Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[VP1228]

I'm just so bitter. I don't want to be like this. I was alright the two times this week that I held and played with a baby. They were both beautiful, and they were both teenage accidents. Both have mothers that make everyone else watch their babies so they can go off and hang out with friends and sleep with more guys. One smelled terribly of cigarette smoke and the other didn't even have basic things like wipes or a change of clothes packed in the diaper bag. It made me so sad, but I held it together.
But not tonight. I lost my sh*t. My husband told me (cautiously and gently) of another pregnancy announcement. He wanted me to hear it from him and not from someone at the wedding we are attending tomorrow. And I was okay hearing it. Well, not really. It was someone we least expected and it felt like a kick to the gut. But then he said it...he FINALLY said the words I have been waiting to hear "I feel like the world is against us. I feel so frustrated." That's right! He finally feels the same way I do! I have felt alone so far. But now I know I'm not. That's when I lost my sh*t. I had a panic attack. We go to the fertility doc soon and I am terrified of what we might find out. I am so scared about the possibility of not being able to have kids. I know it has only been a year and compared to many, it is not that long. But I also know of many people who are completely unable to conceive, so I know that is a possibility and it scares the crap outta me!
Eventually I was able to calm down after my husband told me "I promise you that we will have a baby someday. I can't promise that it will be cute, but we will have one." He never fails to make me laugh.
Sorry this was a bit long, but I just had to share it. Sometimes I feel so calm and optimistic about TTC, but then something happens and I lose it. It makes me feel like a bad person. I don't like being jealous and bitter, but sometimes I just can't help it. I really pray that all of us will finally get our turn!

I feel the same way you do. I have friends and old classmates that have kids and don't have everything they need to care for their babies or even toddlers. My fiance and I are so ready to have a baby that we talk about it all the time and his parents and my mom are supportive of our decision to try (yeah very close to his parents and my mom lol). So I really don't understand why it is taking almost 2 year (will be 2 years in September). I lose my cool a lot when my so called true friends or someone I know tell me that they are pregnant or getting an abortion. My best friend told me about 3 weeks ago that she was 6 weeks pregnant and I almost cried but I had to fight the tears because she doesn't know I am actively trying. I wish over and over again that I could feel that BFP moment at the least. I know I may sound selfish but it hurts so much to see pregnant TEENS for god's sake. I have never had an OOPS or UH OH moment and I am 22. Still crying from the pain of knowing I could be the reason I am not pregnant. I have wanted a baby since I was 3 yes I know it sounds unbelievable but my mom told me I used to talk about having 4 kids and a husband. Idk why I would say that at 3 years old Anyway I can feel your pain as I said before and oh yeah my fiance has told me before that he feels people can see the pain we are experiencing and that's why they tell us about their pregnancies or kids to make us feel worse.

 

[AJnJJ2008]

Not so much a vent but I'm bumming...

We are going into cycle 9 soon.... My doc ordered an HSG, and I got a letter yesterday from my insurance saying they denied it because it's for infertility and that isn't a covered infertility procedure. I found out the test isn't too expensive, but seeing "infertility" on paper hit me. Then talking to my mom about possible options and about it...it all just seems crazy. UGH.

 

[trying2beamom]

had a hsg in april and i just got my bfp baby dust to everyone

 

[CakeCottage]

Why do my veins have to be so crap to get blood from??
Came for my FSH and LH tests and they've tried both arms to get blood from but couldn't find the veins grrr!
Eventually when they found the vein they managed to get the teeniest amount of blood, just enough for the test

 

[tamithomas]

My mom posted a picture of my step brother's sons 1 year old birthday cake on facebook who got pregnant by getting tricked by his girlfriend saying she had continued the pill when she didn't, I was due to deliver 2-3 weeks ago...AF is due in 4 days...FML!

 

[ashntony]

had a hsg in april and i just got my bfp baby dust to everyone

Congrats

 

[tamithomas]

Good news: Land owner came by, told us he is going to be fixing our water and actually giving us a whole new plumbing free of charge since it's not our responsibility. Awesome news.

Bad news: Mom won't stop sending me pictures of the birthday party. Trying to figure out how to tell her that these pictures are killing me and putting me into tears. It basically rained on my parade after finding out about our water pipes. I should have known that when one thing goes right, something bad follows.

I don't want to sound like a b**ch by telling her I don't care because I don't want to ruin her fun time. I guess I will talk to her tomorrow when the party is all said and done. On top if it, AF cramps are starting right on time. This is killing me from the inside out.

 

[ashntony]

Hugs Tami I'd be just as upset as you...

 

[tamithomas]

Thanks, only 2 hours left of this torture until the end of the party aka 9pm thankfully. One of the rare times I hate the invention of social media being portable on phones...that's how she's sending them. I had been building myself up to this moment considering I knew the 1st birthday would be made into something big as should any one year olds b-day should be. It's just the timing that royally sucks. If it were any other given time of the year it'd be no problem but to have that success of a bfp indirectly rubbed in my face when I'm supposed to have a 2 week old right now is a mind number to say the least. Luckily I have an awesome and supporting DH.

 

[Paperhearts]

.

