Visitors when babys born

[stacey01]

so i have just found out my partners aunt is coming over around about when the baby is due for a week or two.

we had this last time , 2 weeks after lo was born she came , and they were constantly knockin on our door uninvited and staying for hours.

its really not on turning up when im due to have a baby , i want to be nesting etc...

i really dont need his family coming over all the time soon as lo is born again, my partner is only havin 1 week off , so i want it to be just the 4 of us and my lo getting used to being a big sister.

im also going to be breast feeding and i know if they are here it will make me feel like i have to go upstairs to feed her , i dont really like whackin them out in front of people.


its made me so mad now , i thought it would be different this time
dont get me wrong i dont mind them visiting once baby is born , but last time it was almost everyday they come round.


anyone else going to have this hassle ?, how do i tell them i want it to just be the 4 of us to begin with. ??

 

[wantingno.2]

It's so difficult isnt it ... i had the whole of DH's family come up the day i got out of hospital last time. Of course i dont mind people visiting, but because they have to travel quite far they stayed all day, infact we all went round to my parents house and it turned into a little party. I felt god awful hadnt slept in 4 days and felt completely spaced out and dizzy.

This time i want it to be different so i'm just hoping bubs arrives on a early mid week day cos i know they wont then visit until the weekend!!!

 

[DottyLottie]

It's hard huh?
My sister invited herself to stay for a week when LO is born (she lives in Spain), were very close so I didn't feel uncomfortable telling her no, but she still felt a bit put out.
It still shocks me how people can be so inconsiderate, especially those who have had babie's themselves and should know better.
My sister thought she could help, I had to explain that the first week or so is not about help, it's about peace and enjoying quiet family time, settling in and not having to cater for guests.

On the day I came home from hospital when I had my last baby, we were living in rural France and our nearest neighbour (an english lady) popped in for all of 5 minutes and dropped off a huge pot of stew and an apple crumble, plus milk, bread and a big joint of cooked ham. She refused the offer of a cup of tea, and asked us to call her or pop in to let her see the baby WHEN WE WERE READY, it was by far the most wonderful gesture, and meant I didn't have to cook, I only wish everyone were so thoughtful, people seem to lose all sense of consideration when a new baby arrives!
My mum always invades on the pretence of helping, but her idea of helping is holding the baby whilst I get stuck into the ironing and make her endless cups of coffee! She makes me so mad!

I think you need to speak to your family, and explain you are happy for them to pop over for an hour to meet LO, but you will need some rest and private time. There is no other way round it, it may piss some people off, but you either put your foot down and get what you want or put up with their endless visits.
I know as I am now back in the UK I will struggle to keep my own family at bay, it was blissfull being in rural France where family could not invade!

 

[stacey01]

It's so difficult isnt it ... i had the whole of DH's family come up the day i got out of hospital last time. Of course i dont mind people visiting, but because they have to travel quite far they stayed all day, infact we all went round to my parents house and it turned into a little party. I felt god awful hadnt slept in 4 days and felt completely spaced out and dizzy.

This time i want it to be different so i'm just hoping bubs arrives on a early mid week day cos i know they wont then visit until the weekend!!!

its just not on is it , im thinking of a ring before you come round rule , and not just turn up on the door step.
but getting my partner to tell them this is the hard bit!

 

[wantingno.2]

It's hard huh?
My sister invited herself to stay for a week when LO is born (she lives in Spain), were very close so I didn't feel uncomfortable telling her no, but she still felt a bit put out.
It still shocks me how people can be so inconsiderate, especially those who have had babie's themselves and should know better.
My sister thought she could help, I had to explain that the first week or so is not about help, it's about peace and enjoying quiet family time, settling in and not having to cater for guests.

On the day I came home from hospital when I had my last baby, we were living in rural France and our nearest neighbour (an english lady) popped in for all of 5 minutes and dropped off a huge pot of stew and an apple crumble, plus milk, bread and a big joint of cooked ham. She refused the offer of a cup of tea, and asked us to call her or pop in to let her see the baby WHEN WE WERE READY, it was by far the most wonderful gesture, and meant I didn't have to cook, I only wish everyone were so thoughtful, people seem to lose all sense of consideration when a new baby arrives!
My mum always invades on the pretence of helping, but her idea of helping is holding the baby whilst I get stuck into the ironing and make her endless cups of coffee! She makes me so mad!

I think you need to speak to your family, and explain you are happy for them to pop over for an hour to meet LO, but you will need some rest and private time. There is no other way round it, it may piss some people off, but you either put your foot down and get what you want or put up with their endless visits.
I know as I am now back in the UK I will struggle to keep my own family at bay, it was blissfull being in rural France where family could not invade!

Awwww what a lovely neighbour, wish mine were like that!!!

 

[misscream]

Park around the corner and don't answer your door, just pretended like your not home
I know what you mean though, all of my and my OH's family live about four hours away so when people come visit they at least have to stay the night...

