TTC After D&C/D&E Buddies

[bastetgrrl]

Twinkie - our stories seem really similar when I read what you wrote. It's SO tough to talk about it without crying which is why I went the text message route. And the worst part was my aunt (who I don't see, don't talk to and is VERY religious) left me a voicemail saying "God's plan and God Bless You and stuff like that over and over and over) I was like really I pray every day, etc but right now this is the last thing that I wanna hear. Then I get a freaking card from her with pages and page of stuff including written bible scriptures. Arrggh...I know she's being nice but heck I didn't need the whole family knowing let alone contacting me with this.

My boss "knew" without me confirming that I was pregnant so when we lost the baby I told him and asked for the week off. He has been really supportive especially after having the surprise d&c last week six weeks after the mmc. Others at work that do not know have been asking like how are you and blah blah blah so don't know what they think they know. LOL But I'm not talking.

I really like the idea about doing the walk for the non-profit group. I love doing runs/walks for stuff like that so I think it's a great idea!

 

[jennijunni]

jennijunni: Jenn (32, okay just shy of 33)- DH (35)- DD (15)- DD (14)-DS (9) - DS (6) - DD (3) - DD (19 months) Angel baby boy (16.4 weeks) D&E June 4, 2011

 

[nostress]

Thanks Twinkie and bastetgrrl for sharing your stories, it's very reassuring to be able to come on here and share your experiences and not be afraid of people not knowing how to react or what to say.

I am not a big fan of the religious/medical advice you get from folks who find out about the m/c... I mean come on, it's not like we didn't already do everything spiritually and medically that we felt was necessary. Keep us in your prayers, offer us inspiration and hope... but come on... there's such a thing as too much!

I think we all did some form of the text route... Less tearful indeed.

I feel so welcome here.

I'm so sorry I haven't been as active today, very emotional... off and on crying all day long. So hard not to reanalyze and think about being pregnant, and how happy that BFP made me feel and how excited I was, first try off birth control and I'm pregnant!

Husband and DD just got home and cheered me right up. But still having random tears even with them right here.

Thanks again ladies, I'll be back on later.

 

[nostress]

I just realized... I'm the youngest person on here... Is that normal? To have a miscarriage so young?

 

[Twinkie210]

Why am I still awake! Ugh. nostress- I don't think that age has very much to do with it sometimes. Sometimes I really do think it is just "bad luck". But I have had the blame myself moments, where I said "If only I wouldnt' have waited 8 years... Maybe I waited too long". Which I know is silly, but I think not knowing a reason is hard.

I just got back from a support group (will probably be posting in the Miscarriage Support forum too) and I must say that it was nice to sit and talk with people who have been through similar situations, but at the same time it was really weird. I was the only person there that didn't suffer either a late miscarriage, still born, or infant death. tbh I kind of felt silly crying over losing my baby at 7 weeks, when these women went through labor, some of them very traumatic deliveries, and then came home empty handed! I realize that loss at any stage is hard but I couldn't believe how sad all of their stories were and I was crying over a baby that never grew past a group of cells!

 

[nostress]

i'm so weepy and emotional today... My body still feels pregnant though I had my D&C 4 days ago. Makes me cry every time I "feel" pregnant... a twinge, gas, peeing a lot, just the hormones still going crazy. Then I have to remind myself... it's gone. My body isn't supporting a baby anymore, it's not growing anything, it's not making room or adjusting for my little one anymore...

I hurt. I want to drink or take my vicadin just so I don't feel anymore, I hate this.

Good night, off to snuggle with the hubs, that should help.

No drinking for me btw... But I'm keeping up on my vicadin. I tried not to take ANY today, and though I didn't have bad cramping... I DID notice the phantom pregnancy "twinges" a lot more throughout the day, and that's almost worse than the cramps. Actually, it IS worse. A lot worse. So I have one more day's worth of vicadin, and hopefully by the time that's gone, my hormones will have gone down CONSIDERABLY and stop plagueing my heart with this... phantom pregnancy...

 

[nostress]

Twinkie: Please don't blame yourself for ANYTHING. Like you said age sometimes doesn't have a lot to do with it. When it's time it WILL happen. And if it doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to.

