TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[skye2010]

Lava they might up your dosage of Femara and stimmulate longer to achieve other eggs. I'm glad that your Dh had the confidence boost I hope your one egg and DH's super sperm does the miracle this month

 

[padbrat]

OK Ladies... help!

It has been nearly 2 weeks since I had the operation to take my baby away.... why am I still feeling so negative and angry? I was never like that with any of the others....

I have got to the point where I am old and tired and broken.... Hubby says that we should just accept and get on with life... I so want to but I am soooo angry.... I was watching the news and it had big old pregnant Mariah Carey on it and I just went nuts. I know I should wait patiently for the test results and then see what my specialist says and then if it all seems OK try and get pregnant again... if not accept it.

I just can't. I am so angry.

 

[padbrat]

yeah and like getting pregnant is soooo easy right? NOT!

 

[Neversaynever]

OK Ladies... help!

It has been nearly 2 weeks since I had the operation to take my baby away.... why am I still feeling so negative and angry? I was never like that with any of the others....

I have got to the point where I am old and tired and broken.... Hubby says that we should just accept and get on with life... I so want to but I am soooo angry.... I was watching the news and it had big old pregnant Mariah Carey on it and I just went nuts. I know I should wait patiently for the test results and then see what my specialist says and then if it all seems OK try and get pregnant again... if not accept it.

I just can't. I am so angry.

Padbrat hun I've often thought about you over the last couple of weeks

You're feeling completely normal in this nasty and shi**y situation and it is hard to try and get over it/move on. I had my loss two months ago and last weekend I had a real meltdown. I had to go and buy a friends baby a present when all I could think about was I should be buying bits for MY baby.

Unfortunately for the men, they will never truly understand how we feel as it affects the women physically as well as emotionally. They just want to fix the problem and as they can't, they want to move on and carry on.

Sending you big hugs and if you want to pm me, feel free at anytime

Andrea xXx

 

[HappyAuntie]

OK Ladies... help!

It has been nearly 2 weeks since I had the operation to take my baby away.... why am I still feeling so negative and angry? I was never like that with any of the others....

I have got to the point where I am old and tired and broken.... Hubby says that we should just accept and get on with life... I so want to but I am soooo angry.... I was watching the news and it had big old pregnant Mariah Carey on it and I just went nuts. I know I should wait patiently for the test results and then see what my specialist says and then if it all seems OK try and get pregnant again... if not accept it.

I just can't. I am so angry.

Oh honey, I wish I could hug you for real.

It's only been two weeks. Of course you're still hurting. This loss feels different to you because it was different - for the first time you saw a heartbeat and felt some hope that this time might be different - ANY woman in your shoes would do the same.

Grief knows no clock or calendar. It just takes as long as it takes. It hurts as long as it hurts. Allow yourself to feel that hurt and that pain. Feelings are something to have, not something to judge. There is no certain time when you "should" feel better by, just allow yourself to grieve as long as you need to grieve.

Hubby needs time to hurt and grieve as long as he needs to, too. I would encourage you both not to make any final decisions regarding future plans for a while why you're still in the depths of your pain. Any decisions you make right now will be clouded in grief and emotion.

As for pregnant celebs, my first reaction is to say sod 'em all. But if it helps, remember that their roads to motherhood are not as smooth and easy as the media would have us think. Mariah Carey had a miscarriage a few years before this pregnancy and has publicly admitted how difficult that was for her and her husband. On top of that, given that she's 41 and now pregnant with twins, I would bet a million dollars that she used IUI or more likely IVF to get pregnant (though most celebs for some reason never own up to having help getting pg). Celine Dion went thru something like 6 rounds of IVF and a miscarriage or two before carrying her twins to term. And Kelly Preston (John Travolta's wife) gave birth at 48 - virtually no way that happens without IVF and donor eggs. While I completely understand their desire to keep private matters private, it certainly sets us normal people up with completely unrealistic expectations of what ttc and pregnancy will be like. So when you see pregnant celebs, try and remember they have a whole huge story behind their efforts to get pregnant that we will likely never know about. When it comes to ttc, they are just as human as the rest of us are.

