Things not to say to a premmie mummy - share your stories!

[Laura2919]

The twins came out of hospital at 34 weeks gestation weighing only in the 4lbs! I used to get ahh I cant remember when mine were that small. My reply would be, how big were they and I'd get a stupid comment like 7lb.. Well then they wouldnt ever be this small love cos they are only 4lb! Errr

 

[Lottie86]

Hmmm well mine aren't all down to him being prem but I am sick to death of people's stupid comments.


"oh well he was only 5 weeks early my baby was 1/2/3 weeks premature and they are fine"

"Them: How old is he
Me: almost 17 months
Them: But he's tiny, was he prem? How much did he weigh? What does he weigh now?
Me: yes 5 weeks prem, he was 5lb 7oz, he's now 13lb 3oz
Them: oh so he wasn't properly prem then, do you feed him?"

What exactly is 'properly prem' in the publics mind I wonder??

"at least you didn't have to go overdue"


"you're so lucky you had a csection and didn't have to push a big baby out"

When taking him on a trip to Mothercare when we were allowed to take him out of the hospital for a few hours I had someone stop me about Findlay and I was just so so stressed with everything I snapped

Them: Why does he have a tube in his nose
Me: he has severe gastro oesophageal reflux disease
Them: oh my little one had reflux, was sick all the time after a bottle, had meds etc
Me: He has 22ml dripped in 0.25ml at a time over an hour 24/7 through his feeding pump and he still cannot keep even that small amount down, he vomits over 100 times a day, vomits blood, screams in agony 24/7, is losing dangerous amounts of weight, he is awaiting major surgery so that he physically cannot vomit and the hospital have said that we are just trying to keep him going until the surgery.
Them: Reflux is nothing to worry about though and he'll grow out of it
Me: Incredulous stare thinking WTF?!?!?!

I hate it when people tell me they 'totally understand' about the reflux as yes I am not saying their LO doesn't/didn't have bad reflux but reflux and GORD are different and even the hospital were shocked by the severity of his GORD. It's never good when the radiologist is doing his barium study and goes 'wow'. I suppose that it is like most things though and unless you have been in the exact situation you can never fully understand.


The one that annoys me at the moment is people saying "well he looks normal/fine/happy" as if somehow I must be making up all his medical problems just because his chromosome abnormality doesn't produce distinguishing features and because he is very smiley.
If he had Down Syndrome people would see he looked 'different' and everyone has heard of it so knows what it is and people wouldn't be so quick to come out with all the 'oh he'll be 6ft tall and a rugby player before you know it' or 'he'll catch up and be absolutely fine' which really annoys me.

It's amazing how the geneticist doesn't know what the future holds for Findlay as his chromosome abnormality is so so rare that he is going to write an article for a medical journal about him but some family members (all my OH's family and some of mine) and the general public apparently know exactly what the future holds

 

[maisiemoo]

I'm getting sick of people telling me how small Olivia is. When i tell them her actual age, i just get an "oh".

One lady said "oh 7 weeks, it's not that early...that's fine"

Olivia was also born with a problem with her oesophagus (it didn't join to her tummy), so after having surgery she's left with something called a TOF cough, which is quite a loud bark Anyways, I attended a music class yesterday morning and Olivia was coughing (i'm so used to it, i just ignore it now), the ladies next me actually moved their babies away and made it quite obivous why. I was too upset to say anything....

 

[Kitty23]

Eugh why do people have to say offensive things

Because Noah is alot bigger than Poppy I get so many comments about how tiny she is or how premature she looks or she's so skinny etc etc etc

Really pisses me off, why cant they just say congrats they are beautiful! Or people saying Poppy looks like a little doll or once like a little old man that really pissed me off!

Or yeah people saying "oh I had a 10lber at least you didnt have to push them out" or " well having them in the SCBU was a rest for you "

xxx

 

[hopedance]

kitty, that's another one that drives me mad, people thinking that having them in SCBU is a rest. especially when expressing milk every few hours during the night (and day!) but not being able to nap with baby during the day, because it's not like you can kip down in the hospital for a cuddle and a nap. you just end up awake day and night getting more and more emotional and exhausted.

 

[katy1310]

kitty, that's another one that drives me mad, people thinking that having them in SCBU is a rest. especially when expressing milk every few hours during the night (and day!) but not being able to nap with baby during the day, because it's not like you can kip down in the hospital for a cuddle and a nap. you just end up awake day and night getting more and more emotional and exhausted.

