To have more kids, or to not?

[PCOSMomToTwo]

My DH is 40. I am 36.

We have 2 children we worked EXTREMELY hard for (like 10 years of fertility treatment, $40,000+ in fertility bills, stress, heartache...you name it).

Here's the deal, I would love more kids but DH really doesn't. Who is to decide what's the right answer? I don't want to force him into a 3rd cuz I don't ever want it used against me ... but it's also hard to just give up and be okay with 2. We do have 3 frozen embryos left from our IVF (but it'll cost a small fortune to use them).

Anyone else struggling with something similar?? I keep thinking I should just be happy & let the dream go of having another.

 

[Cornfieldland]

I understand your dilemma. I don't have the same situation, but we had to make that decision with financial situations and trying. I have 2 boys from a previous marriage and we have none together.
We got pregnant by surprise last year and lost it January which brought up a lot of feelings. I was devastated and wanted to try again despite being scared of consequences, my husband thought it wasn't a good idea. I did not want one of us to resent each other either way. Eventually we talked it out, talked about our fears and decided that we did want one and would try. We are both scared but hopeful that it will turn out positive.
It's something you both need to agree on to keep your marriage strong, but if you don't agree it's hard to get past it. I'm still waiting for him to change his mind and say we can't. I mean it's the easier thing to do, but we are in our mid thirties and the window to have children is closing soon. It's a tough call, and there's really no right or wrong decision, as long as you both can live with it.

 

[2011Maybebaby]

I've posted this earlier today in Waiting To Try. I don't know first hand about IVF but here's what I posted anyway.

"I am 41 and have two boys - ages 3.5 years and 1 year 8 months. I wish I felt 'done' but I don't. One day I'm thinking yes I would definitely love a baby and the next the negatives of having a 3rd come out in full force. For one thing, my age is against me. I need to decide quickly. Another thing is financially we are struggling a bit. My husband earns good money and I am a stay at home mam but it is tough at times. Would a 3rd child push it too far? Saying that we have all of the big things, cots, buggy etc. Sleepless nights? do I want to start that again? It's like I'm on a see saw.. My head is telling me no.. my heart is telling me yes. any advice girls??"

It's such a hard decision. I keep going back and forth and also my husband is not 100% sold on the idea as we are just getting 'our lives back on track' as he said - sleeping through etc...

I don't know what to be thinking

 

[Cornfieldland]

I hear ya,
I feel like I don't want to be struggling financially that scares me, and I'm already tired with every day stuff... A baby would be hard... But wonderful. Scared to have it and scared not to. Scared I'll miscarry or it will be to much on my health and body. But right now the desire out weighs the fear. Every time I see a little baby it makes me sad... So there's my answer, I got to try, got to live and try. I told my husband if I always listened to my head and not my heart I would have never married you haha. I moved to Canada from Hawaii to marry him and left everything behind, family, job, warmth and sunshine. It was hard, it is hard everyday , but worth it. It's a tough one lady's, hopefully I have no regrets for following my heart.

 

[PCOSMomToTwo]

I've posted this earlier today in Waiting To Try. I don't know first hand about IVF but here's what I posted anyway.

"I am 41 and have two boys - ages 3.5 years and 1 year 8 months. I wish I felt 'done' but I don't. One day I'm thinking yes I would definitely love a baby and the next the negatives of having a 3rd come out in full force. For one thing, my age is against me. I need to decide quickly. Another thing is financially we are struggling a bit. My husband earns good money and I am a stay at home mam but it is tough at times. Would a 3rd child push it too far? Saying that we have all of the big things, cots, buggy etc. Sleepless nights? do I want to start that again? It's like I'm on a see saw.. My head is telling me no.. my heart is telling me yes. any advice girls??"

It's such a hard decision. I keep going back and forth and also my husband is not 100% sold on the idea as we are just getting 'our lives back on track' as he said - sleeping through etc...

I don't know what to be thinking

Yesssssss!!!

This is exactly how I feel. My head tells me no, my heart says YES!

And what's even more bizarre, my DH says the same thing about sleep. My 2 year old jUST started sleeping through the night about 2-3 months ago. We are finally getting a good routine. Also, financially we are in a tight spot. My DH also makes good money, but we just paid off all our debt....having a 3rd would throw up right back into debt, ugh.

