Waiting for ov after mc. 8BFPs so far!! *"the list" page 291*

[Literati_Love]

Munchkin - I totally understand why it feels so fragile. It must be so terrifying. I didn't see your milestone list earlier, but it looks great and I am fully confident that you will get through all of those and more! I will be so jealous when you get to go maternity shopping.

Celine - that is awful about your friends! it really feels hideously common. In a way, I feel like the majority of people have zero problems... But then it seems like the rest of us get all the sorrow on us, often with multiple losses and even fertility issues. It is NOT fair and makes me wonder how anyone is brave enough to try for kids, really. It is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

 

[Munchkin30]

Oh celine sorry you're feeling down but it's totally understandable after what you've been through. And I agree first tri is depressing but I suspect it was always like that. Certainly before my mc I seemed to know more than the dr and midwife about missed miscarriages so I got it somewhere. I was terrified in my first tri with my dd too so I think it was cos I was seeing it so much in first tri here. I think the stat is 1 in 4 pregnancies not 1 in 4 women but that does include very early miscarriages including before a pos test is possible.
I seem to have some days where I feel really positive then some days I'm just convinced it won't make it, but the thought of another loss is truly unbearable. I quite wanted 3 children but for the first time I think I might not even try for a third if this one works out because I can't bear the pain of the loss xxx

 

[Munchkin30]

Thanks literati. I know I'm so lucky to have the bfp and I am so grateful and try to be positive most of the time! Xxx

 

[RachelLynda]

Thank you everyone - someone asked when AF was meant to turn up.. It turned up 16 days (spotting started so I guess 17 days?) after my last AF so waaaay too early the last one was early enough (at 22 days after my first AF) so this one was even earlier. I'm back at home in a week so going to get an appointment for when I'm back to see what's going on. I'm having cramps every now and then and I'm still spotting, I have a tiny bump in the middle of my stomach (where my belly button is) so my body is just trying to make me feel like crap - OH wants me to take a hpt to see if I am pregnant but I don't want to :/
xxx

 

[GRGirl]

GRGirl - I am so, so sorry. A couple of things - bleeding and/or spotting do not always mean that you lost the pregnancy, especially if the line was darker. Is there any chance that it was a false bleed? They are not uncommon when AF is due and HCG is still low due to early pregnancy.

Due to a history of miscarriage, my doc will not let me take biotin in any dose. Typically it's only related to m/c in high doses but I guess there is some controversy. It's sounds like more and more ob/gyns are pulling away from biotin. Maybe ask your doctor about this.

I wish I had calming words for you but sending you lots of love.

I feel sick right now. None of my doctors ever mentioned the Biotin to me They said it would help with my hair being thin ever since DS. I take a Prenatal 2x/day (400 mcg Biotin each time) and then if I remember I take a supplement of 1,000-2,000 mcg/day. Total at the most 2800mcg, but I dont know if that counts as a high dose. I just Googled the studies and it says right on there Biotin can cause problems No more for me. I really hope that's not what's causing it. I can't stand the thought that it could be causing all this, but it's an easy solution. I took my last pill of it last night and no more, ever.

To answer everyone else- thanks guys; I am having a really down day. I thought I was more ok with this one than last one and I guess I am, but I just spent 10 minutes sobbing uncontrollably in the work bathroom. Spotting stopped but I took another test on lunch after a 3 hr hold and it's another squinter. Combined with my temp drop, backache, etc. I know AF is coming. I feel exactly like I do a day before she shows.

TTC has turned me into a miserable cow. I can't stop bc then a THB won't happen for sure, but how do you all do this for years??? I'm on 3 losses now in a row and I feel like I might crack. It's the rollercoaster of happy, negative, sad, upbeat, hopeful, then sad again. I just want to be a big quitter and stop trying and love up on DS but that isn't really what I want long-term. I'm just tired of the pain (physical and emotional), feeling alone, feeling like I'm the only one with this problem, etc. I don't even know how people like Garfie do it- you're my heroes!

I'm with LL- I'm the only person I know in real life who had even one loss. Everyone I know seems to have an easy(ier) time than me, and it's making me bitter.

