Things we can not say out loud!

[ebonymama]

i came on here to digitally scream out loud....

i am hurt and in pain and i want to stop feeling like this....

other half and i have been together since 2004...we are not married
we are not the perfect couple
we are yet to have our rainbow

he has three boys....

in 2011 i started feelin tired and found out we had our first ever bfp
i was hypertensive throughout and she was stillborn...(feb 2012)
ever since the lost i dont feel whole..i constantly feel pain...and ever since then we have been seriously trying with no success...

i dont know why something will be given and then taken away..ya know
she was the perfect gift..his first daughter and my first child now in a grave.

now i have lost interest in the relationship and i met another guy who i adore to the point like yeah...now this is someone i can walk down aisle to meet...
he is fun to be with...he makes me feel on ....
after i have fallen in love and we made love which was the best love making experience i ever had....wow...

the ultimate heartbreaker comes.....he told he is married....

why didnt he tell me this before so i wouldnt fall in love ...

we broke it off for a while but i couldnt help myself we decided to still c each other mutually more for my benefit cause i have gotten so attached to him..he is like my living pillow..

it gets worse ...he told he had five girl babies with this one woman in the beginning who i now know is his wife who is expecting baby 6

i know its a happy time and i should be happy for him but i am angry....

why does one woman get to have six and there are some like me who cant even get one to carry home...

and it gets even worse....other half first son (age 18) is expecting his first child with girlfriend (age 17) they both have no jobs...
there are not one but two first time preggies right in my cubicle in my job....
so all i hear whole day is about baby baby..

it gets even more worse my only sister is most likely preggy with her first as well

oh dear GOD help me!

help us all....

 

[Flutterbyex]

Some of these rants had my literally lol!! Let it all out ladies! Xx

 

[Belle Shine]

Ooh Where has this thread been all my life! Hmmm where to start...

I am so annoyed at people who seem to be implying that they deserve a baby before me because they have had more heartache than me. I'm sorry for all you have been through, it would break my heart to sit and even consider half the pain you have been through.. i know this! I honestly do not wish that on you, me or anyone and i am so grateful not to have had that heartache... but why does that stop me having the right to my own child?? Surely it isn't a 'take turns' kind of deal? There isn't a baby queue to join where they assess you on your past heartache and bump you up the line if you've had it worse?

And God, Deity, Angels, Universe, who ever is running this show?... "What am I doing wrong?? How can I be trying so hard for so long and getting nowhere?? Again I know I am lucky for what I alreadyhave, a beautiful daughter and wonderful husband... but why does it feel like no other souls want to be around me? I have no proper friends, a baby soul doesn't seem to want me and our landlords won't even allow us to have pets!... How have I become so isolated? Is it because, when I was praying to have my daughter I said I'd never ask for anything else? Did I forego the ability to have siblings for my daughter because I begged and pleaded with you to have her in the first place? Is there really such a thing as 'not meant to be'. Or it will happen 'when the time is right'? They are sayings I hear far too much!

And breathe....

Thank you for allowing me to share

Xx

 

[littlesteph]

I have the start of what looks like my bfp and my hubby doesn't want to believe it. think i'll be buying some store brought tests

can't really say that on facebook, my mum-in-law and my step mum are quite egar for me to fall pregnant again

 

[Flutterbyex]

Having such a down day!

A friend from uni is having a gender reveal cake and party today! And another Facebook friend has just updated her profile pic too..... Yeah you guessed it! A scan pic!

Why am I so jealous of everyone who is now pregnant? Why can't I just be happy for them and think well I would want then to be happy for me! Arghhhhh!

 

[zilla]

Oh good thread.. Let me vent..

I'm tired of all the VENTS here random or otherwise that talk about how "she" wasn't even married or "brothers GF is trashy and pregnant" etc etc Like so what if you're married and "did it all right" and are TTC while another woman can conceive easily and didn't do it up to your standards. We are supposed to be women supporting women.. And FYI as a divorced woman I guarantee you that your marriage is only as good as the 2 people in it so the minute your OH wants out - he'll be out and you'll be just as single as the rest of us..

The holier than thou attitude of some is just ridiculous when we all have a common goal.

As for the above post on smoking and trying to quit.. Well Apparently being overweight/obese is comparable to being a smoker while pregnant!!! So maybe we should jump on those who are TTC and TT lose weight too? Absurd - common goal.. Let's just be happy for each other. Sheesh

 

[magicwhisper]

today it's annoyed me that someone on facebook who is heavily pregnant is moaning about her ex being a alcoholic and weed smoker.She made a huge status saying she used to be like that until she got pregnant (grr) the bit that annoyed me the most is when she said she still does it sometimes!

people who purposely abuse there bodies when they are pregnant, even when they know they could harm there baby is so annoying!!

During my time working in childcare i have seen too many cases of children who are suffering from the effects of this!

and rant over

 

[Flutterbyex]

today it's annoyed me that someone on facebook who is heavily pregnant is moaning about her ex being a alcoholic and weed smoker.She made a huge status saying she used to be like that until she got pregnant (grr) the bit that annoyed me the most is when she said she still does it sometimes!

people who purposely abuse there bodies when they are pregnant, even when they know they could harm there baby is so annoying!!

