Waiting for AF after M/C, anyone else? OCBM

[lifeisbeauty]

Literati: Yes, I share you feeling of fear! I definitely feel like I am making myself vulnerable by welcoming another pregnancy due to the fear of another loss. Although, I just know deep down inside that we will get pregnant with our baby. We will NEVER forget the struggles of our m/c, but I also remind myself that our m/c has shaped us into new, even more beautiful people. Our m/c also taught us what loss really feels like, and puts a lot of the other “drama” that takes up so much of our life, on the back burner. My DH and I are changed people, due to our m/c. You are too! ☺ You are going through hurt that many people can’t imagine. You are going through an event that will shape your life forever! There is no right or wrong way to grieve. In fact, I started reading this book that you can get for free on kindle called “Sunshine after the storm.” It is a great book where women talk about their losses. Some lost their babies immediately after conception and other’s lost their babies when they were 18 years old. It is a great way to validate your feelings, because EVERY feeling is felt in the book. There are people in my life too (like my parents) that rarely ask me how I’m doing. I think it’s because they are so uncomfortable with the topic and really don’t know what to say. That’s why it’s so nice to find people who have been there before and are comfortable validating your fellings. We are here for you!!!

Lindsay: Thank you! DH and I decided we will just do what we do and not prevent anything ☺ We will start fertility meds again when AF shows. Then we will go from there. I keep trying to tell myself “There’s no use worrying, it’s not in my hands anyways” ☺

 

[bluestars]

Kls- thats what happened to me. I bled for 2 and a half weeks it stopped for two days and then my actual period came. I didnt worry because I sort of thought thats what it must be. Surely you will get negatives now. Sounds like you have had an internal spring clean!!

lit- that sounds like you have had a rough day. I know what you mean though about being so overly happy for them but feel a pang of jealousy too. The only word of comfort is that our little buttons will be treasured to the end of the earth and back. I know every child is but we will have that extra appreciation (for me more like a severe over protection) for them. Im so nervous about this we one coming and just hope that I will fall in love with him/her.

Mapha- so sorry to hear of your sisters losses! Hope she is finding the support she needs!band hope you are too xxxx

 

[bluestars]

Life -just seen your post. You are right. Very optimistic hehe. OH and I have changed and grew in ways we never thought we could. Just hope we get some good eventually. Fingers crossed the ntnp treatment workss so you dont need treatment xxx

 

[lifeisbeauty]

Could someone tell me what NTNP means? I have seen it a bunch of times, but I am not quite sure of the meaning Thanks!

 

[mapha2]

Life - I think NTNP stands for not trying, not preventing.

Blue - correct me if I'm wrong.

Hugs and hope ya'll well. Much love

 

[slg76]

blue-I hadn't realized that you lost your babies so late into the pregnancy. I'm so very sorry. I do think that the more time you have to get attached and watch them grow the harder the loss must be. Not that any loss, no matter how early, is easy.

much of what you said about friends and family not being very supportive rings very true for me. I've been lucky to have a lot of support about my mc but only our best friends and close family knew that I was pregnant to begin with. But, when I had cancer I also had resounding silence from most of my friends and much of my family. Some of my closest friends and even some of my siblings didn't call or check in the whole time I was in treatment. I don't look at those people the same anymore. Most of them are still in my life in a superficial way but I know now that I can't really expect them to support me when times get tough. And, that makes me not want to share with them when times are really good. It is sad but luckily I have a good mom and a fantastic husband.

Mapha-I have found out about many friends' and family members' mc lately. Many people seem to understand if they have been through it too. It's a shame that more people can't be understanding even if they haven't been through it themselves. I'm glad that you are finding support and now can give support to your sis in law too.

Literati-I'm so sorry you are struggling. How horrible to have to cap off a bad day with a terrible date night. I know that you are happy for your friend but I'm sure it also makes you sad for yourself. My little sister is due next week with her 3rd boy. I truly am happy for her but am sad that we are no longer pregnant at the same time and that she will have her baby so soon when I won't. By the way, she is 10 years younger than me! She has had a mc and is understanding which helps. I hope that if these are really good friends of yours that you find a way to be comfortable with her pregnancy. You are a good friend for being excited for them!

