Waiting for AF after M/C, anyone else? OCBM

[crysshae]

Lol! Fingers crossed you catch it.

 

[Literati_Love]

Blue - That's great! I'm glad your boss was so understanding and is being so discreet in helping you. I am glad you're getting some bloodwork done and that no one will know about it. I hope this all works out for you!

It must be nice to have work be accommodating. I am having an absolutely miserable day. AF arrived this morning and then I was bombarded with awfulness at work where management has dismissed the concerns I brought up about them using a hazardous product (for upcoming pregnancies). I am uncomfortable sharing the details on a private forum, but they are not willing to accommodate me or inform me when they use products I feel are dangerous, and my pregnant co-worker made me cry by throwing it in my face that "SHE's the one who's pregnant" (even though she knows about my m/c)...as if the fact that I'm not currently pregnant means I don't have a brain or any valid concerns at all. My pregnancy was still "real" even if I lost my baby, and I cannot believe she would say that to me. We share an office, so she could clearly hear me crying at my desk, but she didn't even say anything.

I am so miserable and just want to stay home and cry all afternoon. I feel so attacked and persecuted and awful and now I'm worried they're going to fire me for bringing up my concerns, even though I know that's illegal.

It doesn't help that AF arriving is making me emotional enough as it is. Like I really needed to be reminded that I'm definitely NOT pregnant yet...and apparently now I get to look forward to being exposed to risks at the workplace when I am.

 

[Nina83]

LL, I'm sorry about your day
That5's horrible of your coworker to say that. I fear being told that everyday, and I imagine myself throwing a hissy fit and cat fight. Or I might just die on the spot. I am so so sorry.

AF arrived this morning for me as well, cycle buddies turn bump buddies? Let's do this together

 

[crysshae]

LL - I'm sorry your day was so rough. That was inconsiderate of your coworker.

Nina - I'm sorry AF got you.

Definitely PMA Nina! Blue next and then you and LL at the same time. Fingers crossed for all of you!

 

[Nina83]

I went back so many pages but couldn't find it!
I use this page a lot to help me figure out my cervix position (the finger image helps a lot- low/med/high) but I think I'll never have a clue if it's open or closed HTH someone!
Linkie to article

We bought the three seat couch from ikea to go with our loveseat last year, plus the footstool thingie that goes with it. Our living room finally looks decent!
I keep having these mini breakdowns. It was at work today when I just realized that my babies had died. As tiny that they were, they never go to be held, or cuddles, kissed or hugged. I never got to hold them, but they never got to BE held. it just tore me apart thinking that. It's a cold sad death, to be forgotten by everyone except DH and myself.

I told DH that next month our anniversary present is going to be in the form of a baby, so he shouldn't go wasting anything important. It's on the 8th, and that's plus minus the day AF should show up. We're going away for the weekend of his birthday, to celebrate both, the weekend after, and I just want this so much. I don't want anything else, that's the only thing that's missing right now.
I talked to an acupuncturist and made an appointment next Sunday, she sounds really nice. I think I really need it- mainly to keep stress levels down and just to talk. She also does reflexology. I used to go to someone before we moved, I really miss it. Don't know if it actually works, but really just talking does help.

 

[bluestars]

Lit im really sorry your having a shit time! the work stuff sounds awful! If i where you i would say something her like shes lucky not to have to suffer loosing her child. Make her crap herself! I would have tore into her. Im sorry Af got you too!!! And do you not have a union or anyone you can go and take chemical thing too? What is it you will be exposed to?

Nina read that article and really want to go try find it.... lol i really hope you get your bean next month!! really hope the acupuncture works for you!! xxx

 

[Lindsay109]

Blue, I'm sooo glad to hear you had such a good discussion with your boss (yes, that would be awkward!) and that she's going to help you address your concerns. That's really positive news. Hopefully you won't need it though!! Fingers crossed

Crys, yay for the clearblue test Did you tell hubby yet? He could probably see that without his glasses

LL sorry that your employer was so unaccommodating about your concerns, and your co-worker was so insensitive That really sucks. You'd think the least they could do was to let you know when they would be using the products you feel are dangerous. You should look into it a little more in case there are any other actions you can take.... I'm not sure about the legislation around that. Do you have a window in your office so at least you could get some fresh air if you smell any fumes?

Nina, love the positive thinking!! Sounds like your ikea trip was successful too. Sorry you're having a rough day... I think it's totally normal to have breakdowns every once in a while, especially around the time AF shows up, crazy hormones don't help! Your babies were loved and that's what really matters Did you do anything to remember them by? I know some people get a little keepsake, or a box like blue has?

Where are you going to go for your anniversary/DH birthday?

 

[crysshae]

Lol! I am planning on telling him today, although I figure he will need his glasses to read it, but at least there is no question it's there.

