TTC #1 Hopeful and Obsessed! lol

[BelleNuit]

I just feel numb. I don't have the energy to grieve again

 

[greenarcher]

Belle, I hope you're wrong and the spotting stops.

I hope everyone is okay. I'm going through some things right now, and I'm sorry I've been absent.

 

[BelleNuit]

CD 1 today.

Green is everything okay?? Here for you!

 

[mnelson815]

Sorry about AF Belle, I really thought this month was going to be it!
At lease we got to live in that little bubble of excited possibility for a few days.
I do enjoy what you've added to your signature, although I am taking it in a positive means - so I hope Im not misinterpreting what you were trying to say there.

I had some really odd heavy spotting Saturday morning, with it being bright red. It wasn't enough to be considered Day 1, and pretty much just when wiping which was so odd. Then nothing at all for most of yesterday until night time with some dark brown/red again. No idea what is going on. I cannot wait for my appointment Wednesday because I can no longer stand what my body is doing.

Green - Hope you're doing okay. Let us know if you need to talk to anyone. Thinking of you!

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks mnelson, I added it there to keep myself encouraged!

I thought AF started but it's just more spotting and lighter than yesterday. If no AF today then I'll be officially late. Super weird.

Sounds like we're both confused by what's going on with our spotting!

 

[mnelson815]

I know mine has stopped again as well! What is going on this month?
Are you going to test if it doesn't pick up today?
That seems encouraging from what my acupuncturist used to tell me about her ladies that spot!

 

[BelleNuit]

I'll test tomorrow if it doesn't show, but I'm starting to get cramps so I think it's just a matter of time. We will see!

 

[BelleNuit]

AF is here, c'est la vie

 

[mnelson815]

Boo!! Ill likely be joining you by the end of this week.

 

[BelleNuit]

Boo to that too!!

 

[greenarcher]

Damn sorry to hear you guys.

Okay, so here's a brief update--my husband and I are separating. I slept with an ex that I still hold a candle for on CD 16. I've been ovulating on CD16-18 pretty consistently. I took plan B the next morning (I do not want to play who's my baby's daddy), but then I did some research and learned that the closer to ovulation you are, the less likely it is to work. The last time I slept with my husband was the 21st or 22nd (CD 12 or 13).

So. This is going to be a really weird TWW for me.

 

[BelleNuit]

Green I know you and your husband have had your differences for some time now. I can completely understand wanting to take Plan B in this situation. We'll be here for you through this weird TWW hoping right along with you that you're NOT pregnant.

That being said are you feeling okay about things? I mean getting divorced is a hugely stressful life event. I just want you to know that we're here for you even if you're not TTC anymore

 

[greenarcher]

I'm pretty numb about it all, really. I'm okay today, but I know there will be days in the near future where I won't be able to function.

The weird thing about this TWW is that I don't know if I want to be pregnant. I would love to have a kid with my ex (we dated for a year in college, I thought he was the one), but I don't want to force his hand.... he would be a great dad, and I think he'd be willing to work things out if I was pregnant. But it just wouldn't feel right. That's not how relationships are supposed to happen, you know?

And even though I'm no longer TTC, I'm hanging out because I want to see you all succeed and become moms. You've been an incredible support system.

 

[greenarcher]

Okay, really weird, but I've had crazy amounts of EWCM the last 3 days. I have never gotten EWCM. I wonder what the hell this pill did to my hormones to make my body function the way it's supposed to

 

[BelleNuit]

I can certainly understand that numb feeling. I agree with you. That doesn't sound like a great way to start a relationship. In general I think any relationship would be tough to start right now under the circumstances.

I'm glad you'll still be sticking around

That is strange that your pill gave you ewcm. I know some people who actually can only get pregnant when they are on the pill. Super weird! But something to keep in mind when you start ttc again. Who knows, maybe with a different partner it will go much easier next time. (Sorry I know you're not there yet at all, that's just my brain always rushing on to the next thing).

 

[mnelson815]

Wow Green, definitely not surprised you have been MIA for a bit. That is a lot to go through lately!
I am glad that you are doing fairly okay with the situation, given the circumstances. I can really imagine how you might feel torn as well, especially with TTC for the past while and still holding a candle for the ex. I definitely agree though that that would be a hard beginning to a relationship considering the circumstances. I just hope that whatever path you are on, that it brings you happiness in the end!

Definitely would love for you to stay around! Love having you drop in here and there. I will be closely watching the TWW with you and sticking around for all of the updates.

That is really odd about the EWCM. However, I believe Plan B is essentially a high dose birth control pill, so lots of synthetic estrogen in there, which could likely contribute to that EWCM? Hmm something to think about.

Did you ever have CD3 bloods done? I wonder what your regular estrogen levels are?

 

[greenarcher]

Thank you so much for the well wishes. I've never had bloodwork done, so I don't know if my normal levels are low. I wouldn't be surprised at all because I was on the patch forever, which has one of the higher estrogen concentrations of the hormonal methods out there.

The MAP I took is actually a progesterone only pill (Levonorgestrel), so no estrogen to cause EWCM. I thought that might have been it too, but nope!

No fucking clue. I feel like absolute crap though. Bring on the symptom spotting.

 

[BelleNuit]

Green you wouldn't be the first to have had their fertility negatively affected by birth control. Its certainly within the realm of possibility.

I was only on b/c for 3 years and quit 6 years ago, so that shouldn't be what's causing my problem. Nobody knows I guess. Maybe we'll get lucky in the next cycle or 2. Or maybe we won't and then I'll have to accept my fate and start fertility drugs.

Sorry to hear you're feeling like crap! Progesterone symptoms are always awful, so the MAP is probably just amplifying those for you.

 

[mnelson815]

Yeah that makes sense with it being progesterone only. Hopefully it doesn't mess anything up too much.

As for me, I am definitely out. Still spotting, tested this morning and negative.
I have my follow up appointment in a few hours so I am beyond nervous. I guess we see what our next steps are. I am guessing surgery followed by IVF hoping the biopsy comes back as nothing serious. I really could just do for a second line on a pregnancy test for once, but hey. Hopefully this route works.

 

[BelleNuit]

Mnelson I will be checking back here frequently today to hear about how your appointment goes! Do you really think they'll suggest jumping straight to IVF? I chat with some other ladies on the forum and one had a very large polyp removed and they tried on their own for a little while before doing IUI, their last step will be IVF. I wonder if a similar route would work for you?

I really admire how open you are to accepting help and doing whatever needs to be done to make this work. I definitely feel at times like my insistence at expectant management is just pointless.