ShezzyJ
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- Joined
- Mar 17, 2013
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So glad to see this forum, really need a rant!
A bit of history. Trying for 2 1/2+ years I'm 24 my husband 26 both mostly healthy.
Only just getting the specialist help we need.
So I'm going for an exploratory laparoscopy on the 7th Jan and I'm terrified about what they might find the doc I saw was so insensitive that I sat and cried in the middle of the consultation! I suffered my 5th early mc three weeks ago and had to be taken to hospital, but apparently because I hadn't got a box prior (as I didn't test this time) , in his words 'we don't count that as a miscarriage' ,.... I was distraught. Sure he deals with this every day but this is my life and ME who can't have children. It was like he was turning a huge loss in my life in to something completely trivial! I was so upset.
Also have a friend on Facebook who is pregnant with her 2nd and posts about it with pics like 4 times a day. Sure she has the right to be happy and post, like I'm sure I will when I'm pregnant, but how upset I am I sometimes just want to tell her to shut the f#=@ up! Then I feel like a horrible person for feeling so jealous but I can't help it. also going to be seeing my baby nephew in law at Christmas which I am just dreading because it hurts so badly. I should be able to spend time with family without feeling depressed and like a complete failure to my self and my husband.
I'm depressed, lonely and childless and just so afraid that if I tell my husband what I'm truly feeling then he will think I'm a bad person. I know he isn't like that but I'm just super scared right now and just want to curl up in a corner and hide.
A bit of history. Trying for 2 1/2+ years I'm 24 my husband 26 both mostly healthy.
Only just getting the specialist help we need.
So I'm going for an exploratory laparoscopy on the 7th Jan and I'm terrified about what they might find the doc I saw was so insensitive that I sat and cried in the middle of the consultation! I suffered my 5th early mc three weeks ago and had to be taken to hospital, but apparently because I hadn't got a box prior (as I didn't test this time) , in his words 'we don't count that as a miscarriage' ,.... I was distraught. Sure he deals with this every day but this is my life and ME who can't have children. It was like he was turning a huge loss in my life in to something completely trivial! I was so upset.
Also have a friend on Facebook who is pregnant with her 2nd and posts about it with pics like 4 times a day. Sure she has the right to be happy and post, like I'm sure I will when I'm pregnant, but how upset I am I sometimes just want to tell her to shut the f#=@ up! Then I feel like a horrible person for feeling so jealous but I can't help it. also going to be seeing my baby nephew in law at Christmas which I am just dreading because it hurts so badly. I should be able to spend time with family without feeling depressed and like a complete failure to my self and my husband.
I'm depressed, lonely and childless and just so afraid that if I tell my husband what I'm truly feeling then he will think I'm a bad person. I know he isn't like that but I'm just super scared right now and just want to curl up in a corner and hide.