Things not to say to a premmie mummy - share your stories!

[vermeil]

I haven't joined you ladies yet, but I'm 29+1 and my LO could need to be delivered at anytime, so we're expecting to be preemie parents. She's measuring behind, with most measures under the 1st percentile. Of course, given this, I look maybe 20 weeks along, certainly not in my 3rd trimester. Strangers still don't realize I'm pregnant at all.

When I say I'm 29 weeks, they are shocked and say "wow, you look fantastic. You hardly look pregnant at all. I was huge. You'll lose the weight in no time, lucky you"

No, I don't look great, I look TOO SMALL. I'd much rather have the weight to loose than my measly 2 lbs. My tiny bump makes me feel sad and worried, not lucky.

Thanks for sharing all of your frustrations, I'll know what to expect.

Wow auntbug my situation was identical!! At 27 weeks my son was in the 2nd percentile - I was still so small my regular clothes still fit me. I got the 'wow you're so small lucky you!!' all the time too. I wanted to just strangle people when I heard that, and just scream "You know what I'd rather be HUUUGE and even very sick, ANYTHING that would give my guy even a small chance at life, right now his odds of survival are tiny GAAAAAH"

 

[AuntBug]

[/QUOTE] Wow auntbug my situation was identical!! At 27 weeks my son was in the 2nd percentile - I was still so small my regular clothes still fit me. I got the 'wow you're so small lucky you!!' all the time too. I wanted to just strangle people when I heard that, and just scream "You know what I'd rather be HUUUGE and even very sick, ANYTHING that would give my guy even a small chance at life, right now his odds of survival are tiny GAAAAAH" [/QUOTE]

Thanks, it does drive me nuts. Your LO is adorable, thanks for sharing the pics. Seeing journeys like yours always gives me hope.

 

[Poorah]

My absloute guaranteed to drive me nuts:
"just wait until the sleepless nights start"
Yep because when I leave hospital I just chill out at home and forget about the little part of me I left in hospital. And of course even though I express every couple of hours and have to drag myself out of bed in the early hours, I still get lots and lots of sleep. And of course spending my days and nights in NNU means I have lots of time for myself and don't have any outstanding chores to do at home. Arghghghgh!

 

[katy1310]

I had a couple of new ones this week. We have a photo on the living room wall of Sophie at one day old, and last week someone said to Sophie "You looked like a skinned rabbit on that photo" - then today the same person said to me "At least she looks like a proper baby now"!!!! She's always been a proper baby - my beautiful miracle baby! x

 

[AP]

Proper baby.
Aye i hate that one.

 

[PrincessPea]

Yep I hate the 'proper baby' one too esp when its my MIL saying it.

I am starting to get a similar conversation with most people who stop to speak to us and it goes something like this:

them - aw how old is she?
me - 9 months
them - she is awful small for her age.... (my back goes up!!)
me - yeah she was born very early
them - oh is she, you know, ok? (!!!!)

I normally say, yes thankfully but I really want to say something I cant type on here!!!

 

[katy1310]

Yep I hate the 'proper baby' one too esp when its my MIL saying it.

I am starting to get a similar conversation with most people who stop to speak to us and it goes something like this:

them - aw how old is she?
me - 9 months
them - she is awful small for her age.... (my back goes up!!)
me - yeah she was born very early
them - oh is she, you know, ok? (!!!!)

I normally say, yes thankfully but I really want to say something I cant type on here!!!

That's just reminded me, I met the mum of an old schoolfriend the other day and she said in a very sympathetic voice "And does she have many problems?"

 

[cowboys angel]

I hate being asked if she has problems, if she's okay mentally, or even worse in my mind, "is she going to be okay?"

The "proper baby" bugs me too. I mean when we hit 8lbs I was excited and told people 'she's the size of an average newborn' but 'proper???' Cuz she was what exactly before?

 

[Lottie86]

"You'd never guess you'd just had a baby to look at you" this comment came from a midwife!!

Before Iona was born I had lots of midwives telling me how small my bump was when it said in my notes that she had growth probs so they had no excuse for the comments

The "she'll be absolutely fine don't worry" from some people is really hacking me off Nice to know they Know that when the doctors don't!! My DAD came out with this when I rang him yesterday to tell him about her deterioration and me going down to find her being bagged, put on ventilator and chest drain put in due to pneumothorax! There again I shouldn't be surprised as my Dad has all the understanding and compassion of a snail!

 

[Lottie86]

A comment that has really made me fuming mad. Just had someone ask me why I'd put photos of Iona on FB already and why hadn't I waited until she looked like a 'normal' baby as they found the photos of her distressing to look at!! WTF?! She's my baby and if I want to post pics of her I will. No one is forced to look at them. GRRRR

 

[AP]

A comment that has really made me fuming mad. Just had someone ask me why I'd put photos of Iona on FB already and why hadn't I waited until she looked like a 'normal' baby as they found the photos of her distressing to look at!! WTF?! She's my baby and if I want to post pics of her I will. No one is forced to look at them. GRRRR

errr I hope thats not someone you class as a 'friend' hun.
Fuck anyone who says its distressing. They are distressing.

Proper fuming for you now

 

[Lottie86]

I've deleted her now. I'm just shocked and horrified someone would say that. Whatever happened to people thinking before they speak/type?!

 

[AP]

what an arse. Wow, I need a swear filter now

 

[Dasy25]

Congratulations on the birth of Iona, Lottie. Just read your comment about the pic on facebook...that is shocking and glad to hear you have deleted that person! Some people!!!

I agree with the `proper baby` comment too. Really gets on my goat when folk say it!

I keep getting the same comment from a fellow preemie mum....oh she's really losing her premature look isn't she? I think she thinks its ok to say this but it still bugs the tits off me! No, it upsets me cause she should know better! Ranting now sorry.

 

[Lianne1986]

im glad u deleted her lottie, thts awful.

 

[cat81]

Congratulations on the birth of Iona Lottie, I hope she's doing ok. I can't believe that your 'friend' said that. Absolutely shocking. You have as much right as anyone to post pictures of your baby, if you want to, and I am sure she is absolutely gorgeous!

 

[PrincessPea]

Lottie, massive congratulations on the birth of Iona, gorgeous name for a gorgeous wee girl.
Anyone who says anything like that to you is clearly not a 'friend' and glad you got shot of them, you dont need that crap just now! Argh that makes me mad!!!

Dasy - The last time she was out my HV said to me, yeah she still has a bit of the prem look about her! What exactly is 'the prem look'? I would like to know as a few people have said this to me, but all the prem babies I know look different!!!

 

[cowboys angel]

"oooh you're so lucky! everyone wants their baby to stay little forever! yours is gonna stay small a long time!"

 

[bigbetty]

I've been browsing different parts of bnb than I normally do tonight and happened across this thread.

I would just like to say that I find you all such an inspiration. The things you have had to cope with are just heartbreaking and the insensitive, idiotic and downright disrespectful comments you have had to listen to are simply disgusting. Some people need to learn how to put their brains in gear before opening their mouths.

God bless you and your beautiful babies xxx

 

[112110]

Is it wrong to get annoyed when people are like
"Oh my baby was premature too" "Oh how early" "I was 38 weeks" "did they have a stay in the nicu" "no. they weighed only 5/6 lbs though"
I heard this today and I just got annoyed
But yet I get really annoyed when I say "he was born at 31 weeks" and someone replies "oh thats not bad at all"
WHAT? Kinda?!
Not even sure if thats going to make sense to anyone