To share a room or not to share a room...

[DobbyForever]

That is the question.

I had intended in room sharing for 6 months then moving baby to his room. But now SO is living here. He said we can, but I don't think he fully grasps how much moving and noise is going to happen every night and he just started at a new company. My mom had my brother and me in bassinets in her room for the first few months, and then the twins were in a separate room. My other concern is I will be pushing for a cesearan so walking across the hall to get baby is not feasible. Plus, all the research indicates room sharing for 4-6 months is best. So I'm really torn about whether to room share or not. What is everyone else doing?

 

[Farmgirlalee]

With my daughter we tried to room share but no one including her got any sleep at all. She got her own room by a month old and slept through the night. She is well adjusted and a happy kid. Don't stress. Room sharing or not- it all works!

 

[LoraLoo]

I can't imagine not having baby right next to me, every instinct wanted them close by, it has never been about practicality for me (although it helps) I just needed them with me.

 

[Betty.Rubble]

It is recommended quite highly you should be sleeping in the same room as your baby. I couldn't imagine putting a newborn in another room.

 

[Weebles]

From the moment he was born I could not have my son in a separate room, not even during a nap. I moved him once he started sleeping through the night. Keep things fluid, I think it can be different for every child and every parent.

 

[DobbyForever]

I have these irrational fear that he is going to die from sids or get abducted by a demon (attic is in his closet) or get abducted in general idk... I just worry what it will do to SO. He makes 130k so if he loses his job we're f****ed. I considered putting a bed in there and just not sleeping in the master but yxkxhclcgktddt

 

[LoraLoo]

I think you might be overthinking things a little bit Hun... Lots of men manage to have baby in the room and don't lose their jobs. I think having a little sofa bed in babys room is a good idea though. If baby Is in a Moses basket or similar you can easily move both you and baby in there if baby is having a bad night. Or kick hubby in there on his own

 

[Pitbullmom29]

Room sharing or not it's up to you and what is best. I plan on room sharing for at least 3 months but then plan on moving himto his own room. I am definitely not bed sharing as I want my own space and I personally think it's dangerous. Either or I am sure things will be fine.

 

[inkybunny]

We plan on sharing for the first few months at least.

But we're also putting a single bed in baby's room, in case my husband needs to either vanish to get some sleep or we need to kick him out because he snores so loudly. Is there a space you can have a second bed (or futon, sofa bed, etc?) if need be?

 

[MindUtopia]

Definitely keep baby with you. It's the safest place for baby to sleep for at least the first 6 months. Nighttimes are super disrupted and it will likely be really hard for the first couple months til you figure out what you're doing, but they are much less so if baby is close by than if you have to walk down the hall. I literally would have died if we hadn't co-slept. We planned to bedshare long-term from the beginning (at least a year) and in the end, our daughter slept with us for 3.5 years (2.5 ish years in a family bed and another year in a small toddler bed in our room before she decided she wanted to sleep on her own). It just worked so well. It was great for all of us and so much easier. I got much more sleep than my friends who didn't co-sleep.

Yes, it will be hard, but it will be hard anyway. If he's moving in, he needs to step up to the plate and deal with it. My husband was working full-time plus also starting a business when our daughter was born, so working much more than 40 hours a week and we not only bedshared but he was awake and helping with every night feed until she dropped her night feeds at 9 months. So both of us were up every 2-3 hours all night. They can survive on little sleep just like we can and he'll adjust. But that said, I would definitely make sure he moves in and you get the two of you settled first before baby arrives. A new baby is rough on the most settled of relationships, but if you are adjusting to a new baby and a new routine and also a new living situation, it will be exponentially more difficult. So I'd get yourselves sorted out first so you're as ready as you can be. If your partner struggles, then I'm sure there is another room where he can sleep or on the sofa.

 

[DobbyForever]

There would be room in either the study or the nursery for a spare bed. All three bedrooms are upstairs. So we may just do that.

He's being really gracious, it's more me worrying that he doesn't understand how much a baby disrupts sleep. Plus, he doesn't actually sleep much. He goes to bed at 1-3 and usually games in bed and/or has the tv on until he sleeps. I'm a heavy sleeper so it's never been an issue with us, but I obviously can't have a baby in a room with that level of noise.

