The Vodka and Watermelon Girls

[Viking15]

Yeah BF, I can see myself with another but it's not a peaceful, happy vision. It's an overwhelmed, exhausted vision. Hubby is definitely not up to the challenge but I guess he wasn't really up to this challenge and he does alright. Not always as I wish it to be, but he does love her to bits. I am content with how things are now. But I do think about it sometimes. However, when I see how overwhelmed my sister is I feel fortunate just having one.

 

[Indigo77]

OMG Viking....wth is he doing?!!!

 

[LLbean]

what kind of messages? Oh, mister I can't do it right now is energetic and ready to go via text? HELL NO!

 

[Viking15]

I found something in his Skype app on his phone. You all know how he stays up late and doesn't come to bed until 1/2/3 am sometimes? Well, he left his phone on my side of the bed and I saw that it needed to be charged so I plugged it in to charge it for him. The skype app was open which I thought was kind of weird so I snooped. I don't know how y'all feel about snooping, but I try to do it every once in a while since he has a not so stellar record with lying. Say what you will about finding things you don't want to find because that's very true. But in the app I found some messages between him and a girl in Brazil. Basically she wonders when he is coming back and he says he doesn't know. Then he says if he goes back it will be hard to say no. She says no to what and he replies well, you know. Then a call is made by her to him and they talk for a minute or so and it looks like the call drops and then she asks him to try and call again and they talk for a while. There are records of them talking a few times and that's about all I can see. Now, if anything actually happened with her it was when his father was ill and dying in Brazil. This girl is the sister of a good friend of the lady that was then married to his dad. I don't know if any of you remember how he was in Brazil to spend time with his dad while he was unemployed. It's ambiguous but it felt horrible to read those messages. I confronted him about it and he said he didn't know what I was talking about. That nothing was going on with her. That he couldn't think of what he would have a hard time saying no to. That he has never cheated nor would he. I don't believe him after all the crap he has put me thru so for now I'm biding my time until I can find more info. He now has a password on his phone so to me he is hiding something. I don't have one on mine. I haven't mentioned anything to him about it because I have watched him put it in and I know what it is. So I am waiting for an opportunity to snoop again. He's holding his phone closer these days than he normally used to. I don't know if I should get too upset seeing this girl is in Brazil. She knows he's married with a daughter as she even asked about us. I don't know. It's not clear cut.

 

[LLbean]

hmmmm well distance now a days means nothing to me... my sister started talking to her 3rd grade boyfriend while she was in CA and him in South America and yeah, she cheated on her husband and is now married to that guy.

To me you can cheat just by having the intention...with internet and so many ways to communicate with anyone now anything is possible.

 

[Butterfly67]

Hmm Viking, sorry you have to put up with this cr@p Knowing his password and biding your time to snoop some more sounds like a good idea to me

 

[Suzy_Q]

Sorry you're going through that Viking. My ex-husband used to engage in that behavior and we divorced because he cheated. He also claimed ignorance in the face of evidence so don't let him make you feel stupid, wrong or bad. A password means there is something he doesn't want you to know so keeping your guard up is a very rational reaction. Keep your confidence up, take care of yourself and shower that little one with love!!!

 

[Indigo77]

Even if nothing happened in Brazil, he has no business talking to her. WTH!

I'm so sorry. I really don't like him! You deserve better.

 

[Viking15]

Indi, he doesn't make it easy to like him. Does he? Things are just not ideal. As one of my very best friends said he just doesn't act like a happily committed married man. So I'm biding my time. You know? I just dropped everything I had to buy that house so for now I'm just trying to figure out how I feel about all of this. If it's even worth getting all bent out of shape when you look at how our relationship is now. I'm just not going to invest much more emotionally until I can decide what to do. I don't mind him having female friends, but he has definitely crossed the line.

 

[Milty]

Ok a phone is not a diary it's not snooping. I mean really! Think back to the days before smart phones and families shared phones.

A phone is a communication device and he is communicating with a female. This female can't be like a friend because she doesn't live where he does. If she is an old friend from back in the day you don't talk on a regular basis unless something some life Event is happening. Which if it was he would have said "yeah we talked guess what she is having twins...blah blah blah

Then he puts a password in his phone...really that just says guilt!

I would take his phone away he doesn't need it ...then call and let her know you don't appreciate her calling and believe its inappropriate for her to do so.

If either of them balk at this kick him out

 

[crystal443]

Viking, I'm so sorry you really don't need this. I wouldn't be comfortable with mark chatting to any women online, Skype whatever I don't talk to men online so its not ok for him to do that either. Nothing good ever comes of men chatting to women online as Liz said it just doesn't matter where in the world they are either. As for snooping, I say you have good reason to snoop

That all being said I also understand why you don't want to jump the gun, there are always other factors to consider as well but I do hope if you find more evidence you will do what's best for you and C Don't let him walk all over you and don't let him make you feel silly for asking questions, the fact he put a password on is enough to let you know you were right

 

[Butterfly67]

I would just like to add that I have a guy friend who is married that I chat to online but there is absolutely nothing in it, he is just a friend

 

[Viking15]

I appreciate your support and ideas. I have only told one friend as I needed to talk to someone and she knows all of our history. This is not something many if my friends would be able to have knowledge of and be able to support me in whatever decision I end up making. Honestly, I don't know if I care enough right now to do anything about it. Things are so complicated and our relationship is more like roommates anyhow unfortunately so I am upset, but I guess I've just not gotten upset enough to do anything. Does that make sense? I'm able to forget about it and move on currently probably because I'm so busy that I don't have much time to stew. I wrote a loooooong email to him but I haven't sent it. Yet. I think that helped me get out some anger and frustration with the whole thing. It's sitting there in cyberspace. I will probably rework it and edit it and send it sometime. Not sure when. It will really catch him off guard I'm sure since I've been able to move forward for now. With my mom's surgery and his mother's arrival, and Carolyn's birthday I just needed to put it on the back burner. Does anyone understand that? Am I just crazy?

 

[Butterfly67]

Totally understand V, sometimes you just have to take stock and approach things when the time is right and also like you say you have been super busy. I think it also tells a lot when you get to a point where you are not as upset as perhaps you might be

 

[crystal443]

Totally understand that Viking, I completely agree with butterfly as well Hang in there !!

 

[Indigo77]

Totally understand V, sometimes you just have to take stock and approach things when the time is right and also like you say you have been super busy. I think it also tells a lot when you get to a point where you are not as upset as perhaps you might be

Exactly wss ^^^

He had better watch out for karma, though....

 

[LLbean]

completely understandable

 

[Conina]

As the girls have said, that makes total sense. I hope even the fact of putting it in writing felt like you were getting some of it out.

 

[crystal443]

How are you feeling Conina?

 

[Indigo77]

Yes & when will you add your ticker?