Sooooo hard to know what is right!

 

[PCOSMomToTwo]

I hear ya,
I feel like I don't want to be struggling financially that scares me, and I'm already tired with every day stuff... A baby would be hard... But wonderful. Scared to have it and scared not to. Scared I'll miscarry or it will be to much on my health and body. But right now the desire out weighs the fear. Every time I see a little baby it makes me sad... So there's my answer, I got to try, got to live and try. I told my husband if I always listened to my head and not my heart I would have never married you haha. I moved to Canada from Hawaii to marry him and left everything behind, family, job, warmth and sunshine. It was hard, it is hard everyday , but worth it. It's a tough one lady's, hopefully I have no regrets for following my heart.

and yes, my heart usually always trumps my head. But, I have all these stupid doubts in my heart as well.

For us, getting pregnant is a huge undertaking. I just worry that we both get on board, try to get pregnant using our embryos & everything fails. Then we are broke & empty handed.

It just stinks not knowing what to do! Where's that crystal ball when you need it?

 

[Cornfieldland]

If you find a crystal ball let me know
I am not 100% either. Just came through a really tough MC and it's left me empty. Hormones are a total B!

 

[PCOSMomToTwo]

If you find a crystal ball let me know
I am not 100% either. Just came through a really tough MC and it's left me empty. Hormones are a total B!

I completely understand , I lost one bubs between my daughter & son. The hormones, heartache and loss ... it just kills ya. I'm so sorry.

Here's hoping our hearts & mind come together ... and works out.

 

[lisap2008]

My husband says he is content now but my older teenagers are begging for another sibling , I have been TTC for 6 years now , I think its time to move on to IVF with donor eggs or possibly embryo adoption but DH is against it.

 

[PCOSMomToTwo]

My husband says he is content now but my older teenagers are begging for another sibling , I have been TTC for 6 years now , I think its time to move on to IVF with donor eggs or possibly embryo adoption but DH is against it.

Have you tried any fertility meds? There's tons of avenues to attempt prior to IVF & donor eggs.

Maybe look into FSH injectables .. & ovulation inducer (Femara or Clomid) combined with IUI. Much cheaper! If you are worried about egg quality, you could look into Menopur or Bravelle ... both are FSH plus they help with egg quality.

Obviously DH would need to be on board, but these can all be done at home (if you wanted to just BD & use meds)...some guys really aren't into the IUI process since they have to take care of business "manually" in a room.

Just some options to look into

 

[PCOSMomToTwo]

CD23, OPK still practically positive. I'm over PCOS. It can really eat it now! This is 3 straight weeks of + OPK's ... probably wont get a period for 8 years now.

 

[lisap2008]

My husband says he is content now but my older teenagers are begging for another sibling , I have been TTC for 6 years now , I think its time to move on to IVF with donor eggs or possibly embryo adoption but DH is against it.

Have you tried any fertility meds? There's tons of avenues to attempt prior to IVF & donor eggs.

Maybe look into FSH injectables .. & ovulation inducer (Femara or Clomid) combined with IUI. Much cheaper! If you are worried about egg quality, you could look into Menopur or Bravelle ... both are FSH plus they help with egg quality.

Obviously DH would need to be on board, but these can all be done at home (if you wanted to just BD & use meds)...some guys really aren't into the IUI process since they have to take care of business "manually" in a room.

Just some options to look into

Yes I have tried every fertility pill there is but I have not tried injectable FSH yet, I dont really need it though because I do ovulate on my own now that I am older and I respond very well to clomid. most of our fertility issue has been DH's low sperm count , he is trying meds to increase it but after trying for this long its harder to find hope to keep trying with each failed cycle. we are trying IUI now and if that keeps failing I am hoping I can change his mind about IVF. only reason I mention donor eggs is my age , even though I have a good amount left because of pcos, their still old. and that may be the reason for my chemical pregnancys. and with donor eggs I have a much higher chance of it working the first try .

 

[lisap2008]

CD23, OPK still practically positive. I'm over PCOS. It can really eat it now! This is 3 straight weeks of + OPK's ... probably wont get a period for 8 years now.

so sorry hun, I understand I went through that too from the age of 19 till my mid 30's I would go months without cycles. but I think the higher FSH corrected this for me because now I am in my 40s and ovulating every month. I hope it gets better for you too.