This morning

[Soph n Chris]

That's what I said right at the beginning if this 'debate'. There is no difference between a child being confined to a space with a gate, cot or door shut or locked....

 

[MommyJogger]

That's what I said right at the beginning if this 'debate'. There is no difference between a child being confined to a space with a gate, cot or door shut or locked....

Not to steal someone else's argument, but the fireman would disagree...

 

[Jaylynne]

Not if the child couldn't escape himself either way.

 

[MommyJogger]

Not if the child couldn't escape himself either way.

It's the ease with which a fireman could get in. Why would a fireman think, "oh there might be a sliding bolt on this door I can barely see through the smoke"?

 

[chell5544]

That's what I said right at the beginning if this 'debate'. There is no difference between a child being confined to a space with a gate, cot or door shut or locked....

Not to steal someone else's argument, but the fireman would disagree...

The only way I can see it being more of a hazard is if the door was locked on the inside. So if the mother or father had locked themselves in with the boy, there was a fire and they were unconscious they would have put their lives at risk more as the fire fighters would have to break the door down to get to them

 

[fidgets mammy]

That's what I said right at the beginning if this 'debate'. There is no difference between a child being confined to a space with a gate, cot or door shut or locked....

Not to steal someone else's argument, but the fireman would disagree...

The child was switching the oven on. Im sure the fireman wouldnt agree with that either

 

[smelly07]

ovens can be switched of at the mains - kitchen doors front room doors bathroom doors can all be locked -

if this boy is so clever and opens and swtiches on everything - what about his bedroom windows? have they been secured to make damn well sure he cant get out and if yes - this also wouldnt help in a fire either.

i'm sorry i couldnt lock my daughters in their room and sleep soundly at all - i would either be sleeping in their room or they would be in with me.

 

[Jaylynne]

That's what I said right at the beginning if this 'debate'. There is no difference between a child being confined to a space with a gate, cot or door shut or locked....

Not to steal someone else's argument, but the fireman would disagree...

The child was switching the oven on. Im sure the fireman wouldnt agree with that either

Exactly. We are talking huge risks with the toddler actually regularly leaving his room at night, wandering around and getting himself into situations where he HAS gotten hurt on multiple occasions. So the risk of his getting hurt more again if they hadn't put a lock on the door or other measure to keep him in his room and away from dangers is much bigger than the off chance that a fire would happen and the parents for whatever reason wouldn't be able to open the door before firemen arrived. I'd rather tackle the obvious danger than a far fetched one. Our smoke detectors are wired into the house and are very touchy. The slightest kitchen smoke sets them off!

And am I the only one who has a house that doesn't have doors to lock in the kitchen, living room or basically all of downstairs?! Open floor plans mean I would have to lock his door if I were to lock any. Maybe they had a similar open type floor plan.

 

[Natsku]

Yeah my home is open plan, and my front door can't be locked from the inside.

 

[MommyJogger]

Yeah my home is open plan, and my front door can't be locked from the inside.

OT, but how on earth do you lock your door at night?

 

[MommyJogger]

i'm sorry i couldnt lock my daughters in their room and sleep soundly at all - i would either be sleeping in their room or they would be in with me.

This has been my thought, too- why does he have to be locked in alone? Women didn't used to have locks on doors, what did they do with a child who wanted to wander? It said she was having to get up 30-some times/night- does that mean he was content to go back to bed once she went into his room? Why not sleep there for a trial period to see if that helps everyone get more sleep? Because of rods and backs? To me, locking a distressed child in wouldn't even be a last resort- it shouldn't happen at all. I was an extremely timid and high-needs child- if my parents had locked me alone in any room, I would have believed I was being completely abandoned, to never see them again. Once again, I'm sorry, but you sign up for frustration and sleep deprivation when you have a child-- and I still can't get over his complaint about having "no evening relaxation time".

 

[fidgets mammy]

I have high needs twins so i totally appreciate and understand what he means by evening relaxation time. I doubt hes meaning a full in meal, films every night, friends round for lunch, im guessing hes meaning just chilling out, giving themselves a break because we all need them. No one is super human and say they never nd a break. Christ we love our kids and gladly devote our time to them but in order for yrself and family life to still function you need that break away. Relationships fail, marraiges crumble and other kidsoften get left out because we exhaust ourselves day in day out. I know because im dealing with all that right now. So when my 3 are in bed i really appreciate my 'evening relaxation' of lting in the bath with a glass of wine.

