I am 29 and i already feel the time is running.
Ey calm down I'm 35...
xxx
oh
do you have any kids ?
Yeah I have 2 boys 9 and 11, have not seen them in a year though
It's very difficult for me to talk about this as I miss them so so so much I cry every night.
Basically I split from a really violent relationship nearly 5 years ago now, it was really hard did not have a lot of support as all my family live in Cyprus.
It turned out quite nasty in more ways than one, ended up going to court and I got residency of the boys but shortly after I was very ill and ended up in hospital for 4 months and now have to have a colostomy bag for the rest of my life. Anyway my ex was then given joint residency as I could not look after the boys even when I came out of hospital for some time. At this point he was still trying to control my life and was constantly doing things to frighten me this resulted in me moving 200 miles away. Still recovering from been in hospital I had the boys every other weekend and once recovered applied for them to live with me, but the court decided in my Ex's favour as they were settled in school and had a family network around them.
Anyway about a year ago my eldest son raised an issue tha had happend at his father and partners house tha ended up in me calling the police, the children spoke about what happened when talked to by special trained officers but was eventually let back in to their fathers care. They then changed their story and said I had put them up to it, I felt so sorry for them as they had been threatened in to saying that, as I know I didn't no matter what anyone believes.
Since then I have been threatened not to go back their by my ex his brother and parents, I went reguardless to see my sons but then alligations kept been made against me that were not true ( I was accused off hitting my E's partner while she was heavily pregnant). I did not and would not do this anyone, and anyone who knows me knows I am not like that if someone wanted to hit me then I would just let them, never been in a fight in my life.
I hated the negative impact this must have been having on my children so decided to stay away, but could not afford the solicitor fee's to fight. It was so expensive especially as it's a long process where the likes of social workers and caffcass have to carry out certain procedures.
So I have been communicating with them through school. I can not tell how brill they have been and they have seen the evil of my ex as his has threatened the school with legal action ec just because they are allowing me contact with my children. They are really encouraging contact as they have concerns over the impact of me not seeing them on the children.
The emotional abuse my children are going through is tearing me apart, I have applied for a hearing to the court and am waiting for a hearing date, I am representing myself I feel scared stiff of facing him and the way he twists things.
Good thing is school are really supporting me and recently in the past 2 weeks I have managed to make contact with my ex's partners ex..lol
And he is going through exactly the same thing reguarding his children that live in the same household. One of his boys has just been removed from there ( only 10 years old) due to an altracation with my ex.....
I hate this justice system.....
God Im going on, its all very sad I miss them so so much
and feel helpless.
When I found out I was pregnant I came off a quite heavy dosage of anti depressants and am trying my hardest not to go back on them, but with all that's going on and the MC I feel like been a mother is been taken away from me for a reason, I harbour a lot of guilt, but have come to realise that I can not change the past but can do my best for the future.
Sorry for going on
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hopefully you are through the worst and on the road to recovery, good luck with everything xx
i guess its connected to the hormones and the blood loss maybe.
i have been reading that women slowly start losing their fertility after 30! That scares me 
You are so strong. I really respect you. When low i tend to complain about my life a lot.. about stupid things.. NOW i seriously won't after reading this. I sincerely hope god takes away all your troubles. you've had enough and i am so sure you don't deserve all this. I really hope your children end up with you. All this negativity must be troubling their little minds as well. 