 

[Sam10]

AF is killing me already! Horrible cramps and giant blood clots. So much blood I seriously wonder how I'm still alive. I hate taking meds but I HAVE to when I feel like this. UGH I have not missed this type of period! It's been awhile since I had one like this. The last few have been so short and light. Guess it's making up for it. Nothing like trying to work with a heating pad down your pants. I want to cuddle with my husband but at the same time I don't want him to touch me.

 

[tamithomas]

AF is killing me already! Horrible cramps and giant blood clots. So much blood I seriously wonder how I'm still alive. I hate taking meds but I HAVE to when I feel like this. UGH I have not missed this type of period! It's been awhile since I had one like this. The last few have been so short and light. Guess it's making up for it. Nothing like trying to work with a heating pad down your pants. I want to cuddle with my husband but at the same time I don't want him to touch me.

I'm so sorry. Speed healing vibes

 

[tamithomas]

Well after the hard day with my sister in-laws first birthday fiasco, the day ended on a good note. A good friend of the family's found out she was bfp but for the first time in a long time I found myself genuinely happy for someone elses bfp. It felt refreshing. I think what was refreshing was hearing someone else know what infertility is like in my own circle. Long story short, this friend of the family is my first friend who is an ivf success story! It happened to such a wonderful couple too. Strong family values. I wish them the best. Most of all, it was a breath of fresh air to not feel jealousy for the first time in 3 years.

 

[Kelt1123]

I'm just so bitter. I don't want to be like this. I was alright the two times this week that I held and played with a baby. They were both beautiful, and they were both teenage accidents. Both have mothers that make everyone else watch their babies so they can go off and hang out with friends and sleep with more guys. One smelled terribly of cigarette smoke and the other didn't even have basic things like wipes or a change of clothes packed in the diaper bag. It made me so sad, but I held it together.
But not tonight. I lost my sh*t. My husband told me (cautiously and gently) of another pregnancy announcement. He wanted me to hear it from him and not from someone at the wedding we are attending tomorrow. And I was okay hearing it. Well, not really. It was someone we least expected and it felt like a kick to the gut. But then he said it...he FINALLY said the words I have been waiting to hear "I feel like the world is against us. I feel so frustrated." That's right! He finally feels the same way I do! I have felt alone so far. But now I know I'm not. That's when I lost my sh*t. I had a panic attack. We go to the fertility doc soon and I am terrified of what we might find out. I am so scared about the possibility of not being able to have kids. I know it has only been a year and compared to many, it is not that long. But I also know of many people who are completely unable to conceive, so I know that is a possibility and it scares the crap outta me!
Eventually I was able to calm down after my husband told me "I promise you that we will have a baby someday. I can't promise that it will be cute, but we will have one." He never fails to make me laugh.
Sorry this was a bit long, but I just had to share it. Sometimes I feel so calm and optimistic about TTC, but then something happens and I lose it. It makes me feel like a bad person. I don't like being jealous and bitter, but sometimes I just can't help it. I really pray that all of us will finally get our turn!

I know exactly what you mean. I've felt like I've been alone in all this for so long! My mom always tells me my turn will come when the time is right and not to worry about it and my husband acts like its no big deal, it'll happen when it happens. I have to try my hardest to hold myself together but sometimes I can't and just lose my sh*t. I've finally made my husband sit and have a serious talk about this, it's helped a lot to know we finally have a plan set. I think my husband finally realized I'm a mess about this and I'm not going to give up, whether we have our own anyway is possible or we adopt a little one that needs loving parents like I know we can be

 

[awifey]

I turned 30 today. The first thing I did was cry because of my empty house and empty uterus. I don't want to go through the rest of this day.

 

[tamithomas]

I turned 30 today. The first thing I did was cry because of my empty house and empty uterus. I don't want to go through the rest of this day.

Even though it does suck to pass another birthday without bfp, just wanna say Happy Birthday

 

[Ladybuggz]

Not so much a vent but has anyone elso noticed that May seems to be a pregnancy boom? Watching the BFP announcements and it's crazy, the past few days have seen LOADS of BFPs. Just hope I'm going to be one of those ladies soon.

 

[tamithomas]

Not so much a vent but has anyone elso noticed that May seems to be a pregnancy boom? Watching the BFP announcements and it's crazy, the past few days have seen LOADS of BFPs. Just hope I'm going to be one of those ladies soon.

No not me thankfully. The only one I've heard so far I'm over the moon for because it's an ivf baby. Luckily though my circle of friends involve either childfree, have had their children before I even met them or are single. The chances of a bfp showing up on my side are slim. On my DH's side of friends however... two bfp's in the passed month -_-

 

[Sparkle_13]

So upset at myself got a peak on cbfm 2 days ago and yesterday. We bd'd twice on the 1st day but then last night had a bit of a disagreement and then stubborn me didn't feel like it (and dh didn't make much of an effort either). Had a really bad sleep cos I was upset at myself now this morning cbfm is back to high. At least we got in on the 1st day but I'm just so sad now that we didn't do everything we could
My temp didn't go up this morning and so I was hoping we might be able to bd this morning to maybe catch it but dh got up and went straight to work.

 

[laurac1988]

Sperm can live for 72 hours. One missed day isn't the end of the world