Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

I TOTALLY feel you with a lot of this stuff. I had a moment on the bus yesterday where this adorable little girl was just trying to play with her mom and her mom was yelling at her and ignoring her so she could play a game on her phone. WTF. I try not to judge other people, but I couldn't help being frustrated watching that. I just wanted to scream.

When I told my sister that hubs and I were going to ttc#1. She totally glazed over it and was basically like "that's nice" then continued to talk about my nieces (whom I love to the moon and back...but still) and about her surprise #3. It would have been nice tobhave some acknowledgment of how big a step this is. I'm 28, my husband is 29. We waited for a long time till we both felt the time was right and it was and still is a big deal to us. So i totally get your annoyance with your friend.

Thirdly, I regret telling people we were ttc at all. If my mom says one more time how "fertile" our family is and asks me when I'm having a baby, I will have to kill her. There will be no other choice lol Like...we're trying..okay? Leave us alone. Also, people have been asking us for years when we were going to have a baby and i think that is such an insensitive and intrusive question. How do you know we aren't trying? Maybe we want to, but can't? What if one of us is infertile? What if we did get pregnant, but miscarried? Maybe we don't want kids? What if our biggest fear is that we cant have kids because we waited too long? I don't understand how people could be so heartless. It's not a joke and it's not something people should even feel it's okay to say.

 

I tend not to judge people in public because you never know if that kid decided to have tantrum after somebody played with them for 5 hours but I must admit I do judge people I do know.

I knew right away we won't tell anybody (maybe just friends who won't bug us) because when my sister in law (who is now one of those I ranted about in my 1st paragraph) announced they are planning to TCC and then proceeded to update us every month that they'll try next month, when she finally announced that they are pregnant and that they got it on 1st try everybody was like - ah okay. I want it to be surprise and exciting and also avoid the question while it's not happening.

New rant - I'm in dreaded tww. Last AF showed two days early, OPKs showed surge two days before O time that was in my app where I track AF and everything, and we DTD two times in that fertile window. Don't have much hope for this month because this cycle is so weird but still, can't help not to have tiny tiny glimpse of hope. I'm now either 2dpo or 4dpo, nothing else to do but wait and see.

 

The TWW is dreadful! Hang in there! Fingers crossed that this will be your month!

 

Has anyone else ever felt frustrated that you’ve never had a positive hot? Like it’s such a weird thing to be frustrated by but every bfn I just get so frustrated because I have never looked at a positive test that I made. I went out and bought a drug test just to see 2 lines!!

 

Yeah i get that around testing time. Because I've never had a pos hpt I get scared that maybe I can't get pregnant. Positive OPKs always make me happy inside because like you said at least it's two lines lol

 

Haha I'm the same, never had positive HPT, so I was happy to even get two lines on OPK

 

I've been there with wanting to kill in-laws, my SIL's know we've been trying for about 2 years but everytime we meet up with FIL he always looks at me and bugs me when will we have some of our own, and I'm getting tired of saying we are trying! I snapped last Christmas and said something nasty back at him, and said "I swear if you ask one more time.." haha hubs had to comfort me and I got up and walked away to cool off. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't just like, "any luck? Or what's new with up on that?" Ya know? But no he gets all like "hurry up, why you waiting? I want grandkids before I die!" Which makes me even more mad cause he says this in front of his 3 granddaughters (12,10, 2) and grandson (4).

Even the sisters are supportive and angry for me, and are helpful cause one had trouble conceiving her 1#. I've warned my husband he'd better say something to him, cause next time I going to lose it and say something outrageous like " actually we aren't ever going to have kids cause we are really lesb/gay and you kept bugging your son to get "settled down, and we want the "family name" to die with you.

Uuuugggh! Inconsiderate selfish ass...rawr! Ok I'm done! Lol

 

Lol CanadianMoose your post made me giggle but also totally understand your frustration. It's like - oh, glad you said we should hurry, we didn't knew that, thank god you said it, now we know what to do. Gah.