Also thank you for sharing about your support group, I can understand how your grief can seem trivial compared to others, but it is NOT at all, and you are justified in your sorrow. The loss of a child, whether in your belly as a bunch of cells or in your arms, causes great sadness and sorrow. You can't really compare... just... feel, and attempt to understand these feelings.

Ok, now I HAVE to sleep. Good night, till tomorrow.

 

[nostress]

Good morning! How is everyone? I'm sleepy... (stayed up waaaay too late last night)

 

[peteradamelle]

Hi girls,

I only told a handful of people about the pregnancy, and when I went for the 7 week scan and it wasn't looking good, I told them about it, so when I went back for the 8.5wk scan, I texted the 6 friends afterwards to let them know that the embryo didn't have a heartbeat and hadn't grown.

The way I looked at it, and I did this so I wouldn't get upset, was majority of miscarriages are caused by a chromosome abnormality. So I told myself the embryo either had too many or too few chromosomes and it was never going to be a healthy child.

After the 7 week scan, I was distraught, that was on a Monday and on Sunday, I was still upset, and I told myself life must go on and I can't mope around all day. I had to prepare myself for bad news on the Wednesday. Once I was at peace with the fact that I was going to go in for the 8.5wk scan and hear bad news, I was okay. It was like I'd done my grieving and when I was told I had miscarried, I didn't cry. Sounds funny i know, but I wanted to be strong, and it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't going to be a healthy child i told myself. I think losing it so early made it easier, getting past 12 weeks would be a lot more difficult as you don't expect anything to go wrong. Although I got over my miscarriage quite quickly, I can totally understand everyone else being very upset, it's an awful thing to go through. Something i never want to go through again, but if you think about what could have happened, losing the baby at 20 weeks, or 30 weeks, or 35 weeks, or it being stillborn or dying in the first year, due to a chromosome abnormality, then obviously it's much better to lose it in the first trimester. That's the only way i got over it. It wasn't meant to be, and it was just natures way of preventing something growing that didn't have the right genetic material.

I took a HPT a few mintues ago and it was +ve. I am 6 days post the D&C/ERPC. The pregnancy line came up straight away, so it was a strong positive, unlike when i took the test, it was a very faint positive that i had to shine in the sunlight to see!

I will take a HPT every 3-4 days and hope that by 14 days post the D&C/ERPC, it will be -ve.

I might ring my Ob tomorrow and ask whether you can still get pregnant/ovulate when the hormones are still in your system. I think the answer will be no. I might also double check with him that there is no increased risk for having another miscarriage if i don't want one cycle.

I don't want to wait!

I don't think it matters what age you are, you can miscarry at any ages, i have read that your chances are higher if you are over the age of 35. And teenagers have a higher risk of miscarriage for some reason, I have read.

Nostress, if you got pregnant so quickly with this pregnancy, then it will happen again very quickly i'm sure! I was the same, we got pregnant the first try. So I'm hoping that means it will happen very quickly when we start trying again.

We will all be pregnant again soon, we're just in an annoying limbo stage at the moment.

Chat to you all again soon! xx

 

[nostress]

peteradamelle, I'm with you on hoping it happens fast again!!! Let's go fertile mertyles!!!!

Just got all my wondfo's, my next hpt is on Sunday! Come on BFN!

Let us know what your OB says after you call her!

 

[Twinkie210]

I'm sooo tired today! I got less than 4 hours sleep last night. I'm thinking it is going to be an early night for me! Well I just got EWCM today, so I am hoping it is a good sign (20 days post D&C). My hpt was still positive this past monday, so I am not getting my hopes up too much. I hate that we are wasting the chance to TTC, but I really want to wait one cycle (it's so hard though). I can tell my hormones are all over the place, my temps keep going up and down and I keep getting hot flashes. I am hoping it is my body trying to ovulate, but I guess only time will tell.

 

[nursekelly]

Geez! Am I the only one not doing the hpts? My Docs never said anything about testing? They just told me to wait til my next cycle. I'm starting to get paranoid b/c I've been cramping like crazy for 2 days and thinking I'd start any second, but still no AF. Maybe I should pick up some hpts?

 

[nostress]

I think we are just hpt-ing like crazy because we just LOOOOVVVEE peeing on sticks ;-)

Haha, maybe not.

I'm doing it because we're thinking that we will want to try right away, and once all of the hormones are out of my system and I get a BFN, then we'll actually be able to get pregnant (can't get pregnant when my body already thinks it is).