 

[Nina83]

Lindsay, we'll be going to the Dead Sea. We went there for our honeymoon, so it's a fun little tradition we do every year. We plan on going to Iceland one day for a REAL honeymoon, plus we also want to do it with a baby, so that's on hold!
I can't wait. We took an extra day off as well to make it 4 days instead of just the weekend. All I want to do it slather myself in mud LOL!

And I'm not all that positive, the cup is always half empty, I just have no other choice right now

 

[Nina83]

Blue, I always had a hard time understand what's where, but after a while I started to get it. The cervix changes so much during the day though, so check every day at the same time- otherwise it'll drive you crazy!

That's great about your boss, she sounds very understanding. That "enjoy it while you can" always gets to me, but it also depends on who says it and how.

 

[Lindsay109]

Lol! I am planning on telling him today, although I figure he will need his glasses to read it, but at least there is no question it's there.

lol, I'm sure he'll be very excited!!

 

[Lindsay109]

Lindsay, we'll be going to the Dead Sea. We went there for our honeymoon, so it's a fun little tradition we do every year. We plan on going to Iceland one day for a REAL honeymoon, plus we also want to do it with a baby, so that's on hold!
I can't wait. We took an extra day off as well to make it 4 days instead of just the weekend. All I want to do it slather myself in mud LOL!

And I'm not all that positive, the cup is always half empty, I just have no other choice right now

That sounds really nice Great that you're able to make it a 4 day trip instead of just a weekend! How long have you been married? Is that a wedding pic in your profile? (btw it's a beautiful picture!)

Hubby and I did our "real" honeymoon a couple years later too. We just bought a condo right after we got married so there was no money left over for a "real" honeymoon.

 

[bluestars]

It annoys me too!! just hope its nothing to do with me and my hormones!! Dead sea!! waw lucky you ahaha!

Woow for telling hubbie!!! hehe!!

xxx

 

[crysshae]

On the cervix check, Nina is right. You must do it at the exact same time every day, it changes constantly. At ovulation, it always stays high, but it still moves around a bit. I figured it out by starting the day after my period stopped, then checking at the same time every day thereafter. That way I could feel the difference in it each day. And I definitely knew when mine was high because I could hardly reach it and definitely not to the other side of it. Whereas when it's medium or low I can feel all the way around it.

 

[Lindsay109]

LL, I just thought of something else re. your work. When you do get pregnant, if you have a doctors note stating you cannot be around the chemicals, your employer does have a duty to accommodate I believe.

 

[Literati_Love]

Nina - Thanks. I really did want to throw a hissy fit when she said that but I think I was too shocked to even react. It hurt so bad and I really hope that when she heard me crying that she felt extremely guilty and wished she could un-do what she said. But I highly doubt that, as she is an insensitive wench and doesn't care about anyone's feelings but her own.

Let's DEFINITELY be cycle buddies and then bump buddies! I am kind of glad we started AF on the same day. It makes it a bit easier to be going through it together, and at least now it will be easy to keep track of each other's cycles as we'll always be on the same CD. What CD do you usually ovulate on? It's been CD12 or CD13 for me the last few "normal" cycles I've had.

Very sorry that you had a bad day as well and keep having mini breakdowns. So do I. I feel like emotionally we're on the same page lately. Lots of crying going on here as well. It really is so sad that no one will remember your poor babies except you and your husband. It's such an awful way to go for sure. I miss my baby so much. I should be 14 weeks pregnant right now and happy as can be. Instead I don't know when I'll ever get my rainbow baby.

I hope the acupuncture helps relieve some stress. That reminds me I should book a massage one of these days. My health coverage pays for most of it so it's worth it. A baby really would be the best anniversary present for you and your husband. I so hope that is what happens! I have to believe I will get my BFP this cycle, or I think I may have to admitted to an insane asylum. Seriously...I need my baby...NOW.

Blue - Thanks...I wish I *had* made her feel awful. Unfortunately, our office door was open and I didn't want to air out my business in front of everyone. Plus the fact that I was too shocked to speak.

I don't have a union or anything to go to at work. I will try just going to my doctor first, but if that doesn't work I will be making a formal complain with OH&S. I will get my way one way or another, but my main problem was that they have caused me such emotional distress by refusing to accommodate me. I absolutely hate my job now and can't ever imagine going back.