Also who in the right mind want to hear anything BD related coming out of FIL mouth. Ew. And poor other grandkids, it's like they don't count. Wondering will he treat the new grandkid same once it's born.

I didn't really wish for kid before I turned 30 so before that (and DH & I have been together for 8 years by then) I always said I don't want kids - just so I didn't hear about "when will you have kids" all the time. Tho we did get it quite a lot. So now in TCC only ones who know are my hubs and few of my female friends. I don't have any female relatives so, friends it is

 

My female friends are my SIL'S (hubs sisters) they are the best friends I could hope for as females...sadly I don't tend to get along well with other women since I grew up and raised by boys/men. I don't know or haven't mastered the art of female interaction "conversation" or "correct behaviors" w/e that may be. But most of the time hubs is my biggest confidante and support; he one of the most supportive and compassionate person I've met. Although, he does sometimes have a rough time understanding then woman drive or despair with these things but he always hears me out and give plenty of hugs and tissues.

 

Today's vent - AF arrived, and of course it can't be full blown af as it should be. Nooo, let's first spot so I can google everything spotting related (tho I already had few months when it started like this) and now it's like (TMI) let's just be here when I wipe kind of AF. Darn you body, you used to function normally before all this TTC stuff. Y U DO DIS??? xD

 

Witchy,
Same thing happened to me last month.I spent
a full day googling spotting before I finally had a full flow.
So RUDE.

 

We need to teach our uteruses some manners xD

 

Okay so my vent for the day... when people who got pregnant on accident or without really trying tell me that I just have to be patient and it will happen when it happens. I even had a friend tell me today that if I stop trying that it would be more likely to happen. I'm just like okay except MY OVARIES DON'T WORK...like if i don't take medication and actually try, it might, but is definitely highly unlikely.

These people probably just try to make me feel better and are just trying to help, but it gets on my nerves. I told my friend last week that it bothers me when she says these things and today she said it again. When I told her again, she asked what I wanted her to say...and I'm not really sure. Thats another thing that bothers me... I want to talk about TTC all the time but whenever someone with kids or pregnant tries to give me advice or make me feel better I just get irritated. I dont know what I want I guess.

Sorry guys just feeling a bit moody tonight but thanks for listening! (Or reading I guess )

 

mrsharper1
I get the same way talking to my sister about ttc. I want to talk to her about it cuz she's my big sister and we're really close, but she also has 2 kids and is currently pregnant with the third and the last 2 were accidents. So, she's prone to saying things like just relax and it'll happen. That's total and utter bs though and it's infuriating. Same thing with my mom and with my best friend. Every time I talk to my mom she tells me how fertile I am. Which really really gets under my skin. I had to just stop talking about it except on these forums to save my relationships with the people I love lol

 

mrsharper1 I totally understand. It can be so irritating when people tell us to "just relax", "it will happen when it's supposed to".. Like yeah, some people get pregnant while on hard drugs, it totally happens when it's supposed to for those people.

I also have friend who tells me stuff like that and when I ask her was she patient when trying for #2 (1st was accident, 2nd took 5 months) she's like - hell no. And all I can do is roll my eyes

 

Aha now this thread seems right up my street given my current mood

I am soooo stressed with the whole TTC thing this month.

We've just started clomid. It's been alright I guess - aside from the hot flushes, turning me into an emotional wreck, making me dizzy, tired - all that I can deal with. So, they decide to track me with ultrasounds, great. So I turn up for first appointment - cd13, was supposed to be cd12 but the appt they gave me was cd13. I have that, no issues, and they give me a list of dates for upcoming appts - cd14, cd15, then cd20?!

So I turn up next day for cd14 scan, and they look at me like I'm crazy - 'weren't you just here yesterday?' I say yes, but you asked for me today, so here I am. They decide as I'm there they might as well scan me anyway - already not filled with confidence at this point. Then they ask when I'm next scheduled (like, check your own blummin' computers lol) and I tell them the next day (a fri) then the following wednesday. So off goes the nurse, and she comes back and decides actually cd20 is too late - can I do cd18, the monday? Fine, okay - all this is playing havoc with my work schedule already, but I'll rearrange short notice. On the plus side, the staff are really nice, they talk me through the scan and they show me the screen and all the little follicles - 14mm on cd13, 16mm on cd14, lining thickening, all good.

