Thinking Positive While Remaining Realistic With IVF... How?

[Megg33k]

The title spells it out... I'm starting my first cycle (2nd attempt at 1st cycle) of IVF within a few days. I was supposed to have started already, but I had to have a D&C to remove a minefield of polyps and needed time to heal first. I have no choice of when I find out if the cycle was a success... They will have me do betas at 8dpt and 10 or 11dpt (don't remember which). Then, I will get a call with the results. This will likely be around Dec 21-23. Unless you live under a rock, you know that it will basically be Christmas when I find out. While a BFP would be an amazing gift, a BFN would crush me 1000 times more being so close to the holidays.

Last year, I had an 11 week scan on Dec 1 and was diagnosed with blighted ovum. We did a follow-up 1 week later to be sure, and the 2nd scan verified it. My bleed began on Dec 15. Christmas, needless to say, was difficult... at best. This could be even more devastating. I just need a new perspective.

I know the saying "Expect the worst but hope for the best"... but I can't. If I don't believe it will work, then I can't put myself through this. But, if I believe it will work, then it will be exponentially harder if it doesn't.

Is there anyone who can give me some idea of how to think of this? How to stay positive but still realistic?

And, not to offend, but I'd prefer to avoid any religious-oriented thoughts ("if its meant to be"... "in god's time"... "have faith")... I'm not religious and don't intend to make this a religious debate. I just need something that will work for me... and I know already that those thoughts don't help me at all.

 

[MrsJA]

Hi Megg,

Wow, you have really had a hard time. I'm so sorry to hear about your previous losses.

With my first iVF cycle I tried really hard not to get my hopes up. I talked myself down every time I got excited because I thought it would protect me from feeling disappointed if the cycle failed.

I had a chemical pg from that cycle and yes, it hurt. I think the reality is, if your cycle fails it's going to hurt and there isn't really anything you can do to prevent that.

For cycle number 2, I decided I was just going to enjoy the possibility that I might be pregnant and hope like crazy, and maybe even expect it would work (which we all kind of do deep down!) I figured at that point, that if it was going to fail, it was going to hurt no matter what - but I might as well throw myself into it with optimism.

IVF is such a rollercoaster. Hopefully you will be one of the many, many people who it does work for. So take care of yourself, eat lots of chocolate and I wish you all the best

 

[heathette]

hi sweetie,
Sorry for all that you've gone through.. Myself and my husband have just been referred to an infertility clinic as IVF is our only hope. When we received our results, although we have problems and 'issues', I was surprisingly happy. Not only did we finally have answers but the fact that we CAN have a baby together was such a relief. All hope was not lost. It is possible, will happen, we just need a bit of help, and it will take longer than it it normally should do. With this mindset, I'm keeping positive - sure enough we may not be successful first time round, and who knows what complications will happen, but at the end of the day, we know that whatever it takes we CAN and WILL have a baby together.

I wish you all the luck in the world, you and your OH have each other and will face any hard times, and good times that may come, together as a team.

x

 

[Megg33k]

Thank you! You definitely make valid points. Its gonna suck if it fails no matter what... So, I might as well be as positive as I can until I know if it works or not. I have everything crossed that you will all get your babies at the end of this journey as well.

This was the conclusion that I came to in my journal. (The stats refer to an IVF odds of success calculator I used. The 56.8% was for embryo transfer and the 72.3% was for blastocyst transfer.):

The problem with IVF is that they MAKE you pregnant. There's no "oh, I hope we catch the egg" bit... I mean, they give you embryos/blastocysts. They shoot you full of the right hormones. You ARE pregnant... basically. I know you aren't technically pregnant until implantation... but you must get what I mean. All that has to happen is implantation... How hard is that? It seems so simple and certain and sure fire... but it fails for so many people. And, I read over and over that the first round is like a trial run! F*ck a $5,000-10,000 trial run! Who has that sort of money? You don't get a "trial run" when you're playing with thousands of dollars and someone's hopes and dreams!

