Things not to say to a premmie mummy - share your stories!

[Foogirl]

My SIL is forever saying that I am lucky that I had time to recover from my c section before LO came home. I bite my tongue for the sake of family relations but honestly...........some people have no idea!

Oh this is so frustrating. Of course it is easier to recover from C-section if you can rest more, but to insinuate someone is "lucky" because of this? I'd have taken a longer recovery over having Abby in hospital any day. People just do not understand. I actually found family were worse for saying these sorts of things.

Hi ladies,

I went into labour at 35+6 and had LO the next day at 36wks, I was v.lucky cos he was 6lb 4oz and didn't need help, so I know I can't really relate to what most of you went through, but reading all these comments made me realise how many I've had too from people!

"Only 4 weeks early? oh that's nothing, he should be the same as a full-termer" - yes, I know it's not the same as 26 weeks but it was still stressfull! I wasn't ready, I hadn't had a chance to have any rest which I was planning to do from 37wks till LO came, LO was jaundiced, needed phototherapy, LO couldn't latch, ended up back in hospital 2 days after leaving cos the jaundice got worse, he took 5 weeks to regain his birthweight, was tongue-tied for 10 weeks and would take 2hrs to take a full breastfeed then want the same 45mins later.

This winds me up something chronic. "Only 4 weeks"??? It makes no difference be it 4, 8 or 12. The worry, the fear, the upheaval are all things you didn't figure and not only that, you had so much taken away, a whole month of pregnancy is a long time to lose. You didn't know at 36 weeks that everything would be ok, no more than I did at 29 or others did at 26 etc. Premature is premature and is a terrible thing to have to deal with. I suspect you can relate to alot more than you think!

 

[mylittlebud1]

Hi everyone.

God you just dont realise until reading this post how many ignorant people there are out there.

My daughter was born dec 22nd at 27 + 2 wks 2lb 8oz. she spent 10 wks in NICU and SCBU and it was the most horrifying time of my life. Unless someone has had a prem baby then they have NO CLUE whatsoever at the stress ad worry we've been through.

I've had the usual comments
1. at least you didnt suffer the uncomfortable part of pregnancy! (i would've give anything to SUFFER rather than watch my baby suffer)!!!!

But the most shocking was a week go when i bumped into a woman who i once worked with and she said to me 'oh so what year willshe go into at school? I replied 'the same year she wouldve, she was due in march but born in december. She said 'oh well she'll be a bit behind at school and have learning difficulty .. but....

I wanted to smash her ignorant little face to the floor. Whether or not you think something like that you dont say it and more to the point Why Will my baby have learning difficulty?!

I'm fortunate to have a very supportive family who made me see that its ignorance that makes people say things.

I would just like to say well done to all parents who have had prem babies. its the scariest thing ever being a first time mum let alone having a prem baby and th experience that comes along with that!!

Claire and Evie Faith xxxxxx

 

[Lianne1986]

Tyler was as prem as sme of ur babies, he was a 32 weeker but when i go to his parents evening at school his teachers have told me on a few occasions, he is one of the top in class. so being prem doesnt mean they have learning difficulties.

 

[mumjaney]

Hi there
I've only had my baby boy home a week, he was 1 pound 4oz and 25 weeks he's been in hospital five and half months. He has come home on oxygen and so far the hardest thing i have found is that people look at him see his nasal cannulas and give me a sympathetic look saying nothing and turning away. I would just like people to say hello and ask nice questions like they would normally do when they see a new baby. I've had two people ask me 'what's wrong with him?' I have to say nothing he just needs a little bit of oxygen. Or people say 'wow he's tiny', which is annoying cause he's 11 pound and to me he's huge and come a long way.
When you do have a prem baby friends and family are so keen to tell you all their bad stories of a friend or relative who had a prem and now they are severely disabled or struggle at this and that. it would be nice is there was some positive stories like mine thats why this blog is very good.

 

[Lianne1986]

aww congrats on ur little boy! whats his name? he is super cute!

sounds like hes doin fab! welcome to BnB xxx

 

[cowboys angel]

"it could've been worse, she could've been earlier and ********...or died..."

As a matter of fact I know it could have been worse. I was extremely lucky, I went into labor on a weekly (and then every other day) basis starting at 24 weeks and they kept managing to stop it....and I have two angels...so I know it could've been much worse, thanks for reminding me...

 

[cowboys angel]

"She's only 8 pounds?? Are you feeding her enough??"

...You should have seen her at birth moron now go away....

 

[vermeil]

gaaaah I feel your pain cowbow's angel! When bubbah was finally home I kept getting told 'whoah he's tiny! is he eating well?' which to me always sounded like a polite 'are you feeding him??' He weighed 6 pounds by then which was HUGE to me.

