Things not to say to a premmie mummy - share your stories!

Is it wrong to get annoyed when people are like
"Oh my baby was premature too" "Oh how early" "I was 38 weeks" "did they have a stay in the nicu" "no. they weighed only 5/6 lbs though"
I heard this today and I just got annoyed :wacko:
But yet I get really annoyed when I say "he was born at 31 weeks" and someone replies "oh thats not bad at all"
WHAT? Kinda?!
Not even sure if thats going to make sense to anyone :dohh:

Made perfect sense, and I'm sorry. :hugs:
 
112110 it makes perfect sense, ive had the same thing so many times "oh, how premature was he?" me: "13weeks, he weighed 2lb 6oz" them: "oh thats not too bad, i was premature and very tint, 2weeks premature so tiny at 4lb" ARE YOU SERIOUS????? do my tree in, ive even had that "oh not too bad" from medical staff!!!

It winds me up when medical staff read Freddie's notes, see his name on the room door and then come and continously call him "she"!! where in the name Freddie sugests that he is a she??

Hope all you ladies are well and your LO s are good xxx
 
I feel a little silly being her with a 36 weeker (well 35wks 5 days if you count when my waters broke lol) but I REALLY hated the following thing:

Pregnant friends saying to me how LUCKY i was my baby came early. My lo was tiny, badly jaundiced and couldn't regulate her own temperature or blood suger or even wake up to feed she was so weak and tiny, we were lucky there wasn't anything more serious wrong with her but that's it. It completely wound me up every time!
 
Friend: how long will baby be in hospital?
Me: 2 months
Friend: that must be hard on wife?
Me: yes, for both of us
Friend: no, I think it must be hard for the mother of the baby

What the hell do u know how hard it is for us. I don't want ur sympathy, but pls don't ever think that it's not affecting us. U will have no idea what were going through, and I pray to god that u will never have to find out.
 
Friend: how long will baby be in hospital?
Me: 2 months
Friend: that must be hard on wife?
Me: yes, for both of us
Friend: no, I think it must be hard for the mother of the baby

What the hell do u know how hard it is for us. I don't want ur sympathy, but pls don't ever think that it's not affecting us. U will have no idea what were going through, and I pray to god that u will never have to find out.

That's terrible! I felt so awful for my OH when our little one was in the neo natal unit as he had to go back to work and do a stressful job at the same time as worrying about LO and about me and how I was coping. At least I could be at the unit all day with LO.

People can be so insensitive :hugs:
 
Friend: how long will baby be in hospital?
Me: 2 months
Friend: that must be hard on wife?
Me: yes, for both of us
Friend: no, I think it must be hard for the mother of the baby

What the hell do u know how hard it is for us. I don't want ur sympathy, but pls don't ever think that it's not affecting us. U will have no idea what were going through, and I pray to god that u will never have to find out.

See even although me & my OH were on rocky ground even before LOs birth , I still considered he had it bad. How on earth could he sit at work, how could he concentrate, and he had so lil time with her when he could.

:hugs: I understand xxx
 
There isn't nearly enough support for Dads. And apart from the fact they have to deal with their child being in NNICU and not having enough time with them because of work, they also, often, have to deal with their fact they nearly lost not only their child but also their wife / partner. They are pulled in so many different directions, needing to help their child, and to help their wife but also being the main point of contact for families and expecting to do all that whilst appearing strong and manly. In Mr Foo's case he was also dealing with the fact his father was terminally ill and having to prop up his mum who kept likening our situation to hers in the most inappropriate ways. How the hell he didn't go under with the stress of it all I have no idea.

I've also got some "things not to say" type stuff. With me at the moment it is a bit further down the line and is as much to do with her long term problems as with her having been a preemie.

I'm getting really angry with family members, and friends who are aware of Abby's problem coming away with things like "oh, she'll get there in the end" or "yeah, it's like when my son/daughter (who has no problems whatsoever) was that age....." or "I know how you must feel"

Really? Do you know? That every day I am with Abby is a fight to get her to do her physio or anything remotely physical, that actually she might not get there eventually, that I get frustrated with her for not bothering her arse and all the time think "I did this to you" No, frankly it's not like the time your child had tantrums.

I posted yesterday <<snippped - I've had the rant now, best not leave that all public>> :winkwink::haha::winkwink:

Another time I posted on FB about putting Abby in her big bed and so many people, who know her problems, started bleating on about making sure she doesn't fall or climb out and leaving toys so she can play on the floor in the morning and putting up a stair gate. For fuck's sake, she can't fucking move, you only saw her a fucking week ago and you think she will magically get the ability to get herself out out the bed and through the closed door to the stairs. I long for that day, I ache for it, I would run round the house celebrating if she fell or climbed out of her bed. She could launch herself headlong down the stairs and I'd still cheer. Now, tell me you understand how I feel - what mother would ever say that?

People really don't know how hard it is to have a toddler who doesn't toddle!

Rant over. Sorry to hijack this thread but it bothers me the "things not to say" don't stop when they are no longer babies.:growlmad:
 
I thought that when I saw people's comments about Abby's big bed, People just don't think do they :hugs::hugs::hugs: We're all here for you every step of the way xxx
 
^^Quite possibly the only other parent I know who would cheer if their child wriggled out of bed :haha:

:hugs::hugs::hugs: Thanks Lottie. I really do know you know how I feel!:hugs:
 
:hugs:

reading tht post made me :cry: ur little girl has the cutest smile ever!!!!
 
Sorry foo but your 'little fucker' rant got me ;) but yes, I did see that and I did think it was insensitive. Wtf is wrong with people! :dohh:
 
:hugs:

reading tht post made me :cry: ur little girl has the cutest smile ever!!!!
She is brilliant when you tell her to smile for the camera, that's what she does!

Sorry foo but your 'little fucker' rant got me ;) but yes, I did see that and I did think it was insensitive. Wtf is wrong with people! :dohh:

He really is a little fucker. Although I said to Mr Foo "that's probably a bit off the mark" when I said it to him and he said "yeah, he's quite big now" :haha:

<<snippped for the same reason over the page>> :haha::haha: Do people not realise a post like mine yesterday wasn't seeking "advice" on how to do it better, it was a "make me feel better" plea.

Nuts.
 
Person: "I hated being pregnant. Worst 9 months of my life."

Me: "Well I only was pregnant 8 months"

Person: "Well aren't you lucky?"

Me: "Yes, very lucky. I'm so lucky that my baby had trouble breathing and eating when she was born, and I'm so glad that she was in the hospital longer than me and I got some time away from her."

Person: "Huh?"

Me: "Fuck off."
 
Is kylie back??!! I'm sure she used to be on here
 
Is kylie back??!! I'm sure she used to be on here

No, I don't think she was, but she was writing a blog on this subject.

https://notevena.blogspot.com/
 
hello, and thank you! I've done the blog post and another one about what to say!

I didn't know about this website! Glad I've found you all!
 
Hi! I've just done an intro post on the main bit but I'm Kylie mum to Joseph born at 27 weeks. I haven't got enough posts to have a signature yet! Will have to post like mad!

My little boy is two now.
 
My daughter was born at 35 weeks, not as premie as others, but still. I hate it when people comment on her growth, ' gosh she looks so young for a year old...' 'why isnt she walking yet, etc'. Sorry my kid came early due to pre-eclampsia, and labor was unstoppable by the time we got to the hospital, so shes just a LITTLE BIT BEHIND. stupid effers!
 

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