As for walking it's an extra five steps lol. And I'd likely be taking baby into the other room to nurse and change anyway to minimize movent/noise. SO offered to help at night but tbh we're both very traditional and into gender roles and I have control issues. I don't want him getting up to help me.

I don't know anybody who slept with baby out of room other than my mom with the twins. Tbh all of my friends got pregnant before they had stable jobs and lived with parents or in small apartments so they had to share a room regardless.

=\ maybe we'll room share and play it by ear

 

[xdxxtx]

I always keep my babies in my room for the first 4-6 months, or until they're sleeping through the night every night. I think babies should learn to sleep through noises (like big siblings and all of their LOUD toys), so go ahead and let your SO enjoy his TV time as long as it isn't bothering you. It might actually lull baby to sleep. I have spent many a night nursing my babies and unable to sleep in between feedings so binge watching trash TV all night. lol

 

[DobbyForever]

Ooo comforting. They don't find the extra noise and light too stimulating?

 

[Weebles]

I never once tiptoed around with my son and he never had an issue falling or staying asleep. I've known people who couldn't flush the toilet if the baby was asleep so I really really recommend having them get used to some noise from the start.

Also, it sounds like some of your concerns could be alleviated with a home security system if it's in your budget.

 

[SonnyH]

To be honest, if babies own room is very close to yours, your other half is going to be disturbed regardless. He will hear baby crying, he will hear you get up and go out of the room and then come back again a bit later!

In the UK, there are quite strict guidelines around baby being in your room until 6 months. Obviously no-one is really checking day to day but I've had several talks about it from my midwife, doctor, antenatal classes..! Everyone I know has used either a Moses basket or a co-sleeper like a Snuzpod or Chico Next To Me. Not one of their OH's have lost their jobs. My brother in law has a high pressure sales job, he drives all over the country every day and he is still the one who gets up in the night of their toddler wakes up! He survives!

Your OH sounds like he's at least willing to try and see how it goes.. I'd def give it a go! He might surprise you!

 

[DobbyForever]

Thank you for the insight ladies! I'm feeling a lot better about room sharing . If it doesn't work, at least I tried.

 

[Disneyfan88]

In the US the guidelines were recently changed from recommending babies sleep in the same room as the parents for 6 months to now 12 months as a protective measure against SIDS. DD1 slept in our room for 6 months, but this new baby will be in our room for at least 6 monthly but more likely 12 months. DH was never bothered by DD sleeping in our room. We were never ones to tiptoe around DD as I wanted to make sure she could fall asleep anywhere. I'd let your SO sleep in a different room if it really is a big problem, but I'd still recommend keeping the baby close to you for at least 6 months if possible.

 

[Letsgo]

It's good to have a plan, yet remain flexible because things happen. My son had some trouble eating after birth and had to stay in the nursery a few extra days with other babies and the nurses and lots of beeping and a radio on low. Silence at home, after a baby heard your blood moving and heart pumping and stomach going for 6 months or more, can be harder for baby than some noise. I'd wait to see how baby responds. Your heavy sleeping may go away and you may be one who minds the TV!

We had feeding issues so my husband got up with me every 2-3 hours, bottle fed baby while I pumped his next meal. It worked for us because we were equally tired instead of jealous of the other's rest.

After a C section I think if SO is your only help at home, he may want to bring the baby to you, no matter where anyone is sleeping. You need to take it easy and heal, else risk infection and prolong healing time.

Good luck, sounds like you have some time to figure out what works best for your situation.

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah I'm not sure what is going on. When I thought I was going to be a single mom I was going to stay with my mom. All my brothers would be home from college and my grandmother would fly up and I would be babied. But now that SO and I patched up, it looks like I'm staying in our condo. Which is two stories. My grandmother is terrified of my dogs and my mom can't do stairs... so now I'm like wtf do I do lol rely on one person? That sounds draining lol then again, to quote Cheyenne from "Reba", he did do this to me

 

[Letsgo]

Ah. I wanted me and hubs to be all on our own, so independent, wanted to figure out parenting without an audience. Then a couple weeks before birth I was like wait what am I thinking? I want my mom and his mom and everyone who's ever had a baby because we don't know what we're doing! That didn't happen of course, family is 800 miles away, but it was a funny switch that flipped.

It's totally ok to do both if you need or want to...I had a friend do this: go to mom's for a couple days of recovery and get that extra love before going back to condo. I thought she was weird, but I so get it now.