Waiting for AF after M/C, anyone else? OCBM

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I really do want to go home for the week lol. I'm just really hoping it comes earlier. It's due of the fifth and i was thinking of flying back for a week on the 7th ! Would be great if he cam here for a couple of days but I don't think he will get time off his work.

Slg best not to listen to people that tell you you can. Only you can tell if you can't do something. I like proving people wrong as well.

Life- it's a mixed emotion time for you. Bu if it's ok to say I'm glad that you are able to try for your rainbow now.

mapha - taking pre vits wont do any harm at any time they are just suppliments that are natural anyway. I was told taking them sooner is best. No time like the today lol.

Back from the time away and me at my parents. AF isn't being kind to me this month at all.

Mindy glad temping is going good. It becomes habit quick. You can't be that sad. We do it too! You can copy the URL from the fertility friend or ovu friend or whatever you use and copy it into your signature. If you don't want to. Take different kinds of pre vits just take frolic acid. You really don't need anything else. Your body is a wonderful thing as you can see from your boys. I only took frolic acid through my pregnancy. I was taken off other stuff due to the hyperemisis. Xxxx
 
Mindy- this board doesn't support HTML. You'll have to look for the BBcode version on FF! It should be very easy to copy and paste!

I didn't know we were actually TWW buddies, Mindy! I am 6 DPO! When are you testing? I am trying to hold out til Nov 1.

Blue- so sorry AF is being so evil! :(
 
Aleeah, yep, I'm going to try and get some Christmas shopping done :) I'm sorry about your friend, such an awful thing and it seems to happen way to often. I felt (and still feel) the very same way about my friend who lost her baby at 20 weeks - if I think about it too much I end up in tears for them, which of course is not helpful. I just wish there was more I could do. I often think it is harder to watch others in pain (physical or emotional) than to go through it yourself.

Mapha, I'm with the others, no harm in taking the prenatals now... in fact, probably a good thing :)

LL, sorry about your insensitive co-worker. Having been through a loss, I realize now how careful you have to be about comments like that around others. You have no idea what people have gone through. My pregnant co-worker (who is due on the due date of my angel baby) also went on and on about how third trimester sucks, and how miserable she is feeling, etc. I understand she's probably uncomfortable, and I can certainly those types of comments better now that I am pregnant again... but if I wasn't, I would have been quite upset.

Slg, good for you for defying the odds :) You did get pregnant, and you will again, and hopefully the next one will be your second take home baby :)

Life, that's great that your hcg levels have dropped! One step closer to trying again :)

Mindy, I hope you post your chart so we can all chart stalk!! Sounds like you have a fun weekend planned :) Enjoy!

Blue, I hope you can get back home for a little while, I'll keep my fingers crossed!! I hope AF leaves quickly.

As for me, I told work yesterday :) I spoke to the clinical practice coordinator and she asked if she could talk about it, I said yes, as it will save me having to tell everyone else. In any case they're going to give me a bunch of office projects to do early next year so I can wind down my active caseload slowly and still have as much work as I want, which I'm really happy about :) I probably won't be posting this weekend as we'll be away and I'm just taking my phone. I hope everyone has a great weekend!!
 
Yey I did it lol!!! Well there you go there is my chart! The aim is to actually wait until 11/11/2013 (im off on a girlie weekend away) Weather I can actually wait that long is a different matter. Thing is usually my cycle was 27 days (like clockwork) but as i bled for 25 days i really dont know where I am. So NO idea when to expect AF at all.

Wow so a week today! It makes me nervous actually thinking about testing myself tbh, neg result would be heartbreaking and +ive would be amazing but super scary as i know im going to dread every twinge and loo visit! Anyone else think/though like this?

So exciting I hope we both get BFP's this month.
 