So I rock up cd15, and it's a different nurse. And she obviously hates everything about her job, in fact she obviously just hates humans. Think Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, lol. Didn't say a single word to me during the scan at all - just shoved the scanner in and writhed it about side to side like she had no clue what shape a vagina is meant to be lol. Didn't show me the screen, didn't explain anything at all, no warning about the scanner going in, nothing. After, she was ready to just walk out - I had to ask her, 'so, what's it all looking like?'. She said I had one about 19mm and another about 18mm, then off she went. Fine, okay, we all have bad days, whatever.

Roll on the Monday and unfortunately, same nurse. Exactly the same attitude. Same coldness, same silence. I asked her again how it was looking, and she said they'd grown again, didn't give me measurements. I swear she tutted at me though, for having the cheek to ask questions. I asked her when I'd O, she just shrugged and said she didn't know and that I already should have done. I asked if she thought I'd need a trigger shot, given it was now cd18 and they hadn't burst, she said 'I don't know' and off she went out the room. Leaving me with zero clue if I was gonna ovulate, or when.

You'd think people working with hormonal women would have a little bit of compassion about them, but nope. Left feeling very deflated, unsure about this whole cycle, and pretty darn p'd off to boot. TTC is stressful enough without being left entirely in the dark - and without facing the attitude of surly medical 'professionals'. GRRRRR.

Anyway rant over, cheers for the space to do so lol

 

I'm gonna apologize...I don't understand any of the abbreviations on here so I will not be using any lol<---------- &#128514;. But anyways...I havent posted for a while....and here I am again....no baby and I guess no hope....I get emotional about it. I see all these pregnant women and I almost want to cry. My best friend is pregnant with her second baby...she didnt have to try hard at all. I even get irritated with her because she complains about difficulties and how her son is terrible...I'm jealous...that's all that's to it. I lie all the time about wanting children...i always bring it up to my mom but the honest truth is im afraid to mention i just dont think i can have children. I feel like im not allowed to even want children...I feel cursed. I dont feel like a woman most of the time. I feel ugly. I just feel like i deserve to be by myself with a bunch of cats. I never express how I feel to my husband because i dont think he takes me serious enough...i feel like i just dont have anyone who understands me truly...I guess its good to write to women possibly like me? I got emotional writing this lol but please...anyone can respond wether it be tough love or plain and simple support i want some feed back. Thanks

 

Get this I'm a great aunt....an effing great aunt!!!! 25 years old a great aunt...my nephews girlfriend had his baby....so that just shows tbere is no hope for me...I just wonder if anyone shares the devastating feelings I have...I just grow jealous and i dont want to...I just wonder why cant it be me pregnant or going into labor...I try to not think about it...but I think about it more often...everyday....

 

Hi, I'm so sorry your TTC journey has you feeling so low. Have you seen a doctor yet to pinpoint where your issues lie? I always knew I had issues getting pregnant, because I tried with my ex and then my current partner and it never happened (seven years TTC in total). Which made me feel pretty rubbish about myself for a while. But after seeing the OBGYN and learning that yes, I do have all the right internal lady parts and they are working, I just don't ovulate, I feel much more positive. Because they can medicate that, there's steps we can take - the journey has direction again. I think sometimes not knowing can really leave you feeling deflated and down, because you imagine the worst all the time? A very large number of us just need a little (or a lot) of extra help to get our miracle baby - you're definitely not on your own there. I hope you soon find the answers that start to lead you to your BFP.

 

Thanks again I have not been to a doctor....I cant afford it right now and i have to wait a year to be able to because i don't qualify for assistance...so as soon as my job offers me health insurance i will be on it...I sure hope my lady parts are just taking a nap before they want to work hard on creating my little bean...I hope you get your bfp soon as well all baby dust our way!!!