Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[ginerashon]

If ONE more person says, "stop thinking about it and it will happen"


I will go manic.

That's logical to others, but telling it to us is just so annoying to hear. I heart it all the time too.

 

[smurphy90]

If ONE more person says, "stop thinking about it and it will happen"


I will go manic.

I also particularly hate, "If it's meant to be, it will be." I have a friend who constantly tells me if I'm meant to have a child, I will. That is SO insensitive and pretty rude. It's basically like saying, "If you don't have a child, it's because you aren't supposed to be a mother."

And telling you not to stress about it and to not think about it isn't helpful, either. To me, it implies a sort of blame on you for worrying too much, as though not worrying will magically change everything.

Offering advice and comfort is one thing. I'd probably say something like, "I think it's important to try to take a break every once in a while, for your sanity and his. Hopefully you'll have been able to relax and either get a BFP or be able to jump back in rejuvenated!" or something. I don't know... to me that sort of phrasing is better because they're acknowledging that the stress is a struggle and not your own fault? I don't know if that made sense. Either way, I agree with you and a lot of people with good intentions just end up really ticking me off.

 

[BelleNuit]

I agree with you ladies, telling people with infertility to relax is insensitive and cruel. It places the blame on the woman for feeling "stressed" during a rightfully stressful time in her life.

You would not believe the insensitive comments I've heard. Someone once asked me if I was using the right "entrance" someone else commented how they can "always get the job done and just let me know if you want a little help, *wink*" another person suggested that I pat her head for good luck because she is sooooo fertile. I fucking hate people sometimes.

 

[S_secret]

I especially hate "everything happens for a reason". Really?!? What the eff is the reason that we are all going through this pain and heartbreak. I hate people too!

 

[smurphy90]

I think the people who say that the most are the ones who've either had a child already, got pregnant pretty quickly, or got pregnant by accident. The friend of mine that says that sort of stuff isn't invested in having children. Her philosophy of, "If I'm meant to, I will," works for her because it's not something she wants extremely badly. I also have a friend who had an oopsie while on BCP, and she is really really sensitive, and totally acknowledges it's a struggle. So it just depends on the kind of person. I guess some people have very little tact.

Most of us in the TTC #1 forum want a child very, very much. For me, it is my career goal. There isn't something as satisfying or important to me. And unlike getting a job in a particular field, I'm not being turned down because I'm unqualified. I'm being turned down because something is wrong with my body. I don't think people get that, who haven't experienced it.

Again, I'm so new here. But I have spent the past two years doing everything I can to get my cycles back, when they completely went away for 1.5 years, and I'm counting those 2 years as a TTC struggle.

 

[vmg8701]

Hi, new here. Removed IUD have been having periods but I am 98% positive I am not ovulating at all, what are my next steps? Who do I talk to and what am I supposed to ask? It seems as though everyone tell ls me to "just wait" or "relax" but I know something is wrong and I'm not getting help. But what help could I get now? Are there tests? Do I have to see a specialist or my regular dr or gyno? Help!!!

 

[BelleNuit]

The first step would be to do a BBT chart if you haven't already. If you get a temp shift you're ovulating. If you've done that, the next thing to do would be to talk to your doc and ask for a CD 21 blood test to check progesterone levels. That will confirm ovulation or not. It will probably take a couple months for your body to start cycling normally again anyways!

 

[smurphy90]

I agree with all of Belle's steps. I'm also curious as to why you think you aren't ovulating. Have you done BBT and/or OPKs to try to see?

 

[littlethings1]

to my mother:

STOP! STOP! STOP telling me that i dont need a baby right now! STOP telling me to wait to have kids! STOP acting like having a baby is the worst most tragic life ruining thing that could ever happen to me. I am happily married, and financially stable and i dont ask you for a damn thing, so please tell me how you've come to the conclusion that you even have a say in this matter? and for the love of GOD, when people ask ME about MY plans to have kids STOP butting in and cutting me off saying "Shes waiting at least five years for that," because i dont know where the hell you heard that insane idea, and then you have the nerve to add insult to injury by turning to me and saying "Right?" in that annoying uppity fake voice you put on whenever we're around people you feel the need to impress. Because while i might mumble around and change the subject or give some half ass beauty pageant answer at the moment, what i really want to say is "NO! NOT RIGHT! and since everybody feels the need to put my reproductive system in spotlight how about this- i have PCOS and might not be able to have these 'children' of which you speak. so as a matter of fact I AM trying to get pregnant right now, to no avail by the way. and it kills me everyday that my body cant perform the one task it was actually made to do! and ignorant buttholes like you dont make it any easier with your rude questions and assumptions!!"

