Think My OH is cheating

[Dukechick]

Hey girl, I just wanted to see if anything else had happened.

PLEASE don't think that IF anything has happened, it's because of you 'letting yourself go'. You're a beautiful girl, and don't deserve to be treated like that. Have you checked sent messages? I'm really hoping it's nothing. We're all here for you honey!!!

 

[buzzy]

PLEASE don't think that IF anything has happened, it's because of you 'letting yourself go'. You're a beautiful girl, and don't deserve to be treated like that.

Exactly. You're about to bring a new life into the world - you're allowed to not shave your legs!
I think that you need to confront your partner as you really need closure and to know where you stand with him before the birth.
If you don't then you risk not enjoying your new baby, or worse, succumbing to postnatal depression.

You're in a terribly stressful situation and you certainly don't deserve to have your baby with a dark cloud hanging over your head.

Be strong and EAT chocolate!
The great thing about this forum is that everyone is so totally supportive so even if your family is away for easter, make sure you come on here and talk. It'll do you good to air your thoughts.

Sending you a BIG hug to you and you LO

xxx

 

[SJK]

You prob dont care and its nothing related to pregnancy, but you are guys are the only people I can talk to at the min

I went on my OH laptop today because mine was so slow. I only wanted to check my facebook.

Anyway I went on to the the facebook page and his must of already been logged in.

He had a message from a girl, it said " IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU THE OTHER DAY NEXT TIME I'LL BRING MY FRIEND OR MY SISTER XX"

Anyway he never mentioned that he was meeting her or had met her. I just rang him and he said he hasnt met herr and he dont know why she said that

I think he lieing. He was made reduntant last monday and obvously I was upset but I also thought, this will give us the opportunity to get everything ready for the baby and he can help me abit more now.

But he always seems to have something to do so most of the time I dont see him till about 8 oclock every night.

I dont know if im overacting/emotional/hormonal???
Just feel like this pregancy is a bloody joke now and Im the only one who wants this, even though it was his idea to try for a baby..

anyway he said he is on his way back and I dont know how to react??

Just keep crying!

Sorry for rant

I know things can seem 10 times worse at the min with hormones etc, but I hope you get sorted xx

 

[bigmama]

hope you can get everything sorted

 

[magicvw]

I think he's probably telling the truth. My DH reacts in exactly the same way (walking out) if we have an argument and he is frustrated that he can't make me understand what he's trying to say/prove. I'd look at it like this, if it was true that he met this girl, and something had gone on, how would he react to the accusation? When you told him you saw the message he would probably have said something like "ok so I met her but nothing happened, she's just a friend, blah blah blah", whereas he actually denied the meeting completely - not the most obvious lie to tell, but could well be true. There are loads of messages like that on FB - it's shocking. I get loads all the time from so called blokes as I got signed up to some dating app without actually signing up for it myself. Plus on loads of my FB there are flashing things saying "you have 3 new messages" which are not in my regular inbox or stuff like "X wants to meet you". It's full of crap.

If it he didn't meet her, how is he supposed to prove that to you? He is stuck between a rock and hard place. You need to have some mutual trust hun.

I know what it feels like and it's so easy to jump to conclusions, esp. at the moment. But reacting this way is not gonna help matters at all. Hope you guys manage to sort this out

 

[wishingonastar]

hey honey, as someone on here said earlier the best thing you can do at the mo is research...
- check whether she's actually on his friends list
- click her profile and see if it looks like a genuine 'normal' person, or as if she's a professional or 'adult' poster (can normally tell by just the profile but her pics would be a giveaway)
- check whether they have mutual friends
- see if you can scroll down his and her profile and see any posts between them or when she and him became friends (if at all)
- definately check his sent messages too

she may have messaged him randomly without even being on his friends list in which case it sounds like spam

i'm so sorry you're having this worry... x x x
-

 

[dizzy duck]

Hope you are okay hun, wishingonastar gave some great advice, I really hope you can work this out, thinking of you, take care XX

 

[lisaandsprog]

just read through this and just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you. its a horrible thing to happen when ur pregnant - even if he's done nothing wrong, the doubt and worry eats away at you. keep calm, tlk to him. hope things work out for the best x

 

[leighbaby]

Kaykay, I hope you are alright and I hope it is just paranoia hormones and that there is nothing in it. I don't think he should have walked out because you were upset. You have every right to be upset - even if it is nothing. You are in quite a vulnerable place and he needs to grow up and understand the support you need. Big hugs chick. XXXX

 

[lolly101]

hey honey, as someone on here said earlier the best thing you can do at the mo is research...
- check whether she's actually on his friends list
- click her profile and see if it looks like a genuine 'normal' person, or as if she's a professional or 'adult' poster (can normally tell by just the profile but her pics would be a giveaway)
- check whether they have mutual friends
- see if you can scroll down his and her profile and see any posts between them or when she and him became friends (if at all)
- definately check his sent messages too

she may have messaged him randomly without even being on his friends list in which case it sounds like spam

i'm so sorry you're having this worry... x x x

-

Thats exactly what I was gonna suggest hun...hope he came back and you got this all sorted, you so don't need this right now...I am another person who walks out on an arguement too...I have to get away and give myself space to calm down, then I can go back and talk sensibly! I hope you get this sorted hun. x

 

[mummy to be]

Hey huni!!! I would have gone off my freaken mind at him!!!!!

I would be freaking out babe.... But you need to try and talk to him rationally about it all first.. Like people has said it could just be spam.. Try going through his emails, sent messages, recieved messages, pics, everything and see if they have anything in common or sent to each other... check to see if they have any friends in common and when they became friends.. or if they are freinds at all.. they might not even be friends on there.... just fully go over the situation looking at it from every angle and see what he has to say about it..