 

[Munchkin30]

So sorry gr but if it is the biotin it's a really easy fix and you know you CAN get pregnant but I agree I would be totally gutted if I thought if been doing something that could have caused me all that pain. I don't know how lttcers do it either, including my 3 months of pregnancy I've been trying a year for this baby and it's nearly killed me. I know I won't be able yo bear it if I lose this one which is why I'm so damn terrified! You carry on though and we know we'd do anything for our babies and this is just is doing something really hard for our future babies. If I were you I'd go to the dr, stop taking the biotin, take mini aspirin and just try again. I know how hard it is but all we can do is keep trying xxx

 

[Jrepp]

I am so sorry you are having difficulties GR. You mentioned having 3 losses on 3 months. Have you considered giving yourself a one month break to let your cycle regulate? When I had my first cm the doctor recommended a break for hormones to figure themselves out and lining to build back up.

Munchkin- I would be terrified too whenever I finally get a sticky baby, and you ladies are probably going to be telling me to calm down too.

Celine - I'm really sorry about your friends.

AFM: AF still hasn't arrived, and I'm getting crampy. My so is still closed so not too sure what to think about that. Really wishing the witch would come so I can get on with it. It's weird, but im not upset at all about not being pregnant this month. In a way I am somewhat relieved?

 

[arabelle]

Grgirl- I'm sorry you're having such a tough day. I feel the same way about ttc. It was fun at first, and before the losses. Now it's really hard not to feel stressed and anxious all the time. Stressed about when and if i'm ovulating and our timing, and then about every symptom or lack of symptom. Most of the anxiety comes from worrying about another loss. I too have been really struggling with being unproductive. I didn't expect the losses to get in the way of everything quite as much as they have. As much as you may not want to, I totally understand wanting to be pregnant NOW and not wanting to delay ttc for even a second longer than necessary, you might consider taking a cycle off. After my second mc, I decided it was the best thing for me to wait. As much as I would like to possibly be pregnant now, as opposed to waiting for AF, it has helped me shake some of the anxiety I was feeling. I'm sure that a lot of it will come back, but I think the break was good for my sanity.

JRepp - whenever you say the witch is coming, I hear the sound track of the Wizard of Oz with the music that plays for the witch. Dont know why?! Now I've attached this to my own witch, and it's making me laugh.

I think being scared of a loss makes a bfn easier to handle. I think it's easier to handle the bfn than a bfp followed by a loss. You're probably feeling a bit of relief because a bfn means you don't have to worry about that this month. I don't know where AF is hiding, all the signs are here. I'm willing her to come so I can't start poas again while I wait for ov! Tell yours to hurry too, cycle buddy Xmas bfp for the win

 

[Jrepp]

Maybe they are under a house lol

 

[Literati_Love]

Rachel - What do you mean a tiny bump? Like, your stomach is sticking out, or you have a small bump like the size of a pimple? I know you don't want to test but I would probably if you're only having spotting!

GRGirl - I am SO sorry that you're feeling so sad and down. I completely echo your thoughts about how awful TTC is. I have NO idea how people keep at it who have had many losses or trouble conceiving. It is exhausting and SUCH an emotional rollercoaster. I want to give up as well, but then I wouldn't get pregnant, and that's all I want. But it's so hard when you can't even guarantee that when you get pregnant you'll actually have a baby. This is supposed to be simple: you make a baby, and you have a baby! Not you make a baby, it dies, you make another one, and it dies again. It's awful!

I agree with everyone else that it can be healing to take a cycle to stop TTC after an m/c. I waited for first AF after my loss, and although it was tough knowing I could be missing out on a chance at a BFP, I think in the end it was way better for my sanity. It was such a relief not to worry for a month. I so hope you start feeling better and that your hope is restored again soon.

Munchkin - I know how you feel. I have always wanted 4 kids, and always said I'd *at least* want 3 if 4 didn't happen. But now I feel like I'll be making the hugest accomplishment to just have one, so I may stop at 2 if I am even able to have that many. I have no idea how people go through multiple losses and still go on to have children. It seems like after you have a healthy baby you should quit while you're ahead.

Jrepp - I felt the exact same way the first time I got a BFN after the m/c. I agree with Arabelle that it's because you're just so relieved you don't have to worry for another month. Being pregnant is incredibly stressful. There are constant appointments to go to, blood work to get done, obsessively checking the toilet paper every time you go to the washroom, wondering, worrying, being afraid you're unknowingly being exposed to hazards, etc etc. It is all-consuming and honestly I am terrified of it happening again, yet I also want it so desperately.

