TTC After D&C/D&E Buddies

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So sorry Jenna. I hope DH will realize that you need some more time before you are around pregnant ladies, especially one due around the same time as you. I keep getting the same advice from the ladies in my support group, which is "Don't do anything you aren't ready for". If you are not ready to be around his cousin then don't go. I wish all of you ladies could meet the women in my support group. Every single one of them has been where we have, some more than once. They give me so much hope, that yes we can all be happy again.
 
I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face and I am so tired of all this pain, I just want it to go away I really do. I don't want to forget my lo but I don't want to start crying at the drop of a hat anymore either, I can't take this.

I was a smoker before I got pregnant and I quit cold turkey the day I found out I was pregnant. I did with my daughter too. The day I lost my baby I really wanted one, but I didn't. I haven't had one since the day I found out I was pregnant (May 25th) . I am trying so hard to stay smoke free to try to be healthier so we can get pregnant again and have our little rainbow baby but with everything going on with my stupid body I am starting to really struggle with this and have come close to starting a couple times but I do get that urge.

I can't help wondering what the point was of quitting when I lost my lo anyways, I did everything right. I didn't smoke, I didn't drink (not much of a drinker anyways but still). I stayed away from the foods we can't have and still I lost it. I can't help but wonder why me. I see women I know that are pregnant and heavy smokers and they carry to term and have healthy babies , so why me when I do everything right I can't keep mine.

I'm sorry ladies, I just really needed somewhere to vent. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my post. I am just so frustrated lately.
 
Give yourself a break, it hasn't even been 2 months since you lost him, of course you are going to still be in pain. But I know in time we will be able to remember our babies and talk about them without tears, hang in there.

I think that is the hardest part for me to accept too. I did everything right as well, no acohol, no smoking, I took vitamins everyday, I at healthy and in the end it didn't matter. That is the first thing my doctor said to me was that I didn't do anything to cause this, and you know what I never even thought that I did! I was kind of insulted that he thought that I blamed myself you know? So rant away, because you know it isn't fair, that we would have been good Mom's and taken very good care of our babies and we didn't even get a chance. I think that we are entitled to a rant now and then.
 
Thanks Twinkie, I'm really not sure why I am so emotional today, it's not like me. I have cried more today than I have in the last couple weeks. So weird.

The spotting never made it to a pad and its gone now so I dunno what that was, so weird. I hope everyone is doing good, it's been really quiet in here the last few days!
 
It happens to me too, the super emotional days. I hadn't cried for weeks and went to a support group meeting and bawled my eyes out and not really for any reason. I guess there are just days that we still need a good cry :)
 
I guess so, I havent had a day like that in a while til yesterday, I am fine today though. So odd. I just wanna be pregnant again and I cant stop feeling like it may not happen for us. I am trying to stay positive but its soo hard lol.

My opks are still white , the last two have a vvvvvvvvv faint line if you squint the right way lol. So who knows whats going on with those, I am just done this month I think, we will just bd often and see what happens I guess. I really feel like af is coming though which is weird since I am only on cd15. I guess maybe my body is still messed up from my mc.
 
I know the feeling, I am obsessing over everything TTC related. I thought it was just going to be timing BD right, but now I am stressing out during the 2WW. I just want to be pregnant! If it doesn't happen this cycle my poor husband is going to have to commit me!
 
My computer went belly up. I'm suddenly find myself in the market for a new PC. Didn't manage to post anything for a week!

Jenna - Don't give up yet! CD15 is still early days. After the MC our cycles are probably a little off. Mine definitely is. Had strong cramps last Friday. No idea why. Felt like I was re-living the MC all over again. Except this time, no blood, only CM. I never ever get cramps mid-cycle so this is strange.

Twinkle - Obssessing over TTC is also my favourite pastime now too! 2-3 more weeks before I can expect AF. Got to keep my mind busy or I'd go crazy just thinking about it. Heh.

I saw a book yesterday, "The Fertility Diet", think I'm going to pop down to the bookstore to grab a copy. I've been a good girl and munched down my 4-5 serving of fruit and vegetable. There are 2 bananas sitting nect to me now waiting to be eaten. Next up - yoga and exercise! I've got a doctor's appointment this Friday. Will be asking her whether I can start hitting the gym and pool.
 