And it doesnt matter if you have "let yourself go" babe.. he should love you for you!! Not what you look like.. cause he should realise (and understand) that carrying HIS child around is not only stressful on your mind but you body as well... and we are all entitled to let ourselves go a little.. i am sure all of us girls have in one way or another... i know i dam well have...... So dont worry about that huni!!! He is mad if he acts like that with you!!!!!

Hope your ok!! Remember we are all here to talk to!! Day or night....
*hug*

 

[Ravelyn]

Suspicious behaviour no doubt...
Now, a few things I just want to point out. Smelling his clothing for perfume could be leading to the wrong conclusions. He could have met his mom, aunt or any other female. This is not a sure indicator that he is cheating on you.

I would talk to him. Ask him point blank.
But remember, if he wanted this baby, he could be doing something secretively for you and the baby.

Pregnant women, and women in general (sorry yes it's true) we tend to over think things and let our emotions get the best of us.

Talk to him sweetie... It's the best advise I can give you. Right now all you have is an email from a girl, who could be a witch who is trying to put crap into your head, and him being out constantly.

Good luck.

 

[kaykay]

So I have took your advice and checked through everything. The girl in question hs not replied to my message and it looks like all other messages have been deleted between them. So I cant know for sure. I did find a message that said he had a girlfriend so at least he is being honest about that.

But there are loads more messages to girls on there so I def cant trust him, hes been acting likea sexual pest or something?! He has asked one of the girls if they can meet up just them two. and has asked for her number. Im devastasted. I sent this girl a message and she said they havent met up and she was just taking it as a joke..But I dont know what to believe. I feel like just forgiving him so that I can have my "family" but I still dont know whether he has met the original girl or not..

Sorry if im confusing you..

I asked him about the second girl and he said it was just harmless flirting and he never would of met up with her..

To me thats the worse thing, Im totally devasted. I really dont want to be a single mum. I have been with him for so long and put up with a lot of crap for him just to throw it back at me. He said I shouldnt of been going through his stuff, and tried to turn in around on me..

I dont know wat to do

 

[wishingonastar]

oh sweetie, i'm so so sorry

right now you're at a very difficult time and i'd suggest waiting until the baby's here and things aren't so up in the air before making any big life changing decisions

all i can say is:
don't be afraid of being a single mum and not having your 'family'... if you can't have your family unit with him you can with someone else in the future

some men go a bit wierd when their partners are pregnant (kinda like a mid life crisis) and they start acting up because of the enormity of the situation

when your heads in the right place you need to decide what you want from him, whether he is in fact the man for you, whether you can rebuild the trust and if so what 'rules' you will lay down as foundations for your future...a starting point for that i think would be for him to delete his facebook account as that can prove too much temptation for men and will be a constant worry/paranoia for you and perhaps changing his number would be a good idea too

big big hug

 

[Babydance]

Aw hunny what a time youre having! You need to think whats best for you and your LO, he is saying he hasn't done anything "wrong" but whats wrong to him and whats wrong to you may differ. I hope he see's sense and realises what a fool he is being for treating you like this! I really hope youre ok and manage to sort things out! We're all here for you dont forget that any tiny thing you want to talk, moan, shout, cry about just shout!
Although you dont want to be a single Mum maybe it's best if you cant trust him, but then again if you can build that trust back up then maybe it's worth trying but he needs to be commited!! xxx

 

[impatient1]

I went through something similar to this before, I went on facebook and my bf's had came up, didn't realise until I saw some strange messages... There were conversations about being horny, wanting to meet up and stuff like that. When I confronted him he had said that it was just a joke, I don't think that this is a joke! I come from a family where there was infidelity and have been cheated on before in the past. Cheating is cheating in my opinion whether it is in person or via internet, no excuse. I'd tell him you know what's going on and he's got a lot of explaining to do if he wants the relationship to have a chance at working. You could always ask him how he'd feel if the situation was reversed. Don't be afraid of losing your family, you will still have your family... if he doesn't respect you then he doesn't deserve you. I made the best decision for myself after months of being played for a fool when I kicked him out. We are all here for you hun if you ever need to talk and we definately do care. Good luck and I hope you can figure out what's best for you and your children.

 

[lisaandsprog]

you can only do what u feel is best for you. But things like that put a shadow over the whole relationship - trust isnt as easy to regain once lost whatever u decide, i hope everything works out well for you, and we're all here to listen if u need us x

 

[moomin_troll]

from experience once trust is broken u can never get it back and everytime he goes somewhere without u, u will think where is he who is he with and just to stay with someone because u dont want to be a single mum isnt really a reason its not fair on u or ur kids to be with someone who will treat u like this.

even if my oh was flirting with someone else he would have it chopped off

 

[lovedupgirl]

We haven't spoke before hun but iv'e just read through this post and my heart goes out to you
I dont want to worry you but i'd say that something funny is going on,I would have given him the benefit of the doubt over 1 random message but its the other messages that worry me,me and my OH are both on facebook and know everyone on each others friend lists,we also pop on each others accounts and tell each other of any updates.I'd have a really good talk with him and try and find out whats been going on,if he admits to flirting but hasnt gone any further lay down the law,tell him how bad its made you feel and why.If he's been cheating please please walk away,i know its easier not to rock the boat and turn a blind eye to it but once a cheat always a cheat,you dont have to take that crap from anyone you deserve better!

 

[Dani33]