Arabelle - I totally agree that a BFN is way easier than a BFP with worries of another m/c. I hope your AF shows up soon so you can start trying again. I do hope we all get our BFPs by Christmas time!

AFM - Stupid Ovufriend has now switched my ov date to CD15 which I know is wrong. So when looking at my chart, please just imagine the line on CD14 and know that I am actually 4DPO. Thank you! (Good little FF kept my ov date at CD14)

 

[ItsAWonder]

GRGirl - I am so, so sorry. A couple of things - bleeding and/or spotting do not always mean that you lost the pregnancy, especially if the line was darker. Is there any chance that it was a false bleed? They are not uncommon when AF is due and HCG is still low due to early pregnancy.

Due to a history of miscarriage, my doc will not let me take biotin in any dose. Typically it's only related to m/c in high doses but I guess there is some controversy. It's sounds like more and more ob/gyns are pulling away from biotin. Maybe ask your doctor about this.

I wish I had calming words for you but sending you lots of love.

I feel sick right now. None of my doctors ever mentioned the Biotin to me They said it would help with my hair being thin ever since DS. I take a Prenatal 2x/day (400 mcg Biotin each time) and then if I remember I take a supplement of 1,000-2,000 mcg/day. Total at the most 2800mcg, but I dont know if that counts as a high dose. I just Googled the studies and it says right on there Biotin can cause problems No more for me. I really hope that's not what's causing it. I can't stand the thought that it could be causing all this, but it's an easy solution. I took my last pill of it last night and no more, ever.

To answer everyone else- thanks guys; I am having a really down day. I thought I was more ok with this one than last one and I guess I am, but I just spent 10 minutes sobbing uncontrollably in the work bathroom. Spotting stopped but I took another test on lunch after a 3 hr hold and it's another squinter. Combined with my temp drop, backache, etc. I know AF is coming. I feel exactly like I do a day before she shows.

TTC has turned me into a miserable cow. I can't stop bc then a THB won't happen for sure, but how do you all do this for years??? I'm on 3 losses now in a row and I feel like I might crack. It's the rollercoaster of happy, negative, sad, upbeat, hopeful, then sad again. I just want to be a big quitter and stop trying and love up on DS but that isn't really what I want long-term. I'm just tired of the pain (physical and emotional), feeling alone, feeling like I'm the only one with this problem, etc. I don't even know how people like Garfie do it- you're my heroes!

I'm with LL- I'm the only person I know in real life who had even one loss. Everyone I know seems to have an easy(ier) time than me, and it's making me bitter.

Honestly, I hated even writing that bit of information. I don't want to do anything that will make you blame yourself - as we do that enough anyway. However, I decided I would want to know about this if it were me.

I doubt it's what caused your loss but it in an easy fix for future pregnancies.

Re: something you said earlier - a loss is a loss at any point in time. My chemical was just as hard as finding a MMC at 8 weeks. I don't know that it compares to 2nd and 3rd trimester, but being early does not discredit any of your emotions.

Again, I am so sorry you are facing this.

 

[arabelle]

Munchkin and Celine - You need some positive pregnancy affirmations! We all understand why you're worrying. Hopefully as time goes by, you'll find it easier to relax and trust that you are carrying your rainbows

 

[arabelle]

For those of us still waiting for our bfps...

 

[RachelLynda]

Rachel - What do you mean a tiny bump? Like, your stomach is sticking out, or you have a small bump like the size of a pimple? I know you don't want to test but I would probably if you're only having spotting!

Sorry should have been more clear My stomach is sticking out like a baby bump but it up where my belly button is. I'm having cramps so I think I'll wait till I'm home to test in case it picks up again like last time.. When this happened last time I started spotting then it stopped then started then AF came and then spotting started again so when I get back home and AF hasn't started I'll test. Thinking AF is on her way as it seems like the same as it was before I think I'm going to keep a negative attitude to it as if I do and it is AF I won't be as disappointed.
I'm going to try catch up with everyone tomorrow as it's been a busy day and I need some sleep
xxx

 

[GRGirl]

IAW- No, I'm glad you shared it so I can stop taking it! Hopefully FX it'll make a difference.

