today i discovered hell is a place on earth and it is only going to get worse...

[amotherslove]

i posted this is the miscarriage section too.. i dunno where i fit.. i was just hitting 12 weeks.. i dont know when second tri starts.. and my baby.. is a baby.. and.. god i dont know..

this morning before my class i went to the washroom, and when i wiped there was a bit of brown discharge... honestly.. i didn't even think it was cause for panic logically.. but emotionally i lost it so my mother and i went to the hospital... after a transvaginal US, abdominal US and bloodwork, they have confirmed that my baby has no heartbeat and my hcg is low.. hasn;t grown since my last scan which was at 10weeks.. they told me my options.. said i could wait to see if she passes naturally.. or take a pill to open the cervix.. or have a dnc... i'm.. wrecked.

i know this doesn';t mean anything to those who CAN have other kids. it's just as rough, because ut's THAT baby... but.. the man who got me pregnant.. the love of my life.. has left me.. i can't try again.. i wanted this so bad.. my cousin is due the same date as me.. my friend is due around then as well.. everyone around me has babies and is pregnant.. and why me? why? i did everything right.. i don't understand.. my baby is inside of me.. dead... and i'm just waiting to expell her? the hospital gave me a container to put her in if i wish to bury her... it looks like a tub of icecream.. this is all so morbid... i want to be sick everywhere...

 

[jaykay]

I'm so sorry to hear your story. I lost my baby boy at 22weeks after going into prem labour. I've had no answers yet, and it was the worse experience of my life, i don't think i'll ever get over it. I hope you have got a supportive family, and the your hospital is offering support to. Take one day at a time xxx

 

[mhazzab]

I am so, so sorry you are having to go through this, and that you don't have your partner to support you, I'm glad you have your mum/mom for support though.

What you are going through is horrible you will have many emotions running through you from sadness and fear to anger and they will change at the drop of a hat.

Sometimes there's just no reason for this happening, and it just isn't fair.

As for other people having the same due date, yes, that will be hard for you, i had the same problem, but, if they are true friends, they will understand how hard this is for you and give you space if you need it. Unfortunately after a loss, it does seem like the whole world is pregnant, I felt that too.

We will do what we can to support you, hugs xxx

 

[amotherslove]

thank you.. i just.. i'm like crying out for help.. but.. nobody can help me. i just want this all to stop...

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry, this is just horrible that you are going through this I am glad you have your mother there, I don't want you to be alone. I don't know what to say I wish i could comfort you or even hold your hand while you go through this
All I can do is tell you I am here if you need to talk or need a friend
We all are here for you. I lost my Ava at 18 and half weeks, but I gave birth to her on my toilet . I know how devastating this is
I am just so sorry, i am thinking of you and sending you prayers of strength.
XOXOXOOXOXO

 

[v2007]

I am so sorry.



V xxx

 

[amotherslove]

my close friend lost her taylor at 15 weeks i believe and she too gave birth on her toilet.. i don't want to have to do that..

i don't know.. at this point i wish i had gotten the pill they offered because i thought.. maybe if i didnt take it.. it wouldnt happen right away.. and now it's happening.. and the blood is happening.. and it's going to be slow.. the dnc would be nice because i already have to see michael (the babys father) everytime i walk into my house.. i don't want to have to remember the death of lily when i go to my bathroom..but with the dnc you only get a nurse.., i dont wanna do it alone..

 

[KamIAm]

Hi Sweetie ...and unfortunately welcome...

I will say up front I do NOT know what you are going through or feeling like with all these thoughts and descisions ahead but I can say I know how it feels to loss your baby.... My Emma was perfectly healthy, it was me that failed her... I went into premature labor and she was born sleeping at 19.4weeks....

I am terribly sorry and hate that you are now here in this journey! It's a long journey but you are in the right place... I found so much love, support and understanding from all these ladies... They was/are my life line

Please know there is NO wrong or right way in this... You do what is best for YOU ... My one lesson learned...

I will say a prayer for you and your lil one...