Cd 16 and still no positive Opk. I am really thinking I either didn't ovulate yet or I missed it. I thought the lines were starting to form on my opks but today its super faint again.I haven't had any ewcm yet either, I thought I did but I think it was just leftovers from bding (sorry I know TMI! LOL). I am so confused I could just cry , all this bding we've been doing is pretty much for nothing (OK it's still fun but still). I am so depressed now. And to top it all off, I am out of opks now. So I cant test anymore til I get my new ones in the mail. I really don't wanna go buy any at the store when Im not ovulating , big waste of money. So I will just have to wait out the mail.
 
Jenna, i'm sorry you're having a rough time love. Are you taking the opks in the morning? The best time is the afternoon to take them. I'm on cd 14 and got a pretty dark line today, i'll probably o on cd 16 but i have no symptoms of O. We aren't gonna try though, you are stronger than me, i started smoking again and me and hubbs need to quit before we try. I ordered us some natural stress relievers from amazon so hopefully that will help. Stay strong and don't start smoking again trust me!!
 
I have tried morning but it doesn't seem to matter afternoon or night they are so white it's crazy. I am wondering if I am drinking too much I love drinking I have a hard time not drinking anything. Will have to try not drinking anything and testing after work maybe see if it makes a difference. Iwill have to go buy some opks since I am out. I am trying to resist though lol.

I am still so tempted to start smoking it's crazy, the more out I feel the closer I am to lighting up and I really don't want to. It's so hard to resist especially with my body so messed up still. I hate this it really sucks!

Maybe since you guys aren't trying it will happen for you this cycle? I have my fx for you either way though.
 
Hugs Jenna! Those opks are confusing...especially the internet cheapies.

When you said the lines are forming, did they get progressively darker? Also, how often do you test? I missed my surge once because I was testing only once at 8pm in the evening. But I convinced myself that I o'd that round since af came 14 days after the darkest line (not darker than the control though). The next cycle I tested at around 2pm each day and saw the surge.​
 
When I said the lines were forming they were a faint shadow on the opks, barely visible at all. And I was hoping they would get darker but I ran out so I cant keep checking but I really feel like af is coming which is really weird, and I have had like no cm at all the last few days straight, I really thought I would get the ewcm but I havent had barely any. I am thinking my hormones are still messed up after my mc. I think I have really given up hope this cycle and will just wait it out. I think I'm gonna get a clearblue fertility monitor , maybe I would have better luck with that.
 
Sometimes ovulation pains can feel like menstrual cramping... Just letting ya know! Ladies, i'm still here but in the middle of my move. 2 week long road trip with a 2 year old. Fun fun! Lol! Check out my chart, how am I looking?
 
Oh I feel so sorry for you, a two week road trip with a 2 year old! Your chart is looking good! It looks like you had some well timed BDing too! FX'd for a BFP!
 
Nostress - Your chart looks promising! Fx for a BFP this month! Let hubs do all the heavy lifting. Don't try to move those boxes yourself.

Jenna - Its so confusing that I gave up relying on those opks alone. And stressful too not knowing if is +ve or not. I went out to buy a bbt and started charting. And you know what, it's really not that bad and it provides so much more information. Takes the guesswork out completely! I'll definitely start charting again next month after my 1st AF. The first month I started charting, I got my bfp. So I'm convinced that it helps!
 
I have been bbting(?) lol but that is even more messed up! My thermometer is a few years old now though so maybe it needs a new battery. Or I'm just messed up lol. My temps are all over the place. So the poas addict I am , since I have no opks left I decided to poa hpt lol on cd 17 with no sign of O yet lol. And I have convinced myself there is a shadow of a line on it. So it's official now I've gone crazy lol. And I am already symptom spotting without even realizing it. I keep getting cramps off and on in my lower stomach and pinching in my boobs. All day I've had lower back pain too but that could be due to my job but who knows lol. And I'm so emotional lately it's crazy. I am so messed up I don't know what to do anymore lol.
 
Here is a link to my chart so you can see what I mean lol. Gonna get a new thermometer for next cycle lol!

My Ovulation Chart
 
Wow Jenna, that's quite a chart you're sportin'.

So you've had one AF since the D&E?​
 
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