TTC After D&C/D&E Buddies

[bastetgrrl]

Welcome ladies! I am now 19 days post D&C and still waiting for ovulation (we are waiting one cycle though before we try again) My temps have been all over the place, all lower than my post O temps, but one day they will be higher the next lower. I feel like my body is trying to O, but my hormones are still messed up. I am hoping everything evens out soon, I hate the waiting!

Feels like forever doesn't it? I swear that time is just dragging by.

My temps were all over the place as well (acting like I was gonna O and then not) and of course went in for my bloodwork and u/s found out my levels were still at 20 and had to have a d&c. Totally a kick in the gut.

I think that our bodies are just so confused from our mc and have to try to kick start back to normal again. Hang in there.

 

[Twinkie210]

I keep getting some symptoms that make me think I may ovulate then, nothing. So sorry you ended up with a D&C, I was kind of glad that I went ahead and started with it (my Dr. didn't give me the option of waiting). But my Dr. doesn't monitor hormone levels afterwards, so it kind of sucks not really knowing when they go <5. I don't have the money to take hpts all the time, though. (I have one more left and if I don't O by next week sometime, I will take it and see if it finally comes back negative)

 

[peteradamelle]

I'm feeling a bit down today too, wondering when we'll get pregnant again! I have decided I won't wait a cycle before trying. It sucks having to wait to ovulate, and not knowing when it will happen!! I guess you won't ovulate until your hormone levels have come down? So we just keep taking pregnancy tests every 3 or 4 days to see? I have pregnancy on my mind 24/7!

 

[nostress]

Hey ladies!

I thought I would start a list of all the buddies: Just copy and paste what's below and filling in the info, keep a running list going until we get everyone's names, then I'll put it in the first post, so we can keep track of everyone Help avoid confusion.

nostress: Alex (22) - DH (29) - DD (2) - DSD (10) - Angel Baby (6.2 weeks) D&C August 19, 2011

Twinkie210:

peteradamelle:

nursekelly:

jennijunni:

bastetgrrl:

 

[nostress]

Twinkie - My doctor doesn't monitor hormone levels either, I just ordered a bunch of wondfo tests from amazon to track my levels. I'm trying to take a hpt 2-3x a week until it comes back negative, then I'll start my opks.

peteradamelle - I'm sorry you're feeling down, I can't wait to get pregnant either! I don't think we can ovulate till our hcg levels are down.

Keep us posted on ovulating, I'm using fertility friend and countdown to pregnancy to chart and track stuff, hopefully I'll see something soon!

 

[Twinkie210]

Twinkie210: Stacie (28) - DH (31) - Ds (8) - Angel Baby (7 weeks) D&C August 5, 2011

 

[Twinkie210]

I'm feeling a bit down today too, wondering when we'll get pregnant again! I have decided I won't wait a cycle before trying. It sucks having to wait to ovulate, and not knowing when it will happen!! I guess you won't ovulate until your hormone levels have come down? So we just keep taking pregnancy tests every 3 or 4 days to see? I have pregnancy on my mind 24/7!

I have taken two hpts, the first was a little over a week after my D&C and it was pos right away, the second was a little over two weeks since D&C and it was still pos, but fainter. I am getting tired of seing + signs! Maybe I will go to the tests with two lines just for a change of pace I never thought that I would be mad about getting a pos hpt!

 

[nostress]

Isn't it weird? That positive test is all we ever wanted before... now it's like COME ON BFN! COME ON BFN!

 

[bastetgrrl]

I keep getting some symptoms that make me think I may ovulate then, nothing. So sorry you ended up with a D&C, I was kind of glad that I went ahead and started with it (my Dr. didn't give me the option of waiting). But my Dr. doesn't monitor hormone levels afterwards, so it kind of sucks not really knowing when they go <5. I don't have the money to take hpts all the time, though. (I have one more left and if I don't O by next week sometime, I will take it and see if it finally comes back negative)

Well at least it was done and over with for you. Looking back I wish I would have just had the d&c done to begin with but you know we just don't know what is gonna happen. At the time I thought that I was making the right choice.

It would def get expensive having to buy hpts all the time.

Hopefully you'll O sometime between now and next week!

 

[Twinkie210]

I keep getting some symptoms that make me think I may ovulate then, nothing. So sorry you ended up with a D&C, I was kind of glad that I went ahead and started with it (my Dr. didn't give me the option of waiting). But my Dr. doesn't monitor hormone levels afterwards, so it kind of sucks not really knowing when they go <5. I don't have the money to take hpts all the time, though. (I have one more left and if I don't O by next week sometime, I will take it and see if it finally comes back negative)

Well at least it was done and over with for you. Looking back I wish I would have just had the d&c done to begin with but you know we just don't know what is gonna happen. At the time I thought that I was making the right choice.

It would def get expensive having to buy hpts all the time.

Hopefully you'll O sometime between now and next week!

Well at least you are going to get back on track now. It just sucks that it took your doc that long to decide you need the D&C. But now you are that much closer to working on another BFP!