So I'd cheerfully answer 'oh yes, in fact he weighs five times more than at birth!' ... or if they seemed particularly judgemental, I'd add 'oh he is four weeks old now. He was hospitalized for the first 4 months'
I'd watch the wheels turning in their brains... then they'd usually look confused, mutter some inane excuse and wander off. I probably sounded quite insane but I didn't care ha

 

[DonnaBallona]

*bump!*

sorry to gatecrash people, not been in here for ages-although admittedly I'm more of a lurker than a talker my little Brooke was born 8 weeks early at 2lb 4oz (I probably should mention that although she's now 2, she's not 6ft yet.... )

whilst Brooke was in SCBU, I was approached by another woman (whose baby was FT but jaundiced), who peered critically into Brookes incy, then said the usual 'how old is she, what's wrong with her, how big is she' etc.....then commented that I'd 'taken the easy option' having a section!!

reality was, at that moment, I'd just been wheeled out of intensive care on my bed to visit her....I'd had severe PET and HELLP syndrome and had my 'easy option' under GA, then was ventilated for 24 hours as I was so poorly.

my OH was about to open a can of whoop ass on her before the nurses moved her away!

 

[Preemiemummy]

My baby was born at 27plus2 on April 7th this year. She was discharged from nicu on monday only to be readmitted Tuesday morning after an episode of apnea - she went blue and had to be resuscitated by paramedics. I am so scared to have her home now in case she does it again. The doctors sais it was due to reflux and have prescribed her medicine to control it and we are having basic life support training tomorrow. has anyone else had this problem? Would you recommend getting an apnea monitor for home. I feel so anxious and of course i want my baby home but am so scared she will stop breathing again. Why did they send her home with this problem?? Help!

 

[Alimum]

This is great,

Bet your glad to be off bed rest then...

 

[112110]

"you should've gained more weight so he could've stayed in longer"

*a day or two after LO was born* "is he home?" "why can't he come home" "when is he coming home" "home yet?"

"how much does LO weigh?" *insert weight here* *awkward silence* ".......my LO weighed that much at 2/3/etc months"

"why isn't he doing blahblah yet"
"it's your fault he can't do blahblah yet because you aren't doing blahblah"

"you guys are home and you still won't let us all come over. that's selfish of you"

"you're lucky you didn't have to get big and stretch marks and all that"

I could go on and on. Ignorant people.

 

[cowboys angel]

"Why did she have to stay in the hospital?"

"Cuz she lost a lot of weight"

"All babies lose weight. You worry too much"

......................

 

[whistle]

I love this thread. Some people have absolutely no tact, or common sense for that matter.

At my day 10 postnatal check up, a midwife at the hospital - a MIDWIFE at the HOSPITAL, said in a jolly voice 'You don't even look like you've had a baby!'

'Well,' I said, 'I didn't have much time to put on weight. I gave birth to twins at 24 weeks.'

Midwife's jaw drops: 'Wow! That's tiny!!!'

Yeah, I've got one little fighter who passed away and one still battling on in SCBU. I'm well aware that they were 'tiny!!!' thanks.

 

[cowboys angel]

Oh I hate that!

"You don't look like you just had a baby!"

"My baby came early and was very tiny"

"Oh you're so lucky!"



grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[AP]

Yes! Several mw's said that to me too, knowing she was in NICU. I forgot that!!

 

[AP]

The other day at soft play there was a baby, about 12 months. She was walking and quite steadier, and more vocal than A. Her mum assumed A was about the same age as her LO, simpily because Alex wasnt quite advanced as this LO. i could hear her mum discussing how A was 'massive' for her age.

I was so lost for words and didnt know where to start. Im still hurting now.

 

[epicnova]

I am in utter horror of the kinds of comments I'm reading.

can't believe you mums have had to deal with that crap.

On behalf of humanity, I apologize.

 

[AuntBug]

I haven't joined you ladies yet, but I'm 29+1 and my LO could need to be delivered at anytime, so we're expecting to be preemie parents. She's measuring behind, with most measures under the 1st percentile. Of course, given this, I look maybe 20 weeks along, certainly not in my 3rd trimester. Strangers still don't realize I'm pregnant at all.

When I say I'm 29 weeks, they are shocked and say "wow, you look fantastic. You hardly look pregnant at all. I was huge. You'll lose the weight in no time, lucky you"

No, I don't look great, I look TOO SMALL. I'd much rather have the weight to loose than my measly 2 lbs. My tiny bump makes me feel sad and worried, not lucky.

Thanks for sharing all of your frustrations, I'll know what to expect.

 

[cowboys angel]

I haven't joined you ladies yet, but I'm 29+1 and my LO could need to be delivered at anytime, so we're expecting to be preemie parents. She's measuring behind, with most measures under the 1st percentile. Of course, given this, I look maybe 20 weeks along, certainly not in my 3rd trimester. Strangers still don't realize I'm pregnant at all.

When I say I'm 29 weeks, they are shocked and say "wow, you look fantastic. You hardly look pregnant at all. I was huge. You'll lose the weight in no time, lucky you"

No, I don't look great, I look TOO SMALL. I'd much rather have the weight to loose than my measly 2 lbs. My tiny bump makes me feel sad and worried, not lucky.

Thanks for sharing all of your frustrations, I'll know what to expect.

I could say "look forward to you joining us" but in all honesty I hope you never have to join this forum. Good luck to you