During my time working in childcare i have seen too many cases of children who are suffering from the effects of this!

and rant over

Yeah I work with children too and see children suffering also so it's a sore subject for me too!

The truth is there's so many people in the world that have children an do not deserve them one little bit and then there's all the women out there that are trying for children it's very frustrating!

 

[OhTheJoy]

Urgh! im so upset today i just want to cry

CBFM came up peak for 2 days, we only BD on one of those days as OH was too tired to do it on the other day.

I also used a OPK which confirmed what the CBFM said.

But! i havent ovulated i just want to cry, i want a baby sooo bad why is it so difficult to conceive?

 

[Flutterbyex]

It is so hard not to get all stressed and frustrated with all this ttc business!
I love this forum tho! It's amazing to know that your not the only person going through all this! It will happen just stay positive!!!

 

[MrsAM]

Hi Guys and thanks to Flutterbyex for starting this thread.

My vent isn't really a vent, just something I can't really articulate too much as no one else would get it. I basically worry that there's a zillion other possible reasons as to why I'm not conceiving aside from the two things I already know about. Like what if DH's swimmers hate my CM or some really difficult thing to understand like chromosomes and DNA.

The thing is we started TTC 2 years before I found out I had issues and I never even thought I would have any problems. Unwarranted confidence in my body I guess lol but apart from one person ALL my large extended family has had kids with ease so I guess I thought babies were in my blood. When I found out my issues I think I went into shock and now I'm paranoid I have EVERYTHING wrong with me and the doctors are just slow and I'll be like 50 before anything happens.

Anyway I get told off for thinking negative if I talk to people so now I feel better I got my paranoia out here! Thanks.

Btw I probably agree with almost all the rants here glad to see I'm not the only one

 

[magicwhisper]

apparently the less you stress the more chance of it happening so me and my OH go roughly on when my ovulation is but we dont track it and its so much simpler and stress free

 

[MrsAM]

Hi Magicwhisper

Yeah I try not to stress when I'm actually trying just when AF shows up all the paranoia comes rushing back to me like why?! I was relaxed so why didn't it work?! Gah just in a p*ssy mood today bleurghhh

 

[magicwhisper]

oh dear it gets hard and sometimes i get stressed out but i refuse to start charting which would stress me out even more, plus as my OH put it it would gross him out which made me laugh

i can only imagine how ypu can get involved with charting and stressing over it especially when everyone else is doing it. But i am sending baby dust and hugs your way.

 

[StephtheHiker]

Hey charting isnt't so bad..it was our method of bc before we started ttc...it made the transition pretty easy since hormonal bc really messed with my system! Well, I don't do the full charting anymore, just check cm. Too lazy to temp!

My ranting is that friends and family make jokes about me when I'm not I feeling well that it's morning sickness. I know they mean well...but it hurts esp after a mc (that they didn't know about). It's frustrating that I've had 2 early mcs and it's taboo to ever talk about it. Why is it a bad thing to express pain over a major event in your life??

And I can't even begrudge my friends pregnancies. Two friends, one who had breast cancer in her 20s, we grew up together...she always wanted to be a mom...so before they remove her uterus later she got IVF and is pregnant with a baby girl. How could I be upset?? The other, I went to her baby's first birthday party just hours before my second mc...but her baby was born with a heart defect and was told he would most likely not live...and now he's happy and healthy! I just want to feel sorry for myself!! haha!

 

[JadeCrusader]

I have a small rant to add: When we were TTC our daughter I was keeping track of everything on my phone. Before we had sex I told my husband clearly "today is a green day", meaning I'm fertile. We had sex and I conceived. Ever since then my husband has said I tricked him into it. He says he wasn't totally on board getting pregnant yet and he thought green meant NOT fertile. Okay, fine, maybe we misunderstood each other but we both love our baby to pieces! She's a daddy's girl and he loves it, but he still says "we should have waited until we finished our degrees". Umm, no, we should have started our degrees sooner, not wait on the kids! Our daughter is the biggest blessing ever. Now we are TTC #2 and he is on board but still saying "we really should be waiting". Well, we already have one, I'm nearly 30, we've been married 4 years, etc! What's the problem?! I guess I just really wish he was as excited and as starry-eyed as me instead of reluctant, you know? I seriously turn all green-eyed-monster when I hear about other husbands begging for babies .

 

[londongirl]

My rant:

I get sad when BD at fertile time doesn't feel romantic or sexy, but feels perfunctory. Makes me feel crap and really is a reminder of our troubles with fertility.

 

[magicwhisper]

it gets frustrating when the OH isn't interested in BD when im fertile as well

 

[Charttc90]

My partners really up for having a baby but I'm the same I feel like when I try to talk to him about the do's and donts he doesn't seem interested. He was the one that suggested us to try but I don't want him too feel like I'm getting too obsessed and taking the romance out. Men ay!

 

[magicwhisper]

it was different for us, i knew when i was ovulation but decided to try and make it spontaneous so he didnt think that was the only reason we were BD but he came up to me and said "your ovulating soon we better BD" i was glad but surprised xD