Also if it takes too long (3+ weeks) to get a BFN, then perhaps they left some "product of conception" inside and stuff needs to get checked out, so your body stops thinking it's pregnant.

 

[nostress]

Twinkie - You know, you're just trusting the signals your body is sending you. If you truly feel its too up and down and not settled, the best thing for you COULD be to wait.

I hope either ovulation or AF or something comes soon!

On another note:

I am DRINKING tonight, yes indeed!


First time in about 3 months, just vodka and the new oceanspray cranberry sparkler... yummy.

 

[peteradamelle]

I'm doing exactly what nostress is doing. The Ob that did my d&c said to wait one cycle, and my Ob (the one who delivered my first child) said to wait 2 cycles. I don't think they'd be too imprssed if they knew I was testing my hcg with HPT's! As soon as we get a bfn we'll start trying again. My mother in law had a miscarriage with her first, and back in those days wasn't told to wait a he cycle. She got pregnant about 4wks after her d&c and had a very healthy pregnancy/baby. She never had a period in between.

It does suck that we will have the hormones floating around our bodies. I've read that it takes about 2wks for them to go right down.

I've been drinking every night (not heavily!) since I found out, I figure I may as well make the most of it before we start TTC again! Eating lots of runny eggs, sushi, soft cheese etc too!

Come on BFN!

 

[peteradamelle]

Ignore the word "he" before cycle, it this sentence: My mother in law had a miscarriage with her first, and back in those days wasn't told to wait a he cycle

And 'will' should have read 'still': It does suck that we will have the hormones floating around our bodies.

 

[bastetgrrl]

Nursekelly - I haven't been doing hpts however right after my mmc (July 6th) my dr was doing weekly bloodwork so there was no need to do hpts. I've been thinking about doing one this week since I had my d&c on August 15th but not sure if I wanna waste the money since I have an appt on August 23rd for a urine test.

Nostress & Peteradamelle - OMG when I first found out about the mmc I went through so many bottles of skinnygirl margarita over the next few weeks. I needed something to help me relax. I also enjoyed lots of sushi and soft cheese!!

 

[nursekelly]

lol. i have defintely had a glass of wine...or two...or three since this whole thing happened!

if i don't start soon, i may try to test it. i had my d&c on Aug. 4th so it's been exactly 3 wks w/ no AF. They told me it would be 4-6 wks. But I swear I'm getting ready to start. We're still ttc right now , but AF would be better b/c i can get back on clomid and know for sure if i ovulated or not. we have trouble ttc, i don't O on my own. it only took us 2 months on clomid this last time to get pg, so i'm hoping to get a at least by october (fingers crossed)

on another note: today makes three weeks since d-day i can keep it together more now (at least on the outside) but i'm still completely heartbroken over my sweet little angel baby. my son randomly started calling him "little dougie" when he saw the u/s pics. and i guess it stuck b/c we always referred to him as little dougie. i swore that my child would NEVER have the name dougie, doug, or douglas! but after losing him, it just didn't seem right not to so we named him Jackson Douglas Waller

 

[nostress]

Aw, nursekelly, that is so sweet. We didn't name our angel baby, DH always called it peanut, so I guess that's it for ours. I hope your heartbreak becomes easier to handle as more weeks pass My husband knows I never want to forget, no matter how much easier it gets to understand that it just wasn't meant to be, I never want to forget the excitement and happiness that our BFP brought and our little peanut gave us.

BFP by October would be awesome, that's what I am shooting for too!

 

[Twinkie210]

I am hoping for a BFP by October too (although if I could squeak one in late in September it would be even better! That may be wishful thinking). Well more EWCM today and my temp dropped again (my chart is startimg to look like a mountain range!). Hopefully I O today and my temp goes up and stays up!

We didn't name our baby either, because I was only 7 weeks so I didn't know if it was a boy or girl, and I couldn't take picking one and not knowing if I was right. So I think it will always be just "baby" or "angel baby" (although I think it was another Boy...). I have been enjoying an occasional drink too! I never was much of a drinker, but I figure I might as well enjoy it while I can.

I only take hpt's because I want to know that all the hormones are gone and help me predict my next AF. But if I can verify ovulation with charting, then I guess any future hpts would be pointless (until I'm trying for the BFP of course!)