You will not always feel as sad and angry as you do right now. I promise you that. The grief and pain will always be a part of your life story, but they will lessen with time and the edge will wear off and you will not feel this way forever. I promise.

 

[luvmydoggies]

Hello ladies, sorry it has been awhile. I guess, I just got really down and didn't want to bring that on any of you. I really convinced myself that this could be my month. I usually get af symptoms way before and this month, I didn't. So I thought "maybe" I poas like a mad woman. I was sure it was positive. I got my hopes up, dh's hopes up...turns out it was the evap line on an internet cheapie. I even ran out and bought an expensive digital, just so it could tell me 'not pregnant', and I started spotting today which means is on her way. I'm so scared to ever poas again for the mere fact that it will say or Not Pregnant. It feels like bfp's just happen to other people.( I no thats not true-but it feels true at the mo) I know i'm ranting- and for that I apologize.

I hope all of you had a nice Easter weekend. I slaved in the kitchen all day to prepare a really nice dinner for my Mom and dh. Tonight, I said wtf...and had some champagne I even baked a cake that was in a lamb cake mold and frosted it because that made me smile.

Hi Jocr, Happy Auntie, Dwrgi, Ske2010 ( sounds like your moving right along with your treatment) lava (fingers crossed that your iui brings you your bfp) Hi Missyt (glad that your dh's sister is realizing not to put the pressure on you and that it's other issues) Hi futuremommie, Twink, Gingerbread
Welcome home!!! Never, I love vegas and watching the bellaggio fountain. We were there last summer, we stayed at paris and I got to watch the fountain every 15 min from my hotel window) Hi Lynnb, MommysAngel

Padbrat, I'm so sorry about your loss. I can't even begin to understand what you are going through. I also get frustrated seeing celebs with their babybumps...I realize they go through hard times but they have the financial means to get pregnant that a lot of us don't have.

Lastly, dh and I went to a funeral on wed last week. A co-worker of his passed suddenly from a heart attack- he was only 51. Gone too young and way too soon. We were shocked and very sad. Dh worked with him for more than 2 yrs, a few years ago. We drove up to Santa Maria, which is 2 hours from us. (we live in Moorpark, CA) in between Simi Valley and Thousand Oaks.

I'm praying that we all get our bfp's soon. I think about all of you.

 

[skye2010]

Padbrat sweetie, what you have been through is a big challenge to overcome emotionally. I agree with HA that this time it was different for you because of the heartbeat and everybody here along with you got so excited and happy. Your grief will take its time. You can't ignore it unfortunately and just sit tight and let yourself heal. Be kind to yourself and DH, it's very normal to feel this way.
On Mariah Carey I have a few words to add. I felt revolted when I saw those pictures. The woman is a meat head in fact and those pictures are really tasteless. I am sure that those are IVF babies too. But she is one of those celebrities who live in a fantasy bubble. She used to have her pictures taken with dogs and cats that didn't belong to herself just to look cute, while she was throwing coffee at her PA's face just cause it wasn't warm enough.
Those pictures were erotic in a vulgar way as if sending a msg to the whole world "Yeah see, we bonk like rabbits all the time and that's how we got the babies" How can you share such private picts in a tabloid magazine with the whole world? I felt like writing a letter to the magazine when I saw those. She didn't get those babies naturally and the picts are extremely insenitive and vulgar.
I know that she was actually gagging for babies for a while. So was JLO rummaging all the baby stores for a good few years before she got her obviously IVF babies. Nicole Kidman tried for ages and it can't be all natural at 44, but she was at least not insensitive about it, especially to her baby. She tried her best to keep the baby and herself out of the media light in a dignified manner. Celine Dion had her first son IVF and the second time the twins also by IVF after a long struggle and lot's of IVF rounds cause her husband had Cancer treatment before. But she was sincere and sweet enough to share her struggle so we could all get inspired. The list goes on. We are a generation that made to believe technology can solve all of our problems. Media and the press like to cash in on success stories rather than failures. That's why it was such a shock for me to find out even with an IVF a baby was a miracle and nowhere near a done deal. Just because these people have money and fame they don't have miraculously happy lives at all.

