Waiting for AF after M/C, anyone else? OCBM

[slg76]

LL-I also got a massage yesterday. I rarely treat myself to that but I was in need. It has helped my headache some and I'm not pretty sure that what I have is a tension headache. I'll keep working on stretching those muscles and hope that I feel better. Sorry that your massage didn't end up being very relaxing!

I went to a birthday party today with my daughter. The mom, who was in my mommy group when Emily was a baby, is 5 months pregnant. Both the women who became friends of mine from that group have 2 little ones now. Makes me a little sad and makes me feel a little inadequate. Silly, I know.

Not sure what my OPKs are trying to tell me but I do think I'm trying to ovulate. We probably should have started the bd marathon a day earlier but I was distracted by my headache. Hopefully we didn't start too late to catch the egg. Two days ago was the first day I noticed CM and we did it that day. I'm so wanting to be pregnant again quickly....I know we all are

 

[Lindsay109]

Blue, good to hear you're getting lots of cuddles from your baby sister. Too bad you can't go home until the 21st, but I'm sure time will fly!

LL, sorry your massage wasn't too relaxing... certainly doesn't sound like very relaxing massage conversation for anyone, let alone someone who has had a miscarriage! Shopping with hubby went well... we ended up turning it into a date night and did dinner and a movie as well. Have you got snow out there yet? I also get a big anxious about driving in the snow/ice. Fortunately we don't get much here, but when we do, the city literally shuts down. No one here knows how to drive in the snow and there's only about 3 or 4 plows for the whole city so the streets are not cleared very well. In fact I think out here, it's the other drivers who are more dangerous than the roads in the snow, lol.

Slg, glad to hear your massage has helped your headache a little. Everyone's having massages these days, lol. I've got one booked for Tuesday. Good luck catching the egg!

As for me, going to a Christmas craft fair on monday so hoping to get a bunch more christmas shopping done. Having a lazy day today as I haven't been sleeping too well. I usually sleep half on my stomach and over the last few days, that has become rather uncomfortable so I keep waking up. I need to train myself to sleep on my side!

 

[bluestars]

I feel myself ovulating today ! Gutting. Pretty grumpy today. Also looked at my calendar and my af for next cycle is due at xmas time! How gutting!! Grrrr. World is not my friend today xxx

 

[Literati_Love]

Lindsay - Yep, we have snow here and our streets are slick with ice! Our weather was lovely for all of October and then as soon as November came around winter came at us all at once. I wish things shut down here if it snowed, but that would mean we'd be shut down for 6 months of the year. I've never once had a snow day, even when we had an insanely huge blizzard and almost everyone in the city got stuck... we all had to go to school/work as normal. It was ridiculous. And our city is very slow with sanding the roads and plowing as well so it can be quite difficult to get around. Lots of accidents here in the winter!

I hope you enjoy that Christmas craft fair tomorrow! If you're uncomfortable sleeping already, maybe you should try buying one of those full-body pregnancy pillows? Everyone seems to rave about them.

Blue - That sucks you're ovulating leaving you with no chance this month. That is very disappointing. I can understand why you would be grumpy! Interestingly, I've started to notice that I get quite moody every month around ovulation time. I guess it's all the estrogen which then suddenly crashes right after. Makes sense.

My AF for next cycle will also be due to start just 2 days before Christmas. So that sucks. But I am really hoping neither of us get AF in December!

 

[bluestars]

I have taken my meltdown.

I cant stand my step mother bragging about how hard her labour was and how the whole experience was horrific and how she was a little sick and felt like she wanted to die and how horrible and bloody her baby was.

I cant stand it. She accused me of facing my hyperemesis because she couldnt believe that pregnancy could make you be like that. She has a perfect little bundle along with a perfect pregnancy and a natural birth with a live baby. I just can stand how she doesnt appriciate it all!! How lucky she is to have this perfect little baby.

My heart is aching tonight completely. I just feel like I want to be away from it all and im stuck here till friday. Im so sick of hearing her moan and groan about stupid little things when little B is being to perfect and healthy !!!

ive taken myself away and still cant have time tobmyself without my dad coming in and moaning that little B wont feed because she knows im upset ! F*** O** !!!

I just want to hug someone and for them to understand that my heart is sore!!! I have tried so hard and gave all the advice I have. (Which she needed) but now I feel like I look mentally unstable and im just going to be a hassle.

Just hope I wake up less broken tomorrow. Sorry for the rant guys

xxx

 

[Literati_Love]

Blue - I am so sorry you are feeling down and that your step mom's behaviour is upsetting me. People who have not had a loss just do NOT get it and do not properly appreciate how amazingly blessed they are to have a baby at all, regardless of the pain it took to get there. I know how you feel when you are in such an uncomfortable situation but can't escape and just be alone like you need to be. I hope you can hang in there til the bitter end and then when you get home your husband can shower you in hugs and cuddle and understanding. When your baby comes, you will appreciate him/her so much and you won't care what you have to endure to get there. And you WILL get your baby. I am sure of it.

 

[slg76]

Aw Blue, I'm sorry that your dad and step-mom aren't being very sensitive to your situation. Sending you a huge hug!