Lindsay - I have to disagree that it's harder to watch someone suffer than to go through it yourself. If you feel so sad just imagining what they're going through, just think about how much worse it must be for them actually going through it. It can be sad and frustrating to not be able to do anything to help, but then think about how much more sad and frustrating it would be for them stuck in the situation and knowing that no one and nothing can make them feel better or take the pain away.
I guess I'm just sensitive to this topic right now because I feel like everyone around me has forgotten how sad I am and I am actually suffering every day. I can't imagine how much worse it would be for a later term loss. Sorry for butting in! :)

And you're right - I will be a lot more careful with my words when I am pregnant... And I'm sure if I'd never had a loss I would probably be saying those things too. But now I know what a huge gift it is to be pregnant and I will try to be much more sensitive in the future.

I am glad you finally told your work and that everything went well! That's great you'll be able to do more office work as you gradually lessen your case load! :hugs: Was the person you told very congratulatory? :)
 
Mindy - I feel the same. I alternate between wanting my BFP SO badly and knowing I'll be in the depths of despair if I don't get it... And then the next moment I realize I am terrified of getting a BFP and maybe I don't even want one if it means I will miscarry again. I honestly think I will lose my mind if I have another miscarriage. All I've EVER wanted is to be PREGNANT and become a mom to my own babies... But I honestly don't see how I could ever go through this pain again and I may have to give up and start the process of adoption instead. It's not that I don't think adoption is beautiful, and I am definitely open to it, but I so desperately want to give birth to a child who shares my DNA and to experience every aspect of pregnancy. :(
 
Ahhh im sure you will you must keep positive hun really! The pain of loosing a baby is awful it really is! Its heart breaking! How long have you been trying (if you dont mind me asking?) xx
 
literati--I understand the fear of another mc. I also think adoption is a great option. But, don't give up. The pain of a mc is small compared to the joy of having your own child that is a combination of you and the person you love. You will get there!!
 
Mindy - thanks. Since the m/c it is our 3rd cycle trying, but really on the 4th month since it happened because we waited until my first AF to try. I know that this is a relatively short wait so far but it feels horrendously long to me. :(

Slg - thanks. I do think you're right but it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I think I'm doing fine and then I have days like these where all I can do is worry and despair and I'm not convinced there is any hope for me ever. I have gone through so little compared to so many people, but it is too much for me to bear. I guess I am just weak.
 
Literati: The day I missed my period I went in for a blood day (which would have been 4 weeks exactly) and my level was 17. My doctor said not to worry, that it was just a sign of early pregnancy. I thought that was weird because we knew exactly when I conceived (I was on fertility medication). So then they had me come in two days later and she said she wanted the numbers to double. Then I was at 56, which meant they tripled. So my doctor thought everything was going well. Then, I had a blood draw at exactly 5 weeks and my levels went down to 29. So my levels were really low the whole time..

Also, I have a great fear of having another m/c just like you. I think one thing that has helped me so much was to talk to the people around me that I love about what I’m going through. It’s funny because when we found out we were pregnant we just told our parents. Then when we had a miscarriage, I really needed my girl friends around to talk to. It was a big shock to them to find out that I was pregnant and I miscarried. I really needed them though, and it has helped me get through it. I still get emotional when I think about it, and sometimes even get a little angry when I see/hear people having babies that really weren’t trying. But honestly, anger and sadness are part of the grieving process and are totally normal to feel. It’s just so great to have all of you here to be my soundboard and to validate my feelings.

My nurse called today to tell me that my levels went down to 0. When I initially miscarried she said I needed to wait until after the bleeding stops, then I need to have another period and then the NEXT period we could start treatments. Which I figured would be around December. Although, when she called today she said my numbers wee at 0 so whenever I am ready or when I get my next cycle we can start again. I was really excited because I do feel ready to try again, so I didn’t want to ask any questions. Is that bad? Could it be harmful to not have an entire cycle in between?
 
That's really sad that you had false hope with your levels tripling at first, but then going down so quickly. :( I am very sorry. :hugs:

It is very nice that you've had friends to talk to. Although we had only told our parents about the pregnancy as well (and my very best friend), once we had the m/c we told a few more people we trusted because we needed the support. Everyone was really caring and sweet and did offer prayers and sympathy which was nice. No one offered any true emotional support, though, and quickly they all forgot what I was going through.

