The Tucker's Adoption Journey

[DaTucker]

So I see there isn't much activity in this section of the forums but I still wanted to go ahead and start a thread/journal documenting our journey!

Backstory: DH and I have male factor infertility. It took us 3.5 years to finally conceive our son naturally, and he is the center of our Universe! We have always discussed how wanting a very large family, as we are part of big families ourselves (we both have 6 siblings). We are about 1.5 years TTC #2 and decided we wanted to go ahead and go through IVF.

About a week ago I was looking up specialists in the area and was really not as excited about it as I thought I would be. While I was searching I came across and adoption page. That's when it hit me: I wanted to ADOPT. It was like one of those epiphany moments! I was so excited and immediately discussed it with my husband. He apparently has been wanting to adopt for a while now but didn't want to tell me because I was set on having IVF. We have decided if we are meant to have another it will happen naturally like our son did, despite being told we have a 1% chance of it happening. And if it doesn't, I am 100% satisfied with that and our new decision to adopt.

I have been online nonstop looking up information, looking at children in the system available for adoption. Here in Texas the first step is to attend an information meeting. I have already contacted the lady offering a meeting on January 19th so I'm hoping she answers back soon! I know it's a good month away but from what I've seen the process is full of a lot of waiting. I'm just so excited to actually get started!

 

[DaTucker]

So we officially have a date for an information meeting!! It's December 19th. It seems so far away but I know there's going to be a lot more waiting in the next year.

I've been doing a lot of research and some days I'm so excited and others I just get hit by nerves. I know this is going to be such a huge and difficult change! We were at first considering adopting an older girl because there are so many older children in the system waiting to be adopted. After a while, though, I started getting worried about that. We really won't knknow this child's personality until they have been with us for a while. What if they get in and start being mean to our son? I know most of those children have emotional issues and I really need to put my son's safety first, whether it's paranoid or not. Dh and I have decided we will either wait the possible 2 years for a newborn or adopt a child no older than 4. St least this time around

Hopefully the next few weeks will fly by!

 

[missk1989]

Hi there, we started the process in September here in the UK and I have been lurking around waiting for activity for a while now! We decided almost as suddenly as yourself that adoption was for us after conceiving our miracle birth son who is now 3. One of the first things we learnt was that any child you adopt must be 2 years younger than your youngest birth child (or any previously adopted children). I dont know if this is the same where you are but it does limit the age of child you can adopt so I would check this before getting ideas about the "type" of child you would like to be matched with. Good luck with your journey, looking forward to seeing how you get on.

 

[helloeveryone]

Just found this thread, good luck with your journey...and keep us posted...
I am a foster carer, and I got approved last year,
it was good for me to get support on here, as I was so excited but didn't want to bore my friends all day about talking about it...
I will say there are lots of people waiting for baby's and some have been waiting 2 years, but babies do come up and I have got twins right now who are only weeks old...

 

[dreamofabean]

Ah good luck guys!
This section is pretty quiet at the moment, think everyone is busy being mommies
We adopted our little man in December 2013 and are just starting the process again for a sibling! X

 

[Srbjbex]

Hi!! Just came across this as we have made the decision to adopt and you stories are relatively similarly to my own. We have been TTC #2 for 2.5 years (DS is 3) and through that time undergone lots of tests procedures etc, and the end of the story is that my EMCS has caused significant damage preventing me from conceiving or undergoing IVF. Over Christmas we made the decision to adopt. I am in the UK too, and like you missk, we were told there must be a 2 year age gap.

I had my first initial call with a social worker on Monday where she went through all her preliminary questions..... her only concern was Elliot's age, so she was going to run through our profile with her manager and get back to me this week with whether they are willing for us to start the process with them.

Since we made this decision, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I know adoption is not an easy process, and that it will be long and drawn out, and there are no 'perfect' children. But I am excited to start just like you guys!

Hopefully we can get a bit of momentum / support going on this thread / forum!

 

[dreamofabean]

Hun I wouldn't worry too much about his age. There is more than a 2 year gap. Our little man is 3 in feb and we were told that was fine as there will be scope for a child up to about 18 months once we're assessed again.
They always say there are no babies available, but there are. Our boy was 9.5 months when placed.
Good luck!

 

[missk1989]

Did you get a call back Srbjbex?

We have our prep training next week and I am really looking forward to it!

 

[Srbjbex]

We did and it was a no straight up from that agency due to elliot's age. It's our local authority and they are a very small agency and they said that due to elliot's age (and fact we would need a child 0-2) we would be in for a very long wait as they are such a small agency. I was gutted but understood.

So then I rang my local large LA (Birmingham) and basically got the same answer!!! I was so upset. Birmingham seemed quite rude about it to be honest.

Anyway I plucked up the energy to call another (Warwickshire) and they were lovely! I had a lovely long chat with them and have been officially invited to their open evening in Feb. they gave me the warning that there may be a wait for a child if we are approved as a single child in the 0-2 range is most desired but they were happy for us to proceed.

So now I'm excited! Info evening on 11th Feb.

How is everyone else?

 

[dreamofabean]

Hun where was your la? We adopted through Walsall and have just started again with them for number 2 x

 

[Srbjbex]

Solihull. I'm not surprised they said no to be honest but was really quite upset with Birmingham. How big is Walsall LA in comparison? Did they say there was much of a wait for younger children?

