Thought we were ttc....now I might not even have a husband

[hmcx]

My husband and I have been unofficially ntnp since June.
Probably mainly because I wanted a baby. He was never sure. But we haven't had protected sex since June!

So this month I've gone full steam ahead with it. Dtd 9 times over 11 days only the last 2 times he pulled out ( not quickly enough though)

He's away a lot of this week
and I just had a massive long phone conversation about babies
He said he's pretty sure he doesn't want anymore

I said I do we went on and he said he's not sure he ever will

I mentioned that if that is the case we would have to separate and he said I guess so

I told him I could wait til may

If I don't have a baby this month I wanted to wait til may anyway

But seriously, I don't think I ever realised how anti he was
Especially seeing as we've been having unprotected sex since June!

We've been together 9 years married for 2 1/2 years
And have a 6 years old amazing perfect daughter

Is it all going to end now?

 

[MindUtopia]

I think you need to sit down with him and have a conversation with him about it. I don't think it's healthy to carry on sort of NTNP, but when his intentions are a bit ambivalent (as in, on his part, he's sending really mixed signals and you need to talk about it to decide actually what it is you both want and why you've been doing what you've been doing all this time if he doesn't actually want another baby). That said, you have a daughter together and you are a family and I wouldn't even be thinking about breaking up that family over something like this unless one or both of you is unhappy and can't see a future together for other reasons. Wanting more children is one thing, but you have to put the one you already have first. If you guys are happy (and if you aren't that's an issue that's bigger than all of this), then you need to sort that out and make some decisions, and either way you do need to talk about this one issue. But though I know this can be an emotional thing (and his behaviour is clearly really confusing!), I wouldn't be ready to chuck out everything you already have together, including a happy family for your daughter and the future you've planned together, over this, unless the real reasons are bigger than this. But I'm sure it doesn't feel like that right now, which is why you guys need to sit down and really talk about this.

 

[gradschoolmum]

Wow. That's really hard; I'm so sorry.

I know this is so tough and you so badly want to have a baby (trust anyone on this site, that baby desire is deep and can be overwhelming! you are in company of those who understand.) But it sounds like perhaps instead of putting your marriage aside for now, you might need to put baby making aside for now. You and DH need to have conversations, in person, about why you want another, why he doesn't want to have another. There might be more going on or other parts of your marriage manifesting itself in these desires. If you were going to wait until May anyway, why don't you just do that and spend the next few months working on each other?

Again, I'm so sorry. Marriage is tough. I'm doing my marriage counseling rotation for grad school right now, and this is such a common thing. Doesn't mean it's easier just because it happens to many people, but you aren't alone. Men can be frustrating to their wives, especially navigating the emotions of TTC. But if you ever need to do some real talk, you've got a community of people here! Hoping the best for you

 

[ms sunshine]

Me and my hubby always said he wanted 2 kids he has another from prev relationship. My boy is 3 and lovely.but is going through an obnoixious phase and it puts him off. He says he doesnt want more in arguments then he changes his mind. I feel its unfare its what we always said. Breaks my heart when he says he doesnt want more. Told him thats my deal breaker as i would resent him in the end but he chose to stay and hes stopped saying and using it. Im not making him stay but think he realises that its so important to me id rather be single and have 1 child than be with someone who pooped over my dreams. Im not awful he is also scared as my first pregnacy was awful with bleeding every few days right through so sometimes he gets scared. I know he would love a girl and talks about it sometimes.

So its maybe a good thing you have had this difficult conversation. You both need time to think and maybe he will realise that baby no 2 isnt that bad. Men are rubbish at talking so find out why is it money is he away too much is he scared or can he really just not be bothered. So long as its any reason other than the last then there is room for discussion and then you just need to except thenoutcome one has to agree with the other or you sadly part ways. Just give him some time to.think absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that

 

[hmcx]

Thank you all.

I was feeling really emotional when I wrote this.

My husband came home yesterday looking terrible I might add
And he managed to put his issues into more words.

He said hes just really worried about money.
Im self employed and he said if I took time off then he worries that it would be hard for me to get work once I start back and that if I could even just have something more permanent, even if it is part time then he'd feel a whole lot better.

His worries just come out all wrong and instead of talking to me probably he just says no.

I think it's still open to May.

And seeing as we haven't prevented this month, it's still a possibility!

 

[MEPride]

Hi hmcx,

My husband and I went through a similar scenario about a year ago. We both decided we wanted 2 kids. I went off birth control and we TTC and we got pregnant immediately but it ended as a chemical. A couple months after that my DH was going through a rough patch and told me he didn't want kids just then. Not that he didn't want kids period, just not anytime soon. It broke my heart. I am 31 and have an ovulation disorder. It could take a while to get pregnant (we got SUPER lucky the first time) and I didn't feel like we could wait. What if it took 4 years to get pregnant again? And if we waited another couple years then I felt like I would be kissing the chance of having kids goodbye.

DH was really worried about finances. Financially we were stable but he is very interested in economics and wants to be out of 'the rat race', so to speak. His real estate business was taking longer than anticipated and he couldn't handle anything else.

It broke my heart but I love him more than anything and decided he was worth more to me than my fears. So we stopped 'trying' but never prevented either.

And now he is all gung-ho and ready and we are on our first round of clomid. I'm in my TWW.

Point is: give it time. Give him time. Talk it over together when you are BOTH ready.

Good luck!