Those living in small houses with children

[lesleyann]

Just wondering what people have done in the instance of living in a very small house and wanting a waterbirth did the size affect how you could layout the room or di dyou find you was "perfectly" happy with the way it was set up?

Also those with children what did you do in terms of looking after them? Did they stay at home with you and just your oh and mw's? Did you have a family member or friend there purely to look after your child/children? Or did they get sent to nanny's,grandads etc

 

[indigo_fairy]

I don't have a small house, but I do have a young child (4 1/2yrs). We are having her here if she's happy and I'm happy. I do have a friend arranged to play upstairs with her if she wants, or theres the option to go to nannas, but I'd rather keep her with me if she deals with it ok. I've put alot of thought into it and shown her alot peaceful birth vids, some a bit more vocal ones so she's more familiar with possible sounds. I'm hoping she'll be there to welcome her new brother or sister and share in it all, not to mention she gives me strength I'm sometimes not even aware I have!

 

[lesleyann]

thanks..

Kyle will only be 2 and half but he watches one born every minute with me, we are getting him the expecting a brother/sister book, and he understands mummy has a baby in her tummy and it comes out her wee wee lol

He trys to pass baby footballs/cars etc though my belly button though haha

 

[Celesse]

We are in a 2 bedroom flat. I was pretty vocal last labour so I'm thinking that if I'm at home for this baby then DD will be at her grans. If its the middle of the night and she doesn't wake up then I'll leave her at home, or if she and OH are managing ok then maybe she can stay at home. But I can't see her managing the labour, she cries if I leave the room so if I'm making funny noises and won't pick her up she is just gonna get upset.

 

[madasa]

I had my 3yo in the house while I laboured with his little sister. Labour did not pick up until after he had gone to bed and gone to sleep - sometimes your body just "knows" to hold back until it's OK to go full steam ahead! I wasn't particularly vocal anyway. If he had been awake, I had a back up plan if he'd got upset or if his presence was distracting me or slowing me down. (My mum would have occupied him in another part of the house or taken him out for me.) Flexibility is key

 

[Nikki_d72]

Thanks ladies, I've been wondering the same thing, though my DD will be nearly 9 by the time of the birth. She fully understands it all but isn't great at taking a telling and can be a wee bit overbearing at times, so I'm a bit worried she'll be all over me all the time asking "are you alright?" every 2 seconds, which I know will drive me nuts and I won't want to hurt her feelings but will probably eventually snap. It's a shame, I feel really guilty saying that as she's so sweet. Hopefully she'll surprise me and I'll just keep talking to her about it beforehand. I am from Scotland so no family here and my MIL is 3 hours drive away but won't drive on the open road alone and would drive me potty anyway! (she's a talker, I'm quite silent when I need to concentrate.) I do have a good friend a couple of doors down who could possibly take her, but she'll be 8 months pregnant with her 4th by then so wouldn't like to ask. I really don't want her taken away anyway, I would like her there to welcome her brother or sister into the world with us. DH will be there too but I'd like him to be able to be involved in the birth rather than distracting DD the whole time. Aah, I'm well ahead of myself already, aren't I?! Things have a way of working out, I should have more faith. We've been asking her to show us how she can do as she's asked, so she can be there and it lasts for a couple of hours and then she starts questioning everything I ask her to do again and argueing, I'm at a bit of a loss.

Does anyone have any tips for kids who don't give up and are "too" caring? Sorry for the thread hijack and the slight off topic rant this turned into!!

 

[indigo_fairy]

Does anyone have any tips for kids who don't give up and are "too" caring? Sorry for the thread hijack and the slight off topic rant this turned into!!

I don't have any tips yet apart from just making her aware of what you might be like, and it IS OK, and is all part of having baby come. I may have a bit more advice in a few weeks! If I'm not feeling well or am a bit tired (lately) my daughter will come up to me and ask if I'm ok, and sit with me and hug me quietly and stroke my hair, she's so adorable. I think it's because that's what I do with her, it's lovely really. Will have to see how she is, look out for my birth story!