You are in my thoughts. I'm glad that you come here and write about your pain. It means that you have started the healing process.I am sending you loads of hugs and good healing vibes.

 

[FutureMommie]

LeeC- enjoy your cycle without the craziness of opks

missyt- sending hugs your way, are you taking a break from IUI's this cycle?

Never- glad vegas was fabulous, I've always wanted to go there. Sounds like you and your dh had a great talk and so happy that he has decided to keep going.

Skye- so excited for you, I've been worndering how you've been feeling with all of those follies growing in there. I know this is going to be it for you, when is retreival? Love the positive attitude.

Lava- Glad your IUI went off without a hitch and that conception worked for your dh, its always an ego booster when they find out that they have lots of swimmers, My dh had 51 million and he was so happy, he's 48 so I guess I understand. You should ask why your Re doesn't want to use injections, don't be too shy to ask, with as much as we go thru, I'm sure he/she will be more than happy to anwer your question.

Padrat- I agree with the other ladies, in that greiving has no time limit, allow yourself to greive what you are feeling is naturally especially when you have experienced loss.

Luv- So sorry that you have been feeling down, sometimes in this process you feel like everyone around you is getting pg except you, I know the feeling, I wish I had the magic words to make you feel better.

 

[skye2010]

I triggered last night so egg collection is tomorrow morning I'm really swollen and bloated. Had a walk in the park earlier on (the weather is unbelievably warm) but I almost passed out in the car on the way back. I think I overheated suddenly. So I decided to chill out on the sofa for the rest of the day and we'll see the score tomorrow I hope I am a good Easter Bird.
Happy Easter all.
Double huge hugs for Padbrat who seems to need it most right now. xxxx

BTW Luvy your efforts of making a lamb shaped cake gave me a huge smile. Good girl haahaaha.... Attach a pict if u can xxx

 

[HappyAuntie]

Hey ladies - just wanted to pop in and let you know my SIS went fine and my uterus is apparently completely normal. Still no apparent explanation for my abnormal bleeding. Frustrating, but better than finding something wrong, I suppose. My FS even said that my uterus looks fine "for whatever we end up needing to do" - I took that to mean that if we end up moving on to IVF, my body can take it. Still hoping that the IUIs will be successful and it will be a moot point, though....

Skye, so excited you triggered last night! take it easy - get some good doggie snuggles in until you get those ovaries deflated tomorrow!

 

[lynnb]

skye2010 - Good luck for tomorrow, hope you have some really nice eggs for collection

HappyAuntie - Good news about your SIS

luvmydoggies - So sorry the is on her way, please try & stay positive, I'm sure that your BFP will happen, it's just a matter of time & don't worry about ranting, that's what we're all here for.

LeeC - Good luck with not POAS

Jocr - How is the spirunlina?

Dwrgi - Hope you made the most of the long weekend

lavalux - Finger crossed your IUI works

Missyt - Sorry AF showed but you will make a wonderful mummy one day.

FutureMommie - How are you huni?

twinkle1975 - Has your spotting stopped & did you see your Dr about it?

Gingerbread - So glad you've decided to try 1 more IUI, fingers & toes crossed it works this time

LeeC - Sorry AF showed up today.

Padbrat - Sending you

Neversaynever - Glad you had a good time in Vegas, hoping that this is your month

Hi to anyone I've missed

AFM - I got faint line on IC this morning, so going to test again every day this week to make sure that the lines get darker but need to phone EPU tomorrow & see what they advise

 

[lavalux]

Hello to all. I hope that everyone had a lovely Easter.

Just wanted to pop in and say that I appreciate the comments made about older celebrity moms. A good friend's mom knows Celine Dion and teaches one of her children at this private school in Florida. She says that Celine is the sweetest, most unassuming woman - so different from her diva persona on stage. She wears no makeup and is very natural, and kind to everyone. I wish more celebrities would talk about the challenging path they took to motherhood, but I also understand their need for privacy. I think that is why Mariah Carey is so irritating because she begs for attention and it's all fake. I'm sure she's thrilled to be a mom, but she comes off so smug, it's sickening to watch.