I know I'm going to get call saying "we are driving up for a few days..." I'm going to say we have a one night stay rule... Especially my mother who thinks shes going to come up and stay for a week to "help". Shes mentally not all there anymore after a break down shes on 11 pills 3 times a day... She annoys the crap out of me and just doesn't really understand anything. She came up with my father a couple weeks ago and I was constantly running around and cleaning up after her.. She tried to help once and put all the dishes in the dish washer sideways and diagonal so only 4 plates fit in there. Oh and she can't cook at all... not even kraft dinner. So having her around is more work then a 2 year old!

Didn't mean to hi-jack your post with my rant, just wanted to let you know I know how your feeling!

 

[stacey01]

It's hard huh?
My sister invited herself to stay for a week when LO is born (she lives in Spain), were very close so I didn't feel uncomfortable telling her no, but she still felt a bit put out.
It still shocks me how people can be so inconsiderate, especially those who have had babie's themselves and should know better.
My sister thought she could help, I had to explain that the first week or so is not about help, it's about peace and enjoying quiet family time, settling in and not having to cater for guests.

On the day I came home from hospital when I had my last baby, we were living in rural France and our nearest neighbour (an english lady) popped in for all of 5 minutes and dropped off a huge pot of stew and an apple crumble, plus milk, bread and a big joint of cooked ham. She refused the offer of a cup of tea, and asked us to call her or pop in to let her see the baby WHEN WE WERE READY, it was by far the most wonderful gesture, and meant I didn't have to cook, I only wish everyone were so thoughtful, people seem to lose all sense of consideration when a new baby arrives!
My mum always invades on the pretence of helping, but her idea of helping is holding the baby whilst I get stuck into the ironing and make her endless cups of coffee! She makes me so mad!

I think you need to speak to your family, and explain you are happy for them to pop over for an hour to meet LO, but you will need some rest and private time. There is no other way round it, it may piss some people off, but you either put your foot down and get what you want or put up with their endless visits.
I know as I am now back in the UK I will struggle to keep my own family at bay, it was blissfull being in rural France where family could not invade!

yep i think its a matter of putting my foot down this time , either that or locking the door and not answering

i think the prob is my partner will see my mum come over and want his family over, but she helps , cooks etc.. but i can ask her to leave when im tierd or fed up and she wont get offended.
but his family dont help and we cant ask them to leave cus they would get offended

your neighbour sounds perfect

 

[mystika802]

I hate dealing with this part, my best friend said shes coming for 2 weeks, starting when I go into labor and I love her but honestly the LAST thing I want is her to be there for 2 weeks....I dont want ANYONE there I want to come home and not worry about food being in the fridge, or cleaning, or being in pain, I want to just enjoy my baby and sit naked all day if I want to lol. My mother in law is super pushy and I KNOW she will be there all the time when we come home from the hospital and I also know even if we say no she will come anyway I almost feel like not telling anyone until like 2 weeks after the baby is born rofl, but my mother in law works at the hospital the baby will be born at :s I want 1 week from the time I leave the hospital...alone with my hubby and my son and baby......

 

[vaniilla]

you're right on the money hun! you should definitely put your foot down, I was in a similar situation, oh will only be able to a week off work if he's lucky and we want no one else there for that time so that we can bond as a family, my mum had plans of moving in for a week or two after baby was born but I was very stern in saying no and it finally got through, don't worry so much about people being upset, you need to put you and your baby first.

what I did with all of our friends and family was say that they can come and visit me and baby in the hospital but once we are home we will not be seeing any guests and will not be opening the door for anyone regardless of who it is as we need the time alone, maybe you could try something similar? even if they struggle to accept it stick to your guns and don't let people bully or push into getting their way.

 

[stacey01]

I hate dealing with this part, my best friend said shes coming for 2 weeks, starting when I go into labor and I love her but honestly the LAST thing I want is her to be there for 2 weeks....I dont want ANYONE there I want to come home and not worry about food being in the fridge, or cleaning, or being in pain, I want to just enjoy my baby and sit naked all day if I want to lol. My mother in law is super pushy and I KNOW she will be there all the time when we come home from the hospital and I also know even if we say no she will come anyway I almost feel like not telling anyone until like 2 weeks after the baby is born rofl, but my mother in law works at the hospital the baby will be born at :s I want 1 week from the time I leave the hospital...alone with my hubby and my son and baby......

yep a week would be nice , jus to settle down as a family and try get into a routine.

 

[stacey01]

you're right on the money hun! you should definitely put your foot down, I was in a similar situation, oh will only be able to a week off work if he's lucky and we want no one else there for that time so that we can bond as a family, my mum had plans of moving in for a week or two after baby was born but I was very stern in saying no and it finally got through, don't worry so much about people being upset, you need to put you and your baby first.

what I did with all of our friends and family was say that they can come and visit me and baby in the hospital but once we are home we will not be seeing any guests and will not be opening the door for anyone regardless of who it is as we need the time alone, maybe you could try something similar? even if they struggle to accept it stick to your guns and don't let people bully or push into getting their way.

prob is if i let my mum come over he will want his family over , and they outstay their welcome, his sister come over for 3 hours tonight!! which made lo late for bed, mucked her routine up and we had no time to relax.

 

[vaniilla]

thats why I'm suggesting not to let anyone come and visit you at home but only at the hospital, there if they outstay the visiting hours the staff will make sure they go home