Arabelle- I'm getting to the point of considering taking a break, but I'm not sure if I'm there yet. DF and I talked about taking the February cycle off (O beg. of March) since that would result in an EDD around DS' birthday, so I may do that if need be. That's still 4 cycles from now, though, but I agree I think it's a good idea. I feel like if I stop that I "waste" that cycle, but I guess not.

It also doesn't help that I have longer cycles (usually 31 days but I'm now on day 32 of this one, so it'll be 32 or 33 days this time). Time just drags

 

[boodley]

Hey ladies – sorry haven’t been posting much, I’ve been in recovery-mode and have tried just to switch off my brain. We decided to take a month off, and then get back to trying after Christmas. It breaks my heart having to wait, but if it’s for the best……

Body-wise, doing ok. Bit crampy and spotting a little, but not bad. I went back to work today. Temps are low for the last three days, so I'm hoping my cycle's not too disrupted.

I’ve been reading up on all your posts, and just wish there was something more tangible I could do to reassure, comfort or energise, as required.

To all of you having a hard time, big massive hugs. GRGirl, special one to you. And special ones to all the ladies early/mid AF. It is hard keeping going, but the reward at the end will be worth it(so I’m told). It’d be nice to have a bit of a timeframe though!! If someone just could say to me ‘look, you have to have four more miscarriages, but the next one will work out’ then I’d just get on with it. I wish I knew if I was ever going to have a child.

To all the early preggo ladies – chins up! Each day is a day closer. Linny – delighted at your good news! Munchkin, Celine – ever closer til scans. IAW – hoping Friday goes really well for you.

L.L. – are you our only post-ov candidate at the mo? We should pick a time, and all sit down somewhere, focus our psychic energies on your uterus and will that baby to stick!

Much love to you all –

March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path.
Khalil Gibran

 

[arabelle]

GRgirl- Long cycles are super frustrating...I'm on cd 33 and still waiting for AF. Temp dropped this morning so hopefully she arrives this afternoon. I know how much harder it is to think about waiting when it's more than 28 days, or if you're like me, and you don't actually know how many days it will be, it ranges from 27-51.

Boodley - Hi! Glad to hear that you're feeling ok. Despite my impatience and really not wanting to take a month off, I do feel like I'm in a better place. I hope you too feel rested and calmer after some time away from ttc.

AFM- Still.waiting.for.AF?! I know I'm not pregnant, but part of me really wants to test...I in poas withdrawal

 

[boodley]

Hey Arabelle - yeah, it's kinda nice not to have to think about it this month. We're trying just to focus on us two as a couple, not a couple trying to have a baby. No harm, I think. Someone advised me to try peeing on a twig once before.....Might give the same feeling?? :0)

 

[penguin1]

LL- I think it's just when your temp drops a bit initially before going up again? I don't really understand it either...I might have it muddled up with the temp drop at OV. 13 dpo sounds like a sane and sensible time

Arabelle - I'm in the UK. Yep, the thing is I remember a friend when i was in my twenties had an abortion, she can't have been too far along and she was also Rh- but she was given a shot...that was how i knew about it...so either the policy has changed in the last 10 years or i'm misremembering how far gone she was. Hopefully they know what they're doing!

Good to know about the vitamin D connection, i hadn't heard that before!

Penguin - hey love, really sorry to hear that! Did i remember correctly you were off the meds this month? Are you planning to go back on after next AF?

Rachel - Really sorry to hear that, was it unexpected to start at this point?? I can't remember where you were in your cycles....in any case, I really hope you have a nice relaxing xmas break and that things feel better come the new year. X

Afm - Scan went well after an inital shaky start trying the abdominal scan...I thought it was all over at one point. But fortunately the vaginal scan found fetal pole measuring a day ahead (I knew FF got it wrong!) and rapid heart beat...To say i'm relieved is an understatement. Just wanted to say thanks to you all, you've been absolute rocks. X

oh linny! glad the scan went well! must be a big relief!
yes, I have a large cyst so no meds for me. waiting for a call back from my dr to find out what to do about this bleeding when I do not ovulate

 

[boodley]

Hey Penguin - hope you're doing OK. It's so hard waiting it out when our bodies don't cooperate - don't they know we're working on a goal here?? Hope you're not in too much pain, and that things resolve quickly

xx