 

[bastetgrrl]

bastetgrrl: Steph (32) DH (33) Angel Baby (7/8 wks) mmc July 6th and d&c August 16th

 

[nostress]

I agree with Twinkie! It's too bad your doc took so long, but it's awesome that now you're just waiting on your ovulation and you're that much closer to your BFP, it's coming!

 

[nostress]

Ok ladies onto another one of my wordy thoughts...

I'm really curious to know and wanting to prepare for when I have to tell more people about the miscarriage and D&C. I have a list of about 15 people. I didn't tell a lot of people about the pregnancy, about 6-8 people on the list found out on their own, I didn't tell them personally. I'm not even telling them about our loss. They weren't originally supposed to know about the pregnancy so early, and I am not close with any of them. I've told about half of the people on the list about our loss.
To some of them I texted the following message:

To avoid further questions/comment: we have lost our baby. We realize it wasn't the time and my body terminated the pregnancy before it caused any real harm. We appreciate your sympathies, however please do not feel sorry for us. We are still very blessed and hopeful for our next pregnancy. Have a great weekend.

I've received mixed reactions, one person (my stepdaughter's mother) acts as if nothing happened, and isn't treating me delicately at all, which is nice, I don't want to be treated delicately by someone who wasn't even really invested in the pregnancy at all.

But she called a little while ago to talk to me about something not even related and rather personal (how my husband and I interact around her daughter and how her daughter feels I am too "manly" [people tend to think I immasculate the hubs, though in all reality, he just lets me think I'm driving, while he really is the one calling the shots]). Anyways she talks to me for 50 minutes about this, not once mentioning the miscarriage that happened 2 days ago. Which would be fine, if she would have waited a week or so to decide to talk to me about it. I kind of need time to heal, even if I don't require your sympathy.

My view of my situation of telling is: Unless you're going to be emotionally invested, you don't need to know I'm pregnant before the 2nd trimester (potential father, grandmother, godmother, etc). Or unless its essential for my health and well being (doctors and work).Why? Because it feels that if anyone NOT emotionally invested wants to pity us for the loss or grieve... well, it just doesn't seem genuine. This pregnancy was nothing to you, so I don't need your sympathy. It's different if the sympathy is coming from someone who was truly invested in the pregnancy.
That's just how I feel...

My birth mom took it well, she is a bit more emotionally invested and I know she is hurting but she is very supportive and I'm glad she knew about it (unlike my mom [I'm adopted]. I'm really glad she didn't know about it, I know she wouldn't have been as supportive).

I got a very nice phone call yesterday from my birth mom, she's the only one besides my DH that I actually talk to about the actual event itself. So supportive and just sweet. I love her so much, and my other dear friend, the one I PROMISED would be the first to know when I found out I was pregnant, the one I sent the pic of my BFP to, she called me today. I told her on Friday about the loss, and she called today just to talk. It was nice, not pushy or grieving, just nice, take my mind off things, have me look forward to seeing her and her family again (we're moving closer in a few months). I have a wonderful little support group. Here in real life and on BnB, thank so much ladies!

How is/did everyone else share the news, or did you even share the news? What were people's reactions like? How many people did you have to tell?

 

[nursekelly]

kelly (28) DH (36) DS (3) MC @5-6wks, 0ct. 2010; MC @ 12w5d Aug. 2011 w/ D&C

 

[peteradamelle]

Hi girls, going to write again tomorrow, off to bed now (it's getting late in the UK), but here are my details:
Anna (31) - DH (33) - DS (18mths) - Angel Baby (8.5 weeks) D&C August 18, 2011

 

[nursekelly]

nostress: so sorry you're having to deal w/ insensitive people. i think the whole thing makes some people uncomfortable and they end up avoiding the subject all together. which isn't the worst thing ever, but sometimes you need people to acknowledge that you've been through this major event and know that they hurt for you. and sometimes you just need to tell people, look-i can't deal with your issues right now!

as far as telling people about the pregnancy loss, it varies, and you have to go with what you feel is right for you. with our first loss, we had only told our parents that we were even expecting and m/c'd a week later. so aside from a very few super close friends (my sis-in-law's and bff) no one even knew about the m/c.

this last one was completely different. everyone knew we were expecting, we had already announced it to friends and family. my co-workers new after my 8wk u/s. everyone was really excited for us b/c alot of them knew we had been trying for so long. so when we m/c, i texted a few people and later told some of them to make sure they pass it along b/c i sure didn't want to have to tell anyone personally. it didn't take long (between facebook and old fashioned gossip) before most everyone knew. i did end up posting a comment on fb thanking everyone for their kind thoughts and prayers.

i'm really not sure what i'll do next time (if we are able to get another sticky bean) not sure when to tell people you're expecting, not sure when i'll feel like we're safe?

i feel like even if people aren't emotionally invested in a pregnancy w/ you, they still have a respect for your loss and what you've been through. so don't let that bother you! you tell your story to whoever you want, and don't to whoever you don't want. i don't think there's a right or wrong. just whatever feels right to you.

