Approximately 5.5/6 weeks.
Way, way, way worse than I thought it would be. Emotionally and physically. I've been crying for about 5 days straight in addition to very bad cramps and other terrible physical feelings. Worst thing is that I can't really talk to anyone, since they don't know, although I don't really have much to say anyway. This is about the sum of it:
They warn you that you doctor will be dismissive when you're early term, and she sure as shit was. She didn't even believe me about how many weeks it was because my hcg levels tested low. She gave new meaning to the words "cold" and "poor bedside manner." She referred to this as "a bump in the road." Of course, one of the nurses also said two idiotic things to me:
Her: You're so young! Time is on your side.
Me: I'm 35 in a month.
Her: Oh. Well, you look very young, anyway!
...
Her: Just remember that God has a plan.
Me: I don't believe in a god. I'm an athiest.
Her: Oh. Well, let me go get the doctor.
The doctor told me I need to wait a full cycle before trying again, but frankly I don't even know if I'll be ready. I'll be 35+, at which point you have about a 30% chance of miscarriage, and having had one means that one's risk is additionally elevated. So, I figure I have at least a 1:3 chance of having this same fucking thing happen next round, IF I even manage another BFP. At this moment I don't know how anyone gets back up on this horse again.
The good news is that I actually weigh what I like to--six whole pounds lost in the past week! And I'm getting to drink as much wine as I like. I recognize that this isn't exactly healthy, but I figure I get to do whatever the hell I want so long as I'm still bleeding. After that I'll try to pull myself back together again.
I hope you're all doing better than I am. I glanced through some recent posts, and it sounds like some good stuff and some bad stuff (
bubbles). I'll likely lurk, but I'm not sure I'll be on here much for a while. As babysa said (
again), this place can be a bit much when you're going through this.
to all.
so DH and I have been 
for the past two nights, and will tonight and Sunday as well since we are trying SMEP this month. FX we all get our 
this month!
People would tell me to just think positive...I was like are you kidding, its not that easy when you go through so much. thinking of you!!! and dont worry about FF. My chart was all over too when I got my bfp. The change in heat and coldness this time of year can affect your temps.
to stay away for 9 months!!