i understand love oh god all i want is for my mother to support me it's punishment enough that its hard getting pregnant and not to even have your mom help and tell you its okay. It's hell. ugh

 

[tbfromlv]

New to the vent thread.... First of all, want to say, I am sorry for the losses and the struggle some of you are experiencing. It's difficult and heartbreaking.

I also agree with the "try not to think about it" comments. I mean really, if I dont think about it, its not going to happen..

For me right now, I am super frustrated. This is only technically the 2nd full cycle trying (3rd time sort of because I ovulated day 59 in the cycle prior and we sort of tried then). However, I ovulated day 25 last cycle and now I am on day 28 this cycle with no O still. Since last sunday my opks have been *almost* positive, but not quite. Temps haven't changed. Yesterday I started spotting/bleeding? I don't know if thats ovulation spotting or if my cycles decided to regulate and just start over. This sucks. I can't very well TRY to conceive if I don't hardly ovulate!

 

[lesondemavie]

New to the vent thread.... First of all, want to say, I am sorry for the losses and the struggle some of you are experiencing. It's difficult and heartbreaking.

I also agree with the "try not to think about it" comments. I mean really, if I dont think about it, its not going to happen..

For me right now, I am super frustrated. This is only technically the 2nd full cycle trying (3rd time sort of because I ovulated day 59 in the cycle prior and we sort of tried then). However, I ovulated day 25 last cycle and now I am on day 28 this cycle with no O still. Since last sunday my opks have been *almost* positive, but not quite. Temps haven't changed. Yesterday I started spotting/bleeding? I don't know if thats ovulation spotting or if my cycles decided to regulate and just start over. This sucks. I can't very well TRY to conceive if I don't hardly ovulate!

First, so glad you're temping. Second, I would start talking to a doctor now.

My SIL tried from October 2015 to March 2016 with cycles sometimes going 60+ days. She thought she was still Oing. I got her temping in March 2016 and sure enough her cycle was annovulatory. Turns out she has PCOS. Her ob referred her to a PCOS specialist, who put her on ovasitol and Clomid. They had to up her dose of Clomid, but she finally O'd in November and I'm now expecting a beautiful little nephew to join the family in August. I was going through my own journey of struggle and loss at the time. It actually took me longer to conceive the baby that I finally carried past first tri even though I O'd every month, and that didn't happen for me until I annoyed my ob enough for her to finally refer me to a specialist after a year (she wanted me try a year from my MMC rather than just a year from when we first started which would have been yet another 6 months but I knew something was off and it was). They say to try for a year, but if your cycles are off, I say you can push sooner for answers. I'm a big believer that we know our bodies best and we have to advocate for ourselves. It sounds like you're Oing some cycles, but the day is late and varies greatly. Maybe it will sort out, but maybe not. Getting help was such a bittersweet moment for me, but it made all the difference in the world and I wish someone would have helped me sooner.

Third, I apologize if advice isn't what you wanted as I realize this is a vent thread. I just couldn't help myself. I was in a really dark place all last year, grieving and wanting a baby all at once. My SIL though seemed to remain positive and hopeful even after failed Clomid cycles. I hope for that for you no matter how your adventure continues forward

 

[tbfromlv]

lesondemavie, thank you!
I went to my doctor a few days before I finally O'd last cycle. She didn't seem overly concerned which was very irritating. However, she did tell me to continue tracking and testing and if I didn't get pg on my own by May, she would put me on some meds to help. I've always had weird cycles (some months 30 days, some as long as 153 days!) I just wish I would have taken care of it sooner. I don't fit into PCOS qualities except for my irregular cycles, and so my dr didn;t want to send me for bloodwork YET because insurance wont cover it.

I'm so glad it worked out for you and your SIL. Hopefully it will soon for us too!

