TTC baby number #1

[Snufflepop]

Ok ladies so here is my dilemma, it's kind of along the same lines as Kalia's post but in reverse, apologies if this is long

I have a step sister, we get on ok but she is 11yrs older than me so we have never been very close as we have always been at different stages of our life - for example she got married when I was still in school etc. We have got to know each other better in the last few years though as we have more common ground.

Unknown to me at the time when she got married her and DH started NTNP straight away. Nothing happened but they left it for a few years as they were fairly young and not too worried thinking it would happen eventually.

About 5 years ago they had become more concerned that nothing had happened after all this time and began to have tests done to make sure all was in order. I became more aware at this point that they were TTC but I have only just realised in the last 18 months how hard the whole journey must have been for them.

The results showed she had endometriosis and PCOS and hubby had low sperm motibility so no surprise that nothing had happened naturally. She was devastated and had several surgeries to try and improve things. They have since had 4 rounds of IVF all unsuccessful It has been really hard watching her going through all this pain over the last few years and she has almost become like a shadow of who she was because TTC has pretty much consumed her life. The worst thing is that there is nothing anybody can do or say to help her.

My dilemma is should I tell her we are TTC? Just before she had her last round of IVF in April she found out her SIL was expecting their 1st child, at the same time as two colleagues announced pregnancies. She was so distraught that she was signed off work for three weeks and turned up at my parents house in floods of tears.

Having seen how she reacted I didn't want to cause her more distress by just catching her off guard and announing a BFP (if we are lucky enough to get one) and thought it might be better if she knew we were TTC because then she can sort of adjust to the idea that there may be a bfp soon.

I just don't know what to do for the best I will feel awful telling her either way but I want to make as easy as possible for her.......what do you reckon?

 

[Kalia101]

Aww well you wasn't to know tess and you shouldn't blame your self we all feel like this because we want it so bad it's not that we're not happy for them it's just because we want it so badly we want what they have aswell and there's nothing wrong in feeling like that its natural and now all you can do is be there for your friend xxx like with the girl I work with its not I'm not happy for her I am I just wish I was going through it as well and seeing her today just made me a little jel after my little rant on here I was fine lol xxxx how friggin hot is it I'm stook to my sofa I have to peel my self of it haha aww it's sooo good being able to put a face to your names now xxxxx

 

[Snufflepop]

Welcome marqelle nice to meet you. That sounds really promising I will keep everything crossed for you! God I can't believe u went so long without a period how did u keep yourself sane?? I have 55-60 day cycles and that makes me want to pull my hair out!!

Yeh Sookie as far as I know snuffle is right. You need to track your temps over a few months to see what is normal for you because everyone is different and it's only after a few months that you notice a pattern emerging. That's why I wasn't going to do it because I don't plan on it taking me much longer haha! PMAs!!

Aw Kalia I know how you feel. It's so hard to feel happy for others when you are just insanely jealous. We are all here for you when you need to rant and you know we all know exactly how you feel . Although I have to say I'm going to try extra hard in future to be happy for others announcing their pregnancies because I have felt awful today. Do you remember me telling you that my friend announced she is preg with her third and then I came on here and talked about how jealous I was??? Well she suffered from a MC today couldn't have felt worse as though I had jinxed it or something x

Tess please don't feel bad! You didn't jinx anything. It's soooo hard because you are happy for people that are expecting but then you feel that little hint of jealousy because you want it so bad for yourself and then you end up feeling guilty for how you are feeling!! I think pretty much everybody on this site has probably felt like that at some point. Its a really emotional thing because your heart is so aching so much to be PG that it feels so hard.

 

[Marqelle93]

I understand how hard it would be, and the rest of us do too because we are the people who are not getting pregnant and when others tell us they have a BFP, it hurts us, so we all know what its like to be like your sister.

However, this is what you want more than anything and you have been trying for it, so do not let guilt cloud what should be one of the happiest moments in your life. Just make the best of it and let her know as gently as possible.

 

[Kalia101]

It's a hard one isn't it it is a dilemma...

I'm trying to think what I would do in your situation but me and my step sister really don't get on and she hatessss me & my mom sooo much so she ignored her on her wedding day why she hates us I don't know But any wayyy...

I think I would do 1 of 2 things:

Maybe tell your parents and tell them how your feeling about telling your step sister and see what they think you should do maybe they could tell her if it would come better from them?

Or I would tell her because I think if I was the one who was having difficulties TTC and I found out someone didn't want to tell me in case of hurting my feelings I would feel guilty they couldn't tell me so I think you should tell her I'm sure she will be happy for you and when you do find out your pregnant tell her in a sensitive way she may feel how we feel at times but I'm
Sure she will be happy for you xxxxx

 

[Kalia101]

Like marqelle says its meant to be an exciting happy moment in your life and you shouldn't feel guilty for that xxx

 

[Tess08]

Thanks ladies I know you're right. It is so hard to not get jealous of others when they have something that feels like everything to us. And I know you're right, I shouldn't feel bad it's just hard not to.

Snuffle when I was reading that I was originally thinking that maybe you shouldn't tell her but after you said about how distraught she was when she heard about the others announcing pregnancies I changed my mind. I think you should tell her at gently at you can. I think it will defo let her prepare herself for you getting a BFP. It sounds like she has gone through such a hard time but if she's thinking the same way as us, she may be jealous but she will still be happy for u x

 

[Snufflepop]

Thanks for the responses guys. I think next time I see her I might try and gently broach the topic. I might ask my step mum what she thinks too. I can't decide if its better coming from me or her.
I am going to feel horribly guilty if i fall PG, I will feel like I have to hide my bump when I am around her, I won't feel like I can be excited incase she thinks I'm rubbing it in her face.....