My own best friend never asks how I'm doing anymore and when I tell her how I'm terrified of it happening again, she just says, "Just be optimistic" as if it's so easy. Because she can't understand what I'm going through, it feels like we're drifting apart because she feels like she can never say anything good enough for me, but all I want is for her to acknowledge how hard this is for me and let me vent and tell me that my feelings are valid. Everyone else I've told has never mentioned it again and never asks how I am doing or asks if I need to talk. When I make a subtle comment about things being rough lately, they give me a weird look as if they have no idea what I'm talking about. Everyone thinks you just get over this in a week or two and then can go on leading a happy existence and without any fear of it happening again. OF COURSE we're afraid of it happening again! That is the very, very worst part of the m/c for me - the fear! And especially since I've never had a child, I have NO hope or promise that my body actually does know how to carry a child. I AM despairing and it's really, really hard when I can't talk about it with anyone and when I do they turn it around on themselves and feel sorry for themselves because they can't say the right thing. *sigh* Sorry...guess I just needed to rant. Thanks for listening since I have no one else to listen to me... :hugs:

I think if they give you the go-ahead to try, you should do whatever you feel comfortable with! Some people try right away, and some people wait for first AF because they would feel like they would blame that if they ended up getting pregnant immediately and losing it again. I did wait for my first AF and mostly feel good about that decision because I think I needed time to emotionally heal. In a way, though, I always wonder if I could have conceived that first cycle and would be over my first trimester already (or soon, anyway).
 
LL, you're right, in my half asleep state this morning I did not express that very well, lol. What I meant to say was that it's also very hard to watch someone going through emotional or physical pain, but of course it is much harder for the person going through it. I think that sense of inertia and being unable to do much to help someone feel better is what I find challenging, but of course having to live it 24/7 is even harder.

I'm sure you will get your take home baby soon - I know that's easy for me to say, but I really do think that. There's no reason to believe you wont :) TTC is a roller coaster of emotions and pregnancy after a loss is a scary place too, but you will survive and we can all help you through it :hugs: To be completely honest I still worry about losing this baby every single day - the intensity is not as much as it was earlier on, but the worry is still there (and my mom says "get used to it, you will keep worrying even after the baby is born").

Also, I really think that people who have not been through a miscarriage don't understand how upsetting it is, and that it can take quite some time to start to feel better about things. So, despite meaning well, they may not say the "right things" or realize how long you might be affected by it. I never would have known if I hadn't been through it - I didn't realize I would become so attached, so quickly, to an unborn baby.

Life, I was told after the miscarriage that even if I got pregnant before my first AF, there was no increased risk of another m/c. Apparently the recommendation to wait is only to make it easier to date the pregnancy. So, I would say if you feel emotionally ready to try again, there's probably no reason why you shouldn't :)
 
Thanks, Lindsay. :hugs: I definitely am not surprised (although I'm saddened) to hear that you still worry about losing your baby every single day. I am sure I will feel the same way, which is why the thought of a BFP is so frightening at times. :hugs: I do hope that worry decreases with each day and that you will hold your healthy baby in your arms and feel all that worry and sadness wash away as you start on a new adventure with your sweet rainbow baby.

I do know that there is no way for others to understand, and I try to remember that. Sometimes I am grateful I have been through a loss so that I can better relate if a friend ever goes through the same thing. I wouldn't want to unintentionally offend anyone else like others have me.

After all of my melodrama today and a bit of a tiff with my best friend, I unloaded my feelings onto my sister and she surprised me (although it shouldn't have been a surprise) by giving me so much care and support and sympathy. It was everything I needed and I feel so much better now with what she said, and what you kind ladies have said. Thank you for understanding, even though it's awful that you do! And thank you for listening to all my whining when you're probably all struggling as well. :hugs:
 
Hey Ladies

Sorry to be MIA for the last little while, I've been on training for work all week and it's been soooo busy!!! I finally got the chance to sit down and catch up with you ladies!! So much going on!!

Aleeah, I'm sorry about your friend, nice to see your scan went well..