 

[lesondemavie]

Tb my SIL didn't fit PCOS with the exception of her cycles either, but when they did the ultrasound they saw the string of pearls. She also knew her cycles would likely be off from before she went on bcp. Be pushy if you need to be. I hate that they make so many of us wait when there's clearly something off. I had short cycles and a short LP and all I heard was that it didn't necessarily mean that anything was wrong even after a MMC and a test confirming low luteal P at 7 DPO. Then again they also told me my second BFP was likely a false positive even though I had +hpts on 4 brands and the frer went darker over a week before going negative again 😡. How can you help someone if you won't even trust their experience? If someone had just bothered to test my thyroid when I discussed my cycles at preconception, I'd probably be holding my very first baby that I lost a year ago. The RE figured it all out within 2 weeks, and 2 weeks after that I was pregnant and on thyroid meds/hormones to help support my baby. It was just so freaking easy, but no I had to go through a whole year+ and two losses while everyone just pretended that everything was fine/normal. Hah guess the need to vent doesn't really go away after all of that. I remember being a bit jealous of my SIL bc she was given help sooner. I O'd but it still took a while and even when it did happen for us I just miscarried. *sigh* I just wish I could save everyone from all of that pain 😞

 

[babyplease22]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. Just going to jump straight in to the venting if that's okay lol. If one more person tells me to "Just stop stressing about it." I feel like I might snap. The thing is, I went in to TTC with all the info I could need, I've been wanting this for as long as I can remember. I have the mindset that it can and probably will take us a year or more to concieve. So at 4 months, I'm not really worried. Just hopeful. However other people hear that I am not pregnant yet and automatically think I must be driving myself insane with stress because they know how much I want it, but I'm not.... Them telling me to relax is the most stressful part of this entire process. Why don't people understand that telling me to calm down makes me angry? Telling me to "just have heaps of sex" after I try to explain I've already passed my O date, isn't correct; and not everyone conceives first try or by accident like they all managed to...

Also, these "people" I am referring to are not people I told by choice. I told one good friend that I trusted and she (knowing full well it was a secret) asked me how it was going in front of 2 other friends I would have never chosen to tell until I announed an actual pregnancy publicly. She then apologised and said she thought it was okay to talk about in front of the others because they have children. But no, they are the worst for it because they don't understand the struggle or sometimes even how basic female anatomy works. Hearing that you just need to sneeze near your husband and you'll "get knocked up" is not reassuring to me or something I want to hear right now.

Thanks ladies for letting me vent. So sorry to the women who have experienced losses or have been here way longer than you expected to be.

 

[littlethings1]

I'm 13 dpo and this is torture. Af is due tommorow. I'm grasping onto straws at this point but here we go:
Frequent urination and trapped wind and constipation has been constant and since O I have a twichy right eye that isn't going away, vivid dreams, EXTREME FATIGUE
CM has been creamy and white since o expect today I just feel moist
3dpo: sharp pains in groin area between legs
5dpo: sharp pain in hips
7-8 dpo: sharp shooting pain on right side of pelvic area
9dpo: tight lower abdomen I feel like I pulled a musecle, it was hard to move and strech
10dpo: sharp shooting pain under armpit going towards the nipplease
11dpo: random muscles twitching sensative nipples
12 dpo: complete loss of appetite, bad headache couldntc get out of bed
13 dpo: sharp pain near hips and near nipples wet feeling
Today's bbt: 98.8F

 

[ameliarose15]

