Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry, that's too terrible for words, I never got to see my baby on scan but the midwife did hear them move when she was trying to listen for a heartbeat, the baby died two days later. I haven't even begun to grieve, I lost my dad August 2011, then my nan who was like my mum in Jan 2012, then two babies. I was exactly the same with the last pregnancy and already am with this one, checking with every trip to the loo, it's so hard as I want to be as calm as possible but you just can't help but be afraid which must be even worse if in your case as you had healthy scans before. The one question that constantly runs in my head is why. And we will never know, and that's hard. Xxxxx
i was a total mess after our loss in Jan, especially as we than had to have a funeral. We didn`t invite anyone, it was just me and DH. The hospital were excellent, the hospital chaplain organised everything with a local funeral director, for a cremation,we didn`t have to do a thing. I`m filling up now when I see that tiny little coffin they brought out of the car, words can not describe how it felt to bury a baby. The following day the chaplain met us with the ashes at the Babies` Memorial Garden at the hospital, where our LO`s ashes were laid to rest, with a blessing from the chaplain.
The loss in sept, although bad, was no where near on the scale as the one in Jan. We asked the hospital this time to do what they do, without us having any further involvement. I know that sounds a bit cold, but we couldn`t face what we went through in Jan again.
We had previous loss in July 09 at 8 weeks, whcih was all sorted by the hospital. We felt guilty that we hadn`t done naything, so at our LO`s service last year, the chaplain mentioned our lother lost one.
I have a little aprt of a shelf in the lounge dedicated to my 3 lost angels, a tiny little teddy bear, a willow tree ornamanet which is called Forget me Not and a littel crdit sized laminated card with the poem An Angel Never Dies. If you have never read this poem, I will post it for you. We had this read at Lo`s funeral. It brings tears to my eyes every time I read it, yet in some wyas also brings comfort, that one day we will be with our lost Little ones.
we`ve both had it tough, what with one thing and another. The big question, as you say is why? We may never get the answer to that.