 

[Andypanda6570]

my close friend lost her taylor at 15 weeks i believe and she too gave birth on her toilet.. i don't want to have to do that..

i don't know.. at this point i wish i had gotten the pill they offered because i thought.. maybe if i didnt take it.. it wouldnt happen right away.. and now it's happening.. and the blood is happening.. and it's going to be slow.. the dnc would be nice because i already have to see michael (the babys father) everytime i walk into my house.. i don't want to have to remember the death of lily when i go to my bathroom..but with the dnc you only get a nurse.., i dont wanna do it alone..

I was supposed to get a D&E, I don't know if you know what that is but I would not put my Ava or myself through that. So i do agree having her on the toilet was traumatic, but it was so much better than what they would have done if I would have gotten the D&E. I got to bury my precious angel and that would not have been possible with the D&E. So in the end I accepted how it happened and felt that was best for me, not best for everyone, just for me..
Again I am so so sorry for your loss

 

[amotherslove]

what am i supposed to do with my baby after,.. i want to bury her.. but i cant very well go bury her in the backyard.. even if i HAD a backyard (i live in an apartment) i'm broke.. what do i do...?

 

[MissingRyder]

Some funeral homes in my area bury the babies at a reduced cost. You may check into that. I've also read on here where some bury their babies in a flower pot that they can move when they don't have a permanent place. There is no right or wrong answer it's whatever your heart has to do to feel right. Think it through and go through all your options. God Bless you and I'm very sorry you are having to go through this..... it's NOT easy and the most heartbreaking thing I ever had to go through.

 

[young_n_proud]

I really don't know what to say but I didn't want to R&R, I just wanted to give you hugs and you'll be in my thoughts

 

[amotherslove]

i'm going to call in the morning and am considering having lily cremated and possibly keeping her in an urn.. i don't know.. it's all so morbid.. i'm not good at death..

 

[v2007]

If you local hospital organises the funeral with you and their funeral directors, you don't have to pay.



V xxx

 

[amotherslove]

i dunno if thats true here in canada

 

[mhazzab]

i dunno if thats true here in canada

hopefully someone in here is from Canada and might be able to give you some advice. You said you posted in the miscarriage section too, that section is probably busier than this one so I hope someone else can help you out. Because my twins were born at the stage they were (23 weeks) legally we had to either cremate or bury them at a cemetary. I can't even try to imagine how hard it must be to be just given a container by the hospital.

I'm in the UK, and a lot of funeral directors do free funerals for babies. For our twins, the hospital actually paid, they said it was because they were not born alive (well, one was, but that's another story). However, I don't know if it's different if you give birth at home.

Please keep us updated with how you are getting on, we will be worrying about you xx

 

[collie_crazy]

I am so sorry you are going through this and feel so alone Please know that we are all here for you if you ever need to talk / ask questions or even just have a rant

Can you phone your hospital and see if they know of arrangements for after you have had your baby? A lot of hospitals / funeral homes have arrangements in place to care for babies who are born too soon. So if your hospital does not have any arrangements in place try phoning some funeral homes - I hope they can help you

This is not something any mother should have to do I'm sorry

 

[mhazzab]

Can you phone your hospital and see if they know of arrangements for after you have had your baby?

this is a really good idea - our hospital chaplain was actually the person who sorted out all the funeral arrangements for us...

We had originally been a bit sceptical about seeing her, as we are not religious in the slightest, but she was fantastic. I'm not sure we could have done it ourselves, we were a mess.

xx

 

[KamIAm]

My local hospital paid for everything, burial..lil memorial service, I just had to pay for a marker if I wanted one.... Yes, I got one So, definately ask your hospital or doctor

Also, I was given the pill once they seen my labor was no stopping .... I do not regret that descision... I didnt have to go days in labor, but instead I only took 6 hours to deliver Emma.... They offered to do a D&E but once i heard what that was ..I couldn't do that...

One regret I do have now..... Wish I would of had her cremated.... I have never heard of the flower pot idea, now that is great as well for tiny ones

Keep us posted if you need anything!

Big Hugs!!!!

 

[winterwonder]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little one.

Like the others have said your hospital is probably the best place to seek advice, i know ours sorted everything out for us, we had a communal cremation which is something that our hospital specifically did for ladies who lost their babies between 12-24weeks, and then the babies ashes were spread over a butterfly garden, which we wanted as like you we dont have a garden.