AFM-I'm just hanging out waiting on my HCG levels to fall. They were only 1000 last week but I still have a pretty strong line on my HPT. I'm decided if I want to go back on fertility meds next cycle. I agree with my doctor that I will get pregnant faster with them but I'm scared of multiples which is a real possibility with this medication. Twins would be manageable but what if I got pregnant with 3 or 4??!! I have a friend who that happened to. I'm pretty sure it would damage my marriage because me and hubby have different opinions about what is best in that situation. Ahh, life is just never easy.

 

[Aleeah]

Hey Ladies,

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, work has been manic, I can tell you I'm ready for the Christmas break, more than ready!!

Looks like it's been a sad forum the last few days. I really do hope and believe we'll all get there, we will have our take home babies, just a different journey to others that's all. I truly believe we'll have a forum in the baby section where we'll all be jibber jabbering away about our mini-me's nappies, and first steps and then the next pregnancies!!

Literati & Mindymoo - I'm sorry you've had a tough few days, like I said before, we'll get there, all of us will get there.

It's cool you're both cycle buddies and both your charts are looking really good!! I'm excited to see you both testing soon I hope!

KLSTP - Hope the halloween party went well? Sounds like fun! I hope your levels fall quickly and the bleeding stops soon. It might be worth going for the blood draw, as it'll at least help you to understand when you might ovulate and then have AF, if that's when you'll start trying?

Mapha - I'm so sorry for your sister-in-law's loss. It's so sad so many women suffer to get their baby.

LifeisBeauty - I love your optimism and also love the ntnp stance! We fell pregnant the first time this year when we were ntnp too but sadly after that loss, I was an obsessed crazy lady about it, was doing everything under the sun trying to get pregnant! And this time, it was a happy accident.

SLG - I understand your fear of multiples, when the doctor suggested IVF to us, we were really struggling to get our heads around the possibility of mutiples and I felt terrible for thinking like that but it's a harsh fact of reality. So many reasons, babies are expensive, the toll on your relationship, your career, would you cope etc. But when I fell pregnant with twins I was equally divided and ashamed to say a little upset, I know twin pregnancies in their nature are high risk and I wanted the best possible chance of having a healthy baby. When I lost them too, I felt terrible and I felt terrible when I got the results from the testing on them back to say there was nothing wrong with them, almost felt I'd wished them away (which of course is ridiculous as I'd already grown attached). Just think of it this way, it's possible you'll have multiples but that possibilites is also very low, so you're more likely to have a single pregnancy or twins, which is ok. Just do what's right for the both of you. And I didn't get any fertility assistance in the end, as my first appointment for testing for things etc we found out I was pregnant again. I'm still being monitored throughout the first 3 months by the fertility team though xx

Blue - How are you doing? Hoping the bleeding has tailed off and you're into a new gorgeous surprise BFP cycle now?

Lindsay - My look at you, now 17 weeks!! Hope the little one is kicking hard now so mummy can feel him or her lots! Have you made your mind up about finding out the gender or not?, or ?

Crysshae - Where are you? How are getting on? Must be ovulation time now or soon? xx

AFM - Symptoms have died down and I'm hoping that's just because hormone's are stabilizing and not because things will end how they always have. For now I'm too busy to worry too much, I guess I'll know on Wednesday xxx

 

[Literati_Love]

Aleeah- that's too bad about your symptoms dying down. I do hope you have some happy news to share on Wednesday! It's probably a good thing you're too busy to think about it!

Thank you so much for your kind words, Life, blue and slg!

How is everyone else today?

Nina - I really miss you and am so sad as never hear from you anymore. Will you be testing this weekend as well?

AFM- 9 DPO today. No real pregnancy symptoms although I've had sort of the inkling that maybe I am pregnant but it is most likely just an inkling! I am officially in PMS now and so find the sound if everyone's voices so annoying and I just want to hide away from everyone and watch TV! I won't test til Friday ( I am determined this time)! I don't even want to know early because it is too depressing to know it's a BFN.

I did have a dream about having a baby last night. I tell ya - this is the month for pregnancy/baby dreams for me! In the dream immediately after giving birth I went to visit relatives with the baby so I couldn't find a private place to breastfeed and was extremely concerned about my baby starving to death! Then I had to step away for a few minutes and asked my Aunty to hold the baby while I was gone and I told my mom that she had to supervise my aunt holding the baby to make sure she supported her head enough, etc.When I came back, my family had forgotten about her and just left her on the counter and I was very upset!
What do you dream interpreters think of that? think perhaps I have some pent up anxiety??