 

[dreamofabean]

It's not huge but it's part of the Black Country consortium with sandwell, Dudley and wolves.
They said that nationally there's a shortage of children with placement orders and people are waiting a long time. However, Walsall are one of the few authorities that still have more children waiting than adopters approved. They don't give timescales as it all depends on individual cases. We have said we want a child as young as possible but no preference around gender. Walsall generally have far more boys than girls, so we'd probably have a longer wait if we stated a girl only x

 

[missk1989]

Don't feel down hearted! I rang about 10 LA's and was rejected from all but one. Turns out the one that accepted our application has alot of children needing placements, quite a few little ones included.

 

[Turtle0630]

Hi guys! I'd love to jump in here too if that's okay. DH and I started TTC #1 in June of 2014. After awhile with no luck we started the testing process and discovered male factor infertility. We talked it over and decided that IVF is not for us, but decided to proceed with adoption! I'm excited but I must admit, we're both completely overwhelmed and nervous about the whole process. So much so that I really haven't done anything to even start the process...I think I'm kind of paralyzed by the nerves. I am planning to finally try to get started soon though, and I'm happy to see some activity in this thread as maybe this is something we can go through together! Good luck, ladies!

 

[DaTucker]

Oh wow hi everybody!! I haven't posted in a while because I noticed how slow this section of the forum is and didn't think anyone would reply lol!

It seems adoption is a lot different in the US than in the UK. There doesn't have to be any kind of age difference so we can go for whatever age we choose Our case worker will offer suggestions about which age they think would fit best I our family, though.

We attended our information meeting and learned so much! Unfortunately the process is long like I thought it would be. They offer the classes to prepare us for adoption/fostering quarterly so the next session doesn't start until April. When those start we have to get in 36 hours of class time, which can take several months. It seems like such a long time away!! In the meantime I'll be filling out our application for and getting our background check complete. We also have to take a CPR class and get a lot of things for the house, such as a fire extinguisher and medicine and gun safes.

Good luck to the rest of you! How long does adoption usually take in the UK?

 

[DaTucker]

Hi guys! I'd love to jump in here too if that's okay. DH and I started TTC #1 in June of 2014. After awhile with no luck we started the testing process and discovered male factor infertility. We talked it over and decided that IVF is not for us, but decided to proceed with adoption! I'm excited but I must admit, we're both completely overwhelmed and nervous about the whole process. So much so that I really haven't done anything to even start the process...I think I'm kind of paralyzed by the nerves. I am planning to finally try to get started soon though, and I'm happy to see some activity in this thread as maybe this is something we can go through together! Good luck, ladies!

I've been super nervous as well! Thankfully there's so much time in between each process that you have time for the nerves to settle lol. At least in the US!

 

[dreamofabean]

It's frustrating it can take so long isn't it?
In the uk the new guidelines are 6 months to be approved but then you can wait a long time to be approved, it really varies.
With our first adoption It took 16 months from the first phone call to our little boy coming home.
We have our first appointment with our social worker tomorrow so will hopefully get an idea of timescales this time. We have the same social worker this time too so should hopefully be easier x

 

[Turtle0630]

Great to hear back from you, ladies! Adoption really does seem to be quite different in the US vs the UK! I have a friend who adopted the end of 2014 and is currently going through the process again, and having her to give advice and even tell us where to START has been a huge help. She also gave us the info for a consultant that they used, he's located in Illinois but works with people all over the country. It sounds like he was a HUGE help and while a little pricey, it sounds like it's worth every penny. He not only assembled their profile book completely for them (with their final approval, of course), but he even filled out the whole adoption application for them! And gave tips of the best states to consider adopting from, the best agencies in each state from his experience, etc. We're planning on setting up a free consultation with him soon, to begin the process. DaTucker, if you're interested in looking his website over (since you're also in the US), let me know and I'll send you a PM with the info!

We also got the info for an attorney that specializes in adoptions so we're going to reach out to her soon as well to get some info. After that, I guess we need to figure out where we want to contact for our home study and get the ball rolling! Eek, it's so scary!

Good luck to everyone, this seems to be a scary but fun (maybe? haha!) journey!

 

[DaTucker]

Dream: We don't even get assigned a case worker until after our classes. Which I guess makes sense if they are wanting to make sure you're committed. How did the appointment go??

Turtle: I might be interested in it! I know going through an attorney or a private agency is the best way to get an infant, which is what my husband really wants. I might be able to convince him to cough up the money lol.

We're going through the state right now, and other than a few expenses such as paying for the fingerprinting, etc, it's completely free! I think I'm going to request a specific sibling group, 11 and 12, if they are still available when everything is ready to go. I'm also going to request they keep us on the list to receive and infant, even if it's days or weeks after our new child/children come to live with us! I can handle 4 kids surely lol

 

[dreamofabean]

All went well thanks was lovely to see her again and we have the forms for our medicals etc now. She thinks she'll only need to make another 3/4 visits to complete assessment as she knows us very well anyway
Datucker, would they allow that in the US? Here we had to wait 2 years from when LO was placed until we could even apply to adopt again. It gives LO time to settle etc. The only time they will bend rules is if a birth sibling is born and needs to be placed x