Vent

[xxJennaBearxx]

off topic but i just needed a good vent. a little back ground for those who dont know. im 19 and still live at home as i dont have the grades or money to go away to college im commuting and going to a community college atm. ok so on to the vent, basically im trying to move out of my parents house this coming summer as ill be almost 20. my mom keeps telling me im not mature enough to live on my own and i wouldnt be able to do it, couldnt take care of myself and am not smart enough with my money to live on my own. all of which is not true. on the contrary im quite mature and do just fine with money. today she even told me that if i didnt pass my math exam i was going to have a bed time. its really frustrating because im 19 years old and she honestly does not have to right to give me a bed time. and then to make matters worse my best friend (who knows my live at home situation) has the nerve to tell me "i mean Jenna you should have gone to college, you live with your parents so you have to deal with that stuff. thats why i went to college so that i could move out of the home) she knows i cant afford to go away to college right now!

anyway, sorry for the vent. just really needed that.

 

[luckyme225]

It seems extremely silly giving a 19 year old a bed time. It sounds like maybe she still sees you as her baby or something. Maybe she is trying to find excuses to keep you at home. Parents can be frustrating and sometimes don't know when to let you grow up.

 

[emilylynn18]

((((((HUGS))))))) I know how frustrating mom's can be, and I'm sry you have to deal with that!! I totally know how you feel about the not having money for college deal too. I'm supposed to be going to college next year but I honestly don't think I'll be able to afford it.

I'm 18 and I still live with my mom... She still treats me like a child and always tells me I'm too immature.

Don't let her get you down! Ignore her... In the end her opinions don't matter b/c its YOUR life.

 

[xxJennaBearxx]

yea. im the oldest so im the first to go away. but my sister is a senior in high school this year and will likely be moving out of state next year, i dont see how she is so ok with my sister leaving and not me.

 

[emilylynn18]

This might be kinda personal... But does your mom pick favorites...???

My mom lets my 16 yr. old bro do EVERYTHING and I'm practically allowed to do nothing... So obviously she's picking a fav.

 

[xxJennaBearxx]

yea she does.my sister is 17, she makes straight A's hardly ever argues. my mom jokes all the time that my sister is the favorite but obviously its not a joke.

 

[lovehearts]

awww hun when i told my parents i was moving out this is what they said to me too. They told me i couldnt afford it blah blah blah. I moved out when i was 20 and i am still standing on my own 2 feet (well 4 as i live with OH) and i have never been back to them for help! They soon realised when i moved out that i was perfectly capable of looking after myself. My relationship with my mom has improved dramatically since i moved out as she has realised her daughter is a woman and not a little girl anymore. Good luck xxxx

 

[mandaa1220]

Hun, I'm in a semi-similar situation to you. I went to community college last year while all of my friends went away to school and I lived at home with my mom. I am my mom's one and only, but I think that parents especially grow a bond with the oldest, becuase you experience everything first... It's got to be hard for her to see you grow up and when I was about 17, just after getting together with my OH, me and my mom went through a very difficult few months of always fighting really bad. It was really hard, but when it came down to it, she admitted that she was having a hard time allowing me to grow up and I can sympathize with that. So, instead of being angry when she treats me like a young child sometimes, we negotiate things to make it easier.

This year, I did move into a dorm at a college, but it is only 10 minutes from my house big move and now I go home at least 2 times a week, because I miss my mom so much. Most of my friends have moved back from college and now go to the community college I used to go to, so while I felt like I was the one who was behind, they came back and I am now farther ahead than them, because I waited. I got a lot of financial aid and scholarships and my mom only had to pay about $1,000 a semester for a $37,000 school. I don't knwo your familys financial state, but you should look and see waht you could actually get, because you might be suprised... talk to other schools.

She is starting to realize that I am getting older, as I'm turning 20 next week and I'm not even a teenager anymore. Our relationship is becoming more adult, than parent child, but we have always been best friends. Don't get down hun, it will get easier. IMO talk to your mom and try to make compromises that you are both comfortable with, you might be surprised at her reaction... and if she cries, since you are growing up, give her a hug!

 

[Klandagi]

hey hun... I'm 22 and live on and off with my mom and I'M told I'm too immature and am told when to go to bed etc. The idea is to shrug it off and remind her of your age and remind her of the times. My mom gets it after I gently put her back in her place, but you need to remember that we're still their little girls and always will be in their minds that cherub faced little angel they gave birth to and raised. It's like we don't advance past age 5 or 6 for them LOL!

Anyway... I wish you luck with your upcoming move (if that's your plan of action). I will be moving from Florida to Canada in January to live with my OH. It can be done!

 

[xxJennaBearxx]

thanks you guys. i realize it must be tough on my mom to see me grow and move out on my own, im trying to remind myself that. it just gets hard you know? but im convinced it will get better.

 

[Blob]

Awww hun, my mum and i always used to be at each others throats was hell. My OH and i are in buisness with them though so we all live together (seperate houses that are joined? ) But means i NEVER get away...some weeks i just refuse to go anywhere near them...

 

[EstelSeren]

That sounds like a really frustrating situation! Have you considered coming to some sort of agreement with your mum about paying her rent until you move out? I don't mean anything huge as presumably you're saving for a deposit and, whilst I don't know the exact situation in the US, they're never cheap! I just mean some sort of token amount towards housekeeping. This could potentially kill 2 birds with one stone. Firstly, you'd technically be a lodger in the house so she wouldn't be able to tell you what to do, impose a bedtime, etc, just possibly impose a reasonable curfew of when she wants everyone in the house, but not what you do when you get back in. Secondly, it could proove to your mum that you know what you're doing with money if you can stay on top of the rent and still be able to go out and do what you normally do and save for a deposit on your own place.

Luckily, I've never been in a situation like this, although my mum HATES that I've moved out and am not planning on moving back to the area I'm from! I just moved out permanently just before my 20th birthday. I've been living away from home most of the year since I was 18 and went to uni! At 19 noone can stop you from moving out if you have the money to, although I can think of a few ways parents can make it hard!!


Beca :wave:

 

[Freya]

just wanted to say your future plans sound great! You'll make a success of living in your own place i'm sure. Only since becoming a mom do i realise how much i treasure my first born daughter, i suspect as hard as i try, she will always be my baby and i'll never want her away from me. 2 or 20'