 

[Kalia101]

Yeah maybe you could speak to your step mom first and she may be able to give you a little advice because if she's very close to her she may be able to approach it with her, you shouldn't feel like you should hide your bump I say that because after I lost my baby even now to this day theres one friend who wouldn't talk to me about her daughter incase it upset me there was other people who have since fell pregnant and not told me because they were worried I'd be upset and I felt awkward that they felt like that because I didn't give them any reason to I ended to feeling guilty that they knew what had happened to me so i think you shouldn't hide it from her but it depends what you sister is like hope we have helped a little xxxx

 

[Snufflepop]

You all definetly helped!

Any other news today? Tess and Marqelle any symptoms? When will you guys be testing or will you be waiting til AF doesn't show?

Kalia and Sookie are you both on BD duty tonight? Any positive opks?

 

[Kalia101]

Yessss BD duty tonight I'm back on nights tomorrow so i get to have a latish night tonight so chinese, catch up tv & bding lol

No iv not had any positive OPKs but thought I better get it in because we can't bd then till Sunday and if I get a positive tomoz atleast iv covered it for today lol xxx

Iv planned bd in my planner on my phone for the next week OH don't know because I don't want him to feel forced haha but I know when we will be doing it haha xxx

 

[Snufflepop]

I do that!!! Which app do you use? I use one called woman log. It predicts ovulation and when your period is due and allows you to record symptoms and things.

 

[Kalia101]

I use period diary (p.d) it does the same as the one you use it's not accurate but useful and gives you an idea of where you are lol xxx I'm watching 4 wedding and I want to get marrrrieddd lol xx

 

[Snufflepop]

Hehehe next job for OH after BD will have to be pop the question! Just tell him to man up! ;-)

 

[Sookie889]

Evening ladies!

Snuffle I couldn't put anything different to what the lovely ladies have already said...

Well ladies, I decided to be a bit spontaneous tonight n try to "seduce" OH....not necessarily to dtd for conception, more along the lines of for fun....I was shut down before I even managed 1st base!!! Wounded!!! Lol....tried to act not bothered but gotta admit I felt a little Stoopid! Lol men!?!

Still negative on opk's but defo getting there now....think I'm gonna have a longer cycle this month than last actually....well I say that, I'm cd8 and I'm estimated to ovulate cd9-10 so I could just be bulls!@*ing lol

How's everyone else doing?

Xxx

 

[Sookie889]

Ps. I use fertility diary....sounds very similar to ur apps... Helps me keep my days n numbers right xxx

 

[Kalia101]

Oh sookie men ay I'm glad it's not just my oh that does that the amount of times iv made an effort the worse was a few weeks ago we was in Ibiza I bought a beautiful new underwear set had a shower n put me undies on OH was sitting on my laptop Iwent n sat next to him on the bed and tried it on he completely blanked me he barely looked up from the laptop he just went u guna sit there all day or you guna get ready well I flipped I was like can you not see the effort iv made & what iv been "trying" to do for the last half hour he looked me up n down n went oh yeah that's nice I was like forget it!!! And threw a strop haha I'm starting to realise its man thing lol xxx

 

[Sookie889]

Oh sookie men ay I'm glad it's not just my oh that does that the amount of times iv made an effort the worse was a few weeks ago we was in Ibiza I bought a beautiful new underwear set had a shower n put me undies on OH was sitting on my laptop Iwent n sat next to him on the bed and tried it on he completely blanked me he barely looked up from the laptop he just went u guna sit there all day or you guna get ready well I flipped I was like can you not see the effort iv made & what iv been "trying" to do for the last half hour he looked me up n down n went oh yeah that's nice I was like forget it!!! And threw a strop haha I'm starting to realise its man thing lol xxx

Aw my Lordy....take out Ibiza n replace it with my home town n that is EXACTLY what has just happened this evening!!! Lol!! I tried so hard not to be moody but I'm a typical Aries....once I'm in a one it's hard to shake it off lol xxx

 

[Kalia101]

Haha I'm a typical Gemini as well haha I really couldn't help but show my stroppy twin he just "didn't get" why I was in a mood I was like you don't fancy me, I make an effort and you just don't even notice haha it's horrible but atleast were not alone and can come here and moan about them haha I really think you ladies are going to save me throwing strops at him because we can come here and rant haha xxx

 

[Tess08]

Still no symptoms here snuffle what about you? Are you going to test again today marqelle?

I'm going to wait until a week on Sunday to test as that should be when AF is due and I don't want to waste any more tests. I also don't want to see another BFN if I don't have to because they are really depressing me lol.

Oh god ladies my OH is the exact same!!! I always try it on with him n he's like 'I'm so tired not tonight' but then at the weekend he tries it on with me and I want to say no just so he knows how it feels but since its really the only action I get I just go along with it lol. We also had a big argument the other week because I tried it on and he said no so I said all the 'you don't fancy me' and 'you make me feel like such an idiot sometimes' but his response was pretty much well if I'm tired I'm tired there's not much I can do about it! I can't complain too much because as soon as I told him I had a positive OPK he manned up straight away and we BD'd twice which I have to say, was the first time we have done it twice in about 3 years! That's why I'm going to stick to the whole I will leave it up to him to come onto me when he wants it and then when I see the positive in the OPK he's getting jumped x