I've decided that the only way to go forward is to think that there is MORE than a 50% chance for success. So, its more likely to work than not... even if only a bit. The 72.3% stat is high enough that I'd take an umbrella. If that doesn't make sense, I always look at stats like I look at "chance of rain" on the news. I look at the stat and think, "if this was 'chance of rain'... would I bring an umbrella?" I know the odds are good when I would. I would take an umbrella with a 72.3% chance. I wouldn't with the 56.8% chance though. Even then... Its still better than 25% with timed intercourse. So, I know its the way forward... I'm just struggling with the lack of guarantee. But, I'm sure I'll get over it.

I do think that the right idea is maybe to assume it will work and deal with the fallout if it doesn't. There's no way around the suffering and pain if it fails, so I may as well stay positive in the mean time.

Just to finish my story, so you can see the entire utter crap hand I got dealt... When I got pregnant again, I went for my 1st scan at 10 weeks, which was 2 days before Mother's Day... only to be told that it was happening all over again. Then, a month and a half later, my 1st EDD fell ON Father's Day, which was 2 days before my OH's 30th birthday. And, my 2nd EDD will fall 2 days after Thanksgiving... on the day I start stimming for my IVF cycle. How many more holidays can I have ruined?

 

[Flake-y]

Hey Megg,

I was thinking about the odds for IVF, for me I've been told about 55%, which I think is quite good, as in, it's more likely to work than not to work! Only by 5%, but hey.

Anyway, I think when they give the odds, that incudes all IVF cycles, including those cancelled with OHSS, or those with poor egg quailty or no fertilisation. So, I would assume, if you get a decent number of eggs, they fertilise & the embryos are of good quailty, then there's a higher than 55% chance that you'll end up pregnant. I think!

So if everything goes ok up to ET, then you're nearly there!

Thinking that makes me feel more positive about it, and again, if it doesn't work first time, there's no reason why it won't work the next time. Although it would still be devastating. There's so much to think about isn't there!!

 

[Megg33k]

That's a great way to think of it! Thank you!

 

[tinybutterfly]

staying positive and realistic... hmmm... tbh, we divived the tasks. i got to be realistic and my OH was the one who got to be positive. every realistic comment i gave was bombarded with a comment of hopes and positivity. it worked for us (the attitude, not the implantation, it did it all by itself lol).

basically... you have to think what exactly failed for you the last time. and that was to actually form a baby, good news, now the lab is doing that work for you!
it's not an implantation issue and that IS a big advantage you have, if your embies are of a good quality then you actually have a big big chance of being the next preggo princess.
the only thing you had against you was the polyps right? and they are taken away now. another plus!

oh and no matter what they say...when they to the transfer, lay down afterwards!
i'm superstitious lol, when they did my transfer i had to lay down for 10 minutes after and then i got to go home.
as soon as i got in the car i went "feet up" lol...and then magically fell asleep in our couch for 4 hours.
i felt more sure of "it really didn't go anywhere it's not supposed to go"
it might be BS, but who cares, might as well give it a go

 

[Megg33k]

Thanks, Tibs. I appreciate that. I don't know that dividing the task would work well here... I don't like to be disagreed with! LOL So, I think I'm going to let the ups and downs come as they do and remain fairly positive that it COULD work.

I honestly can't say what the issue was for me 100%. We think the polyps could have played a big role, because there was a minefield of them. So, it couldn't have been helping. I worried about progesterone deficiency, but that'll be squashed with shots and pessaries. Most of the concerns I had have actually been sorted or are going to be sorted at the time. You made excellent points, my dear!

I will be laying down. In fact, I read on here that one woman puts herself on quasi-bed rest for 3 days post transfer and she's gotten 2 children out of 2 rounds of IVF. It might not be necessary, but I wouldn't mind laying around for 3 days and it can't hurt matters any. LOL So, I'm going to do very little for as long as I can get away with. Its just so hard when one thing can make or break all your dreams in no time flat. Just one little tiny thing can cause so much joy or pain.

 

[Megg33k]

I have some news... sort of. No one called me or anything, but I only just read through the legal crap I need to get notarized... and there was more than just random legal jargon. My clinic (SIRM) routinely does ICSI with Assisted Hatching on ALL cases unless the patient requests in writing not to! So, my fear of total fertilization failure sort of dissipated. I know its technically still possible, but unlikely at best. Assisted Hatching also gives me extra hope! I'm a little less scared and a little more excited!