Were human not robots.

 

[cissyhope]

I have high needs twins so i totally appreciate and understand what he means by evening relaxation time. I doubt hes meaning a full in meal, films every night, friends round for lunch, im guessing hes meaning just chilling out, giving themselves a break because we all need them. No one is super human and say they never nd a break. Christ we love our kids and gladly devote our time to them but in order for yrself and family life to still function you need that break away. Relationships fail, marraiges crumble and other kidsoften get left out because we exhaust ourselves day in day out. I know because im dealing with all that right now. So when my 3 are in bed i really appreciate my 'evening relaxation' of lting in the bath with a glass of wine.

Were human not robots.

I agree we used to have more help with family in days past,these days we have lost that and try to be super human but often fail as it cant be done... but you know,there has just has to be another way instead of locking a kid away on their own xxx

 

[fidgets mammy]

I agree i just think people need to look at it from that familys point of view instead of making them out to be awful just because they dont agree with it. I wouldnt do it. I cant even do cio or cc but i respect that thats what they had to resort to. And to say hes bad for wanting evening relaxation is unkind. Yes we all know what we signed up for but that doesnt mean we dont deserve some "me" time.

 

[cissyhope]

yes again i agree as walk the walk i say... people can be so judgement,however i also think there are people that do think of themselves more than their children in today's society (unintentional) ,i think their expectations are set too high,they want it all and if it infringes on their life then something has to go.. (i blame Margret thatcher btw ) Sometimes life can get very hard but usually,it is only for short time as things always change,i always think there is a different way out than resulting to hash measures xxx

 

[fidgets mammy]

Yeh i know what u mean. Some people dont underdtand that a baby doesnt just "fit" into their lives. Its somethin u work on. Also most babys are not text book and i think alot depends on the individual persons tolerance levels and personality and support network. No two kids r the same the same as no two parenting types r the same. Live n let live, each to their own all that.

 

[lhancock90]

I don't care how safe the room is. How tired or stressed you are. How badly behaved your child is. Or how in trouble your marriage is. There is no excuse for locking your child of any age, in a room whilst they scream for 3 hours and then leave them for another 9 and not once bother to check on them. It goes against what a parent should be.

 

[fidgets mammy]

Being stressed and tired often leads to parents losing their temper with their kids. Sometimes u have to do what u have to do

 

[LoraLoo]

I don't care how safe the room is. How tired or stressed you are. How badly behaved your child is. Or how in trouble your marriage is. There is no excuse for locking your child of any age, in a room whilst they scream for 3 hours and then leave them for another 9 and not once bother to check on them. It goes against what a parent should be.

Then your argument doesn't really have anything to do with the door locking if those are your issues.

The crying part- any parent who has a child in a cot could leave them to cry for 3 hours if they so chose.

The not checking on them part- there was a thread on here a while back on how many times a night you check on the baby. Alot said not at all, once they are in bed, thats it. Doesn't really have anything to do with locking the doors imo, if you want to check on them you can whether door is locked or not. The door locking issue is irrelevent.

 

[MommyJogger]

Being stressed and tired often leads to parents losing their temper with their kids. Sometimes u have to do what u have to do

I'm not buying the whole "they need a break" argument. As a working mother, I will say that they get about a 9 hour break at work each day, esp considering they both went back to work even when they could afford not to (from another one of his articles), so obv at least his job is less stressful than SAHDing. I'm not saying that working parents aren't parents 24/7, but when both are working, I think it's important to parent very purposefully during the time you're home with them. Fobbing off the responsibility of teaching your child to sleep to an empty room is the opposite of that. Part of the reason I bedshare is to facilitate night parenting. I can't be there during the day, so I want him to have access to comfort and cuddles as much as he wants at night. I expect it to get harder as he gets older; that's part of raising a kid.

As for this quote, to what extent are people allowed to take "do what you have to do"? You could also teach him to stay in his room by belting him when he comes out, but I doubt anyone would be for that. It too, leaves no lasting physical damage when done correctly, but for either of these scenarios, the emotional damage is immeasurable (as in, "not measurable due to it's nature", not as in "too great to be measured"). (And not that I think at all that belting is comparable, just that they're both past where that limit should be.) If someone left a pet alone, in distress, and freaking out for 12 hours it would get taken away. But do the same to a child and it's "parenting"?