LL, sorry about your insensitive co-worker... some people... I went for an ultrasound over a week ago to check that I had indeed passed everything and on the phone I told her why I needed the ultrasound.. then she asked me what my due date was... sigh... I know she felt terrible but my goodness...

Slg, you are an inspiration... the fact that you were indeed able to get pregnant means you have already proved them wrong!! now to get that sticky bean.

Life, that's great that your hcg levels have dropped! One step closer to trying again

Blue, I hope you can get back home for a little while, I'll keep my fingers crossed!! I hope AF leaves quickly.

AFM well today is 21 days since my mc and I'm still bleeding... sigh... when will it stop? it was light spotting for about 2 weeks, then yesterday it picked up again... urgg... I haven't done a hpt for 2 weeks now, but I had some ovulation tests here, so i did one yesterday and it was very positive... so I assume that my levels are not yet back down... I am debating asking for bloodwork, but figure that since the ultrasound showed that there was nothing left, that all I can do is wait...

I hope everyone has a great weekend. We've got a busy one with halloween party for the kids, I have to say having my 2 DS's has definitely helped in keeping me distracted.
 
you aren't weak, Literati! We just all have our own journey to go through. If you can't get pregnant when you want then it's hard no matter how short or long a time you have to wait. It looks like you still have plenty of options left to try? Have you done any fertility treatments?
 
Lls- I would maybe phone the doctor and let them know that you are still bleeding.

Lit&life- I feel the same in regards to support and things. We decided to tell friends and family when it as 12 weeks because we truely though that the chance of us loosing our boys after that was slim. But when we lost them I lost a lot of friends as well because they didn't offer any support or even an ear to listen too. All i kept getting was 'your young it will happen for you eventually' but I was grieving for the sons I me had lost not just a pregnancy. I have row very good friends. One of which surprises me regularly with little momentum so for my boys that can go in their box. She always cries with me and makes me cry with the beautiful things she said. She actually bought be a star and named it after them which I thought was so very sweet.

My mum is also very supportive. I think we are the closest we have ever been. She has had two mc years back and I feel she sort of understands. Everyone else has forgotten. They don't ask how I am or mention the boys at all. That's including my dad and all of his side of the family. Which I found rude since they announced their pregnancy the day I got out of hospital after giving birth to my boys. They think that this little baby will make me feel better about mine. Which it won't because it's not my baby. I will love it like my other siblings but not as a mother loves her children.

I felt bad always venting and sounding miserable to others so found the other support I needed in you girls.

Linds- I know that I will worry all the way through all the rest of my pregnancies like you are now. But I just hope that it's just a worry and nothing else. I couldn't cope with what I have been through again. I don think I have even delt with it this time.

Hopefully we will all have our little take home babies soon ! Xxxx
 
literati... you are not weak, you have to be strong to go through what you are, everyone is different and grieves differently one is not stronger than another just different. Take care of yourself, and hopefully you get the support here that you feel you are lacking elsewhere. I do find that people don't know what to say...

blue I am like you, my mom and sister have been great lots of support, and I'm lucky to have a best friend who is very supportive, she's never had a loss but she's a family doctor so she sees lots of people with losses and is able to reassure me that next time will stick :)

AFM and still bleeding... I'm wondering if it's my period... I have a 21 day cycle normally and yesterday was day 21... and for the last 2 weeks it's been light and brown spotting, and then as of yesterday it's red blood, and heavy like a normally period... I had an ultrasound 10 days post mc which showed I had passed everything.... hmmm... wait and see... I think I will pick up a hpt test today and check... since I still haven't found the one I stashed somewhere in the house :)
 
KLS -
Thanks. :hugs: It is so great that your family and best friend are so supportive. You really deserve all the support and love you can get!

I sort of know how you feel. Medical professionals aren't always the most sensitive. When I went to what should have been my first pre-natal appointment, the receptionist asked to confirm that that's why I was there. When I softly said, "No, I had a miscarriage" she did not even change her facial expression or say, "Oh, I'm sorry." She just looked at her computer and started typing and said, "Oh ok, I'll change that." I know they must see this all the time and they just have to stay professional but I was surprised she stayed so 'clinical' about it.