Ps - sorry for all the typos lately. Using my phone and autocorrect is very annoying!

 

[bluestars]

Hey ladies.

been hectic at my end. Been doing lots of travelling and seeing people so its been popping on and off.

With the multiples subject I can remember always wanting twins when i was teen. It wasn't until I was older that you realise the risks. I I certainly didn't expect my sort of complications with multiples. If it happens naturally then that's that but I wouldn't deliberately take anything to increase the chances. Unless it was the only option. So its a hard decision to make for you guys. But you will love them all the same no matter what.

Aleeah it will be things settling down. When is your next scan?

I got a new phone so sorry for all the mistakes hehe. Andni dont think I will make it home. So this month im out. Bleeding has stopped though lol nearly xxx

 

[Literati_Love]

Blue- that's a shame that you likely won't be able to get back on time. I hope you're at least having lots of fun to make this cycle pads quickly!

It's too bad you couldn't have gotten your DH to give you a few sperm samples to inseminate yourself with while you were away! I am nuts.

 

[bluestars]

Lol if it would have lasted I would have lit haha xxx

 

[slg76]

LOL Literati! That is a whole new level of commitment!

 

[Literati_Love]

Blue - If only it worked that way, hey? I wonder...with AI how do they store the sperm to make it last? Do they freeze it?

AFM - This evening when my dh came home from work I informed him that I'd made him a delightfully nutritious meal of Kraft Dinner for supper. I then proceeded to tell him that I cannot STAND the thought of cooking even more than usual (I always abhor cooking and my dh does most of it normally). He just nodded and said, "Yep, I know. It's probably because you're pregnant." I replied, "Well, I was pretty lazy when I was pregnant." He said, "Yep, you were. You're totally pregnant again."

HAhhah! If only my laziness really were from pregnancy...but his saying that did give me a seed of hope! Then again...dh is not exactly known for his intuition. I'm sure AF will arrive and he'll be wondering why he let me get away with being so lazy.

 

[Lindsay109]

Lots to catch up on after the weekend!

Kls, I hope your bleeding stops soon! 21 days is quite a long time... may be worth running it by your doctor. I'm glad to hear you've got supportive family and friends, that makes a big difference!

LL, sorry to hear you had a rough time with your friend's announcement. It's such a mix of emotions isn't it? You're very happy for them but at the same time it just brings back the feelings of loss again, and certainly much harder to deal with when you are unprepared for the announcement. Hang in there hun! Your take home baby is on it's way and hopefully sooner rather than later I'm excited for you to test in friday!

Mapha, sorry to hear about your sister in law's losses, it seems to happen way too often doesn't it.

Life, I agree with everything you said in your last post, and love your optimism I suppose as they say, every dark cloud has a silver lining and every experience we have does shape us in some way.

Slg, hopefully your hcg levels will fall quickly. That's a tough decision to make about the fertility meds, but I guess in the end you just have to do what feels right for you and hubby.

Aleeah, I like your new ticker I had a lot of fluctuations in my symptoms until about 9/10 weeks when the nausea got really bad. My theory was that as my levels went up, my body adjusted, and then they went up again and I get symptoms, and then your body adjusts, etc. I hope that is the case for you as well! I'm glad you're keeping busy.
I think I do want to find out the gender - hubby is leaving it up to me to decide and I keep going back and forth, but for now I think I want to know. If baby cooperates we should be able to find out on Nov 18.

Blue, that's too bad that you don't think you'll be able to get back home in time for your fertile week Hopefully, as LL said, you'll keep really busy and the month will just fly by

Crys and Nina, how are you ladies doing? I miss you guys!

As for me, I had a nice weekend away and got a little bit of Christmas shopping done. I'm going to see my doctor on Wednesday for a flu shot so kinda hoping she will have my blood test screening results by then and I won't have to wait until the 14th when I see the OB.

 

[Lindsay109]

Blue - If only it worked that way, hey? I wonder...with AI how do they store the sperm to make it last? Do they freeze it?

AFM - This evening when my dh came home from work I informed him that I'd made him a delightfully nutritious meal of Kraft Dinner for supper. I then proceeded to tell him that I cannot STAND the thought of cooking even more than usual (I always abhor cooking and my dh does most of it normally). He just nodded and said, "Yep, I know. It's probably because you're pregnant." I replied, "Well, I was pretty lazy when I was pregnant." He said, "Yep, you were. You're totally pregnant again."