There is a Walk Of Hope - Shattering the Silence of Infertility, taking place in Grant Park near my home in Atlanta on May 14th. The walk benefits Resolve - the National Infertility Association. My husband and I are going to walk and invite a few friends. For those of you in the Atlanta area who may be lurking, you can find more info at www.resolve.org/atlwalk. I wish more people would talk about this problem openly, but even I don't want my co-workers, boss, dad, relatives, and some friends to know about what we are doing so I feel a bit torn. I think that once I have a baby, it will be easier to talk about, but right now, I feel emotionally raw.

On Friday, hours after my IUI, I had dinner with a friend from NYC. She has mentored a girl from a high-risk neighborhood in her hometown for many years. Last week, this girl who is 18 years old discovered that she and her bf are pregnant. She asked my friend to adopt the baby, but since she is single, a news anchor who travels internationally for work, she declined. My friend talked to me about it and asked if we would be interested in adopting the baby. I chatted with the girl on facebook on Saturday. She is a high school cheerleader, into photography, beautiful ... has virtually no parental support, living with her bf, and very scared. She was seriously considering adoption and asked me lots of questions, but then her bf got back in town yesterday and encouraged her to have the abortion and be done with it. I truly feel for the girl, but despite all reason, I let myself feel the slightly excited at the prospect. At 39 & 47, my husband and I will have a very difficult time adopting an infant without special needs. DH was on board too and said we could pursue it if she was interested in giving the baby up for adoption. Of course, I am not supposed to be invested at all in this girl's decision, and I am letting it go, but I must admit to y'all that this whole thing has been tugging on my heartstrings this weekend. So many young girls getting pregnant by accident and fearing to do anything but "take care of it" and so many women like myself trying desperately to have their own child later in life. The irony of it all is unescapable. I am trying to put it out of my head and feel positive that this IUI cycle will result in a BFP.

Padbrat,
I just want to give you a big hug. Be easy on yourself and your husband as you let yourself grieve. I hope that we can be there for you while you heal.

Skye,
Good luck tomorrow. I'll say a prayer for you. Let us know how it goes.

Luvmydoggies,
Hugs to you too. I know what an awful feeling it is to get that BFN ... again. One day though, you will get your BFP! I hope sooner rather than later.

HA and FM,
I love your energy and compassionate contributions to this thread. Thank you!

Never,
Glad you had a great trip to Vegas and you and your DH are on the same page to keep trying.

We all must keep our heads up and dream of the day when the blessings come to us in the form of a healthy baby! If we can visualize it, we can achieve it!

 

[FutureMommie]

.

FutureMommie - How are you huni?

AFM - I got faint line on IC this morning, so going to test again every day this week to make sure that the lines get darker but need to phone EPU tomorrow & see what they advise

Aww thanks for asking about me, I'm doing great, just waiting to O

HA and FM,
I love your energy and compassionate contributions to this thread. Thank you!

Thanks lava I love being a cheerleader for you ladies and glad that you are all my cheerleaders as well.

Wow! Talk about an emotional rollercoaster I wonder what she is going to decide. Maybe you should consider taking a step back until she decides for sure, It could be potentially be very hard if she decided to have an abortion or decides to keep the baby for herself. If she does decided to let you guys adopt she would be making a great choice, you are going to ROCK as a mom! Keep us posted but guard your feelings. FX for you!

 

[lavalux]

Thanks, FM. I am pretty sure that she will have the abortion and have resigned myself to it, but it threw me for a loop this weekend that's for sure. She has hardly any support from her mom (who let's her live with her bf now that's she's 18) , dad is out of the picture, her bf wants her to have the abortion so really is the easiest way for her practically to get out of her situation and she may have difficulty considering the thornier emotional and ethical ramifications. Without parental support or any spiritual encouragement to carry the baby and give it away, it would be pretty extraordinary for a girl in her position to not get the abortion. She definitely does not want to keep the baby herself. It's just sad.

