Well, after two hours of monitoring, I'm back from L&D. The fluid, embarrassingly enough, was not amniotic fluid, but probably just discharge.

I can't believe that one person can have so much discharge (it even left spots on the bed I was sitting in because it leaked so much!)!
While on the monitors, they found out that I was having contractions 2 minutes apart in the beginning. Because of this, they checked my cervix and continued monitoring me. I'm only 1 cm dilated. The contractions varied in time and spacing, but I was having them the entire time I was on the monitors. ..and I found out that whenever I have back-pain, that's actually a contraction! I had no idea! So, I've been having pretty semi-regular contractions for a while! No wonder I'm miserable sometimes!
But, again, they sent me home because it was just a false alarm. I'm deflated. I feel so stupid for even having gone in (though they reassured me it was the right thing to do). I feel stupid for them having to bother my midwife after hours, and I feel stupid for not being "right". I know I probably shouldn't feel this way, but I really do. And, even though I know it's right for baby and his timing is most important, I'm so deflated that he isn't coming today.

I am just so uncomfortable, my back hurts, I can't do ANYTHING it seems like, and I'm just ready for him to be here. I know I'm whining, and I'm sorry for that. .. I'm just having such a bad time. And then my DH keeps going on about how he "read a pamphlet that says you want to keep baby in until 39 weeks to ensure they're developed completely". Well, maybe that is what the pamphlet says, but HE came at 37 weeks when he was born, I came around 38 weeks when I was born, and I don't want to keep this baby in until my due date!

I'm so sorry for being so whiny, I really am. . .and I really care for my baby, but I just had this hope (especially after seeing the contractions), that I would be able to hold my baby soon---and I wouldn't have to deal with pregnancy anymore! I've been really fortunate and my pregnancy has been great so far. . .so I shouldn't complain. . .but I'm just sore, uncomfortable, and getting tired of all of this right now.
Sorry for the rant ladies. . . All in all, my baby is SO healthy---moving around and great heartbeat the entire time he was on the monitors. I love him SO much. I'm just crabby and disappointed and embarrassed right now.
I think I may go take a bath and go to bed.
