TTC after miscarriage before AF

[ttcnumber2ky]

Cramping this morning. Who knows if it means early AF or sign of implantation. If I was having a normal cycle for me, I'd be about 8dpo. I tested this morning, and sometimes I look at it and think I see the haze of something and other times look and think it's just stark white. It's a blue dye though so who knows! I might pick up some FRER's today.

 

[ttcnumber2ky]

Ok there is definitely something there, but since it has now been an hour since I took it, could be evap. Going to try a 4 hr hold and then take a FRER.

 

[TinyLynne]

Yes, do an FRER, they don't lie! And still, 8 DPO is pretty early, so don't fret too much yet!

 

[mssk]

Tinylynne- I feel the same way about when we get another positive. All the Dr. can do is monitor betas and if something is wrong they can't do anything to stop it. I am so happy they are progressing for you. I am so glad that this time seems to be going better for you.
I guess I just feel like we have already waited almost 2 months without AF showing and I don't know how much longer we can wait. If something is going to happen I don't feel like that extra month will have made the difference between a sticky pregnancy and another loss. So I think with DH on board for next cycle we will just go for it.

And ttcnumber2ky- FRER definitely the blue dye struggle is real! I never knew until we missed our BFP with our daughter. Blue dye tests did not pick up a positive result at all only evap lines.

 

[ttcnumber2ky]

BFN on FRER. I was only able to hold a little under 3 hours. So either I didn't hold long enough or the blue dye test strikes again! Either way, I know it doesn't mean I'm out yet as it's still early.

 

[TinyLynne]

Yesterday had a little more progression.

Friday evening I sent an email to my pastor. I told him I need prayers because I'm losing faith and told him the whole journey. The last thing I said was that it is hard to feel loved... Then I started getting decent progression! Yesterday at the store DH and I were at the check out and saw baby girl shoes and headband. Which was funny because I've been telling him it's a girl. Lol. Then once we got to the belt, there was a random card on the side that someone must have set there and it said "A new heartbeat filled with God's love" and it totally wowed me, I even asked my DH if he thought it was weird (he is not religious) and he said yeah, it was weird and a sign. All I have been thinking was that I may actually see a heartbeat this time. Then this morning, my line is even fainter than the very first one I took.

What a cruel joke.

 

[ttcnumber2ky]

Tiny- I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you see progression tomorrow and today's was just a fluke. I know it is so hard to remain positive through all of this.

 

[TinyLynne]

I took another this afternoon, my afternoons are always darker than fmu, it's not a fluke

 

[ttcnumber2ky]

Oh TinyLynne, I'm so sorry .

 

[mssk]

TinyLynne I am so sorry that you are not getting further progression. Have you tested today and have you heard back from your pastor? We are both really spiritual but we don't follow a specific religion. We do bible study at home. But, I know how you feel, with the losses it can be hard to have faith. I know it is so hard and I am sorry. I pray for all of us in this thread every night and I hope we all get there soon.

 

[TinyLynne]

Thanks for your prayers mssk, I was ok after the first 2 losses with my faith, but the 3rd started shaking it, but I was still ok. But 4.... I'm not sure anymore. And I hate it.

I did test this morning, very light. I expect AF any time now. Sooner rather than later I hope.

 

[mssk]

I understand it is very hard, it definitely is a big test of faith. My husband seems to think if we believe nothing will go wrong then nothing will go wrong. Well I think it is impossible to not question if everything will be okay after you have suffered a loss/losses. I am so sorry you are going through this. Did you start clomid this cycle, or soy? I was waiting to start anything till I got AF.

 

[ttcnumber2ky]

TinyLynne and Mssk- I feel the exact same and my husband feels the same way. He keeps telling me to try and be positive because he believes it can make a difference. While I think good thoughts and positivity can definitely help, if there's something wrong, I think more is needed than just positive thoughts! I think for me it's also a defense mechanism to keep my emotions in check. As I was telling my husband the other day, you symptom spot and symptom spot for pregnancy before you get a BFP, but for those that have experienced loss, the second you get it, you start symptom spotting for a miscarriage. I don't know if there is anyway around that.

My husband and I also share faith and honestly that and the strong relationship we have I think is the only reason I can continue on this journey. It is so hard.

Quick update - I'm getting very very faint lines on FRER, but coupled with a LOT of cramping. Cramping like this has NOT meant good things for me in the past so not too excited about that. They are definite squinters.

 

[TinyLynne]

Picture TTC!!! I've had faint lines on FRERs and got positive clear blue digital with weeks estimator that day

 

[mssk]

I hate faint lines. I am honestly not excited about when we can test again because I know I am going to turn into a complete crazy person and buy FRER's a digitals and POAS like 3 times a day.--How many DPO are you ttcnumber2ky?

I only have 2 more days of Provera and then the wait for AF is on! Hopefully it takes 1 day as opposed to 14. But, I am going to try really hard not to stress about it.

 

[ttcnumber2ky]

I am 9dpo. This one is right after I took it, but I'll post another taken an hour later. I feel like I could barely see it right after ... Like I had to squint and get really really close. An hour later I can see it without squinting. Still not considering it a definite yet as its soooo light.

 

[ttcnumber2ky]

Here is the one an hour after I took it

 

[TinyLynne]

I see it! And FRERs don't lie! Never to me anyway. Evans have only showed up 2+ DAYS later for me! Yay!!!!

 

[TinyLynne]

As for me, is it bad that I wish I was just bleeding already? If this is ending (and with multiple light tests and I'm 16DPO after darker tests a few days ago) then I wish it would just go. I can't imagine what it is like for people who make it further than this before realizing that there is a problem. I feel horrible for thinking it, but each time I go to the bathroom, I am almost hoping to see blood, or a MIRACULOUS dark positive! But the last time that happened, it lightened up, then darkened again, then still miscarried a couple of days later.

 

[mssk]

I see it!!!!YAY! Like tinylynne said evaps take a long time to show up on FRERs.