I am married to my best friend; we both work for a living; we don't steal, do drugs or use others for our own ends. Yet, for some unknown reason, WE aren't able to have kids. 6 years ago, we had confided in someone I grew up with, a woman a little older than myself. That turned into a huge mistake: after telling her how heartbroken we are about being unable to conceive, she decided it was her "job" to tell us about how there are a lot of criminals out there that can have kids, etc. She even went as far as to tell me that I was just upset that God sees me as such a terrible person, that even HE won't let me have a child. For years, she and her then-boyfriend brought up everyone but us having kids, no matter how many times we asked them to stop, that it was no laughing matter. My husband and I were the ones to remove them from our lives-then we found out that the "boyfriend" recently had a child with one of his exes. We are still not able to have a child of our own. Why?? Why is it that WE are destined to be child-less? People who've repeatedly hurt us can have kids, but we can't? What is the meaning of all of this? People say, "Give it to God and it'll happen" or "Stop trying and it'll happen." ???????? Seriously?! How long do we have to "Give it to God" or "Stop trying"? Until I'm 70? Until my husband has died from old age? Oh, but the good news is, "We can always adopt"!!! Yea, we tried that too, and even then we failed. It's always us! Everyone else can have kids, abuse them, neglect them, use those tiny miracles to hurt others, but WE are the ones who can't have kids, right? So confused, angry, heartbroken, but still people see us as a huge joke-that a sex-offender is somehow seen as a person that is fit to reproduce, and we can't. I remember someone actually having the nerve to tell me that I just wanted to be the center of attention and that people aren't going to be that messed up to anybody just for laughs-that I was somehow looking at this situation in the wrong light. That I was looking for a reason to despise other women and that I needed to stop thinking like that before I began to hate everyone just because of my failure to have a child.

 

[ameliarose15]

We had even tried GoFundMe; but then of course, people decided they would rather donate to someone else, and then post a mean reply to us, saying that no one wants to donate to fat, ugly people, whose "junk" can't work right.

 

[lesondemavie]

Amelia - How awful! I hate when people use god or religion in such an ugly way. When people are ugly like that, I try to remember that it has more to do with them than with me. Only people who are unhappy and insecure about their own lives treat others that way. Those thoughts help me shield me a bit from the hurt and help me to find forgiveness in my heart. Also there is nothing wrong with setting healthy boundaries when someone is hurtful in your life. Life can be tough enough without all that nonsense from other people.

I'm not sure what religion you practice, but I was never taught that bad things only happen to bad people. I was always taught that there will be many challenges in life for us all, and it is how we handle them and the choices we make in spite of them that matters. There is no rhyme or reason as to why some people have kids easily and others don't. The jealousy and thoughts over "why you?" are normal. Those of us who have struggled have all felt and thought those same things. The good thing is that feelings and thoughts and even the hurtful things others say are not reality. Know in your heart that while this is an awful, emotionally gut-wrenching experience in your life, it is not a punishment. This path is your own, but you are not alone. There are so many who are on or who have been on our own difficult journeys in our own ways who are here for you, holding your hand in strength and solidarity as you navigate this darkness.

 

[mommatobe1996]

Hi guys.

11dpo taken a test and im sure i have a really faint line, however i dont know if its my eyes playing tricks on me. no signs of pms! only symptoms are dizziness and cramping (more on my left hand side)

what do you guys think?

 

[ameliarose15]

Thank you for the kindness-lately it has been so rare. My husband doesn't even know what to do or say that will help ease some of my anguish. We have been ttc for about 8 years now and we know nothing but heartache. About 6 years ago, I had thought for sure we would have at least tried IVF, since that is probably our best bet. After years of saving up about $20,000.00, we were in the last stretch before in-vitro. But then suddenly all that money we had saved disappeared and those blood-sucking leeches suddenly had a lot of cool stuff. Although we knew what they had done, we couldn't actually prove anything, so they got away with breaking into the home my husband and I share, found all of our money and took it without even batting an eye. There were no witnesses or anything (awfully convenient). So now we're right back at square 1. All the tears, anger, fighting, the anxiety, worry, you name it. And those people stole everything from us, just to rub our faces in it at every opportunity. For so long, all I wanted was an apology, some empathy at this screwed up situation. Now, after so much pain, I have found (hopefully) a friend, in this journey we all call life. It takes courage to open up about what causes us so much hurt. I have known I'm not alone, but it always feels like I am. I feel like I must be a total failure-at the most cherished of events: motherhood. I don't practice religion specifically-I have a belief that there is a higher power (now I'm not so sure about that.) How could any higher power allow someone to feel nothing in their life but pain? I'm no stranger to it. The majority of my existence has been spent in some form of torment or another, with brief moments of peace. I do have such a hard time really believing that I'm not being punished for one thing or another. My heart breaks every time I hear about a female giving birth, then deciding to end the child's life. I don't know how much longer I can go through this. I just want it to finally be my turn. It's always someone else.