Lindsay - Thanks. I am planning on getting a doctor's note as you said and they will have to do something. If they still don't accommodate, I will complain to OH&S. I already called them today and the guy said my work definitely had to accommodate so he said if they still didn't I should call back and he will help me out. I have options, but it's just absolutely awful that I have to go through this. I am a shy, timid person who is afraid of conflict and making a scene and now I've had to make such a fuss over this because they're being such jerks. It would all be fine if only the lady who was in charge wasn't PREGNANT without a care in the world. Since she isn't worried, I feel like everyone thinks I'm just making this up to get out of work. But I'm not! I'd much rather just stay silent and not do anything, but I'm legitimately scared about my future baby's safety. I cannot help it that my co-worker is ignorant of the hazards around her. And yes, I do have a window in my office so I can keep it open in the mean time...but that's not going to help when it's -40C outside.

Crys - I can't believe you haven't told your hubby yet! I would find it soo hard to keep it a secret. That's so exciting that you're sharing the news today. It's funny how there's just a switch. One day you have no idea you're pregnant, and the next you suddenly are...and it changes everything. And the rest of us are left behind to wallow in our own misery.

Hope everyone else is doing well. I am only my 2nd glass of wine tonight and it's only 6 pm. I'll be having at least another glass before bed tonight. I just want to stop thinking about this horrible day and the terrible state of my life at the moment. I mean, I know I have it good with a steady job, a great husband and good friends, but there is just such a missing hole without this baby.

 

[Lindsay109]

LL, That's crazy that the person you talked to is pregnant and not worried about it herself!

I am very much the same way... I'm also shy and avoid conflict whenever possible so I know what you mean, it's hard to make a fuss sometimes. I'm glad you talked to someone at OH&S though, they would definitely know about duty to accommodate. I looked it up, it includes pregnancy and "family planning" so if the chemicals are dangerous to be around, then your employer has a legal obligation to accommodate you to the point of undue hardship (which is very hard to prove if it's a big company, and if they have OH&S it sounds like they're a big company). I deal with this a lot in my work and find that very often when I'm dealing with employers, they need a little reminder of their duty to accommodate... whether they don't know about it, or are just conveniently forgetting (haha) I'm not sure. Anyway, here's a summary specific to pregnancy in case you want some more info (https://www.chrc-ccdp.ca/sites/default/files/pregnancy_grossesse-eng_0.pdf).

Yeah, I guess that window suggestion is not a great one... I forgot about your winter temps, I'm a spoiled Vancouverite, lol. Our average temp in winter is about 5 - 6 degrees.

I'm sorry you had such an awful day Enjoy your wine, try and have a relaxing evening, and I really hope tomorrow is better. Remember, you're one day closer to your rainbow baby

 

[Literati_Love]

Thanks for the link, Lindsay. I read it all and it further affirms what I've been fighting for. I think I should be able to get them to back down, but if they really do refuse to accommodate, then I know they are just asking for trouble...and I will fight them tooth and nail! We aren't a huge company but we are a good size of about 80 employees (about 20 in the office), and large enough to have a full safety program. Our company brags constantly about its commitment to safety, so I am utterly disgusted by their unwillingness to accommodate in this situation. Stupid pregnant co-worker! Argh.

I am now on my 3rd glass of wine and just ran to the confectionery to buy 4 chocolate bars. I'm on my second. Blah. I feel very self destructive right now and would probably do about anything to help myself forget this day. I am glad that I'm 1 day closer to my rainbow baby, but I have to say that this "CD1" feels like 5 days already. I can't believe I have an entire month yet until another possible BFP. I want to scream!

Your dr's appointment is Thursday, right? I hope that goes well. Has the spotting stopped yet?

 

[Lindsay109]

Any time hun I really hope you are able to come to a good agreement with your employer - it's awful that they dealt with it the way they did today... totally puts a bad taste in your mouth I'm sure!

Chocolate and wine are good remedies for bad days No reason to feel bad about it! Hopefully this is day one of your bfp cycle (and yours too Nina!).

Yep, doctor on thursday, I'm feeling a little nervous about it. The spotting has been virtually non existent today (I'm almost scared to say that, lol)... just a little bit of tan-ish discharge - the least I've had since the bleeding last monday so I'm hoping it stays that way! I've actually been feeling pretty good today... I ended up taking an anti-nausea pill last night because I was so sick all day yesterday and had an early start this morning. It worked really well and I've even eaten a couple actual meals... I think it really helped being able to eat a regular breakfast.... kinda got me off on the right foot for the rest of the day.

 

[Literati_Love]

Well I'm glad you took that anti-nausea pill since it sounds like it helped a lot. It's a great sign that you're still feeling sick and that the bleeding hasn't turned into anymore. Even so, I'm sure you're very anxious for Thursday to happen already. We will all be awaiting the good news then.

I just ordered more pre-seed and some pregnancy test strips online. The pre-seed won't arrive in time for this cycle, but I figure that if I wasted money on pre-seed when I'm already pregnant I won't be too disappointed, and I'll need it for next month otherwise so I might as well.