HAhhah! If only my laziness really were from pregnancy...but his saying that did give me a seed of hope! Then again...dh is not exactly known for his intuition. I'm sure AF will arrive and he'll be wondering why he let me get away with being so lazy.

lol, I love your DH's optimism! He may be more intuitive than you know, lol. My hubby is also not known for his intuition and he was the one who thought I was pregnant first (and he turned out to be right)

 

[slg76]

LL-my husband knows I'm lazy all the time but even lazier when I'm pregnant. He actually picked up on the mc (we didn't know yet) because I wasn't tired enough anymore. Hey, if you can use pregnancy as an excuse, if only for a couple days, then go for it

 

[Aleeah]

Literati - Your chart is looking really good, I'm loving that you have an inkling you might be pregnant, don't dismiss the hunch missy! Also laziness is one of my strongest pregnancy traits too, well why not?! We'll spend the rest of our lives busy busy busy with the children, so may as well be lazy during pregnancy! And the dream...!!!! It's been a consistent 'symptom' for me, even when I had no symptoms this last BFP I still had baby dreams!!! I'm so hopefull for you this month, so hopefull, I've got fingers, toes, EVERYTHING crossed for you xxxx

Blue - Glad bleeding has nearly stopped but sad you won't be able to make it back, maybe you'll have a crazy egg that stays up until it knows it's going to get some action?! (we can hope, can't we?!) Alternatively get a basting pipette, a cooler bag, a helping hand for hubby and you're off!!!

Oh and scan is tomorrow afternoon x

Lindsay - I'm excited to find out the gender of your baby!! What do you think it is? I'm going to go in on guessess first and think it's a boy ! I'm hoping you're right and my hormones are just levelling out, I certainly don't have the same desire for certain foods I used to have, so don't seem to love chocolate like I used to. I'm glad you got some shopping done, have you started buying any nice bits of baby yet? Good luck with the blood screening xx

AFM - Still very fiery or teary and no inbetween! My poor poor husband!! He's in for a rough 7 months if these mood swings continue! xx

 

[Lindsay109]

Aleeah, those sound like symptoms to me My husband told me a couple weeks ago that one of his friends (who has 2 kids) warned him that I would "go crazy" while pregnant and that he just had to take a deep breath and remember that it's just the hormones, lol. I didn't know he'd been told that, but he seems to have taken it to heart as he's been very patient with my moods.

I honestly don't have a strong feeling either way for or but I am going to guess too. Actually that reminds me I should try the ring test that Crys mentioned a while ago I still haven't bought any baby things, but I've been doing some research about what things I think we will need. If everything checks out okay on the 18th I will probably start buying things - I'm still kinda paranoid after what happened to my friend at her 20 week scan.

 

[bluestars]

Well im back to not deciding wiether I will make it home as ive been told that the step mother is going for a sweep on friday so hopefully it kicks start something. If not then will be Monday but Im desprate to go home. I wish I could plan whenni o'd and id be sorted haham know my luch i'll likely not O this month.

Linds I cant wait for your gender scan!

aleeah - are you looking forward to your scan?

Lit- your chart does look good. And going with gut usually done me right

how is everyone else xxxx

 

[klsltsp]

literati you're so funny.. lol I love it! As for the laziness ... I am the same.. although to be honest I just hate cooking!! LOL I make him craft dinner and make it special by throwing hotdogs in it

Aleeah the mood swings are a good sign!! good luck on your scan tomorrow!!

Lindsay I can't believe you got some Christmas shopping done!! I haven't even started, which is very un-like me.

Blue glad to hear that your bleeding has stopped... I wish!!! ahhhh and I did have a good giggle with all of this cooler talk LOL

slg hopefully you actually get the numbers today!! and we'll soon to be cycle buddies.. hopefully!!

As for me well I called the doctor yesterday since I'm still bleeding (today is day 26) I spoke with the nurse they said it wasn't normal, so I have an appointment with the doc today so we'll see what she says, I'm hoping she sends me for bloodwork to see where I'm at... and hopefully they'll do a pregnancy test too (save mine) LOL

Hope everyone has a great day!!

Kim