21 days of bleeding is pretty long.That is strange that if your u/s was clear that it's taking so long for your levels to go down. It definitely wouldn't hurt to get your blood work done. That way your doctor can at least monitor you and let you know if this long wait is abnormal!

Enjoy your weekend! I am glad your kids are keeping you sane! Are you hosting the halloween party or are you attending elsewhere?

SLG - Thanks. :hugs: I don't think I need fertility treatments. I got pregnant on my 2nd cycle last time, and it's only our 3rd cycle now. I ovulate every month and apparently my husbands spermies work. We just have to wait and see. They won't do any testing to see if something's wrong with me until I've had another miscarriage.

Blue - Thank you for understanding. :hugs: That is very sad that you lost friends who you thought were close to you but weren't there for you afterward. It is so sad that that happens, but I guess it really shows who your true friends are. I am so glad you have a really good friend now who cries with you and helps you remember your boys fondly. And your mom sounds great as well. My mom has also been very supportive. She lost a baby to spina bifida before she had me (he died shortly after she gave birth to him at full term) so she's definitely had her share of loss. And the nice thing is she never makes it seem like her loss was greater or worse than mine even though it was. She just validates that I am sad and grieving which is so nice. I am so sorry the rest of your family seems to have forgotten, and that they were so insensitive as to announce their pregnancy the day after you got out of the hospital. That sounds like the most callous thing I could imagine. I understand they were happy and wanted to share their news, but that was NOT the time to share it...and of course THEIR baby will never make *you* feel better about your losses. So glad we all have each other here. :hugs:

AFM -

I had another punch in the stomach yesterday after such a hard day of crying multiple times at work, fighting with my best friend, and feeling so sad about everything. We had a double date with friends of ours who started dating around the same time, got married within a month of us, etc. We of course hoped to have babies around the same time but we never told them about our miscarriage as last time we were together she said something insensitive about a co-worker's miscarriage so I knew she wouldn't understand.

She told me last time we were together that they started trying in August, and I got quite nervous that they would get pregnant "before" us even though really we got pregnant first. It's not like I wanted them to take a long time, but I just felt like we should at least get pregnant first or at the same time since really we have been through such a big journey already.

But last night in my already emotional state, they announced that she is pregnant already. She is already 8 weeks and they got pregnant on their second month. When they told me, I immediately felt sick to my stomach, started shaking uncontrollably and wanted to burst into tears. Instead I had to sound SO excited and exclaim, "WOW! Congratulations! That was quick! When are you due!?" My poor hubby was drugged from some strong meds for his migraines so didn't really help on the enthusiasm front. After we'd asked the appropriate amount of questions and I'd smiled enough to make myself want to puke, I excused myself to the washroom because I honestly thought I was going to vomit. Instead I just cried a little bit - only a few tears. Then I composed myself and went back into the kitchen and asked all the things about her pregnancy that I would have wanted to be asked. And I wanted to relate and say, "Ooh, that was the same with me when I was pregnant"... but they don't even know I was ever pregnant. :(

I honestly am SO happy for them! They deserve this so much and I am glad they are able to have the blissful ignorance thing going for them. But I just can't help feel it's not fair and WE were pregnant first, so we should at least be pregnant again with them. :( And after such a hard and emotional day, this was not the news I was prepared to hear. I wish she would have told me via text or e-mail so I could have had my cry, and then reacted properly. They deserved the best reaction ever, but I was just trying so hard not to break down in front of them.

I am coming around to the idea now and of course it is exciting news but it's just really hard too, as I am sure you all can understand. Now I feel "behind" and like they'll be waiting on us to get pregnant and it feels like we're broken because we're taking longer and having troubles along the way. :( I realized this morning that we will hold their baby in our arms before we hold our own (if we ever do), and that made me very sad.
 
Hello ladies, I was speaking to my sister inlaw 2day regarding my miscarriage as I needed someone to talk to. Lord I did not know she miscarried as well, my heart bleed for her. They kept these all this time. She had 7 miscarriages and 1 ectopic. I can't stop crying for her
 
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