AFM,
I know that things will be clearer for me down the road when I'm not TTCing anymore (either b/c I have a baby or have given up the fight and moved on), but I keep trying to stay positive while the path unwinds itself. It is so quiet in the house right now. I have the day off from work (it's a state holiday), DH is at work, I just got back from a walk and trip to the library, but now I'm back and feeling listless. Sad to say, but I am almost looking forward to going back to work tomorrow! Ha! Ha!

 

[lavalux]

Deleted double post - Sorry!

 

[Neversaynever]

Neversaynever - Glad you had a good time in Vegas, hoping that this is your month

Hi to anyone I've missed

AFM - I got faint line on IC this morning, so going to test again every day this week to make sure that the lines get darker but need to phone EPU tomorrow & see what they advise

Thanks Lynnb, we had a great time overall and we are both hoping this month will be the month too

I see you also have a faint line, I am going to say congratulations hun, I can only imagine that you are ecstatic and petrified at the same time and I totally understand that too. Take care and please keep is posted.

Lots of sticky to you Lynnb

XxX

 

[padbrat]

Thank you ladies... as ever you are an inspiration.

I know we need time to grieve and absorb what has happened. But this one is so hard. Anyway, I have decided that I will try and calm my anger and not think about babies until we have our results..... easier said than done I suspect lol.

What I wanted to say was thank you all for your words, it really does help me not feel like an absolute freak....and helps me get a little perspective. Especially when I know you are all individually going through your own little battles and you find time to comfort me.... that is why you all should what you so richly deserve... a healthy baby...or two lol.

Thank you thank you thank you...

Lynnb... can I have a lil cheer.... just a little one... for a line... lol

 

[skye2010]

LynnB, I'm sorry I completely missed out reading your faint line news. That is wonderful. I really hope it would get stronger tomorrow and this is the one for you. Pls update

FM good to know you are doing well. Pls keep up the updates cause I love your positive posts

Lava I'm not surprised that you find yourself thinking about the girl all the time. It's an early stage to say anything about it. I hope it all turns best for both of you. I had a few friends who had abortions many many years ago when we were in the uni. Back than it just felt like a necessity but when I think of it right now I think it's very sad. Poor girl. It looks like she needs a better boyfriend who supports her a bit better than just dictating her.

Paddbrat loads of hugs, it's good to know that you are healing somehow.

Lava thank you for the prayer, I really appreciate it. I wanted to pray myself today but I was exhausted. I think i will only manage a mini prayer tonight and tomorrow morning.

I am off to bed soon. Am a bit nervous. Will update how it goes tomorrow. xxxxx

 

[lavalux]

Skye,
The cool thing about prayer is that you can pray for yourself and a whole host of others can pray for you too, which is especially important during the times you feel down, are too tired, or focused to pray. So, I will certainly say more prayers for you!

LynnB,
I didn't miss your news, but I misunderstood it. I thought you were referring to the line on an OPK not a pregnancy test! That is so awesome! On page 132 of "What To Expect Before You Are Expecting", in the Q&A section, to the question, "When I took a home pregnancy test, it showed a really faint line. Am I pregnant?" The answer, is "Get ready to faint - from excitement. Any positive line is a positive sign - and a sign that you're positively pregnant." I know you want to test again. Can you go to the doctor to get a blood pg test? Keep us posted!

 

[luvmydoggies]

Hi Futuremommie- Thank you for your kind words. I do feel better today.

Sye2010- I am so excited for you about tomorrow! I will be thinking and praying for you.
I did take a pict. of the lamb cake with my cell phone, so I will upload it later- when I figure out how to do it. I must warn you- it has been eaten... a little bit.

Lynnb- omg! omg! a faint line is wonderful news!!!!!!

Happy Auntie- I'm glad to hear that your sis went fine.

Lavalux- Thank you for your kind and supportive words. I really needed to hear that.

I'm feeling much better today! The sun is shining and the sky is soooo blue and clear. I think i'm going to try the sperm meets egg plan this cycle....it can't hurt.