the one and done appreciation thread

[babyv13]

anyone else happy and content with an only child?

I have a 3 year old daughter, I'm no longer with her dad and have a new partner. for a while I really wanted to have a second child, but since october I have been pretty firmly 'one and done' and feel so confident with my decision! I realise now that I only wanted more than one because it was society's expectation of me?!

anyway, who else is one and done? what's your story?

 

[krissie328]

How funny, I had been considering starting this tread.

We are currently on the fence but leaning towards one and done. Our reason is primarily due to infertility. But also we really like our lives the way it is right now.

But I mostly do feel that the reason I want a second is more socially motivated.

 

[babyv13]

How funny, I had been considering starting this tread.

We are currently on the fence but leaning towards one and done. Our reason is primarily due to infertility. But also we really like our lives the way it is right now.

But I mostly do feel that the reason I want a second is more socially motivated.

coincidence! I joined a facebook page for parents of only children and it has really helped me with having confidence with my decision, so I thought it would be nice to have a thread here!

I'm sorry you've been having a hard time TTC#2 that's actually an influencing factor in my decision too because my DD took 2 years to conceive. I'm with a new partner now and our sex life isn't easy at all anyway - I don't think I could add the stress of TTC, and I don't feel we would be very successful given the problems that we have in the bedroom and I worry about the pressure it would put on our relationship.

what do you mean by socially motivated?

 

[krissie328]

I mean that I feel pressured to have 2 children by society.

Yea, we took 8 years to get ds and we tried over 2 years for a second. Now we are kinda ntnp and are going to make a permanent decision around August. We are kinda like in the unlikely event it happens great, if not then let's move on and be happy as a family of 3.

 

[babyv13]

I mean that I feel pressured to have 2 children by society.

Yea, we took 8 years to get ds and we tried over 2 years for a second. Now we are kinda ntnp and are going to make a permanent decision around August. We are kinda like in the unlikely event it happens great, if not then let's move on and be happy as a family of 3.

that's exactly how I feel!

families of 3 rule

 

[krissie328]

Yea, to be honest we have a pretty great life right now. Things are pretty easy and money isn't so bad. I do worry about ds being lonely though. The only kid his age is his cousin and get lives a little bit away so it's difficult to always get together.

Dh keeps telling me he'll gain friends in school and he won't be lonely. Which logically I know that. But part of me wants that built in friend for ds. But at almost 4 years apart I don't think it will work out that way.

 

[babyv13]

Yea, to be honest we have a pretty great life right now. Things are pretty easy and money isn't so bad. I do worry about ds being lonely though. The only kid his age is his cousin and get lives a little bit away so it's difficult to always get together.

Dh keeps telling me he'll gain friends in school and he won't be lonely. Which logically I know that. But part of me wants that built in friend for ds. But at almost 4 years apart I don't think it will work out that way.

that is one of only two pros on the my pros and cons list - I worry about her being lonely without a sibling.

but we can't guarantee that they'll be friends like we imagine they will. my OH isn't close at all with either of his two brothers despite there only being 2 years between the three!

 

[krissie328]

Exactly! I actually looked at all our parents relationships with siblings and one of four talks to theirs. And then dh rarely talks with his brother that's 3 years younger. I do have a relationship with my sister but that didn't happen until our boys were born 3.5 months apart.

So yea, it's a terrible reason to bring another baby into the picture. And truthfully my only pro.

 

[mitchnorm]

Love this post and exactly what I need to read. I have a 5 year old little girl but have been ttc for thexample last 3 years suffering 5 mc's at varying stages...tests, scans, private fertility appts, reflexology, acupuncture and emotionally and physically at xmas after lost number 5 I have accepted I am done!!!!

I hindsight I think I wanted another as it was 'expected' (though perhaps not at my age...now 43)....and to give her a sibling. But she is happy...we are happy.....I also think I wrongly wanted another as I hate my job and wanted a year offor. I know I know stupidest reason ever. ...so instead we have stopped ttc.....booked a lovely holiday....I am retraining for a new career.

Babyv13 really interested in the Facebook group. I would love to join a good one....as I still feel sad alot for the time and have a wobble...I think I need to surround myself with mums of one ha ha

Xxxxx

 

[babyv13]

one of only two pros for me krissie! the other one being that i LOVED pregnancy and i honestly bloomed almost all the way through i know that wouldn't be the case though with another child!

mitchnorm - i'm so sorry for your struggle and your losses i struggled with 2 years ttc and no losses, so i can only imagine how hard that has all been! so glad this so far short thread has made you feel good and that you're taking positive steps for the future with a lovely holiday and new career

i genuinely think the more you surround yourself with OAD the better you'll feel, obviously my circumstances aren't tinged with the same sadness and loss as yours but i have only felt more and more confident from speaking to other people who are OAD, hence why i started this thread!

the fb group is called 'parents of only children by choice'

 

[mitchnorm]

Thank you....I saw that group but felt a bit of a fraud joining when it stated 'by choice'. Although I wanted another and unfortunately lost 5 babies along the way I still feel that we made a positive choice to stop ttc and choose to stick with one. So maybe I will join.