 

[nostress]

Thanks for your story of how you told folks the news, you seem to have dealt with it pretty well. And thank you for your kind words, I do agree... Whatever feels right for each individual is probably right for them;-)

 

[nursekelly]

i did mean to add that i know it doesn't seem like it, but it does get easier to tell people. it's only been about 3 weeks, and the first week i'd burst into tears. but now it's a little bit easier to just say when ppl ask abt the pregnancy, "no, we recently lost the pregnancy" i just can't speak the word "miscarriage."

but even random people, like i was at the dentist today (1st time at a new dentist) and when the appt was made i was pregnant and had to list that on my new patient paperwork a few weeks ago. so at the appt, they were getting ready to take x-rays and stopped b/c they saw in the chart that i was pregnant. so i had to go all into, "i was pregnant, but we had a loss." and while i felt the sting, it was nothing like the first week or two.

so it does get a little easier to talk about (but i think it will probably always sting on the inside)

 

[Twinkie210]

I hadn't told a lot of people either about our pregnancy. My parents were getting ready to go on vacation when I found out I was pregnant and they were taking my son with them, so it didn't seem like the right time to tell them. I planned the big announcement for when they got back (they were gone two weeks), but I started having problems while they were gone (spotting/cramping). My U/S was scheduled for the day after they got back, so then I decided to delay the big announcement until afterwards- which was a good thing, because obviously the U/S was bad news. That being said, I had told two friends at work, but they also knew about my problems, so they knew that there was a chance I would M/C. I just sent them a text after my U/S and they called me later that day. I called my mom immediately after the U/S, which was awkward because she didn't know about the pregnancy, but she tried to reassure me everything would be ok. I took a week off of work, because emotionally I wasn't ready to go back. So I told my boss when I got back (which was really awkward too- because he is a guy and old enough to be my father!). He was really nice about it. I kept apologizing for taking so much time off of work and he kept telling me I didn't need to apologize. It was hard to keep from crying in front of him too. I ended up telling two more close friends and another coworker figured out what happened. Most people just said that they were sorry, but one of my friends kept telling me "God has a plan" which I wish she would quit saying, but I didn't have the heart to tell her because she really was trying to be nice.

The hard part is trying to decide if I am ever going to tell anyone else. I have a twin sister, who doesn't even know and we tell each other everything. I work with a lot of women and they all kept asking me if I was Ok after I came back to work (then knew I had outpatient surgery, but they didn't know what for). While I feel bad for not telling them, I just couldn't talk about it at that poing. Now I can talk about it without crying, but I don't just want to tell people just because. I am thinking of telling everyone, when I announce my next pregnancy (hopefully that won't be too long!). Or I am planning on walking in a memorial walk for babies lost to pregnancy loss, stillbirth, and infant death. I am debating sending the info out about the walk to some of my close friends with an explanation of what happened, but I'm not sure. The walk is sponsered by a non-profit group, so it would be a great way to promote the group as well. What do you ladies think?

 

[bastetgrrl]

OMG I'm so sorry that you had such a difficult with some of the people that you had to tell about your m/c. I think some people just don't know what to say especially if they have never gone through it. I always think I'm the worst person about being "sensitive" when dealing with these types of subjects especially death. I'm a great listener but I never know what to say. And now going through something as terrible as this I think it has opened my eyes that I'm not the only one that has these issues from time to time. My closest friend didn't know what to say and kinda avoid talking to me at all. She said that she hurt for me and wish she could fix it but after that she kinda backed off and stopped talking to me for awhile (this is someone that emails, calls and is all over my sh*t all the time). So I knew that she was uncomfortable.

At least we have BnB to come and talk with others that are going through the same thing and are sensitive to how we feel. But unfortunately there is no way to avoid having to tell those people that knew you were pregnant.

AFM - we went into ttc and knowing we did NOT want to tell anyone besides parents and a couple that we are very close with (yep same girl I mentioned above). However we've been discussing with other close friends that we were going to start ttc so when my birthday celebration came around at the end of May I thought to myself gosh I've gotta get rid of this hpt or I'll be tempted to use it on my bday (13 dpo) but to my surprise I tested positive at 9 dpo! So I was faced with not drinking in front of my closest friends that already knew we were ttc. How in the heck was I gonna pass that off? So instead of lying to them we decided to celebrate my bday and baby. Of course about a week later I was in the ER with spotting and worrying we were gonna lose the baby. Everything seemed to check out except my levels were REALLY high for being that early. So my dr wanted to confirm that there were not more than one. Got the confirmation there was only one, show the heartbeat and sent on my way. Multiple follow ups which looking back now should have been a clue that something wasn't right even if dr didn't say so. Live and learn. I had pretty much been cautious anyway saying stuff like let's wait and be sure everything is okay (esp to my mom, who was really excited and wanted me to tell my grandparents). Kinda knew to myself the weekend before my appt that confirmed the mmc that something wasn't right. Didn't feel pregnant. Of course that Tuesday the 5th found out the baby was gone. I pretty much sent text messages to everyone. I wanted NO part of talking, seeing or being around people that knew. I took the whole week off of work (never happens) and just sat around in bed for the most part. It was difficult but at least this time I know that I will NOT be telling anyone that isn't very and I mean VERY close to me (i.e. parents). I'm too scared!

Holy cow that was long...