 

[Mrs.Cullen]

I have 4 children, they will all be here but im normally an evening labourer so the 2 younger ones (3yrs and 5yrs) should hopefully be in bed. My elder 2 (8yrs and 9yrs both girls) want to be with me at the birth. I have let them watch some one born every min episodes, some that look worse than others and some that are nice and calm. They have been fully prepared for what will happen. I have told them both if it upsets them to see me in pain then they can go into another room and i have told them i will not be in the right frame of mind to comfort them if they are upset but i have also told them no matter how much pain i am in it will be absolutly fine and they have nothing to worry about. I have a very close friend coming over to be with me my oh and the girls she will be in charge of the girls and the younger ones if they wake up. i have my step mum coming (if she has not gone on hol before bub arrives ) so she will be there to support the kids too if need be. Im covered lol.

I feel its very important that my girls are with me as they are definatly old enough to understand the whole baby process and i think it will be a lovely memory for them and a great bonding between them and the new bub.

xx

 

[madasa]

Tell her ahead of time what she CAN do, maybe?? Write it down for her so she knows ahead of time and has something to remind her on the day without you or your OH having to repeat yourself... Do you have a cat? We sorely needed someone to be Cat Monitor (inflatable pool LOL ) Can she make tea? Midwives like Tea! She could be a fetcher.... If you have a birth box you could go through it with her, tell her what different things are for and your OH could ask her to fetch things on the day. We had a couple of lovely soft towels to use, but no one knew they were there because I hadn't gone over the contents of the box with my mum or DH. Maybe if she KNOWS ahead of time what she CAN do, you won't need to keep telling her what NOT to do?

 

[Nikki_d72]

Thanks, you're right, I need to be more positive with her. I'm still at quite an early stage yet so don't have the organisational side sorted yet, but will think up some things for her to do on the day - she does love to help. No cat's I'm afraid, I'd borrow one but she's wildly allergic to them!

I'm just a bit concerned that when I need to go into "labour land" she'll keep wanting to talk to me, I know the earlier stages will be fine. She loves looking at homebirth pictures with me and doesn't seem to bother about any blood etc (in fact she's seen her own birth pics that the midwife took immediately after her exit by section so there's a lot more blood there!), so I'm not worried about that. I'm just concerned as anytime I've been caught out and had to get to the bathroon to be sick when she's around, she's always sprung me and hovvered outside the door, shouting in "are you OK Mum?" over and over until I answer, which is quite hard to do when you're trying to stealth-puke! I've explained that I may make some funny noises but I might not to be able to answer her, so not to be concerned, that it's all natural and part of it, so I just hope she's listening, as obviously I'm worried that she'll keep asking me if I'm OK all the time and that I'll end up holding back to sheild her. I've always thought she's a wee bit psychic though, she often pops out with things I'm thinking out of the blue and just knows things somehow without being able to tell us how, so hopefully she'll "tune in" on the day. Often as a wee toddler, if I was away somewhere on another floor of the house and I banged my leg, for example, she'd yell out "what did you do to your leg, Mummy?" and I'd say "how did you know it was my leg?" and she'd just say "I dunno" and look at me as if to say "doesn't everyone?" So I should have more faith, she's lost it a bit as she's gotten older but I think with a highly-charged atmosphere like that she's bound to tune in. Right, I've talked myself out of my panic now, thank you for listening!!

 

[Bournefree]

The one thing that I didn't think about with this home birth and having my 18 moth old around was about the pool and getting it down quickly afterwards.

With my first home birth, there were no problems with leaving the pool to empty over night or not putting it away until the morning - someone at my home birth group pointed out that it would be wise to get it down so it is never left unattended with my toddler. The tragedy that would happen doesn't bear thinking about!

So I have decided we have to get a pond pump, so we can start getting the water out after I have decided to get out, and before we all crash in bed.

Plus of course - we need the room! ;-)

hope this is a helpful thought, it hadn't occurred to me!
Xxx