Xx

 

[babyv13]

there are people on it who have similar circumstances where they aren't strictly 'by choice', so it definitely doesn't exclude you! its full of positivity!

 

[krissie328]

How are you ladies doing today?

We had a huge talk on Saturday and we have decided we are for sure OAD. It has been such a huge relief to know that decision has been made. I feel like that part that was weighing me down is now lifted. I think all along I wanted to be done but just felt like it wasn't what DH wanted. Now that we have talked I feel so much better.

I also joined a FB group. It is called One and Done: A group for parents of an only child. I have found it is very comforting to know many people struggle with these thoughts and feelings.

 

[babyv13]

aw so glad to hear that krissie! i felt a relief when i made the decision too, and my security in the decision is getting stronger by the day i'm sure it's even more a weight off your shoulders given the LTTTC!

i'm in a different fb group but i'm going to join that one too now cos i really love having only child positivity filling up my newsfeed, makes me feel good

my DD has had chicken pox this week so has been off nursery, it's actually been so lovely spending time together in the house because we've got nowhere to be. i've got my final exams though so it has meant i've had very little time to study which is a bit stressful. definitely less stressful than it would have been if i had more than one child though!

 

[mitchnorm]

How are you ladies doing today?

We had a huge talk on Saturday and we have decided we are for sure OAD. It has been such a huge relief to know that decision has been made. I feel like that part that was weighing me down is now lifted. I think all along I wanted to be done but just felt like it wasn't what DH wanted. Now that we have talked I feel so much better.

I also joined a FB group. It is called One and Done: A group for parents of an only child. I have found it is very comforting to know many people struggle with these thoughts and feelings.

So glad you are now at peace with your decision. Sounds a carbon copy of my situation....I felt i needed another for DH and daughter but she never asks for a sibling and it turns out hubby is happy with one

I am on 3 different groups....one and done, one and done not by choice (might leave this one....longer we have stopped ttc the more silly it seems to stay there) and one and done by choice...lovely bunch xx

 

[babyv13]

congratulations krissie!

hope you are well mitchnorm

 

[krissie328]

congratulations krissie!

hope you are well mitchnorm

Haha! Yep as soon as we decided to be oad I got pregnant. I was literally waiting for my period to start so I could go get an iud fitted.

 

[daneuse27]

Hi ladies. Hope its alright for me to join this thread.

My LO is turning 5 years old tomorrow and its a bittersweet feeling. I had her as a single mom (her dad is involved, but we're not together.) 5 years ago, I think I envisioned myself with a new partner and maybe a 2nd child. But here it is still, just her and I.

I love being a mom, even many aspects of being a single mom. She sees me as her best friend, and seems to really enjoy living with me. We've travelled together a lot too, which would be harder to do with more than 1 child. But it has also been very hard work and Im not sure if Im up for doing it all over again when she's into her pre-teens (because thats how old she'll be if I ever do manage to get married and be able to consider having a second.) Maybe Ill change my mind but for now I feel like one is all I can handle.

My only guilt is her not having a sibling. Thats really the only reason Id ever want to do it again. I love babies, and when I see them I get reminiscent of when my daughter was that age. But I never feel like I crave doing it again. Im just glad that I had the amazing experience of doing it once.

My daughter is very, very social and very active/strong willed, so Im hoping this means she will make close friends and get involved in a lot of things, so her schedule will always be full and she won't regret that she doesn't have a sibling. Thats my hope anyway.

 

[babyv13]

Hi ladies. Hope its alright for me to join this thread.

My LO is turning 5 years old tomorrow and its a bittersweet feeling. I had her as a single mom (her dad is involved, but we're not together.) 5 years ago, I think I envisioned myself with a new partner and maybe a 2nd child. But here it is still, just her and I.

I love being a mom, even many aspects of being a single mom. She sees me as her best friend, and seems to really enjoy living with me. We've travelled together a lot too, which would be harder to do with more than 1 child. But it has also been very hard work and Im not sure if Im up for doing it all over again when she's into her pre-teens (because thats how old she'll be if I ever do manage to get married and be able to consider having a second.) Maybe Ill change my mind but for now I feel like one is all I can handle.

My only guilt is her not having a sibling. Thats really the only reason Id ever want to do it again. I love babies, and when I see them I get reminiscent of when my daughter was that age. But I never feel like I crave doing it again. Im just glad that I had the amazing experience of doing it once.

My daughter is very, very social and very active/strong willed, so Im hoping this means she will make close friends and get involved in a lot of things, so her schedule will always be full and she won't regret that she doesn't have a sibling. Thats my hope anyway.

hey daneuse sorry for the late reply!

did your DD enjoy her 5th birthday?

I DID feel guilty about my DD not having a sibling, but I don't anymore. I really do think it's possible to help them create a busy life with close friendships without siblings! the only thing I worry about is how shy my DD is, but I'm really outgoing so I'm hoping that I can help a bit. time will tell I guess

 

[babyv13]

i've had some broodiness creeping in the last week or two what if i'm making a mistake not going for a second child? i've got so many practical reasons not to but i can't deny the feeling of wanting to do it all again!