Things I cannot say out loud....

[BabyBoo36]

The stupid thing is, I moved out of home 20 years ago! 20 fecking years! And I've never really been homesick. It was all a big adventure - uni, then first job, etc etc. Now all I want to do is go home. And the reality is I'd be just as isolated there - most of my old school friends have also moved on (small village) - I've actually got a good life where I am now, but I just feel so.....lonely. Even though I'm surrounded by people, and constantly complain to DH that the only 10 minutes to myself I get is my 10 minute am shower, I feel alone. And although I think I'm pretty much over what happened to Freya, I don't think I'm over the repercussions of it - that we won't be having anymore because of it.

I think MIL's attitude during the last row has brought home to me that apart from DH, I've got literally no family here. None. MIL just treats me like the person who gave her a grandchild now, not like the daughter she used to. And it does hurt. But I couldn't keep being bullied by SIL, I just couldn't. Despite all this, life is better without her in it.

Sorry for the essay's girls. I'm just tired, a bit overwhelmed and a little fed up. Work is crap (isn't everyone's!) I'm trying to pack for our week away with a teething, clingy, grouchy 11 month old and it's bloody raining again. But hey, on the plus side, my re-mortgage has been approved. Yey.

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Big big big Babyboo.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Big babyboo

Fuck you council. We're paying up our rent arrears. Was it really necessary to take us to court over £711???!?!?! FUCK YOU!

 

[Lettuce]

Ozzie, idiots, it's probably cost them more than that to go to court.

Ah babyboo, I know what you mean. I'm sorry things are tough, rant away.

Oh Jenny, I love you. I see what everyone else saw now! You really are the funniest, cutest, cleverest, most beautiful girl. Going to the wee mini zoo today was great, you pushing your buggy, shouting at the kookaburra was hilarious, as for trying to join the school trip, bloody priceless! I think the teacher would have let you too.
Turns out I wasn't a crap mum, its just toddlers are way more fun than babies!
P.s. I'm impressed with your 5 little steps every so often, but come on, you can do it! run baby girl!

 

[BabyBoo36]

You were never a crap Mum, Lettuce. Don't ever think that x

 

[Ozzieshunni]

WHAT!? Lettuce said she was a crap mom?!?!?!?! *baps Lettuce* Don't think that!!!!

 

[Natsku]

babyboo

 

[Lettuce]

Oh I am, I just muddle along and can never be organised enough to do everything! but it seems Jenny loves me, she picked me daisies today!
It's taken this long to realise she does love me and I'm her favourite person.

But I'm going to rant, so please excuse me:

DH: your attitude annoys me, you come in at night, say hello, go to the toliet for approx 20/30mins, then come out and say "what's for dinner" I have to make it, clean up and sort out everything whether I've been at work or not, while you watch the tv "with Jenny" you can't even feed her her yogurt cos you're so busy trying to see Futurama over her shoulder! I know you're a selfish git, normally I just deal with it but every so often I feel sad that I'll never get breakfast in bed, or get told to sit down while you do it... Or have my dinner made for me.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Kick him in the face, Lettuce!

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Lettuce you are NOT a bad mummy at all. Don't ever think that!

Every time I come on BnB my ticker makes me sad. I remember when it was all the way over to the left. Now it's in the middle, where the hell is the time going!

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Look at mine! Lettuce, our babies are going to be ONE in TEN DAYS!

 

[Lettuce]

I know!!! It's so weird. Let's just have new babies to replace them.

 

[StarlitHome]

Dear MIL, neighbor, aunties...
DH is a grown man. He's tired because I'm not his mommy and I don't nag at him to go to bed. And so a lot of nights, he tucks LO and I into bed with kisses and snuggles, then gets back up and plays computer games into the wee hours of the morning.
THAT is why he is tired. Not because he's stressed or overworked - because he made the decision to stay up playing Starcraft till 3 or 4am.
So don't look at me like I'm a horrible person when I don't fall over myself because he's tired. He could've gone to bed earlier and didn't.
It's not LO keeping him up.
It's not stress.
It's not work.
It's his own choice.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Lettuce! When are you planning to TTC?

 

[CazM 2011]

Dear OH,
I am sick of the lies, they may only be little lies to you but I am fuming still and it's 11 hours later. Smoking in the family car? Yes the FAMILY car you dick!!! Our daughter goes in that car and you know how much I am struggling with not picking smoking up again. You promised you would cut down then quit when we found out we were having her, that was at 5 weeks pregnant, she's almost 12 weeks old!!?!? Where's the promises and the sacrifices you keep saying you make????
Still you havn't looked for another job and mentioned you wanted to stay, well I tell you if you do not look or accept any job offers that may be coming in I will be walking out the door with Emma, this has gone on since bloody Christmas.
Also stop going off in a strop!! Yes it's stressful I havn't slept more than 2 hours a night in 3 days because of Emma's teething but do not take it out on me that you are tired when you get 6 hours a fricking night!!! And NEVER ever leave her a bit to see if she settles when you know she is so upset I will hurt you!!

Dear self,
Go to the doctors!! You know this feeling of uselessness is not normal!! I feel like my daughter deserves so much better than this!!
You are allowed to admit how hard it is and you are struggling!!

 

[Fergie]

OH - Try lifting your daughter up when she cries for you.

AF - HURRY THE HELL UP you are now 4 days late AGAIN and i am not amused.

Hot Sweats - If you are the start of the menopause then come on in , if not then bugger off .

Boo - Mummy loves you my little buttercup, but please stop losing your rag just cause you can't reach the curtains. They are tied up away from you for a reason .

Hugs to all xx

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Feel free to ignore this post. I'm getting tattooed & I'm just doing this for something to do cos it is rather painful & typing is helping distract from the pain. So yeah I'm rambling so I'll just say OWWWWWW & leave before I drop my phone cos I'm sweating so much

 

[Lettuce]

Oohhh new tat! show us!
girls!

Ozzie, DH wants a 4/5 year gap, I say we start trying when Jen is two,,.. We shall see who wins...

 

[Emmy1987]

Weather - CHEER UP FFS!

AF - are you coming or not??

 

[StarlitHome]

Oooooh, you're 17. OK then. I completely understand why you are over-opinionated and slightly ignorant, you really do think you know everything. Because you are 17 years old.
My goodness.
I don't know why I automatically assumed you were at least 20 or so, but I did. And yes, those 3 years do make a difference.
Carry on then.