 

[Linnypops]

Oh blue love! Sending big hugs your way pet. What you're going through is more than anyone ought to endure, and more than most ever do. The fact you're even there and being supportive at all is a testament to how bloody stable you are! You've a right to be sad, and noone has the right to put the bloody guilts on you because of your feelings. That all said it sounds like the sooner you can get home the better. Lots of hugs xx

 

[bluestars]

I understand that this is such a happy time !!! I am happy along with them I just want her to stop her moaning and be greatful. I know exactly what labour feels like thank you and you where very dramatic in 'wanting to die' it is one of the big things you do for your child is bring them into the world. And saying how sick she was and whrn I was sick she thought it was me 'making myself sick' makes me so angry!

although ive woke up less angry this morning. I think I needed a cry. Al5hough it has left me with a sore head. If I jabe to hear the story one more time I might actually say something. This is a miracle for them!Baby B Is a IVF baby so they should appreciate what they have!


Sorry again girls xxxx

 

[Aleeah]

Blue - I'm so sorry, it's a terrible situation to be in, I think it's amazing you've done everything you have so far for them. Can you not speak to your Dad and help him to understand how terribly hard this is, I'm amazed at your strength to even go there through all this, I don't think I'd be able to handle it. Remember, your dad lost his grandchildren too, so will sympathise with you surely? I don't think you should say anything directly to step-mum, as she'll be all emotional following the birth anyway and I'm sure the last thing you'll want is to fall out with everyone. But HE is your dad too and not just this new baby's dad, you have every right to tell him how you feel and he should understand.

I just want to give you a huge hug, you've a bigger heart than most you know and they're so lucky to have you there. It's ok to not be ok about it all, it's natural and completely normal and certainly not unstable as you put it. Can't you see if you can be put on stand by if any earlier flights do come available?

Wish I had won the lottery and had a plane to come and get you! xxx

 

[Aleeah]

P.S: Don't ever apologise, you've always been a huge pillar of strength for all of us and I hope you feel can always turn to us when you need to xxx

 

[ljsmummy]

Blue im so sorry for how you are feeling. You are a much better person than me for even being there in that situation and for not having a melt down until now!you are completely entitled to feel how you are feeling.I just cant believe how she reacted with baby B being an ivf baby,she should be on top of the world no matter how much pain she was in or how sick she was!People really suck sometimes,especially insensitive ones. Sending you lots of hugs and hope you can get home really soon x x

 

[Literati_Love]

Blue - Again, so sorry for how you are feeling. They definitely should appreciate their little IVF baby as the miracle that she is. It is so understandable that you're upset and are having trouble with this all.

I can see how her complaints would be very upsetting to you especially with her acting like you were "making yourself sick" when you were pregnant. It's not fair at all for sure. I agree with Aleeah to just leave it alone with your step-mom but if you're really upset you should talk to your dad because he should be on your side (as well as hers).

And definitely never apologize for ranting on here! We're all here for you!

 

[bluestars]

Thanks ladies. Had a better day today. I am going back to the grandmothers tomorrow to spend the rest of my stay (this friday). Then I will be back to my mothers. I have tried to let them both know how hard it is. They dont let me finish they just change the conversation.

Ive done all I can to help out. Feel like I do everything for everyone else and never for me. But my Gran is having trouble with thebfact that I left her so I'm going to head back over there. Shes a little fragile. Both of us together will be great company...

Im going to miss baby B. But im looking forward to next week seeing friends and my man after soo long !!

xxxx

 

[slg76]

sending you a hug for today Blue

 

[klsltsp]

Big hugs blue as the other ladies have said you are very strong!!!

I would say it's time to look after you. Sometimes it's hard but no one is going to look after you but you.... I would think that you have given more than enough of yourself and if others won't listen, we certainly will.

 

[slg76]

Hi Kim. How are your betas looking?

 

[klsltsp]

hey slg

Not sure.. I haven't had them done since last wednesday, am doing them this wednesday.. really hoping for a good number... it was 323 last week, so I'm hoping 150- 200 this week.. I was also thinking of you since I started with a killer headache today... I get migraines with my cycle normally, so i'm wondering if that's what's going on... I'm tempted to poas!!

I don't get another u/s until next week (nov 20) I'm so anxious to see the mass in my uterus gone!! I know they said months, but it will be nice to see a significant change...

How are your betas?

 

[klsltsp]

btw it was nice having a break in the bloodwork, I had it drawn 8 days in a row and my arms were getting awefully bruised!!

 

[slg76]

My beta last week was 34. I had one drawn today but nurse called and said that they ran the wrong test so won't have a result until tomorrow

Sorry about your headache!! I guess mine was a massive tension headache because what finally got rid of it was a deep tissue massage. Hurt like heck at the time but so worth it to have the headache gone now.

I really hope that mass is shriveling up!!! When I was in cancer treatment I used to put my hand over my tumor and just imagine it shrinking away. It's a good feeling to know that your body is moving in the right direction.

My Dr. has a new lady to draw the blood. Mind you she says she's been doing it for 15 years but her sticks hurt more than usual. And trust me I've had enough blood draws to know the difference!