I had a 6 week NHS scan and a private 8 week one. I really wanted to book a 11 week private scan but everybody just told me to stop being impatient and wait for the 12 week scan that was actually going to be at 13 weeks (the day I lost the baby)

2 days before the scan was scheduled I started bleeding, I went to work and monitored it, told my mom and she told me to go straight to A&E to get checked. I went, waited, felt so sick had a terrible headache. The doctor said it was fine nothing to worry about women bleed and that I had a scan booked for 2 days time so they can check then. I begged again for a scan and was told I couldn't have one today. I went home scared and sad but I was feeling so weak I didn't put up a fight and just went home.

The next day the bleeding seemed to slow down, the blood was brown not red so I assumed it was stopping. Went to work felt slot better everything seemed ok. My work colleueges were all excited to see pictures from the scan I was due to have the next day over the weekend but as soon as I got home I felt a fish of liquid and if passed a massive blood clot. I was distraught. My mom called an ambulance and I was rushed to hospital. I was placed on an IV drip because of the amount of blood I had lost. I was praying it would be ok but deep down I knew what was happening.

5 hours later at 1.30am Friday 16th June they confrimmed my worse fears... I had miss carried my beautiful baby. I was due to have my "12 week scan" at 2.40pm that day. I couldn't even think straight...

It's been almost a week since I lost the baby and I feel like my life has fallen apart. I had a cot set up, the pushchair is on order for September we had everything ready for out little bundle of joy and it was taken away...

I just don't understand why this has to happen. There's peoole who abuse and mistreat children and they get to keep them, people who use drugs and there baby suvivies some born shaking duento withdrawal symptons and there's me (us) who wanted this baby so much, would have done anything for them. I wouldn't even take parocetomal for my heads aches during pregnancy as I was so worried.

 

[Sweetkat]

So sorry for your loss . I had 3 myself, latest one at 10 weeks and had the D&C a few days before what would have been my 12 week scan. Life just isn't fair sometimes. Big hugs xxx