Ha, yes, getting up to express in the night with no baby there is awful Week after week of getting up in the night just to express when you're already exhausted. I used to get so upset with anyone saying it was a rest, or we were missing the hard part - especially when our hospital was a 120 mile round trip from home...we were completely exhausted, both emotionally and physically. DH ended up signed off work with stress not long before Sophie got home, and when he went back, he overheard one of his colleagues saying they couldn't understand why he was signed off, what was there to be stressed about, especially now because Sophie is fine and getting home soon! I was sooooo mad! That stupid woman didn't have to go through watching her daughter stop breathing mid-feed and go blue (that was just 2 weeks before she got home, not exactly "fine now" just because she was in SCBU rather than ICU or HDU!) or have talk of her daughter going home on oxygen... he'd almost lost his wife AND baby, had 12 weeks of neonatal, prior to that 2 weeks of daily hospital visits 60 miles away for scans...it's going to take its toll sooner or later!

 

[Laura2919]

Eugh why do people have to say offensive things

Because Noah is alot bigger than Poppy I get so many comments about how tiny she is or how premature she looks or she's so skinny etc etc etc

Really pisses me off, why cant they just say congrats they are beautiful! Or people saying Poppy looks like a little doll or once like a little old man that really pissed me off!

Or yeah people saying "oh I had a 10lber at least you didnt have to push them out" or " well having them in the SCBU was a rest for you "

xxx

I got that!!! Some lady said Ahhh I bet it was nice to have them in NNU so you could catch up on your rest.. Yeah love I did a lot of that... STUPID COW!

 

[25weeker]

Thankfully no one who knows me has said anything stupid but someone who asked me how old Holly was said to her 'did you just want to come out and see the world' I did think if you had seen what she had to go through to survive instead of having a nice relaxing time in my belly you wouldn't say she chose it!

Didn't say anything though because before this I was oblivious to the preemie world.

 

[mammyy]

i hated it when people say how tiny and ask how old. then look at you asif you have lost the plot when you tell them
and i dont know how people think you get a rest when you're baby/babies are in there, its awful leaving them in hospital, people should understand that

xx

 

[bathbabe]

i was in boots picking up Harrison reflux meds when he was 2months old, and some woman said "he doesnt look ill! How old is he about 2 weeks? And your pumping him full of drugs already!" i stood there stunned for a while before saying "actually hes is 2months old, and if you would like to come do all my washing and cleaning because he has puked all over my 3rd outfit of the day the floor needs scrubbing AGAIN and my sofa cushions need cleaning for the second time this week, because actually he isnt very well! So keep your nose out" i was shaking when i walked away. Stupid woman. I also hate it when people say he looks like a doll, or he looks like a 'proper' boy now! Opposed to what?! Grr! And he was no where near as small as some of your babies! 5lb 3oz at his smallest xxx

 

[dainti2001]

when the family came to see her they were like:
''baby anabell (doll) is bigger than her''
''where are u gonna find clothes to fit her'' (as if she's going to stay that way)
''she is gonna have so many problems'' (speaking from no personal experience)
''what did u do why u had her early, did u fall''
''she is going to be slow in school''

aaaarrrrgggghh!!!

 

[Sugarmuppet]

As well as the usual ones at the beginning, yesterday while out for lunch, random woman comes over...

'you do know that the weaning guidlines are to wait until 6 months, and certainly nothing before 4 months!' (Gaby was sitting on my lap eating a banana!)

Grrrrrr, she's not that little!!! Okay maybe she is, but keep your nose out!!!!!

Anyway I just said, 'she's nearly 8 months' and the woman walked away while saying 'maybe you should be feeding her more then!'

 

[25weeker]

I haven't fed my lo outside because she is small and people would probably ask why am I feeding my 2 month old baby even though she is 5 months corrected and 8 1/2 actual!

 

[AP]

I didnt feed outside either, I knew what people were thinking when i did once! People make judgements too quick.

I had a neonatal doctor yesterday practically blaming me for Alex not being able to take lumpy food, and compared her to her own 1 year old term baby. i am still spitting bullets.

 

[Lianne1986]

.I had a neonatal doctor yesterday practically blaming me for Alex not being able to take lumpy food, and compared her to her own 1 year old term baby. i am still spitting bullets.

omg thats terrible. did u say anything to her

 

[AP]

Think I bloody will!

 

[Lianne1986]

Think I bloody will!

too bloody right u shud. there is no need for rudeness like tht, is she the normal dr u see? x

 

[Mumof42009]

Doctors are the worst when i was pregnant with ds and went in due to suspected abruption, he goes why did they bloody sterilise you after you had your 1st premature baby? I was in so much shock I couldn't even say anything back.
People saying oh he was only 5 weeks premature but they didn't see him scbu for 4 weeks nearly dying because of his severe allergy's.

 

[Olivias_mum]

i got the ''she doesnt look like a prem baby she looks normal'' one yesterday, from a midwife at the early pregnancy unit!!!

 

[Olivias_mum]

oo and ''its nothing to do with her being prem why she isnt crawling yet its all about how much time you spend with her, my daughter was crawling at 8 months and i never put her down'' i nearly screamed!!